Where do INTP's begin?

[bovinity]

I mean, it pretty much rules having little social ability, having interests people find alienating, and seeing straight through social constructs & modern stupidity.

So, like, where do you start? How do you get along in society as an INTP?











ps this site has SWEET SMILEYS :smiley_emoticons_mr

 

[Latro]

None of that is a given in being an INTP. It is common though.

I really don't know how I "get by", though. Most of my socializing is productive, i.e. to an end; today, for instance, all my RL socializing involved math tutoring ("solve the problem, make the person understand how to solve more problems") and doing a physics lab ("do the math, get the data, make sure everything works"). How I get by otherwise IRL...frankly, I don't. My RL social life is pretty minimal. Even my RL friends I mostly talk to online...which sounds a little weird, but that's still how it is.

 

[Ermine]

^ That's pretty much the only way I'm socially comfortable, talking to people at some sort of activity, or helping someone understand something, some means to an end.

Additionally, I seek out weird people for friends (more likely to be Ns or more appreciative of me) and try to form a fun, random, connection making Ne persona for socializing and connecting with people.

 

[RubberDucky451]

Simply pretend you're interested in the things they like. Then throw in a few compliments on what they're wearing. If all else fails, mention you love Michael Jackson.

For me It's about finding the weird kids, the ones who can't dress well. Tell them a strange joke, that's also a perfect "tester".

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

Everything in moderation. Including socialising. I generally don't have too much trouble if it's a situation I want to be a part of. I'll make a relatively quick decision (for an INTP anyway) whether or not I (sorta) like the people I find around me at any given time and find whatever is going on interesting. If I do, I have little problem usually involving myself to some degree (a minor role usually but a roll nonetheless). If I don't like what I see, I slip away....

 

[Zero]

I tend to make friends in school (college). I don't maintain the relationships well. I at least like having friends and I haven't aimed for more than that.... yet. Relationships are kind of difficult.

Online they're a little easier, but I more or less consider that a part of internet not exactly relationships in the most literal sense.

I thought we were talking about relationships. ...

I don't know about getting by. I'm a full time student and I kind of depend on my parents still. I feel lame and guilty ...

Self esteem hits the wall again. There's always a caffeine addiction (or alcohol) to make me feel better.

 

[bovinity]

The only friends I've made in the past couple years have been through playing Warhammer 40K. And one guy who I slapped across the face with my moccasin walking past him in a dorm hall somehow became my friend too. That method doesn't seem to work consistently however.

 

[Jon C]

Everything in moderation. Including socialising. I generally don't have too much trouble if it's a situation I want to be a part of. I'll make a relatively quick decision (for an INTP anyway) whether or not I (sorta) like the people I find around me at any given time and find whatever is going on interesting. If I do, I have little problem usually involving myself to some degree (a minor role usually but a roll nonetheless). If I don't like what I see, I slip away....

I tend to agree with the assessment. I really don't have a problem being social with productive and motivated people. I analyze situations before I get to deep in them, and decide whether or not this encounter will be of benefit to me or not. If not... I'm good at getting out of social situations without appearing weird, anti-social, or uninterested. It's all about presenting yourself with confidence. You can't just go into every situation expecting the worse of individuals, even if your past experiences would mark that as accurate. You as an INTP must approach society with your head held high, and never let them see you sweat... and when all else fails... listen to RubberDucky

To answer your question more directly.... INTPs must start with realizing that personal relationships is a category that we lag behind in compared to other personality types. We must come to this realization and actively look to better our human relationships, instead of using our INTPness as an excuse for being anti-social. If you're anti-social for your entire life, you have essentially done nothing for society. Understanding human relationships is key to developing your life purpose regardless of personality type.

 

[Berkeley]

So I live in Southern California, which is like the weed capital of the world. I've noticed that more and more frequently I tend to leave my house only to go smoke with friends who also smoke. I don't really know what else to do in social situations.

Social situations + Weed + Beer = Me ok

Social situations - Weed - Beer = Fail

 

[bananaphallus]

...and seeing straight through social constructs...

So, like, where do you start? How do you get along in society as an INTP?

I realize how unbelievably pompous and pretentious this is, but I wrote a poem a little while ago which I feel might be appropriate.

I wonder...
How would the cashier react,
if I answered honestly,
when asked,
"How are you today?"
If, for once, I chose to ignore the compulsion to trade trite for trite,
to maintain normalcy?
I wonder...
What would this world look like?
Without a hackneyed protocol for social interaction?
A world where adherence to a common thread is not encouraged?
Propriety stowed away?

...'I'm good how are you,' I take my Coke, and I wonder.



It really is frustrating sometimes, and not just with cashiers. As far as your question, I wish I knew, but for the most part I'm in the same boat and just as clueless.

 

[Tunesimah]

I get by... the more I embrace my own personal sense of socialization and care less about what is expected of me.

I cared too much about what other people expect of me to my detriment... now I try to just act my own way and realize that my way is more well thought out than the social skills that have developed over the years.

Once people get that I'm always telling the pure truth as I see, and they start to understand that I'm more silly, goofy and well meaning... I'm usually good in social situations. They often just have to catch me in a moment of casual cleverness... and then I become sort of accepted in a group.

So that's how I get along... to be successful socially... I'm usually way off the mark, at least according to society.

 

[cuterebra]

Get a job in the service industry--something like waiting tables or bartending. Try really hard to fake it. You'll probably end up calling in dead or getting fired, but it can be a fabulous learning experience.

 

[Ombat]

It's a bit easier for me since I'm in school all day and I have to socialize with people, but outside of school the only people that I'm friends with and talk to are adults (I'm 17) and it has always kind of been that way for me. These relationships came from common interests though. I get along so well with the women that I ride horses with, I hung out with my art teacher more than any of the students in my class, and I usually go and talk to my teachers when I just don't want to be around a large group of people.

Although it may seem hard, just because we don't like to socialize, go and find something that you like to do that involves a group of people. I know this is the most cliche thing you've ever heard, but honestly, you're not going to strike up a conversation with the dude standing next to you on the street corner just because you're not. And unless your work involves large amounts of people, then that's the only advice I can give.

If you don't want to work at becoming more "social" then you're not going to become more social and that's completely fine. But then don't go asking the heavens why on Earth you can't be different and make friends. Yes, you're an INTP. It's not a law, you are allowed to try to change. And by that I don't mean changing who you are, just trying harder to develop other skills... or something.

 

[Jaico]

My experience is that social situations (mixers, parties, what have you) are generally hit or miss; I find that if you can find at least one person to "click" with, then talking/having fun flows very easily. Unfortunately, if this doesn't happen, I usually end up staring off into space because the other conversations around me just aren't interesting enough to hold my attention. I've recently started to take the plunge by initiating conversations with people at parties and such to see if I can find more people like that...

At school, I'll talk to friends and whatnot, but I won't actively go out of my way to make new friends or socialize outside of classes/breaks. Like others have said before, though, I do appreciate those who are different/wacky/odd and not afraid of hiding it.

 

[Adymus]

Stop caring, Find people like you (not neccesarily INTPs), and drink with the one's who aren't.

 

[Firehazard159]

I realize how unbelievably pompous and pretentious this is, but I wrote a poem a little while ago which I feel might be appropriate.

I wonder...
How would the cashier react,
if I answered honestly,
when asked,
"How are you today?"
If, for once, I chose to ignore the compulsion to trade trite for trite,
to maintain normalcy?
I wonder...
What would this world look like?
Without a hackneyed protocol for social interaction?
A world where adherence to a common thread is not encouraged?
Propriety stowed away?

...'I'm good how are you,' I take my Coke, and I wonder.



It really is frustrating sometimes, and not just with cashiers. As far as your question, I wish I knew, but for the most part I'm in the same boat and just as clueless.

I have to ask this question at my workplace to customers (though I'm not a cashier.) However, whenever people say "Do you really want to know" I tend to respond with a yes in some sorts, like "If you'd like to share, sure, I'm willing to listen."

Most of the people who ask generally don't share. Some have, I've even had some people thank me for listening to them. It's rather fun XD. I've gotten odd looks before too. haha.

 

[sheepie]

I don't find it difficult.
Societies something so big I can't change it and like, I asume, most of you I'm in no way inclined to change for society, far too much effort for nothing worth having.
So, it's just a fact of life and doesn't bother me in the slightest.
That's how I keep myself happy at least, by logic-ing it up
Just decide what I want, see how I can get it, and go do what I want.
Including such things as lurking on forums like this one.

 

[Ashenstar]

First for me was.... accepting.
No emo details, but my mother constantly belittled me for being.. well.. what I am. Would tell me horrible horrible things.. and then sometimes.. not such horrible things that were still meant to hurt. Basically, besides truly awful things, she would "joke" or "tease" but it's one of those things where you can tell the person is serious. Then when confronted she would claim she really doesn't think I'm a "freak" or whatever. What am I saying..... she still does that. lol

As far as making friends..... figure out what type of people you click with. I personally tend to click well with nerds/freaks and geeks/outcasts/art students... etc etc. I tend to click with sarcastic people who are quick witted and have dry/dark/twisted senses of humor. Then seek out these types of people when you find them. It's hard to explain, but it seems that it will happen naturally with the right people. If you are in a larger group of people, there is a good chance that someone is looking for people who are just like you.
Also, it depends on how much you want to fake it. At least for me anyway.

As far as maintaining friendships, I am complete rubbish! I have... 4 friends? 5? total. I know, quite a few. I rarely ever talk to any of them though... and am prone to ignoring texts and phone calls.

 

[Eljua]

I mean, it pretty much rules having little social ability, having interests people find alienating, and seeing straight through social constructs & modern stupidity.

So, like, where do you start? How do you get along in society as an INTP?

Step One: Learn to feign care, even when you don't. Asking people to elaborate generally tends to make people seem important. Phrases such as, "that sounds interesting, how did you get into that?" and "How do you manage to deal with that?" encourage people to think you care, and as a result, are more likely to open up and like you.

Step Two: People like people who have weaknesses. Being emotionally stable and reasonably happy is boring; being seen as more human means that you're more approachable.

Step Three: ?

Step Four: Profit

I have to ask this question at my workplace to customers (though I'm not a cashier.) However, whenever people say "Do you really want to know" I tend to respond with a yes in some sorts, like "If you'd like to share, sure, I'm willing to listen."

Of course the problem with working in a tertiary sector is that some customers have a habit of attaching themselves to you, because you're a familiar component of their daily routine, and that's how stalking starts, because they come in just to see you. True story.

First for me was.... accepting.
No emo details, but my mother constantly belittled me for being.. well.. what I am. Would tell me horrible horrible things.. and then sometimes.. not such horrible things that were still meant to hurt. Basically, besides truly awful things, she would "joke" or "tease" but it's one of those things where you can tell the person is serious. Then when confronted she would claim she really doesn't think I'm a "freak" or whatever. What am I saying..... she still does that. lol

As long as you're aware that you're mother is a completely falwed human being like the rest of the world, it should be fairly easy to throw aside anything she says as hypocrisy.

 

[bovinity]

just poppin by to

 

[beastie]

@bananaphallus
I answer the truth to cashiers coz I despise being asked a question that they arent really interested in. I will often tell them how crap my day/week/year has been in explicit detail just to get up their goat.
I once answered this way and the cashier wasnt even listening and replied "thats good" (or something to that effect). I then asked them what I just said which they couldnt answer and told them not to bother asking if they werent really interested. A cashier can be polite without pretending they personally give a rats about you.

I find it amusing that there is advice to INTPs to act this way.

Just coz you ask the right questions doesnt "make" you a different person or likeable - you HAVE to be interested in the reply and subsequent interactions.
If youre not interested, youre not interested.

Really, without sounding cynical, Ive found some people find it easier to act/be sociable and maintain interactions with others but that doesnt make them more worthy as a person nor mean they will put themselves out in time of need for others. What is the standard here that INTPs are trying to achieve? To pretend/act that they care or to be there when someone truly needs you?

 

[Tunesimah]

@bananaphallus
I answer the truth to cashiers coz I despise being asked a question that they arent really interested in. I will often tell them how crap my day/week/year has been in explicit detail just to get up their goat.
I once answered this way and the cashier wasnt even listening and replied "thats good" (or something to that effect). I then asked them what I just said which they couldnt answer and told them not to bother asking if they werent really interested. A cashier can be polite without pretending they personally give a rats about you.

I find it amusing that there is advice to INTPs to act this way.

Just coz you ask the right questions doesnt "make" you a different person or likeable - you HAVE to be interested in the reply and subsequent interactions.
If youre not interested, youre not interested.

You're right on with that assessment I think. I'm the same way I despise those who ask questions but don't really mean it. No one is really prepared for the rush of information they could get when they ask me "how are you doing." I had a boss that asked me "what are you thinking." That question is like a green light to open the flood gates of my mind, of course he didn't really care it was just words...

I'm curious enough that I'll ask these questions and really mean it. I can get interested in whatever random things people are interested in, to a limit... but then I just taper off and go on to something else. I find this helps me as a Tutor. Another tutor has told me that you have to fake being interested in the children, I don't have to fake it... it's just there as part of my curiosity.

 

[Fedayeen]

How do you get along in society as an INTP?

I don't even try to "get along" with society. My "friends" understand that I can be VERY blunt, and I don't give a rats ass about social norms, and how I am "supposed" to act. They often say "Thats *insert my real life nick name* for you" as a sort of excuse for my behavior.

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

How do you get along in society as an INTP?

I think the inverse question is also an interesting one: "How does society get along with INTPs?"

I mean... we follow pitifully few of the generally accepted salutations and courtesies. We start conversations like this: "Oh I have this idea I wanted to tell you- I was reading this article blah blah...." Instead of adding hello/hi/hey and polite questions beforehand.

We're sarcastic and constantly reminding people of the artificial nature of culture.

 

[Astridian]

I feel no desire to get along in society, within reason. Of course, I understand that without society, I wouldn't have my apartment to live in, wouldn't have a job, wouldn't have my books; however, at the moment I feel somewhat content to live on the fringe, so-to-speak.

I harbor no lasting animosity towards society or those who seem entirely wrapped up in it. My hope is that if I largely ignore society, society will largely ignore me. I've learned, over the years, that this is partially true, and partially false. There are some things that must be done to blend into society, and thus not draw attention to myself. It would've been nice to have figured this out in high school.

My hope is for society to find me useful enough to cut me some slack and give me enough independence that I'll remain content. But, of course, society is an intangible social construct/force and doesn't have desires or goals, so that idea is just silly.

 

[Enne]

*shrugs* I view the INTP's presence in society as a necessity, though it would be generally held as an inconvenience. It's like the quiet voice of reason that you can hear if you care to listen to something beyond the din of loud, vapid chatter.

I don't really know how that translates to a practical answer for the day to day realities of social survival though.

 

[bovinity]

ok well