The INTPf High Court of Justice

[TheScornedReflex]

The HabitatDoc is such a good person for bringing the truth forward for us to learn.. Wait, your my lawyer !! Also, my mummy slash client is pleading that the judge is not that honorable. At all. And should ignore anything she says as a lawyer. Its her mental health you see. In her lucid moments she expresses her guilt for the crime. And her true feelings towards the judge. They are not the nice ones!!

Here is her written confession:

Dear Peepz of da cort.

I donez the crime. I have lernt the eror ofz ma wayz. My bad.

Yourz truly

TheScorn JennyWocky

 

[Jennywocky]

Oh dear. I hope I wasn't drinking again.

*looks at all the empty cough syrup bottles in the trash*

 

[TheScornedReflex]

*Cough* Judge, where are you? Anyone for some free evidence? There is a lot of cool stuff back there!

 

[walfin]

And can I say, that's the most amazing combover I've ever seen? Your head of hair is almost virile today. Yum! Who picked your tie, your honour? It goes with your robe so beautifully.

Didn't you pick my tie this morning? You make me feel young again...

Drat...I mean...ahem. Order in the court.

If it would please this honorable court, I would like to announce my intent to adopt my adversary, my fellow jury member, and my defendent (all of whom happen to be the same person, isn't that serendiptious?) as my own flesh-and-born child. Which might seem like a biological impossibility, but doesn't love transcend all feeble rationalities?

I'm doing my best, but I don't know what might happen if you fall into her dreadful hands!

*Flips book* Darn, I thought only defendants were allowed to prove they were insane.

*raps gavel* Move along, counsel. We'll decide this during closing.

*Cough* Judge, where are you? Anyone for some free evidence? There is a lot of cool stuff back there!

Oh, if it's evidence I'll have to taste it to know!

*glee*

thehabitatdoctor, you too!

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Oh, if it's evidence I'll have to taste it to know!

*glee*

thehabitatdoctor, you too!

I'm symmetrically excited!

Spoiler

​

 

[Jennywocky]

*whooooaaaaaa*

Who left all that powdered sugar in the evidence room? it smells like detergent when I snort it, yet makes my head all buzzy at the same time....my nossseeee is soooo cleeeaaaaannnn!!!!!!

*giggle*

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Hey mummy! Gimme some of that sugar powder!!

 

[walfin]

Right, now's a good time for TheScornedReflex to cross examine Jenny.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

There are worse places to go than Hawaii.

Although someone else's cash on the barrelhead makes any place a win.



until, uh, well, we don't have any more plunder to protect.

There is no place on Earth like a Court of Justice where one may find as many purloiners, pushers, pickpockets and possible purse thieves. How long do you plan to hold on to your plunder?

"Is it safe?"

Of course -- I know exactly where it is!

I think I saw @TheScornedReflex stealing away with it yesterday evening.

He was a decoy.

Wait, no, I mean yes, uh, TSR has the money! I wouldn't know where it was. I gave it all to him!

What say you?! I have plenty more evidence mummy dearest/ and lawyer.. And client.


Also, where were you between the hours of... Uhhhh. Err, when did the crime go down? OBJECTION!! Wait. Never mind. She hasn't answered yet.

... Also, also. Why have I not seen any of this money yet.. I want an allowance!!

 

[Jennywocky]

I have plenty more evidence mummy dearest/ and lawyer.. And client.

Stay out of my underwear drawers!

Also, where were you between the hours of... Uhhhh. Err, when did the crime go down? OBJECTION!! Wait. Never mind. She hasn't answered yet.

You seem to be doing just fine making up answers. Maybe I'll sit this one out, unless a question comes up that's big enough to tear me away from Wheel of Fortune.

... Also, also. Why have I not seen any of this money yet.. I want an allowance!!

Pick up your clothes and do the dishes, and we will talk.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Stay out of my underwear drawers!

But then how am I going to get evidence.. And BAP, stop sending my mummy love letters!!

You seem to be doing just fine making up answers. Maybe I'll sit this one out, unless a question comes up that's big enough to tear me away from Wheel of Fortune.

Yussss. . . . That wasn't a compliment was it?

Pick up your clothes and do the dishes, and we will talk.

But.. *slumps shoulders and trudges off to do the dishes* Stupid dishes!

 

[walfin]

But then how am I going to get evidence.. And BAP, stop sending my mummy love letters!!

Yeah...BAP! What's with you?

*Starts burning some letters under the table*

But.. *slumps shoulders and trudges off to do the dishes* Stupid dishes!

OK while he's doing that, next witness, Jenny dearest.

 

[Jennywocky]

OK while he's doing that, next witness, Jenny dearest.

Thank you, your most honorable honorableness.

Jesus Christ (joint citizen of Nazareth + the Heavenlies), would you please approach the stand?


Also on my witness list for today:
- Madame Curie
- Robert Sean Leonard
- Cthulhu, Master of Water and Devourer of Humanity ("Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!")
- Mr. Manfredjinsinjin of Leeds, England
- Snarf of Thundara
- The Giving Tree
- George C. Scott
- plague survivors of middle-15th-century France [this one could take a few afternoons]
- my half-eaten poppy-seed and garlic bagel with lox


Edit: oh yeah. And Cheese.

 

[walfin]

Thank you, your most honorable honorableness.

Jesus Christ (joint citizen of Nazareth + the Heavenlies), would you please approach the stand?

Dismissed for lack of address for service of subpoena, per Ernie Chambers v God http://www.wowt.com/news/headlines/31014729.html.

Next.

Also on my witness list for today:
- Madame Curie
- Robert Sean Leonard
- Cthulhu, Master of Water and Devourer of Humanity ("Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!")
- Mr. Manfredjinsinjin of Leeds, England
- Snarf of Thundara
- The Giving Tree
- George C. Scott
- plague survivors of middle-15th-century France [this one could take a few afternoons]
- my half-eaten poppy-seed and garlic bagel with lox

Jenny is directed to serve subpoenas on all of the foregoing. They shall appear in court by today*, or Jenny shall get another spanking. (rubs hands in glee)

*I deliberately left an ambiguity here.

Edit: oh yeah. And [mention]cheese[/mention].

Dammit, what happened to the Mention tag!

How do I summon anyone like this!

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Yell really loudly?

 

[Jennywocky]

*I deliberately left an ambiguity here.

...Not to mention the assumption that I would want to avoid a spanking.

Yell really loudly?

CHEESE

 

[BigApplePi]

Yell really loudly?

SCRUM

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

*snores loudly*
*head falls forward into a puddle of his own drool*

WUUAAAAAAHHHHH!!! *shakes*
Whoops. Sorry.

 

[Jennywocky]

*snores loudly*
*head falls forward into a puddle of his own drool*

WUUAAAAAAHHHHH!!! *shakes*
Whoops. Sorry.

Uhhhhh... while I'm looking for Robert Sean Leonard, I'm gonna call thehabitatdoctor to the stand.



and hand him a $20 bill.

 

[Cognisant]

SCRUM

*tackle*

 

[walfin]

*Grabs the ball which flies out of BAP's hand*

OK, let's have thehabitatdoctor on the stand until cheese comes.

*Throws ball at thehabitatdoctor*

 

[BigApplePi]

OK, let's have thehabitatdoctor on the stand until cheese comes.

*Throws ball at thehabitatdoctor*

@thehabitatdoctor. Okay. Where were you on the night of Oct 31, 2007?

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Where were you on the night of Oct 31, 2007?

I woke up in a puddle of my own drool at approximately 3pm and went to work the evening (4-10pm) at Formerly Bankrupt American Retail Megachain. After my shift, I observed a curious person in a gorilla suit doing jumping jacks in the parking lot on the way to my car. In the background, directly behind this person, a car exploded in a gasoline-fueled mushroom cloud, tires screeched, and a speeding car began barreling out of the parking lot. I jumped into my car and gave chase.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

More, more!!!!

 

[Jennywocky]

Well, I am a idiot and I do love me a mango..

More, more!!!!

Your honor, if it please the court, I would like to submit these two posts as Exhibit 23 and Exhibit 329a.

In exhibit 23, we have a clear admission of the strained mental faculties of this particular suspect, as well as osbsessive and unnatural affections for certain tropical fruits that I suggest might have been projected onto the victim of this hideous crime.

In Exhibit 329a, we also have a clear example of the suspect unable to contain his own insatiable anti-social desires, to the point where he is willing to place unreasonable demands upon this esteemed community and not even look after his own health with these gluttonous demands of "more, more."

Providing the court of such evidence of instability and sociopathic behavior grieves me as I have recently adopted the suspect as my own child, so I hope it pleases you to recognize the sacrifices I make in the name of justice and to be lenient toward my pain, even if not toward the guilt of the culprit.

 

[walfin]

Your honor, if it please the court, I would like to submit these two posts as Exhibit 23 and Exhibit 329a.

In exhibit 23, we have a clear admission of the strained mental faculties of this particular suspect, as well as osbsessive and unnatural affections for certain tropical fruits that I suggest might have been projected onto the victim of this hideous crime.

In Exhibit 329a, we also have a clear example of the suspect unable to contain his own insatiable anti-social desires, to the point where he is willing to place unreasonable demands upon this esteemed community and not even look after his own health with these gluttonous demands of "more, more."

Providing the court of such evidence of instability and sociopathic behavior grieves me as I have recently adopted the suspect as my own child, so I hope it pleases you to recognize the sacrifices I make in the name of justice and to be lenient toward my pain, even if not toward the guilt of the culprit.

At this point, I think it is clear that the prosecution has admitted that the defendant is insane. Since the defendant is insane, he's not guilty. The proceedings are struck out.



Congratulations, TheScornedReflex, you're acquitted. I'm keeping you in the observation ward next door for monitoring though.

The people from the asylum are coming in a jiffy.

Jenny is given leave to appeal. Appeals will be heard by me as well, of course.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

At this point, I think it is clear that the prosecution has admitted that the defendant is insane. Since the defendant is insane, he's not guilty. The proceedings are struck out.



Congratulations, TheScornedReflex, you're acquitted. I'm keeping you in the observation ward next door for monitoring though.

The people from the asylum are coming in a jiffy.

Jenny is given leave to appeal. Appeals will be heard by me as well, of course.

Wooooooooo! Victory dance..


And Jenny.. Looooossssseeeerrrrrr!!!

So, uh, what did I win?

 

[walfin]

Wooooooooo! Victory dance..


And Jenny.. Looooossssseeeerrrrrr!!!

Yo' Mama

So, uh, what did I win?

An all expenses paid trip to a place of utter joy, with free healthcare provided for life!

Damn, where's the ambulance from the asylum, hurry up...

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Damn, where's the ambulance from the asylum, hurry up...

Oh... Whoops.

*Loads telazol, aims, and fires at Reflex*

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Oh... Whoops.

*Loads telazol, aims, and fires at Reflex*

*catches dart on his tounge before passing out*

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Damn. I never knew he could stretch like THAT

Spoiler

given what I was aiming for.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

What can I say. . You are just a bad shot

 

[Jennywocky]

What can I say. . You are just a bad shot

*trips TSR while he's talking*

Got 'im.

 

[walfin]

Damn. I never knew he could stretch like THAT

Spoiler

given what I was aiming for.

He's got a powerful tongue, it reaches to the far reaches of...everywhere.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

He's got a powerful tongue, it reaches to the far reaches of...everywhere.

All the ladies say it's a blessing . Ohhhhh yeeaaaah.

 

[QuickTwist]

There is evidence that there were too many cats....

 

[TimeAsylums]

what the fuck goes on in this place >_<
*attempts clicking new posts button*
oh shit im trapped in the loony bin
*clicks backspace*
*reverts back to this page*
...great.

 

[Jennywocky]

Your honor...
.... Exhibit 12.


I think he is entirely self-explanatory.

 

[TimeAsylums]

objection.

on what grounds?

...uh..

 

[Jennywocky]

On grounds of preliminary ruling 2.718281828459, of course, dealing with infractal contributions to infarcical confabulations...!

"If the exhibiting witness cannot concur with the indelibility of conforming to the collective legal proclivity, his expository offering is partially stricken from public vascillation. HOWEVER, if the exhibiting witness CAN concur to a perplexing degree that his prevarication was irrelevant to the statistical variance of the defendent's assertion, then the court shall be momentarily adjourned until further relevance can be established beyond unreasonable doubt, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... e pluribus unum, memo bis punitor delicatum! See Section 1.22.9182.2.598a,c,d, and z and reference court case Fizzilifter vs Scrumdiddleyumpsher."

Didn't we just cover this last week?

 

[TimeAsylums]

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OMG COOL A PYRAMID!!!!!!!!!!!

hm. I see.

 

[Jennywocky]

Your honor, the exhibit made a made a recursive time loop out of this court.

We are now fated to relive these posts, over and over. This is cruel and unusual punishment.

 

[TimeAsylums]

THAT'S ALL CONJECTURE!!

should the defendant, or your honor himself, believe in reincarnation than what's the difference!!!

 

[Jennywocky]

THAT'S ALL CONJECTURE!!

should the defendant, or your honor himself, believe in reincarnation than what's the difference!!!

I didn't say it wasn't AMUSING cruel and unusual punishment.

 

[walfin]

There is evidence that there were too many cats....

Who are you suing for too many cats?

what the fuck goes on in this place >_<
*attempts clicking new posts button*
oh shit im trapped in the loony bin
*clicks backspace*
*reverts back to this page*
...great.

It was TheScornedReflex who was supposed to be in the loony bin.

But you can stay there too. There's room for more!

On grounds of preliminary ruling 2.718281828459, of course, dealing with infractal contributions to infarcical confabulations...!

"If the exhibiting witness cannot concur with the indelibility of conforming to the collective legal proclivity, his expository offering is partially stricken from public vascillation. HOWEVER, if the exhibiting witness CAN concur to a perplexing degree that his prevarication was irrelevant to the statistical variance of the defendent's assertion, then the court shall be momentarily adjourned until further relevance can be established beyond unreasonable doubt, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... e pluribus unum, memo bis punitor delicatum! See Section 1.22.9182.2.598a,c,d, and z and reference court case Fizzilifter vs Scrumdiddleyumpsher."

Didn't we just cover this last week?

Incredibly wise and learned!

But pearls before . Totally lost on TimeAsylums.

Nevertheless, the principles elucidated can clearly be applied to resolve the issue of the infinite loop.

[BIMG]http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/ayzek/ayzek1105/ayzek110500017/9522883-gavel-and-sound-block.jpg[/BIMG]

Judgment delivered. The answer is clear.

 

[QuickTwist]

Who are you suing for too many cats?.

You misunderstand. I don't want to sue anyone for too many cats, I want to make a law that there can't be too many cats.

1 cats: acceptable
2 cats: acceptable
3 cats: it will be documented
4 cats: verbal warnings will be given and it will be documented
5 cats: verbal and written warnings will be given and it will be documented
more then 5 cats: the individuals will be put in cat jail and it will be documented.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Your judginess.

I believe we have a infidel in our court room today. Too many cats?! What sort of mockery is this?! The more cats you have the better the sweater is gonna be! Duh..

 

[Jennywocky]

You misunderstand. I don't want to sue anyone for too many cats, I want to make a law that there can't be too many cats.

1 cats: acceptable
2 cats: acceptable
3 cats: it will be documented
4 cats: verbal warnings will be given and it will be documented
5 cats: verbal and written warnings will be given and it will be documented
more then 5 cats: the individuals will be put in cat jail and it will be documented.

Isn't a group of 5 or more cats officially called a kittenkaboodle?

 

[QuickTwist]

Your judginess.

I believe we have a infidel in our court room today. Too many cats?! What sort of mockery is this?! The more cays you have the better the sweater is gonna be! Duh..

"The more cays you have the better the sweater is gonna be? I'm not sure I understand your case. Could you explain it further?"

 

[Jennywocky]

"The more cays you have the better the sweater is gonna be? I'm not sure I understand your case. Could you explain it further?"

Not "case". SWEATER.

(We make our cases from alligators.)