What was your childhood like?

[vexsuprise]

wow man i totally hear everything you just said, or whenever u said it. i actualy the older brotther but seem to have tendencies of the defusing ham. I may have become this to protect my younger brother, or , maybe ................? thanks

 

[vexsuprise]

oh yes, i can definitely identify with the idea or feeling of being showered with praise, feeling as the "perfect one" then hating to lose so much i also suppresed the desire to express outwordly, instead, turned it inwardly, but also believing that i could take thiis energy and eventually perfect myself. as well as deal with life. hahaha i can almost really laugh at myself

 

[crashman]

That's strangely similar to my childhood.

I was somewhat extroverted but I had very few friends, I was constantly getting into fights and just about everyone was either afraid of me or hated me. I was constantly doing crazy stuff and when I think back on my childhood I'm amazed that I'm not either dead or paralyzed.

Really Similar. Back there i was a primate. I love climbing tall trees, jumping from one place to another in tall place and do alot of stunts.

 

[Eloise]

I guess I'm still considered a child by most peoples measure.... At school I hang out with the so called 'weird' kids, mainly 'nerdy' boys as most of my fellow females frustrate me... I leave everything to the last minute but it doesn't really matter because I always get As anyway.. School is a rather pointless game that I'm forced to participate in so I may as well win. We move every couple of years which isolates me further but I don't really mind. I shall bemost probably be attending boardimg school next September; a concept that terrifies my friends who can't imagine seperation from their parents. The idea of independence and sepeation from my ESFJ mother sounds very appealing to me Oh and I love tree climbing, I often climb to the highest tree in sight and sit in its branxhes just thinking or reading. How did I forget to mention I love to read! It's what I do for hours every night after school and all weekend; my fantasy world are much better than the real one.

 

[Jennywocky]

I was very shy and to myself.

I spent all my time either reading books in my room, riding my bike for miles and miles alone around the countryside, or climbing trees and exploring. When I got older, I would draw a lot or write or play the piano by myself and create.

I was always the good kid and did the right thing to avoid causing trouble, but much of the time I tried to be alone. I was very unhappy with who I was, and my family was just very emotionally painful to be around, and I didn't know how to fix any of it.

Being alone was the best I could come up with.
At least when I was alone and exploring something new, I did not have to think about my life, I was enamored with something bigger than myself and trying to understand it.

I relate here. I don't have any siblings, though, but I remember the obsession with being always perfect. I had perfect grades, and didn't get in trouble. Actually, I was a quiet and shy one, at least among other kids.

Sounds very familiar.

My form of interaction with other kids at best was "being the smart one" or "being the creative one." But I had trouble just being me.

With adults, though, I would be very talkative and opinionated. My family they all thought I was going to become a lawyer when I grew up. They are very disappointed now No, really, they are. My grades began to drop when I was in my last year of elementary, and I'll always remember the pressure they put on me then. One Christmas, my father forbid all the family to give me any presents. That was my worst birthday ever, too (I was born in January). Then I became an angry teenager, and at some point I decided I didn't care enough to display my anger.

Aw gee. I'm sorry. That burden to be the 'family star' is a heavy one to carry. Being punished by having Christmas ruined for you, in front of the entire family, seems like a cruel punishment to me. I still actually took criticism years after college, because I flunked a particular class. Ironically, I studied SO hard for that class, more than I studied for any other class in my entire life; I know I did my best; my best was not good enough. (It was a level 300 class, mathematical Statistics II.) My parents still think I just didn't try (after all, I was "smart," therefore I was not allowed to fail!). It made me not want to talk to them about anything for years.

One thing that scarred me was the futility of trying to change my family. It can be debilitating and makes future relationships hard. My dad was an alcoholic and a bully, my mom just couldn't understand anything people told to her. It meant that trying to talk to either of them just disrupted the precarious balance. Like with you, it was just easier to withdraw and be alone. Eventually after I became an independent adult, I had to face that pain again and work through it, it definitely sucks.

I hope this place can at least be a safe space for you, or that you find someplace where you feel like people listen and that your feelings and thoughts matter.

I long to start my life over again. I hate the fact my childhood is getting further away every day. I want to remember the child I was before the world caved in on me. I want to be the adult who grew out of that child.

*HUGS*

Hey, amazing woman... I got a real thrill from reading a description of your childhood.

It's still there inside of you, waiting to be unleashed.
You might have felt overwritten or sidetracked in life... but you haven't forgotten who you are.

I wish I connect with that child again, and who I was. I feel like the 15-20 years of my adulthood were spent inside a cage, and I slowly wilted. That young child I was had been in a great deal of pain, but also was beautifully unfolding, if there had been proper sun and watering and nurturing. By nurturing the child I lost, I nurture myself, I think. I am slowly regaining much of that wonder and amazement all over again.

You are definitely not alone, I made three new 'siblings' this year. One of them coped really well though - she decided she'd had enough of being crapped on, wrote letters to all the people who abused her and decided to get on with her own life. Some of her family wrote back and opened up a dialogue and she was able to forgive and others didn't so she basically cut them out of her life. She is only 26 years old and I was so impressed by her attitude. But I see the pain inside too - but she is getting on with her life and she's young enough to make something of it.

My bio sister and I are cordial but not close, really... the past separated us far too much. But I have some sisters I have made through the years as well, and we're there for each other. It's amazing to watch people blossom after buried so long under the snow. My latest sis is quite beautiful, just struggling so painfully against old ghosts and emotional stasis lasting a decade. The unexpected death of her father devastated her. On Thursday she's stopping by her dad's grave, and I told her immediately I'd go with her. I want to be there with her, not just to hold her as she stares the pain in the face but to watch her move and grow into a better world.

you know - I discovered that underneath 'small and frightened' is a diamond that can never be damaged. Deeper down. 'Deeper Magic' (TLTWTW).

Yup, I knew that reference.

 

[The Lurker]

I was the "perfect one": straight A's, teacher's pet, know-it-all, never got in trouble...but with little social skills and maybe two friends, one of which was rather domineering to my non-confrontational demeanor. Add being overweight to the mix and you've got a recipe for endless torment which shattered my self-esteem and resulted in a downward spiral of depression and an utter transformation of my personality in 6th grade. I became more introverted, angry, and very paranoid of everyone, to the point of shunning any friendly advances towards me: after all, it could be someone trying to befriend me just to stab me the back. My state of mind at that time was that there was no good reason for anyone to be my friend except to take advantage of me. I was very emotional.

Middle school was easily the worst part of my short life so far; my grades slipped to B's and C's and eventually to D's, and I was forced by my parents into therapy which did absolutely nothing because I didn't trust the man I was being forced to open up to. I eventually just started faking being healthy so I wouldn't have to go back, and it worked. I continued to internalize all of my problems, not trusting anyone enough to let them help.

Eventually I forced myself into such low of a profile that the other kids seemed to forget about me and I was finally being left alone for the first time in many years, and I struggled to rebuild what little remained of my self-esteem, which had been run over by the proverbial semi truck many times. With every consecutive "destruction" and "rebuilding" of my self-esteem I endured, I could feel myself getting mentally stronger and as of today in 12th grade I think I can finally call myself an emotionally AND relatively socially healthy person with a small but lovely group of equally-insane NTP friends. I somehow managed to escape the hell that is public school ostracization and emerge as a better person because of it.

 

[Tyria]

My childhood was fairly unremarkable.

I grew up in a military household. We moved every 2 years until I was about 10. Most of what I remember of my early childhood is either of reading or soccer. Before the final move, we lived in Germany for 2 years. Some of my best memories are of Europe. I've mentioned some of them here somewhere...

After moving back to America, my love for soccer was replaced by a love of games: video games, board games, any kind of game. I probably spent more time playing games and reading than I did doing actual schoolwork

Not much else to tell. I've always loved learning, games, people, being my own person, etc... and cats.



Edit:
I remember being alone during most of my time. While I've always had a circle of good friends, most of my childhood was spend reading books. Reading was (and still remains) a passion of mine.

I also remember being less reserved in my expresssion of both my feelings and thoughts. I would say that I have become more (introverted? reserved?) as I've gotten older.

 

[Toad]

Life was simple when I was young. I lived with just my mom. We were poor, but I never noticed. I had few toys. My mom and I moved a lot. I can remember living in about 6 different houses and apartments. I was happy. I had plenty of cousins around to play with. No matter what happened I felt safe. We were robbed plenty of times, but I was never scared. I was never depressed. I was much stronger back then.

In school I excelled at everything. I was a leader. Everybody wanted to be my friend. My teachers all loved me. I was quiet, but very bright.

I don't know what happened. I think it was about the time my mom got remarried that I changed. I became less confident and more miserable.

 

[tashi]

In school I excelled at everything. I was a leader. Everybody wanted to be my friend. My teachers all loved me. I was quiet, but very bright.

I don't know what happened. I think it was about the time my mom got remarried that I changed. I became less confident and more miserable.

I had a similiar experience. My childhood was never really happy, but in the earlier part it was alright, before my mother remarried.My mother's marriage is when everything began to go downhill.
I always enjoyed reading, and thats how I spent the majority of my time, inside and outside of school. It was a rather lonely childhood, and I mostly checked out from reality, prefering to float in my own little universe that I had created inside my mind.