Troubles with Compliments?

[Da Blob]

Someone gave me a compliment the other day. I stared at it for a while as if it were a ticking time bomb. I did not know what to do with it. I thanked the person who gave it to me, of course, but i realized that I have never learned to deal with such rare things in a proper manner. I have troubles with being complimented and I was wondering "Is this an INTP thing or just my own individual quirk?"

There was a time when if someone complimented me, I would avoid that person to the best of my ability. For example, I had a girl friend once tell me she thought I was good-looking, so I dumped her...

 

[Jaico]

I tend to have troubles accepting compliments - it just feels awkward, because I know that I'm not as great as the other person makes me out to be. I used to say, "nah, I'm not that great" all the time, but I've started to 'graciously' accept compliments after someone got miffed over the fact that I didn't accept compliments. It just feels like I'm receiving more attention than I should be...

Still, I don't think I had it as bad as you did, Da Blob - I'd feel awkward, but I certainly wouldn't avoid someone because of a compliment.

 

[Fukyo]

Yes,I have the same problem.

I generally regard compliments as strange and have no idea how to respond to them,and they make me feel awkward. I'm much better in dealing with the opposite - criticism and insults.

I usually end up ignoring the person or muttering a quick 'thanks' while I make my swift exit,the thing being that the other person usually might expect some kind of positive reaction,smile or a returned compliment on my part,which is ehhh....

I think it has a lot to do with a lack of social grace in my case,some shyness and a general lack of awareness and knowledge of societal norms/values,and I don't really like how exaggerated most compliments seem to be.

 

[Invoke Ninja's True Power]

I don't get/give compliments much so I feel weird when I get them. I usually just say an awkward thanks. I am usually amazed when someone actually recognizes I do/did something that would warrant a compliment.

 

[Da Blob]

perhaps i should explain my behavior a bit. I was raised in a household where I was led to believe that I was both ugly and inadequate. I eventually bought into that self-image and my behavior reflected that betrayal of self. I reinforced that low self esteem with inadequate social responses and ugly words to others. The general category being "If you believe you are a piece of shit, you act like one..."
Receiving a compliment as being true would have meant changing my self-image and my behavior. When that girl told me she thought I was good-looking, I just assumed she was lying and I did not hang out with liars...

 

[Ermine]

Compliments make me feel awkward since compliments seem to imply that you have to do something in return. I don't like being forced into such an exchange. I don't have it nearly as bad as Da Blob, but I tend to second guess myself whenever I'm complimented. Did I actually look good in that dress? Did I actually do well in that? Is that art I made high quality? Or is it just pure flattery?

 

[Deleted member 1424]

I always doubt the sincerity of compliments, as if there must be some ulterior motive. This line of thinking probably stems from dealing with my mother, who I'm fairly sure has BPD. She can go from lavishing me with complements to biting insults in an instant, if she is not properly recompensed (in her mind) for her compliments. As a result I tend to dismiss complements as irrelevant, or became stupidly suspicious of them. For some reason, it's far worse if it's someone I respect giving the complement. It makes me uncomfortable and embarrassed.

There was a time when if someone complimented me, I would avoid that person to the best of my ability. For example, I had a girl friend once tell me she thought I was good-looking, so I dumped her...

I never really thought about it, but this is probably why I was so keen to leave my last relationship. He'd say all these amazingly nice things to me; and I just couldn't deal with it. It felt like he put me on a pedestal and wasn't actually seeing me for who I was. In typical INTP fashion I had no idea what to say, and I felt like I had to pay him back somehow.

 

[Agent Intellect]

Compliments make me feel awkward since compliments seem to imply that you have to do something in return. I don't like being forced into such an exchange. I don't have it nearly as bad as Da Blob, but I tend to second guess myself whenever I'm complimented. Did I actually look good in that dress? Did I actually do well in that? Is that art I made high quality? Or is it just pure flattery?

Pretty much describes me. I have like 10 PM's here from people congratulating me for going to college, and I haven't responded to a single one, because I don't even know how I should feel about it much less know what I'd say.

 

[Invoke Ninja's True Power]

Congratulations for going to college! I kinda wish someone would compliment me for not being a college drop out anymore.....j/k. It was definitely a positive thing for me to do. I'm only 3-4 semesters away from an Associates in Science at a part-time pace. I hope I can continue to a 4 year program, I wanna be a man of science!

 

[RubberDucky451]

A compliment is scary for me. I don't usually deem it worthy if the person doesn't have knowledge of what they complimented me on. I would much rather avoid all confrontation with people as possible unless i value their opinion which is rare.

 

[Da Blob]

Pretty much describes me. I have like 10 PM's here from people congratulating me for going to college, and I haven't responded to a single one, because I don't even know how I should feel about it much less know what I'd say.

Shit, A. I. I thought you were a teacher at some college. I sure hope you do not get bored as an undergraduate- that was my failing...

 

[Ermine]

Pretty much describes me. I have like 10 PM's here from people congratulating me for going to college, and I haven't responded to a single one, because I don't even know how I should feel about it much less know what I'd say.

Congratulations, AI! You had it coming. It's a good thing. At the very least, you get to spend time just for learning and there are prospects of a better job.

 

[mfratt]

A lot of people tell me that I'm either a good-to-great photographer and/or bass player, and I'm never really sure how to respond, because in my own mind I'm nowhere near as good as I think I should be. Maybe I'm just harsh on myself, but I usually respond with either an agreeable but awkward "thanks" or something along the lines of "eh, I'm working on it," which sometimes feels even more egotistical and awkward since its kind of saying that I'm not good enough for their complement (even though, as far as I'm concerned, I actually am still "working on it")

 

[walfin]

It's interesting that INTPs don't like compliments because they don't know what to do when they're complimented, not because compliments are bad in and of themselves.

Perhaps INTPs don't place any special significance on compliments; they're just another part of speech, something to be replied to.

Another thing I don't like about compliments - they lead nowhere in a conversation. After you thank the other party for complimenting you, it doesn't usually lead to something interesting to talk about, and it would seem churlish to disagree with a compliment (ah, but if someone insulted you, it'd lead to a good ol' mudslinging verbal brawl).

I don't usually get much in the way of compliments, though, so it's fine.

 

[Cavallier]

Compliments make me feel awkward since compliments seem to imply that you have to do something in return. I don't like being forced into such an exchange.

It's like some sort of reciprocity scale isn't it? I have a similar issue with unwaranted presents. Some people just like giving gifts but I always feel like there is some implied give and take. I actually really rather enjoy giving presents. I just don't like my hand being forced.

I didn't realize I had an issue with compliments until a friend of mine finally shouted, "just take the damn compliment!" at me. Apparently I deflect compliments like I deflect negative criticism.

 

[Trebuchet]

I used to have terrible problems with compliments. For many years, I felt like I was faking my own competence, and people thought I was better than I was. When others saw something praiseworthy, I saw only the flaws. I would dissect compliments to try to determine if they were a) sincere and b) true. I felt like I didn't know what to say or do.

I decided a few years back to stop that, though it wasn't easy. I started by assuming they are always sincere. I don't like to think others are liars, anyway. Then I trained myself to smile and say "Thank you," and not worry about either returning the compliment or discussing it. After a few years of this, I was much more easy with them. I think it was just practice. I got better at giving them, too, as a result.

To most people, a compliment is a small, pleasant, and entirely normal social interaction. It isn't meant to be an analysis of the other person's worth, or pressure to maintain a certain level of performance. Sure, some people are manipulative, but you can usually figure out who they are by other indicators.

 

[Cogwulf]

I don't like being complimented because most of the time I don't understand why the person is complimenting me. Sometimes I can tell that someone is genuinely impressed with something I've done, though I still don't think the thing I did was particularly worthy of compliment. But the rest of the time I don't see why I'm being complimented and it makes me feel suspicious of the persons motives.

Something else I've noticed is that things I do get complimented for are nearly always things that seem mundane to me like learning how to use a machine quickly or how well I build something. The things I do that I think were very good achievements nearly never get complimented. I think this is probably because the things I think deserve compliment will only be appreciated by other NT types who are perhaps unlikely to give compliments

 

[Yellow]

See, girls get stupid little comments all the time.. you look nice, nice hair, nice earings, etc. People mostly say it to have something to say. You give the person a quick scan, find the superficial thing they seemed to put the most effort into that day, and return the compliment. Its like a 'hi, how are ya' for chicks. (at least thats how I've always seen it). The more random compliments though, they are kinda awkward. I just have canned responses. 'Thanks' *make eye contect*, 'oh...' *no eye contact*, 'you're sweet' *make eye contact*, and 'well, thats my job' *no eye contact*, depending on the circumstance. It makes the day a bit easier just to think of them as fillers used by people in order to make you happy.

I can understand your feeling though, Da Blob. If someone compliments me on something I am really sensitive about, I do react negatively. I feel as if I'm being lied to, or worse, patronized.

 

[Salwan]

I also had a hard time accepting compliments, whether I deserve them or not, but eventually, like Trebuchet, I learned how to receive and give compliments, I take extreme care that my emitted compliments are as close to reality as possible so not to make the receiver feel I am exaggerating and hence may find a hard time accepting the compliment or even feel offended.

In conclusion, giving and receiving compliments wasn't really all that bad, it actually is a beautiful thing once you get used to it.

What makes me wonder is how come most INTPs have a problem with it? (based on the current replies)

 

[uth]

yes. But I'll usually either smile, thank the person for complimenting me, and/or return one. Sometimes I'll deflect it. But they'll make me feel most awkward when they are unexpected, or I'm being complimented about something that I don't feel I'm particularly good at.

But if I feel that I deserved the compliment, I'll easily accept it.

 

[Eljua]

On a similar topic, given that it appears to be so difficult for most of us to recieve compliments, is it any easier for any individuals here to hand out compliments, deserved or not?

 

[Da Blob]

On a similar topic, given that it appears to be so difficult for most of us to recieve compliments, is it any easier for any individuals here to hand out compliments, deserved or not?

As opposed to receiving such, I do not feel the least bit threatened by handing out compliments and do so freely and often. Although it is questionable as to whether anyone sees a compliment from me as a thing with any value...

 

[kantor1003]

I also have issues regarding compliments. I get them pretty often, and I can't say my ability to tackle them has improved.

I used to say, "nah, I'm not that great" all the time, but I've started to 'graciously' accept compliments after someone got miffed over the fact that I didn't accept compliments.

Exactly what has happened to me, on several occasions. I have found it best to just say "thanks" as sincere as you possibly can..however, it can quickly turn into some kinda odd silence.. I guess they want me to follow up, which I can't. So I usually change the subject after the silence become unbearable

Question: Is this a phenomena that applies to most humans? Or is it an "intp" thing? I guess people here that don't have any issues with it don't post in this thread...so, it is hard to say.
The reason why I don't like receiving compliments is because most of the time I find them unjustified.. You are your toughest critique.. which apply to me to the greatest degree, unfortunately/fortunately.

 

[citrusbreath95]

I am not good with compliments either, I think sometimes it is just paranoia. For example, if someone comes up to me smiling and comments my hair I get very suspicious and start to wonder what their motives are. Also, I just feel as if too much attention is on me (I sometimes enjoy attention though) but let's say, if a teacher tells the class how great an essay of mine was, I get very embarrased and quite agitated as I know of the faults of the paper and don't truly believe it to be as great as it seems. I suppose I don't enjoy compliments as I can see the faults that someone else had missed and can get annoyed with their ignorant observations (If that makes sense in any way) as if I feel like a phony or something.

 

[ashitaria]

I don't usually have trouble with compliments because I pretend they weren't said in the first place. But usually I am rather pleased with compliments as long as there is a reason for it.

 

[NothingTodo]

I am not good with compliments either, I think sometimes it is just paranoia. For example, if someone comes up to me smiling and comments my hair I get very suspicious and start to wonder what their motives are. Also, I just feel as if too much attention is on me (I sometimes enjoy attention though) but let's say, if a teacher tells the class how great an essay of mine was, I get very embarrased and quite agitated as I know of the faults of the paper and don't truly believe it to be as great as it seems. I suppose I don't enjoy compliments as I can see the faults that someone else had missed and can get annoyed with their ignorant observations (If that makes sense in any way) as if I feel like a phony or something.

I would type this if i was not lazy.

 

[Luminates]

wow, from the results of this thread, we can clearly say it's an intp problem. I myself also have issues in dealing with compliments. At first, I just stand there and think why did he/she just compliment me? then i try to find something to say in return, usually its the obvious.

I do however feel a little happier when ever i get complimented, but it depends on the compliment itself. If it's related to something i'm good at or my best hobby/ skill then i would accept it because it would be something i'm unique at, but if it's something just random, then i would take it almost offensively. Especially if it was said in a sarcastic way.

 

[Dr.Docteur]

Whenever I recieve a compliment I always think that the person who said it has some sort of ulterior motive and so I don't believe them and tend to ignore the comment. But sometimes I do believe it and then I feel really akward.

 

[Irishpenguin]

I'm going to go out on a limb here since the way I deal with complements seems very contradictory to what seems to be happening with most you guys here.

Okay, I just deleted my first two ideas of explaining it. So I guess I'll just bring up one of the most awkwardly, yet uplifting complements I have ever gotten.

One day sophomore year, I was having a horrible day at school and was kind of depressed, I forget why, it may have been just a bad day waking up followed by a ridiculous amount of insults that I let completely get to me.

Anyways...on to the compliment. Okay, horrible day, feeling completely awful constantly putting my head down. It was the last period of the school day, which should have been uplifting in and of itself, but it wasn't. The teacher was helping the class study by asking questions and letting us answer them. As in my depressed state, I gained a little more focus and could retrieve the answers relatively quickly. I was sitting next to a girl that didn't quite know all the right answers but raised her hand on almost every one of them hoping what she thought was the answer would be the right one. Since I was depressed and didn't feel like raising my hand, I decided instead to help the girl out, so I just whispered the answers to help her out after the teacher had repeatedly told her that she was wrong. It was almost time to go and on about the third or fourth whisper she very bluntly stated as I was resting my head back down, "You're smart". Now I have heard this statement before, not too often, but I have heard it, and would never think anything of it on a normal day, but this wasn't a normal day. For some reason, that one compliment was able to completely obliterate all of the insults and depressing thoughts that happened to be on my mind (well most of them anyway) and caused me to react. Using my decrepit body that I had been hauling around all day lookin' all mopey and such, I decided to possibly for the first time all day focus my eyes to talk to someone. I looked her straight in the eyes and said "Thank you". Looking back at that scene, that had to be horridly creepy and I was surprised that she was able to give back a simple "You're welcome". Probably having no idea of how she just changed my day, the bell rang and it was off to the buses, on my way to the bus I felt so much better than I had the entire day.

I guess the reason I wrote this is just to describe how powerful a compliment can be to me given during the right situation and timing.

This was the only idea I could think of having to do with compliments where I could actually make a serious post on it and not just......I don't even know, I'm super tired.....

In fact it probably just comes off and and extremely emotional teenager being over-dramatic, but there's no way I'm deleting it, so sorry if that is how it came off. I also apologize if the story-telling was horrible.

 

[Döden]

I liked your story, Irish, and I doubt anyone would here would find themselves too far removed from this situation.
I can't think of any specific examples but usually if I get a compliment it's on my outfit. I compliment other's clothes easily if I genuinely like what they're wearing. So if they say something to me, I'll say how I like their shoes or something. Thing is, if I don't like anything they have I'll usually do this really sheepish and meek sounding "Aww thank you!" and try to change the subject, and it feels awkward.

 

[Words]

Compliments, to me for some reason, are Trojan horses. Its hard to see if they're sincere or not, or is defining them necessary even? They're definitely a big weakness.

 

[transformers]

Haha, I am uncomfortable compliments too. They just make me embarrassed, and a little skeptical of the motives of the giver. I usually respond by changing the subject.

 

[Firehazard159]

Rather than taint my opinion by reading everyone elses response, I'm going to respond and then reread, so my apologies if I repeat anything that's already been stated, or if I state anything more poorly than someone else already has

I definitely have this issue. Anytime anyone compliments me, I'll usually nod an acceptance or a thank you, but internally I'm assaulting it, trying to figure out why or for what purpose they would say it, or analyze why it matters to even give it in the first place. I ponder if they're fishing for compliments back, if I'm supposed to respond, even though I do not wish to, and the inevitable delay in pondering possibilities and potentials starts to make me irritated that I even received it in the first place.

Most of the time, a compliment comes and I just don't get it, though. It'd be like complimenting a computer for doing what it's supposed to do, is how I see it. I operate within my capabilities, if I managed to exceed what I thought was my limit, a compliment will be appreciated, though. It's actually almost insulting to compliment me on something I could do with my eyes closed, even if it exceeds other peoples natural abilities.

I keep feeling like I'm starting to veer off into a tangent of disliking "thank you's" here too, which is sort accurate and not, not sure I can explain it. But eh... I think I've gotten my point across well enough XD

 

[cheese]

He'd say all these amazingly nice things to me; and I just couldn't deal with it. It felt like he put me on a pedestal and wasn't actually seeing me for who I was.

This is interesting to me, and I relate to it. I think we assume everyone tempers their compliments, or calibrates them to ensure accuracy. Anything effusive is therefore seen as a) a mistake, or b) a self-indulgent exercise in wordplay.

I think though that most people compliment on emotional impulse, not on the result of a detached analysis of worth. So the feeling of 'being impressed' may be greater than analysis would merit. Because we tend to assume b), as we ourselves take great care to be precise, we also make the mistake of instantly assuming insincerity and ulterior motives.

Personally I like 'giving feedback'. I don't like using the word 'compliment' as much, because there seem to be connotations of flattery attached to it, and that's definitely not how I mean it. I was terrible at receiving and giving as a child, but was slowly trained into it by my father. If I thought someone had done well I'd tell him, and he'd say, "Why don't you tell them?" (Inconceivable!) Eventually I got round to it though, and it became easier and easier.

Feedback's useful, and positive feedback can really brighten someone's day. I try to avoid the trap of reciprocation, and anyway I don't 'compliment' unless it's sincere. If it's taken the wrong way that's unfortunate, but I'm happy to take the risk for the chance of helping someone out/making them feel good. I'm not as good at receiving, but when it's something important from someone I respect, it's really special.

With the standard mundane flattery: I find it's useful to just treat it as acknowledgement of your presence. Better to have them making attempts to be nice than nasty, I suppose. It's community-building, and words are used for purposes other than direct communication, so I try to let it go. They may not think you look quite that great, but it demonstrates acceptance. "Hi, you're here, and I'm ok with you."

And as Trebuchet said, the maniuplators can be recognised by other cues.

I really liked Irishpenguin's story - moments like that are precious and shouldn't be scorned.

 

[Irishpenguin]

It's a huge relief to hear that some people enjoyed the story, that post was bothering me all day. And I already deleted all the stuff at the end of it that was uncalled for.

 

[ashitaria]

I must be the only INTP here who isn't bothered by compliments. I'm sure that if anyone here were to compliment me, I'll go like, "Meh, I don't care."

Of course, if someone one were to give me a compliment without any reason or just to, I'll suspect sarcasm or something else.

Are compliments really that awkward to bear? I mean, I won't mind being complimented. Is being complimented smart really that awkward?
(Then again, I receive lots of compliments from school so I'm probably otherwise used to it.)

And anyway, compliments don't change who you are. I receive compliments from people all the time, and I don't even believe them.
Self-contradiction sucks.

 

[bluesquid]

I used to have terrible problems with compliments. For many years, I felt like I was faking my own competence, and people thought I was better than I was. When others saw something praiseworthy, I saw only the flaws. I would dissect compliments to try to determine if they were a) sincere and b) true. I felt like I didn't know what to say or do.

I decided a few years back to stop that, though it wasn't easy. I started by assuming they are always sincere. I don't like to think others are liars, anyway. Then I trained myself to smile and say "Thank you," and not worry about either returning the compliment or discussing it. After a few years of this, I was much more easy with them. I think it was just practice. I got better at giving them, too, as a result.

To most people, a compliment is a small, pleasant, and entirely normal social interaction. It isn't meant to be an analysis of the other person's worth, or pressure to maintain a certain level of performance. Sure, some people are manipulative, but you can usually figure out who they are by other indicators.

Sheesh, you people are demented. I say that lovingly. Trebuchet, you slung this one out of the park!

Spoiler

see what I did there?

You INTP's just have to have the correct model in mind. Compliments are overt manipulation. Yes. They can be detrimental to some scary abstract undiscovered part of you. yes.

Once again, you give the other person power. "What is this spell you speak? It makes my brain all weak in the knees!"

If you dont understand that every person you know, even your distant father has some agenda in mind, then stop reading. People try to manipulate you. dont let them. Take the compliment as gracious as you can, but dont let it paralyze you. Use that glorious brain to assess whats going on around you.

If I knew you in Real life, and I knew the effect compliments have on you, I might have some fun with it. More sinister people might use it against you.

 

[Adymus]

Sheesh, you people are demented. I say that lovingly. Trebuchet, you slung this one out of the park!

Spoiler

see what I did there?

You INTP's just have to have the correct model in mind. Compliments are overt manipulation. Yes. They can be detrimental to some scary abstract undiscovered part of you. yes.

Once again, you give the other person power. "What is this spell you speak? It makes my brain all weak in the knees!"

If you dont understand that every person you know, even your distant father has some agenda in mind, then stop reading. People try to manipulate you. dont let them. Take the compliment as gracious as you can, but dont let it paralyze you. Use that glorious brain to assess whats going on around you.

If I knew you in Real life, and I knew the effect compliments have on you, I might have some fun with it. More sinister people might use it against you.

Bwahahaha!

Dude, just because you are an INFJ doesn't mean we all are.

We don't all have agendas in mind, many of us do (Specifically Js), but the rest of us are just genuinely appreciating a person. I suppose your advice is good none the less, you should be aware of the manipulative power a compliment has, but that doesn't mean you should always be suspicious with the person who is complimenting you, especially if they have nothing at stake.


This really is hilarious though, social ritual spell casting is a tactic right out of the INFJ arsenal, and not only are you familiar with it, and guarding yourself against, you engage in it too.

The evidence is really stacking up on you Bluesquid.

 

[bluesquid]

Bwahahaha!

Dude, just because you are an INFJ doesn't mean we all are.

We don't all have agendas in mind, many of us do (Specifically Js), but the rest of us are just genuinely appreciating a person. I suppose your advice is good none the less, you should be aware of the manipulative power a compliment has, but that doesn't mean you should always be suspicious with the person who is complimenting you, especially if they have nothing at stake.


This really is hilarious though, social ritual spell casting is a tactic right out of the INFJ arsenal, and not only are you familiar with it, and guarding yourself against, you engage in it too.

The evidence is really stacking up on you Bluesquid.

lol, columbo over here.

"but that doesn't mean you should always be suspicious with the person who is complimenting you, especially if they have nothing at stake."

kinda what I said

I yearn to understand all. Just because my systems advise a broader world does not make me of that ilk.

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

cliche I know, but apt

 

[Trebuchet]

Sheesh, you people are demented. I say that lovingly. Trebuchet, you slung this one out of the park!

Since you are calling people demented (which is kind of mean), you must have a broader agenda.

The pun was pretty good, though.

If I knew you in Real life, and I knew the effect compliments have on you, I might have some fun with it. More sinister people might use it against you.

I am not sure how sinister you are, but the sinister people I have met have clearly been far worse than you. Sinister people exploit every weakness people have, and everyone has weaknesses. It is wrong to do so.

You made it clear in another thread that you enjoy exploiting the common weaknesses of INTPs. That is also wrong to do.

 

[bluesquid]

Im not sinister. But Its in my best interest to see everything as if I were. I just want to be prepared.

And i dont have any agenda other than opening you wall flowers into full blossom.

 

[Trebuchet]

I'm so glad you are not sinister. Of course, a sinister person would say that.

A couple of posts back, you were criticizing people for not seeing that everyone, "even your distant father, has some agenda in mind." You, of course, don't have any more of an agenda than improving the social lives of INTPs. Okay, if you say so.

 

[Darby]

I enjoy compliments, that doesn't mean that they aren't unbelievably awkward, but they are a nice thing to say, and I take them as such. I tend to give far less compliments than I receive, I think this may have something to do with the "if you were going to do whatever you did, you should have done it because you wanted to, not because you wanted compliments" and because if you did it then you did, if you didn't I'd still think the same of you, you are who you are, regardless of what I say or think about it.

 

[echoplex]

When I was younger, I would tend to reject compliments, and I would respond by basically telling them they were wrong. I have come to realize that doing so probably kinda pisses off the complimenter. To have the thought and generosity to offer someone a compliment, only to be told it's flat out wrong -- I can see how that would irk someone.

I've resolved to simply accept all compliments, even if they're wrong. I'll simply be more aware of their wrongness, but I won't let that be a burden to the other person. It's not their fault I suck or have low self-esteem/whatever. I'll also use them to become more aware of how I come off to others. I've always been pretty oblivious to how others perceive me, and compliments can help me realize that maybe people don't all hate me after all.

And I kinda think that people who have trouble accepting compliments (i.e. me) should probably reassess their own worth and their ideas about modesty. For one, if you've put forth effort for something and you get complimented for it, I think it's perfectly fine to say something like "thank you for noticing." There's nothing wrong with recognizing your own awesomeness. Far better than not being awesome at all, amirite?

Though, one caveat. It can be tempting to fall in love with others' compliments toward you, to the point where you become complacent due to excessive perceived awesomeness. You have to remember that it's just one stupid comment, and it (probably) didn't come from someone omniscient. Get over yourself, basically.

But do love yourself. You're a wonderful person and you need to realize that already, stupid. That's why I'm telling you for the nth time. Get with it.

 

[truthseeker72]

I agree with Echoplex that accepting compliments is one of those unwritten rules of social etiquette. By discrediting the compliment, you also discredit the person giving the compliment. The impulse to look for underlying motives is strong, but if you care at all about getting along with people, just say "thank you" when complimented, and deposit in your memory bank.

 

[Adymus]

lol, columbo over here.

"but that doesn't mean you should always be suspicious with the person who is complimenting you, especially if they have nothing at stake."

kinda what I said

No, this is what you said:

If you dont understand that every person you know, even your distant father has some agenda in mind, then stop reading. People try to manipulate you. dont let them

See the difference? I said not everyone has an Agenda, and you said everyone has an agenda. Pretty big difference.

I yearn to understand all. Just because my systems advise a broader world does not make me of that ilk.

In your case, it actually does mean that.

And i dont have any agenda other than opening you wall flowers into full blossom.

Intending to Shepherd people into you own personal design is a pretty fucking huge agenda.
It's such a shame you are focusing this much into trying to sculpt INTPs into INFJs, if you only had an inclination of what you are and what you are doing, you would be able to do so much more in this world.

 

[Darby]

Wow, I missed a HUGE part of the conversation, good thing the forum retains posts so I can still have a good laugh

 

[LAM]

I don't see whats wrong with compliments?? Its just someone being nice to you. Or pretending. You shouldn't care in either case, most of the time its supposed to make you feel good Then you guys ruin it by suspicously staring or evading a person who thought good of you . Even if they didn't mean it, why the hell do you care. (Except if it was sarcastic and mean, if it was it would be pretty obvious in any case.)

 

[bluesquid]

No, this is what you said:
See the difference? I said not everyone has an Agenda, and you said everyone has an agenda. Pretty big difference.


In your case, it actually does mean that.


Intending to Shepherd people into you own personal design is a pretty fucking huge agenda.
It's such a shame you are focusing this much into trying to sculpt INTPs into INFJs, if you only had an inclination of what you are and what you are doing, you would be able to do so much more in this world.

Why cant I just be lazy. Why do I have to spell it out?


yes I said that every person has an agenda. Everyone does. Aside from that dont look at compliments as inherently bad. They dont always reflect an agenda. "Use your glorius brain" to determine if an agenda is being played.

One way in which Im sure Im an INTP, is one weakness that has pervaded my life. My tendency not to hold the listeners hand. My tendency to let them infer based on my statements my full meaning.

And how old are you? This constant slandering of me as an INTJ, or anything else, is a cop out. Im 35, and have known I was a INTP since '94 or so? I have taken the test and studied my types weakness for years. I have seen the light. Im not in the INTP cave anymore, yet still one. My only agenda is to help others see options.

 

[LAM]

The only times "underlying motives" of compliments should trouble you is if you have a job that depends o you knowing everything about that person's motives. Which generally if you aren't a diplomat or some kind of investigator shouldn't matter