Re: What Gender Are You Internally?
Back on topic there are currently 0 votes for 100% female. Why do you think that is? I'm almost tempted to put that as my vote for fun.
I think it might be because there are more male than female INTPs. Also, the wording won't allow me to feel comfortable responding. My sex is definitely female, but gender is a sort of vague idea to me. I also wonder if female INTPs leave online interactions more frequently.
There's a White House commission for women and girls but none for boys/men. That really says it all.
As for sexual assault, again it's mostly just an easy path to fame/attention for young women. Actual rape is nearly nonexistent on college campuses. Plus last time I checked, getting wasted, hooking up with a stranger, and then crying rape days/weeks/months later is 99% the woman's fault. Every time I read about one of these alleged "victims" I want to ask them: If you didn't want to have sex, why did you consume alcohol to begin with? It's the best way to impair your judgement and lower your sexual inhibitions. You could have just gone to the party and not consumed someone else's jungle juice (w/Everclear and who knows what else). It's just a big scam. But it wins political points.
These are cliched ideas which frequently correspond with incidents of sexual harassment and discrimination, and they are also concepts that have been repeated literally since ancient history. I've met one female narcissist who wouldn't hesitate to lie about anyone or anything in order to get her way, and triangulation is a frequent tactic employed by malignant narcissists. Malignant narcissists feed off of attention and somatic narcissists can both uphold the idea of having limitless sexual magnetism and secure narcissistic supply through allegations of rape. But these patterns
hardly indicate that most rape and harassment is non-existent. They are exceptions. Most people don't have NPD. I've also met about 3 male narcissists who would do the same sorts of things in order to secure narcissistic supply via different methods. A lot of that sneaky, underhanded stuff that is done as a disproportionate reaction to a slight flows through formal policy. However, that doesn't mean that the ideas behind formal policies are wrong. I have several friends who had to recover from PTSD created by violent boyfriends, and I witness both physical and mental violence very regularly in my
alley. Almost all of the violence is against women. Although, yes, it is loud and the cops do come by rather frequently, and yes, these women have to reach out for a lot of help afterward if they want to stay alive, but they have not achieved fame. In fact, they must live with the stigmas brought about by common ideas in quotes like this, and they must endure the loss of friendships due to the emotional stumbling blocks set before them. I lost a couple of friends who went into downward spirals after being stalked, being in verbally abusive relationships, being with irresponsible, dead-beat partners, etc. I have
never had a straight male friend who was in a relationship like that, and I like dudes. I had one boyfriend who came close, but that was it. He was a rarity.
I have to respectfully disagree with Proxy's comment about borderline personality disorder being incurable, since I am inclined to think it too often seems to be a natural response to narcissistic abuse. It's almost always diagnosed in young women, homosexuals and racial minorities. It was a model created within a sexist society that believes things like the above quote. But I am about 70% convinced that malignant narcissism, which can be mixed with other disorders, isn't curable at this stage. That one is a disease of denial about one's own imperfections, so it seems unlikely to go away. When I meet narcissists years down the road, they are almost always up to the same old tricks (lying for the sake of lying, entitled, limited empathy, subtle put-downs, impulsive, etc.). But most people have to deal with identity crises, dependency issues, and feeling hopeless, anxious or alienated when they are young, as is often described in BPD. I have a big problem with how trendy both of these memes are becoming among middle aged soccer moms, but this isn't the time or place for that. Let me just say, I think women's studies and this shaky psychological theorizing benefit from being separately identified.
Back to the topic: saying that someone "asked for it" when they are doing what the in-group does (the rapists went to the party too, obviously, and so did a lot of random, uninvolved people) implies that the person is a mere intruder into the in-group's territory, and that the in-group, the main group in power, is entitled to control, to comment on, and to suppress signs of unsubmissiveness in the people who "should" have less power. This isn't usually a conscious process and it doesn't just happen at parties. I have to deal with this cultural attitude every day when I walk down the street without a man. If I'm with a man, I get left alone (usually). When I'm not, or when I'm with another woman, suddenly all these people who feel entitled to decide who I am, or who she is, will pop up out of the background. I've also had to deal with this at work and school. It's undeniable. Just because you haven't personally experienced it doesn't mean it isn't real. It would
literally be impossible for you to have personally experienced it if you are either male or a woman who isn't capable of noticing or isn't in a position to be affected by it, and commenting on it in a casual setting when it's impossible for you to have experienced it is not a good idea.
These types of ideas, along with believing things like women are consumed with their body image and need to look a certain way, can only get one into trouble over time. You seem nice and sensible in posts that aren't about gender, so I thought I'd take time out of my day to write about it. Obesity is a problem, sure, but targeting women specifically implies an attempt to control an out-group in an unempathetic manner. I have done and written some really uninformed, embarrassing stuff in my life that I now realize invited trouble for good reasons, and as someone who has done that and will no doubt continue to do that by accident, I'm just saying... I think that holding these sorts of biases about a federally protected class of people is inviting serious trouble into your life and for good reasons. Only last semester, the entire school all took a review of what is and is not sexual harassment and what is and is not consent to have sex. If a person is not able to give a definitive "yes," such as when they are unconscious or heavily intoxicated, then it cannot be established that sexual advances are welcome. The common party and alcohol example was directly and repeatedly addressed.
Here's my bottom line:
no one is entitled to tell me or my community who I am aside from me- especially not someone who literally isn't capable of experiencing what I have. There are moments in life in which we have all experienced discrimination for
something, and therefore we can and should try to empathize with discriminated peoples. Power is fluid but a basic principle like this can prevent unnecessary suffering and injustice regardless of how power may shift at any point in the future. It just works best for everyone in the long run.
The fact that people who aren't women are trying to tell us who we are and who we need to be, should let you know that this is still a very serious problem in our society. I'm a tired of it, personally. In real life, I wouldn't tolerate being told that I am an "attention seeking female" or that I am acting a certain way in response to a lack of empathy, due to "hormones" or any other of a dozen common comments. You just shouldn't do it. It's trouble, and there's a pretty sensible reason why it's trouble too.
Also, people in the parking lot of my college get raped or attacked at knife-point all the time! It happened last year like 3 times! I frequently get sexual assault "warnings" with descriptions of suspects from my old college too, but people in that area are inclined to do it at gun-point.