What was your childhood like?

[transformers]

What kind of things did you like to do as a kid? And how did you get along with other people? Were you more extroverted or introverted than you are now? Were you emotional? Sorry for all the questions, I'm just curious about the background of INTP's, and whether our personalities are constant throughout our lives or are shaped by the way we grew up. That whole Nature vs. Nuture thing again.

 

[Melkor]

More extroverted. Though couldn't get on with people.

Extremely mad. sometimes violent to other children, really small for my age.

Hated,feared, rejected.

Afraid of nothing, seemed to have the world at my heels.



Then I became INTP.


IT'S ALL OVER.

 

[Puffy]

As a kid I was more extraverted I was always the leader of the pack and most kids just did whatever I did. At secondary school (high school) I was more of a social outcast, but got more socialable as time went on, at college and university you wouldn't have noticed a difference between me and other people unless you pushed me into deeper conversation. I feel emotions frequently, i've never been emotional around other people though.

Oh and random laughter, I tend to laugh or start smiling because of my thoughts and forget that i'm with other people, apparently I have an evil smile lol.

 

[Carnap]

I was very shy when I didn't know people. I was held back in pre-school one year because of shyness.

Then, since it was a private school, we knew the same kids from age 7 until age 18, so I was sort of the weird outcast but sometimes would be funny and loud. It was a pretty conservative area and my family, originally from out of town, was always sort of the black sheep of the community.

I liked reading for a time then after that TV became an extreme addiction, probably why I hate it now.

I was very easy going even though there was a lot of tension in the family. My mom says youngest kids often are the clown of the family because they learned to diffuse the tension of the family by being a ham. I definitely have youngest child syndrome even to this day : no clear direction, everyone thinks things I say are cute even though I'm a 26 year old adult, etc.

 

[The Fury]

More extroverted. Though couldn't get on with people.

Extremely mad. sometimes violent to other children, really small for my age.

Hated,feared, rejected.

Afraid of nothing, seemed to have the world at my heels.

That's strangely similar to my childhood.

I was somewhat extroverted but I had very few friends, I was constantly getting into fights and just about everyone was either afraid of me or hated me. I was constantly doing crazy stuff and when I think back on my childhood I'm amazed that I'm not either dead or paralyzed.

 

[Van]

I was always starting up hare-brained projects like digging mazes under the garden, hiding food in treetops and making elaborate little towns out of cardboard & sellotape. Then I always quit before I got very far into it. At school I was the quiet yet annoying know-it-all kid who didn't like the Spice Girls Also had to go to church; once I accidentally made the Sabbath school teacher cry and I really couldn't understand what I'd done to her. The only thing that ever really upset me was when my dog died. For nature/nurture it's hard to say; I grew up without siblings in a houseful of introverts, my dad lived far away and I never saw much of him but he seems to be introverted as well. The results aren't surprising either way. My basic personality traits have been the same ever since I can remember, but I probably come across as more shy and a bit of a ditz instead of being an argumentative twit now.

 

[Minuend]

D= I actually collected photos of spice girls to fit in. I didn't have many firends, so..
Actually I had a lot of friends until they finished elementary school (they were all older than me), then I lost contact. And that's when I started collecting photos to fit in with those who were one year younger. I preferred Metallica, though....

I were quite violent back then. If anyone messed with me, I would physically fight back. I actually made other kids cry by laying them down and kick them. Other than that. Hmm. I had a bunch of neighboring kids I played with. But I also played by myself occasionally. I watched a lot of documentaries about animals, and so I would pretend to be that animal. I played with lego, animal figurines (my favorites), dolls, cars, videogames. And we used to play war too.
I were very fond of animals. More than people, I think. I had a very special connection with them. We didn't have any animals ourselves, so I used to bring the neighbors' cats inside. Well, we did own a cat once, when it died I were devastated.

Further back, in kindergarten, I usually threw toys at the other children. I had a couple of friends, but I remember hiding mostly, avoiding other people. Can't remember why I didn't like them. My parents took me to a different kindergarten. I remember being very confused when another child wanted to be my friend. It just appeared from nowhere and we were supposed to be friends?

 

[Ashenstar]

Hmmmmmmmm. Sob story aside my childhood was horrible.My controlling ESFJ mother had me walking on eggshells in an attempt to escape her wrath. She frequently sent me to bed without dinner and isolated me from the world and kept me locked in her twisted one. She was entirely unpredictable and every day was uncertain.

It didn't help that I was intelligent and quite sassy from the get go and told my mom "Fuck you!" when I was barely 1 year old.

I was more extraverted. Never popular, but all around well liked by everyone. I had an overly keen sense of justice and would act out on other (punch them, flip them off etc) kids if they weren't playing tetherball properly. That got me a week with no recess. I also talked a mile a minute so I was told.

Mmmm I never really played with toys. I would set up my barbies in a scene doing something and just leave them there trapped in their perfect little imaginary lives. Couldn't enjoy puzzles because again, mom controlled it and insisted I do the edge pieces first or I wasn't allowed to do the puzzle at all. That's not my meathod. I liked to just grab random pieces and match them up by picture or just try them out to see if it worked.

I was a very giving child I always gave away my favorite toys and then cried when the next kid didn't love them like I did. I was a tomboy too. Always falling out of trees and getting scraped up. Playing in the dirt and mud was glorious. There was a dirt flower bed by the house and in the summer I would turn the hose on an make a mud pit. Then I would take the mud and cover myself from head to toe in mud so not an inch of me was showing through.

Hmm nostalgia.

 

[Ombat]

I was horrible as a small child - threw violent temper tantrums almost every day. I'm surprised my mother didn't "accidentally" leave me in the car on a hot day with the windows rolled up.

Socially, I was extremely shy around people I didn't know and pretentious around those I did, especially adults. Comments about extreme personality changes, yada yada.

I also had a sillyness (and still do) that seemed to be unmatched by others. Hyperactivity.

 

[420MuNkEy]

I grew up in the suburbs. I had a couple people that lived near me that quickly became my 'friends' (all at least 3 years older than myself). I grew up with 2 siblings, one 3 years older, and the other 6 years older. My parents got divorced when I was ~7, which didn't seem to phase me at all. I always preferred being with my mother, due to the fact that my father was overly controlling and as stubborn as myself (very difficult to win a rational argument with an adult when you are a child). After a lot of custody switches, with him persistently fighting for more time with me than I wanted to spend, I ended up just pushing him out of my life for good (late teens by this point) and haven't talked to him since. A lot of people find this kind of act very cold, but you guys are INTP's, I'm sure at least some of you can understand.

In school I would grasp the concept of what was being taught very easily and would be able to take a test on it and score very high, but I was not able to force myself to do the monotonous busywork that is Homework. I can only speculate as to my reasoning for this, as it started very early on, but I think it was due to the fact that I recognized that all 'School' built up to was receiving a piece of paper that declared I knew enough. The whole concept of someone else assessing what I need to prove my knowledge to an institution before I can be acceptable was not something that sat well with my psyche.

My hatred of school persisted until I ended up dropping out in High School so that I could dedicate my time to study whatever was currently interesting me online. People often say "It's going to be impossible to get a job", but I think that's really assuming too much about the job market. Being an INTP, you can see the advantage of hiring you to do a job that you're intrinsically interested in and have done a ton of work on/with. For me, that thing is everything relating to computers (networks, systems, programming, web development, web design, graphic design, etc). All you have to do is figure out a way to market yourself (Freelancing is a good start imo).



Edit: People always mistook me as being 'stoned' (before I had even encountered cannabis). That's partially the reason for my name.

 

[Scourgexlvii]

I was shy, Creative, and smart... Kind of like now... but I was also often angry, and I was stubborn. On the extroversion sense, it didn't help that I moved to another school in 3rd grade, so I was entering a community of existing cliques. I would rarely interact with people outside of school, as I lived over an hour away from everyone else, so I could hardly ask anyone to hang out at my house, and I always felt apprehensive at imposing on others unless I really knew them. Now, I feel like I wasted opportunities to be comfortable socializing outside of school...

 

[nickgray]

Back then I think I was more or less the way I am now. Only without current knowledge and experience to support me. I don't really think I had a childhood in that stereotypical way many people had, it was just... me back then, not much've changed really.

 

[Döden]

I was voted "Most Outgoing" in sixth grade. That always makes me laugh.
Otherwise, I was very extroverted and wanted to make friends with everyone. I was really eager to learn and loved trivia. Apparently I asked for DNA for Christmas when I was 8.
But I was also really sensitive and had a hard time cutting poisonous people from my life.

 

[Firehazard159]

My take on introversion and extroversion as a child is this: If I had a reason to talk to you (IE: needed info or the like) I would have no problem coming up and asking a direct, to the point question. If I was forced to talk to you out of simply making conversation, I would hide behind my parents leg, so to speak, or read a book, or bury myself in artwork and semi ignore people, only giving basic responses.

....Pretty much how I still operate. Small talk was as pointless then as it is now to me.

I grew up on a farm, the nearest friends I had were a minimum of 5 miles away, town was about 10. I spent most of my time playing alone, using my imagination, my dad was working two jobs - the one in town, and then came home to do gardening / farming / animal raising stuff. My mom was the same, she had her day job, then all her extra-jobs, working on the church news letter and different things like that. Didn't see either of them in the morning, usually ate supper around 8 or 9 pm.

My mother and I butted heads often, my dad was an avoider (fairly sure he's xxFP, my moms ESTJ). I wasn't terribly emotional, but she could get me to cry, more out of frustration due to her inflexibility to even consider possibility.

I spent most my time either outside in the woods, imagining all the fantasy worlds I read about, elves and goblins and dragons, fighting imaginary figures and having imaginary allies, climbing tree's and such. Or, I was inside, reading books, drawing pictures, making music, building lego's / k'nex.

All of my siblings were 6 or more years older, and pretty much out of the house all the time, so I spent a majority of my time alone. At some point, I got hooked on computers and spent less time outside and more time gaming online, woo dial up playing starcraft, trying to get my mac to be compatible with my friends PC's for games, what few existed other than blizzard games.

At school, I typically didn't get along with any of 'the guys'. I played with girls, or oddball people, like the mentally handicapped children or other socially inept people.

I did a lot of creation and deconstruction of things, figuring out how they worked and making systems and structures on my own, whether it was creating a city in the dirt while playing with toy cars with my mentally handicapped friend, or fixing up my mom's broken gadgets.

That's about all I can remember from my childhood :P

Edit: After reading some other posts, I too was a person who learned the concepts but could never do homework. I only worked on work while I was in school, outside of school, was my time, for me and only me. Nothing would intrude upon that. Aced tests, failed on homework due to incompletes.

 

[shoeless]

i was extremely shy. painfully shy, really, especially around adults or people i didn't know. being a little girl and the youngest in the family, everyone thought it was just adorable. i thought there was something wrong with me.

i was always trying to change myself, i think -- i would take up the hobbies and interests of my "friends" so that i could fit in (& my friends were always very bossy and sort of took advantage of me i think). i listened to britney spears because my friends did; i played with barbies because my friends did; i always played the yellow power ranger, because my friends told me do, even though i didn't really watch/like the power rangers. and so forth.

i grew up in a military family, where we moved every three years. making friends was really hard for me, and it got to the point where i kind of just gave up (middle school/early high school) and didn't have friends. i've just recently moved again and made myself make friends; i'm a junior in high school now, with a nice little social group, but i still only feel a particular connection with... well, one person. at the same time, i still can't bring myself to get too invested, because i know either she or i will be moving soon enough (in this case, she's supposed to be moving in january, so...) so it seems pointless to forge any sort of close relationships. as pointless as it did when i was little.

overall though, i am more extroverted now. still introverted, but i think it's more a matter of where i draw my energy from now rather than how i function socially.

as far as emotion goes... i wouldn't say i was an emotional child, but, i honestly don't remember very much. my childhood is basically a blur -- a lot of large clumps of vague concepts as to what was going on at the time -- so i feel like answering this question is sort of... silly, for me. like i don't really know what i'm talking about. like i'm grasping at straws.

but i think i'm basically the same person... just more developed and mature now. i've always been a procrastinator, always sort of lazy, always sort of day-dreamy, always sort of conscientious, always sort of shy, etc. i really believe that the bulk of our personality is based on nature -- it's just the little details, like our interests/hobbies/beliefs/etc. that is shaped by nurture.

but i dunno, that's just me.

 

[Waterstiller]

On the edge of the playground, watching the jumping spiders.
Didn't understand hierarchy of any sort.
Appreciation for trees and sunsets and a strawberry plant.
No friends after school.
Gadget from Rescue Rangers and Eeyore were my favorite characters.

Ect.

 

[Polaris]

Heaven and hell. Which could explain me feeling torn between two or more personalities. Then I don't know many people who have had a "perfect" childhood. We are all disturbed or traumatised in some way.

 

[snowqueen]

I was a child? just kidding

I was fearless around adults - spoke my mind directly - some would call that precocious. Earned me respect from my (academic) father and his friends. Earned me daily beatings from my mother for being a cheeky smartarse. I had absolutely no idea that there was any other way to behave (still find it a challenge not to be overly direct). I played a lot of imaginative games usually involving physical risk of some kind - I climbed anything and everything - trees, cliffs, ruins, out of my bedroom window onto the roof of the kitchen and leapt onto the garage then along the top of an 8 foot high hedge ... I had no 'friends' but played with the boys in the road - challenging them to beat me at jumping off high places - a hobby which probably explains my early onset osteoarthritis in my hips. I read voraciously - 2-3 books a day - being an only child I was unencumbered by having to relate to other little people at home so could get on with exploring my own interests. In particular I loved my microscope and chemistry set (in the days when they had real chemicals!). I was also heavily into art, playing the piano writing plays and poetry. I loved the whole world and couldn't wait to explore it all. School kind of helped dash that particular hope. Dull dull dull ...

Apart from the heartbreak of realising my mother would never love me unless I turned into the 'snowqueen' she held in her mind and which I was constantly berated for not being, I had a great time either outside my home where I enjoyed enormous freedom to roam, or inside my head which was (and still is) a vast and limitless source of entertainment.

My parents kept spoiling my fun though and at 11 they forced me to move abroad with them. But I got my own back. I refused to speak for 6 months until they worked out I was depressed and decided to send me back to Scotland to boarding school. That wasn't the greatest solution but it was better than living with them.

I'm currently clearing my mother's flat in Jordan. I came across all my school reports - I shall shortly start a new thread because some of them are hilarious.

I long to start my life over again. I hate the fact my childhood is getting further away every day. I want to remember the child I was before the world caved in on me. I want to be the adult who grew out of that child.

 

[Waterstiller]

I long to start my life over again. I hate the fact my childhood is getting further away every day. I want to remember the child I was before the world caved in on me. I want to be the adult who grew out of that child.

Despite only being 24, this really resonates with me.

 

[inaworldofherown]

I didnt start properly playing with other children until i was about 5. Up until then i was surrounded by adults (parents & maternal grandparents & great grandparents) & apparently i didnt start talking until i was 4. My mother taught me to read & i was able to read before i started primary school at just under 5 yrs old. My first drawing in my first class was of a space rocket. I played with kids but was just as happy playing with myself. I tended to have girls (& one boy) befriend me rather than the other way round. Often a case of being in class & "Come sit by me" & friendship would start from there. I played with one girl in primary because i was convinced she was the real Alice In Wonderland especially as she wore this puff ball sleeved blue dress & had long blonde hair. I played with all sorts of toys; my own & my little brother's. I cut short the hair on my Sindy & dyed it with my mum's pink lipstick. I went through the normal pre-teen thing about wanting to own a horse until my mum asked if i was prepared to do things like mucking out. I settled for an "Anna & Happytime". I played games with the other kids in the cu de sac. Went off exploring on my own on the beach (much to the chagrin of my parents) to climb rocks & check out caves. It wasnt until i was 11 that i decided that playing with other kids was boring & a waste of time & i stopped going out & stayed in my bedroom reading. The Pan Horrors were a favourite. I think i was more emotional when i was young than i am now. Or rather i expressed it more. Especially during my early to mid teens. Used to write lots of short stories & poems. Not good at maths but good at English Language & Literature & languages in general. Wish i had tried harder in sciences but apart from a good teacher in biology & my preference for doing experiments in chemistry rather than learning all these equations. Hated cookery. Hated sewing even more. That's all i can think of.

 

[snowqueen]

Despite only being 24, this really resonates with me.

then you must do it - you still have plenty of time - write lots and lots of reflections and project that person into the future - what kind of study, work, hobbies, interests, friendships, travel etc etc etc.

Don't wait!!!! Time is the most precious thing in the world (when you're a mortal)

 

[snowqueen]

Some of us more than others and those of us for whom it is more, we need to take good care of ourselves and our 'siblings in hell' [looks both ways and gives Polaris a quick hug]

What do you need to do to make your future life more heaven than hell?


(you have no wall on your profile or I'd have posted this there ...)

 

[Darby]

Well i suppose this is where i should have talked about my old personality scores from 7th grade, i believe they were ENTJ/ENTP, we were asked to do one on ourselves and let someone else do one on us, as a way of seeing how others percieve us. Im not sure which was which, but as you can see they are fairly similar. I have since become much more introverted, the frustrations of the outside world have been...frustrating.

as far as my childhood is concerned, my dad and mom were homeless for the earlier parts of my youth, about 0-1 years, my mom working, while my dad took care of me, but he was a little willy nilly as far as getting ANYTHING done, so when we finally got an apartment my mom cheated on him, i was five, now i have a half brother, my dad dissapeared, my half brothers dad became my new dad, he was pretty ok, but he wasnt my dad, it sucked alot, until i was about 10.

school was great, until 4th grade, when my teacher decided to hate me and every other male in our class, i can't count how many times i was in detention, and i have never been an ill behaved child, it's one of the few qualities im proud of. i left to go to an alternative school, where a majority of my friends were potheads, although i never smoked, they were all....interesting characters. these were my extroverted years, where everyone there was either a freak or a pothead, and i must say i flourished, although i wasnt good with personal boundaries, so i was forced to take therapy for a few years on Assertive Behavior, i guess being passive is a bad thing. I failed three years in a row there, academically it was stimulating, but they didn't expect anything, so i didnt see any reason to give them anything. now i go to catholic school.

 

[Chimera]

Super extraverted. Opinionated, fearless, leader of the pack, loud.
At school, I always gained the respect of my teachers the very first week of school. I raised my hand to answer almost every question (never called out--it seemed rude to me), always wanted to assist the teacher in any way possible, things like that. I always got comments like "it would be a perfect class if everyone were like you." I always felt like I belonged with the adults more than the kids.

I always had a sense of impending consequences for my actions. I remember in preschool, I wouldn't misbehave because I didn't want to recieve disapproval from my teacher. I was constantly aiming to please. That graduated to a fear of doing bad things, because I always thought something lie "if I do this and get caught, then they'll be disappointed in me and I'll feel bad."

Around other kids, I was...complicated. Frequently I noted that I was different than they were, that I understood things they didn't, etc. etc. I was a bright kid, in the "gifted program" and always part of the small groups that recieved insruction that surpassed what our peers were expected to do. I liked being around people, and was actually well-liked by almost everyone in my classes. I liked making kids laugh, but I wasn't obnoxious about it (definitely not the class clown). At recess, I played with different groups of kids, depending on my mood that day. I played a lot of soccer with the boys. I got kids involved in random playground-wide games...often we played variations of tag, which involved splitting into teams and capturing "bases" (the playground equipment).

My sisters (4 and 7 years older) and I weren't as close as we are now, but we didn't hate each other. We played a lot of videogames. Whenever we got frustrated with each other, we would duke it out on Super Smash Bros. We played with Legos and went on adventures with our stuffed animals. We created elaborate stories with toys, often picking up where we left off the day before, sometimes stretching a story out for weeks.

I saw my sister turning into an introvert when I was still extraverted. I remember one time I was in 4th grade (she was in 8th), and she said something like "I can go all day without talking, I think. I don't talk much at school anymore" and I thought "Wow, I could never do that. All day? That's insane!" Oh the irony.
​

Ewww long post, end it. Dx​

 

[Adymus]

There was never a time when I was extroverted. There are even old recordings of me as a baby, playing alone, and freaking out when someone get's too close to me. I was a dreamer, talked to myself a lot (still do), would come up with all of these designs and theories for electronic devices, and bombs, and laser guns, and bombs. Then I would take apart random electronics with intentions to make stuff out of it, but I never would and it would just end up getting hoarded (I did however follow through in making the bombs). Oh yeah, and I loved hoarding things. I was like a dragon, but instead of gold and jewels, I had bottle caps and discarded car parts.
I think the most common complaint I got from my teachers was the constant daydreaming... Come to think of it, it's kind of sad that we have these SJs teaching children that daydreaming is a bad thing, instead of trying to harness the creativity that could be under it. I was super emotional as a kid, I got my feelings hurt easily, cried a lot, got picked and didn't anything about it. Regardless, I still think I was an INTP back then. I'm not going to do the "Oh I must have been an INFP back then" thing; Fuck that, I was a Ti dominant for sure. I was terrible at making friends, and would often end up playing alone at reccess. I would be brutally honest with people and then be confused when they were insulted by it. I was kind of a smart-ass, and at times just flat out rude to people:
Them: "Oh wow, I haven't seen you in so long! Did you miss me?"
Me: "No, not really."

You know, if I were raised in this generation, I totally would have been diagnosed with Asperger's...

 

[Darby]

I would take apart random electronics with intentions to make stuff out of it, but I never would and it would just end up getting hoarded

currently, i have four computers sitting on a shelf with useless broken parts inside, 3 monitors, an old X-box, a few sets of speakers, and a stereo. currently working; 2 computers, 2 monitors, all of which i bought....and thats just my room

im also on our schools robotics team, and last year we managed to build the robot, and then avoided it like the plague for the week before the competition because it was just my friend and I, and neither of us knew how to program it past "move forward"

 

[Adymus]

currently, i have four computers sitting on a shelf with useless broken parts inside, 3 monitors, an old X-box, a few sets of speakers, and a stereo. currently working; 2 computers, 2 monitors, all of which i bought....and thats just my room

im also on our schools robotics team, and last year we managed to build the robot, and then avoided it like the plague for the week before the competition because it was just my friend and I, and neither of us knew how to program it past "move forward"

I still have to fight with myself on this. I'm always tempted to hold onto random junk with the hopes of making something out of it. About three feet away from me, I have a pair of broken headphones. It's a pretty easy fix, just resoldering some wires really... I just haven't really gotten around to it... I suppose I could do it now... No, not feeling it right now.

 

[Darby]

I keep telling myself i'll get that soldering gun.....it was nice when i had computer engineering, i would bring stuff in to class....and then end up leaving them there instead, i never did get my space heater back

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

As Steven Wright said, "I started off pretty small but got progressively larger."

That about sums up what I can remember besides being sick a lot. No childhood traumas to haunt me (unless of course I've surpressed them!).

I was no more or less outgoing. It was the time in my life when I developed my skills for avoiding detection. I remember being able to skip out on class and my teachers rarely seemed to notice....or they just didn't care.

 

[420MuNkEy]

I have to admit, I'm guilty of electronic hording as well. I have countless boxes of random rap (including an entire box filled with pairs of headphones that need re-soldering, a box for motherboards, and another for jumpers)

 

[Tunesimah]

I kind of liked childhood, and much of my adult life has been trying to recapture those inexplicable childhood sensations.

I was much more expressive, open and blissfully unaware of my surroundings. But I was also content to stick to myself. It was very easy for my parents to let me play video games and just amuse myself with that, almost too easy.

I don't remember having my current social neurosis. I walked up and gave a girl flowers in kindergarten. I asked questions and did things. I didn't know I was much different from everyone else. I was able to make some friends and talk about video games and whatnot.

Although I certainly was socially ignorant. I was taken advantage of and ridiculed often I think. I remember I jumped into a dumpster because someone told me to, completely unaware of how degrading it was.

When things got worse around me I would often retreat into my head. In 6th grade in particular, I was making complete stories and adventures in my head. I became obsessed with these stories, made maps and politics and whatnot. True to INTP form, I came up with the overall structure of the story... but I could never flesh out the details.

I miss that creativity, just creating something in your head. My creativity now is more focused and technical and scientific... I try something out...see if it works... try something else... get inspired a little. Nothing like the pure release of original ideas like I had when I was a kid.

 

[Ashenstar]

Nothing like the pure release of original ideas like I had when I was a kid.

Oh yes, I miss this as well.
I miss the purity of mind that made me so brilliant.

 

[KazeCraven]

I don't remember the details of my childhood well, but I grew up very shy and spent about half of my waking hours daydreaming I think. My brother (also a self-proclaimed INTP) and I spent a large amount of time together playing "mental RPGs." Otherwise, I would be reading books or playing video games (or wishing I didn't have to be playing basketball).

I didn't get rebellious until around high-school age. That was also the time I became much more extraverted and witty. I don't think I've ever been violent or generally hated.

 

[Cavallier]

I was fearless around adults - spoke my mind directly - some would call that precocious....I had absolutely no idea that there was any other way to behave (still find it a challenge not to be overly direct). I played a lot of imaginative games usually involving physical risk of some kind - I climbed anything and everything - trees, cliffs, ruins, out of my bedroom window onto the roof of the kitchen and leapt onto the garage then along the top of an 8 foot high hedge ... I had no 'friends' but played with the boys in the road - challenging them to beat me at jumping off high places...being an only child I was unencumbered by having to relate to other little people at home so could get on with exploring my own interests....I loved the whole world and couldn't wait to explore it all. School kind of helped dash that particular hope...

This sums me up. I was fearless as well both physically and socially. I remember the kids down the road, who were all several years older than myself, not being allowed to play with me because they kept getting hurt when they tried to do the things I did. My father has a video of me clinging to the top of a tall thin pine tree giggling with glee as the top of the spindly tree sways under my weight.

I didn't really have any desire to have friends.

I grew up like a little weed. My parents let me study and experiment how I pleased so that when I went to school I hated it. The teachers were controlling and would whine at me. Worst of all they baby talked to me. I had no respect for them. I still don't. People who whine are pathetic and not worthy of my time or esteem.

Anyway, I spent my childhood running around in the woods that spread for miles behind my house with my golden retriever. I sometimes wish I could still be out there with my backpack and dog.

 

[merzbau]

i couldn't wait to be an adult, so people would listen to my ideas, and take me seriously. hmm.. has anything changed?

i was very at home in solitude, whether inside or outside, i wanted to be like robinson crusoe, shipwrecked on an island away from everyone, surviving on my wits alone. i can't really put into words what it meant to be able to escape into books, and worlds of my own creation, and not be dragged down by dull, grey reality. couldn't focus on any project long enough to finish it, however.. think my parents have a cupboard full of childhood scrapbooks, each with 5 pages of an aborted idea.

conversations would bore me. i used to bring notepads and pens to restaurants, so i could draw while waiting for the food to arrive. but i gave up drawing for years, frustrated that i wasn't good enough.

formed few close friendships with kids, and when i did they were usually years older. this is odd, when kids one year removed from you seem almost like a different species. my parents were worried i didn't seem to want to associate with people my own age.

i guess i was pretty aquiescent. i used to go along with whatever, not really having much of an opinion on things. sometimes people would push me around, and i seldom stood up for myself. i remember one kid who i didn't like, but was forced to hang around with because of his family, one day was picking on me constantly, treating me like a servant, etc. until the dam broke and i swung around and smacked him in the nose, which elicited a girly squeal and immediate bloody exit to bawl to his mother. of course, none of the adults saw what a turd he was being all day, so i got in deep trouble for that, and it hovered in the back of my mind for years after, whenever i was picked on.

 

[Cavallier]

i guess i was pretty aquiescent. i used to go along with whatever, not really having much of an opinion on things. sometimes people would push me around, and i seldom stood up for myself. i remember one kid who i didn't like, but was forced to hang around with because of his family, one day was picking on me constantly, treating me like a servant, etc. until the dam broke and i swung around and smacked him in the nose, which elicited a girly squeal and immediate bloody exit to bawl to his mother. of course, none of the adults saw what a turd he was being all day, so i got in deep trouble for that, and it hovered in the back of my mind for years after, whenever i was picked on.

I've never understood this idea. I often see parents reprimanding children for standing up for themselves against other children and adults. Why? Are we teaching our children to be doormats now? We should teach kids to not be bullies but at the same time teach them when it is appropriate to not take crap from people. It seems to me that when you reprimand kids for standing up for themselves you are teaching them to be victims.

 

[Nicholas A. A. E.]

I agree with Cavallierose. I've never been in any fights, but if I had, my dad would be mad at me if (1) the fight wasn't inevitable, but I didn't walk away, or (2) the fight was inevitable, but I didn't throw the first punch.

 

[Polaris]

Some of us more than others and those of us for whom it is more, we need to take good care of ourselves and our 'siblings in hell' [looks both ways and gives Polaris a quick hug]

What do you need to do to make your future life more heaven than hell?


(you have no wall on your profile or I'd have posted this there ...)

I didn't see this post until today......my lack of wall is just part of my enormous barrier against the world Thank you Snowqueen.

I think I need to accept that hell is always going to be part of life, as I was preconditioned to live in fear. However, right now it looks surprisingly calm on the horizon. I think I have probably lived through the worst, it can only get better. Unless I decide to go to therapy again.....haha.....hmmmm

It is tricky when you cannot rely on your own family to be on your side and protect you, or at least acknowledge the wrongdoings that lead to your world falling apart at a very young age.

There is a reason I live on the other side of the Earth. I am in a strange shadowland of ambivalence, regarding my family and upbringing. At least now I know I'm not alone. I have great friends, they are like family to me. I have a lot to give and even more things I need to do, and that is what drives me forward.

You are right, we need to look after ourselves and our "siblings in hell". I think deep down we are all small and frightened.

 

[bananaphallus]

I've never understood this idea. I often see parents reprimanding children for standing up for themselves against other children and adults. Why? Are we teaching our children to be doormats now? We should teach kids to not be bullies but at the same time teach them when it is appropriate to not take crap from people. It seems to me that when you reprimand kids for standing up for themselves you are teaching them to be victims.

Couldn't agree more, there continues to be this vast chasm between sensible, real-world-applicable advice/guidance, and the nonsensical cliches parents use as surrogates for common sense in times when their children really just need to hear something from someone.

 

[snowqueen]

It is tricky when you cannot rely on your own family to be on your side and protect you, or at least acknowledge the wrongdoings that lead to your world falling apart at a very young age.

There is a reason I live on the other side of the Earth. I am in a strange shadowland of ambivalence, regarding my family and upbringing. At least now I know I'm not alone. I have great friends, they are like family to me. I have a lot to give and even more things I need to do, and that is what drives me forward.

You are right, we need to look after ourselves and our "siblings in hell". I think deep down we are all small and frightened.

My attempts to get my mother to talk about my childhood honestly were abandoned pretty quickly when I realised how much in denial she was about what she did - she basically denied everything and had I not kept secret diaries I might have even doubted myself.

You are definitely not alone, I made three new 'siblings' this year. One of them coped really well though - she decided she'd had enough of being crapped on, wrote letters to all the people who abused her and decided to get on with her own life. Some of her family wrote back and opened up a dialogue and she was able to forgive and others didn't so she basically cut them out of her life. She is only 26 years old and I was so impressed by her attitude. But I see the pain inside too - but she is getting on with her life and she's young enough to make something of it.

you know - I discovered that underneath 'small and frightened' is a diamond that can never be damaged. Deeper down. 'Deeper Magic' (TLTWTW).

 

[ckm]

I was showered with praise in everything I did, and as a result gave myself the role of "the perfect one". I hated losing, I usually cried when I lost a game but over time I learned to suppress the urge to throw a tantrum, instead turning my frustration inward. I was very sensitive. My sister and I had our own fantasy world which occupied most of our time as children. I used to put her down a lot, and although I didn't exactly know what I was doing I feel pretty bad about it to this day. I identified with my mother much more than my father.

 

[Polaris]

you know - I discovered that underneath 'small and frightened' is a diamond that can never be damaged. Deeper down. 'Deeper Magic' (TLTWTW).

Yes. My "diamond" saved my life.

she basically denied everything and had I not kept secret diaries I might have even doubted myself.

I can relate to that. Speaking to my mother was a mistake. Probably made her feel more incompetent than actually make me feel better. So I felt worse. And yes, the self-doubt is a sure and slow killer. However, I have spoken to other people who have been in similar or worse situations, and self-doubt is a classical symptom.

I know what was done to me was wrong. And it was not my fault. It would have been good to have the support from family, but circumstances make it impossible. So I had to remove myself, or it would have done my head in.

The problem is I have very little regard for my mother. I don't miss her, and am quite happy to speak to her as little as possible. Perhaps because we never had that close relationship. Which is a shame. I can speak to her in that overbearing, superficial, we don't bother to be real-sort of way. In many ways I feel sorry for her. It was not her fault either. I have forgiven people. but I cannot hang around and pretend it is forgotten, when all they do is remind me, simply by being present.

So the other side of Earth is a good excuse for me to stay away.

You have a particularly shiny diamond Snowqueen thank you for caring.

 

[preilemus]

It was awful and I detest you for bringing it up.


oh wait, actually it wasn't so bad. Back then I could have actually been considered upper class, for what that's worth. My mom was outgoing so I didn't have to be; she always invited friends over so I was always playing with someone. I was pretty much the same, except with less worries, less knowledge, and less mass. It was nice, but the future is more exciting to me than reliving those days.

 

[merzbau]

I've never understood this idea. I often see parents reprimanding children for standing up for themselves against other children and adults. Why? Are we teaching our children to be doormats now? We should teach kids to not be bullies but at the same time teach them when it is appropriate to not take crap from people. It seems to me that when you reprimand kids for standing up for themselves you are teaching them to be victims.

that's the way i see it, too. the real world is rough, and i'd never want kids to be harmed, but sometimes, you have to fight.
how many times have you heard a parent say - "violence isn't the way to solve your problems... don't lower yourself to their level... go and tell a teacher"?
yeah sure - as if you could find one, and as if they'd take you seriously. they'd probably just tell you to ignore it. and then you'd get bullied worse for being a snitch.

maybe violence isn't the answer, but teaching kids to always look to authorities for protection disempowers them and make them feel totally helpless. if more kids were told to stand up for themselves, and weren't hamstrung by the fear of ramifications, there would be far less bullying.

 

[Nicholas A. A. E.]

I agree. In America, there is a strong trend towards moving individual responsibility to government/authority responsibility, and this extends to a growing popular belief that bullies should be dealt no violence and the solution is always tell a teacher immediately.

 

[merzbau]

plus - if violence isn't the proper solution, why are we in afghanistan and iraq?
if you're the government it's ok, but if you're an individual it's wrong.

let's not have a double-standard. one standard will do just fine.

 

[420MuNkEy]

Maybe violence isn't the answer, but intimidation, manipulation, or discussion may be. Telling kids the only option is to go tell an adult robs them of the opportunity to develop a skill that's very necessary for life (the skill to deal with assholes). There's a time for violence and there's a time to seek help, but most of the time it's best dealt with somewhere in between.

 

[Beat Mango]

My childhood was beautiful, and the rare time I have an emotion it's usually to do with reminiscing upon the memories of it. I want it back.

 

[EditorOne]

Sort of Leave it to Beaver.

 

[Pythia]

I was showered with praise in everything I did, and as a result gave myself the role of "the perfect one". I hated losing, I usually cried when I lost a game but over time I learned to suppress the urge to throw a tantrum, instead turning my frustration inward. I was very sensitive. My sister and I had our own fantasy world which occupied most of our time as children. I used to put her down a lot, and although I didn't exactly know what I was doing I feel pretty bad about it to this day. I identified with my mother much more than my father.

I relate here. I don't have any siblings, though, but I remember the obsession with being always perfect. I had perfect grades, and didn't get in trouble. Actually, I was a quiet and shy one, at least among other kids. With adults, though, I would be very talkative and opinionated. My family they all thought I was going to become a lawyer when I grew up. They are very disappointed now

No, really, they are. My grades began to drop when I was in my last year of elementary, and I'll always remember the pressure they put on me then. One Christmas, my father forbid all the family to give me any presents. That was my worst birthday ever, too (I was born in January). Then I became an angry teenager, and at some point I decided I didn't care enough to display my anger.