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The INTPf High Court of Justice

walfin

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#1
WHEREAS
the netizens of INTPf have no forum in the forum in which their grievances may be redressed;
there is criminal punishment dispensed in Crime & Punishment but there is no way of enforcing civil rights and righting civil wrongs; and
a Court of competent jurisdiction capable of dispensing justice with suitable pomp and pageantry would do the world of INTPs a World of Good,

NOW THEREFORE I, a fine upstanding Walfin of INTPf, of sufficiently good standing and exhibiting in true INTPf fashion a complete disregard for established social order by making a proclamation without having first sought the Blessing of the Mods, do hereby proclaim as follows:-

1. This proclamation shall be cited as the Proclamation.

2. There shall be a High Court of Justice established in this thread (hereinafter the "Court").

3. The Court shall have the jurisdiction and power to hear any dispute arising between any netizens of INTPf, any petition, any interlocutory matters arising in the course of any action before the court, and any other matters whatsoever (hereinafter "Other Rubbish").

4. The Court may take directions from any person on INTPf, including but not limited to a Mod, at its sole and absolute discretion.

5. Procedure in the Court shall be governed by the following Rules of Court:-

Rules of Court
A. Pleadings (inter partes)
I. A suit may be commenced by any number of litigants against any number of other litigants by way of writ of summons.
II. A writ of summons shall state clearly the parties to the dispute and, for each party, whether it is a plaintiff, defendant or neither. For the avoidance of doubt, any party to a suit who is neither a plaintiff nor defendant shall be referred to as a busybody (collectively "busybodies").
III. A writ of summons shall set out the complaint of the plaintiffs against the defendants in a statement of claim, which shall specifically plead all the facts necessary which, if proven, shall conclusively establish the liability of the defendants.
IV. Defendants shall file a defence, upon the filing of a writ of summons against them, by a deadline which shall be determined at the Court's sole and absolute discretion, failing which summary judgment may be granted against them.
V. Upon the filing of a defence, the suit shall proceed to trial.
VI. The Court's judgment shall be binding on all plaintiffs, defendants and busybodies to a suit.

B. Petitions (ex parte)
I. Any aggrieved party may file a petition to the Court in respect of any matter whatsoever.
II.The Court's judgment shall be binding on whosoever it deems fit.

C. Interlocutory motions
I. Any party to any matter before the Court may make an interlocutory motion in respect of any procedural matter in any suit or petition before the Court.
II. The Court may make any order it deems fit in respect of any interlocutory motion.

D. Other Rubbish
I. Any other matter brought before the Court not within the ambit of the aforegoing Rules of Court shall be deemed to be Other Rubbish.
II. The Court may take cognizance of Other Rubbish in any way it deems fit, if it wishes.
III. For the avoidance of doubt, Other Rubbish includes appeals and attempts to appeal.

E. Conversions
I. The Court may order the conversion of any action before it to any other type of action before it at any time (to a suit, petition, motion, or Other Rubbish).
II. Any attempt to resist such an order shall be prima facie an abuse of process.

F. Summary Judgment
I. The Court may grant summary judgment in respect of any matter before it in favour of any person, for default of pleadings, contravention of the Rules of Court or the Proclamation, abuse of process, or any other reason whatsoever.

G. Trial
I. Trials shall be conducted in open court.
II. The conduct of all trial proceedings, including the examination of witnesses, shall be at the Court's sole discretion.
III. The Court may convene juries as it deems fit, the composition and manner of deliberation of which shall be at its sole discretion, or matters may be decided by the Judge, Walfin.
IV. The Court shall have the power to punish for contempt at its sole discretion.
V. No judgment of the Court, whether a summary judgment or a verdict at the end of a trial, shall have any practical effect whatsoever and shall not compel the Mods to act except when they, in their sole discretion, decide to follow it.

6. Any matter not covered by the Proclamation or Rules of Court shall be determined by Walfin, the Judge, at Walfin's sole discretion.

7. The Proclamation and Rules of Court may be amended at Walfin's sole discretion.
 

Cognisant

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#2


We have no laws.
 

walfin

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#4


The Court v Jennywocky

CONTEMPT!!! Naughty girl, you deserve a spanking.

Sentenced to whatever she attempted to sentence Cognisant to, for usurping the authority of the Court.

The Court v Cognisant

Sentenced to another 50 years for egregious contempt just to establish that there's no double jeopardy protection in this court.

Pursuant to section 4 of the Proclamation, Jennywocky's sentence still applies.
 

TheScornedReflex

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#5
*Puts on shades and long collar trench coat before attempting to slip out unnoticed*
 

walfin

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#6
*Puts on shades and long collar trench coat before attempting to slip out unnoticed*
There, there. You aren't scorned here.

In Re TheScornedReflex

Converted to a petition for tender loving care pursuant to Order E Rule I.

Summary judgment: rewarded with a pat on the head.

:babytap:
 

TheScornedReflex

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#7
There, there. You aren't scorned here.

In Re TheScornedReflex

Converted to a petition for tender loving care pursuant to Order E Rule I.

Summary judgment: rewarded with a pat on the head.

:babytap:

:auburn:
 

Architect

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#9
These proceedings are highly improper. I propose we elect a subcommittee to formulate a plan for eventual transition from anarchy to a judicial system. I nominate myself.
 

Etheri

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#10
These proceedings are highly improper. I propose we elect a subcommittee to formulate a plan for eventual transition from anarchy to a judicial system. I nominate myself.
Improper proceedings are the way of the INTP. I nominate Walfin, incase his previous proceedings weren't proper enough.
 

Architect

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#11
Improper proceedings are the way of the INTP. I nominate Walfin, incase his previous proceedings weren't proper enough.
You're out of order. As the Chairman for the Subcommittee to Decide a Future Plan I must insist on proper paperwork. Please submit your proposal in triplicate and signed.
 

joal0503

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#12


"I approve this thread" - The Kangaroo

(sidenote: daaaawwwwww)
 

Cognisant

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#13
I second Architect's proposal and nomination.

The Court v Cognisant

Sentenced to another 50 years for egregious contempt just to establish that there's no double jeopardy protection in this court.
As a robot I claim diplomatic immunity as a representative of my people :borg:
 

walfin

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#14
In Re Inappropriate Behavior

IB attempted to convene a jury when there is no case to be decided, resulting in wasted costs and time spent in an uncomfortable sleeping position.

That is highly inappropriate behaviour. In the Court's infinite mercy, IB is let off with a warning and ordered to pay costs to the jury.

Etheri said:
Improper proceedings are the way of the INTP. I nominate Walfin, incase his previous proceedings weren't proper enough.
A most astute observation, counsel. For that, you have been granted the right to appear as amicus curiae, a Friend of the Court.

You're out of order. As the Chairman for the Subcommittee to Decide a Future Plan I must insist on proper paperwork. Please submit your proposal in triplicate and signed.
I second Architect's proposal and nomination.


As a robot I claim diplomatic immunity as a representative of my people :borg:
The Court is Cognisant of the Other Rubbish that has been filed.

Architect has been successfully proposed and nominated as Chairman for the Subcommittee. Since that is an executive position, he shall be disqualified from holding judicial office by the doctrine of separation of powers.

Here's the rest of the subcommittee:

:dinnerinthesky:
 

Cognisant

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#15
The Court is Cognisant of the Other Rubbish that has been filed.
My people consider the martial use of nonsense a war crime, tread carefully human.

That goes for the lawyers as well, let there be no "this statement is..." statements.
 
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#16
In case this case comes to trial, I am a highly paid pro bono prosecuting attorney for the defense. State your case.
 

Jennywocky

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#17
You're out of order. As the Chairman for the Subcommittee to Decide a Future Plan I must insist on proper paperwork. Please submit your proposal in triplicate and signed.
So what layer of hell have we been damned to this time?

Eternal bureaucracy is a fate worse than death.
But then again, I guess that is what hell is.



The Court v Jennywocky

CONTEMPT!!! Naughty girl, you deserve a spanking.

Sentenced to whatever she attempted to sentence Cognisant to, for usurping the authority of the Court.
But... but.... that's what you did in the first post!! :eek:




... ummm... what type of spanking?
 

Inappropriate Behavior

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#18
In Re Inappropriate Behavior

IB attempted to convene a jury when there is no case to be decided, resulting in wasted costs and time spent in an uncomfortable sleeping position.

That is highly inappropriate behaviour. In the Court's infinite mercy, IB is let off with a warning and ordered to pay costs to the jury.
That's not a jury jury but rather a grand jury. Cases can't be brought forth without indictments. The grand jury in convened on a semi-permanent basis so we can speed this shit up. I grow impatient :beatyou:
 

Duxwing

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#19
You're out of order. As the Chairman for the Subcommittee to Decide a Future Plan I must insist on proper paperwork. Please submit your proposal in triplicate and signed.
Wow, you really weren't kidding about being able to pass for an SJ! :)

As for legalities, I ask the court to state its opinion on the separation of the "Philosophy and Faith" subforum into the "Philosophy" and "Faith and Spirituality".

-Duxwing
 

Absurdity

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#20
@Architect

I am an Organizer with the International Brotherhood of Pencil-pushers and Good-for-nothings (IBPpGfn), and I am here to inform you that your ballooning support staff and administrative bloat have been organized into a diverse and monolithic bargaining unit of incredible clout.

We have drafted a collective bargaining agreement that demands higher pay, fewer hours, more vacations, and a personal riding elephant for each worker. :elephant:

We insist that these demands be met or we will strike! Any attempt to break our strike and hire scabs will result in militant hootin', hollerin', and general rabble-rousin' Tom Foolery.

:hoplite_army:
 

redbaron

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#21
Since no one else is volunteering, I guess I'll have to step up to the arduous task of teaching @Jennywocky what happens to naughty girls who disobey the court - in the name of justice of course.

*sigh* the things I do for this forum.

Don't worry Jenny, your beautiful shoes can stay on for this.
 

Proletar

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#22
I volunteer as head of punishment research, and I am a dedicated believer in ironic punishment. I say burn the arsons, kill the killers, eat the obese and rape the rapists. But why stop there?

If someone punctures a tire on your car, I wont rest until the court punctures his lung. If someone talks too much, I will install a recording of their voice on their ears that they can't turn off. At the end of the day, I will punish everyone ironically, and I will see to it that as many people as possible gets punished. Slogan: "You can't go wrong with punishment", or possibly "Watch as all hope leaves the eyes of your enemies".

If we need a justice-system, we need crimes. So let's make everything a crime, for a maximum justice-system. If you know a person that you dislike, just report him to me, and I will find something he did that should be illegal. Easy as pie. You like pie, don't you? Elect me as head of punishment research, and you will be baking your pies with the sweet blood of your enemies.


[Disclaimer: Should your enemies reports you before you report them, you are no longer a part of this system. First come, first served.]
 

Inappropriate Behavior

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#23
This court has no power without the backing of an authoritarian state.

Since I see no one volunteering to take on the role of the authoritarian state then we'll need Proletar to ironically punish someone into being it.

Proletar? Go punish Proxy!
 

Architect

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#24

walfin

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#25
Inappropriate Behavior said:
That's not a jury jury but rather a grand jury. Cases can't be brought forth without indictments. The grand jury in convened on a semi-permanent basis so we can speed this shit up. I grow impatient
The grand jury is dismissed because, per the Proclamation, this is not a criminal court (that's got a whole subforum to itself). Let's not get ahead of ourselves, folks, we've got only civil jurisdiction (that's lawsuits, not criminal cases).

That doesn't mean people aren't going to get punished for contempt in the face of the court. And, punitive damages can really be punitive in this court, too.

Proletar said:
I volunteer as head of punishment research, and I am a dedicated believer in ironic punishment.
The Court notes your kind intentions. You are hereby ordered to be your own test subject.

Otherwise, the application is dismissed for the aforementioned jurisdictional reasons.

But... but.... that's what you did in the first post!! :eek:
Now now. No talking back, young lady.

... ummm... what type of spanking?
Are you...looking forward to it?

I assure you, you'll be contrite and penitent after.

Since no one else is volunteering, I guess I'll have to step up to the arduous task of teaching @Jennywocky what happens to naughty girls who disobey the court - in the name of justice of course.

*sigh* the things I do for this forum.

Don't worry Jenny, your beautiful shoes can stay on for this.
Your kind intentions are appreciated, but Jenny needs a firm hand. Mine.

In re Cognisant, Architect & BigApplePi

Since Cognisant and Architect appear to be embroiled in the same matter and BigApplePi needs a job, you're all appointed to the same subcommittee.
 

Jennywocky

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#26
Since no one else is volunteering, I guess I'll have to step up to the arduous task of teaching Jennywocky what happens to naughty girls who disobey the court - in the name of justice of course.

*sigh* the things I do for this forum.
Ohhhh!!!! Can I bring my friends too?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rXFhHM3x4A

Now now. No talking back, young lady.

Are you...looking forward to it?
I assure you, you'll be contrite and penitent after.





...well... at least I get to wear my beautiful shoes!
 

redbaron

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#27
Ohhhh!!!! Can I bring my friends too?

...well... at least I get to wear my beautiful shoes!
Only if they're naughty as well. The court does not wantonly pleasure punish the innocent.

The court has also decreed that beautiful shoes are no longer an optional accessory, but a requirement for all vagabonds to wear during punishment. This in no way has to do with the aesthetic benefits gained by wearing high heels, as the court is not impartial and seeks sexual conquest societal justice above all else.
 

Architect

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#29
Proper attire will be worn in this court at all times @Jennywocky, and no spankings! Unless administered by the court Bailiff.

Taking nominations for Bailiff.

In re Cognisant, Architect & BigApplePi
Since Cognisant and Architect appear to be embroiled in the same matter and BigApplePi needs a job, you're all appointed to the same subcommittee.
I appoint @Absurdity because the best way to shut up a complainer is to put them to work.

Subcommittee, to order! First order of business is to appoint a Bailiff.
 

Absurdity

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#30
I appoint @Absurdity because the best way to shut up a complainer is to put them to work.

Subcommittee, to order! First order of business is to appoint a Bailiff.
Excellent... I mean *ahem* I will accept the position as an opportunity to represent my working class comrades.

On the matter of the Bailiff, I nominate @Inappropriate Behavior, because his avatar looks muscular and dim-witted like a Bailiff should be :D
 

Jennywocky

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#31
Proper attire will be worn in this court at all times Jennywocky, and no spankings! Unless administered by the court Bailiff.

Taking nominations for Bailiff.
I nominate Daniel Craig.

 

SpaceYeti

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#34
Bend over if you don't believe me. Many people don't realize you need to tense (IE firm) your hand, and cup slightly. You want as much flesh to hit flesh as possible in one instant, and your hand must be harder than the surface it's hitting. Straight wrist, full arm motion.

Depending on why you're spanking, you can loosen up a bit, but not too much, or you'll hurt your own hand, as well. Some people like surprises, so you can't follow a foreseeable pattern. Or, use a pattern, then change it for the surprise.

Edit; And maybe pull her hair a bit while spanking if she's really wild or the mood just strikes.
 

walfin

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#35
I didn't actually read the OP, but I'm pretty sure he said something about getting a Popsicle. So... you know, can I get the Popsicle?
Granted. You shall be spanked with a popsicle since you like spanking so much.

Jenny is appointed bailiff pro tem for this purpose.
 

Cognisant

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#36
No that's to be decided by the subcommittee, pending final approval by yourself, you don't get to give final approval until preliminary approval has been given by the subcommittee otherwise it wouldn't be final approval would it?

In the mean time you may appoint a temporary bailiff, which I guess is Jenny.

Now I motion we create a sub-subcommittee to oversea the creation of further subcommittees.
 

Architect

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#37
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#38
Look like there are so many criminals here some are going to need a shyster an attorney. If I'm going to be a pro bono prosecuting attorney for the defense, I will require some means of supporting myself. I am going to humbly beg demand my salary be doubled, especially since I will need a secretary to explain all those rules to me.
 

Jennywocky

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#39
Bend over if you don't believe me. Many people don't realize you need to tense (IE firm) your hand, and cup slightly. You want as much flesh to hit flesh as possible in one instant, and your hand must be harder than the surface it's hitting. Straight wrist, full arm motion.

Depending on why you're spanking, you can loosen up a bit, but not too much, or you'll hurt your own hand, as well. Some people like surprises, so you can't follow a foreseeable pattern. Or, use a pattern, then change it for the surprise.

Edit; And maybe pull her hair a bit while spanking if she's really wild or the mood just strikes.
This is like watching an episode of Discovery channel.
Discovery channel is like introductory porn for INTPs.

Granted. You shall be spanked with a popsicle since you like spanking so much.

Jenny is appointed bailiff pro tem for this purpose.
Do I need to purchase my own popsicles in order to carry out my duty, or will the court supply some appropriate confections for said purpose?
 

Absurdity

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#40
Do I need to purchase my own popsicles in order to carry out my duty, or will the court supply some appropriate confections for said purpose?
In light of this unprecedented demand placed before the court today I move for the creation of a Special Inquiry Commission on the Feasibility of Popsicle Procurement, which I volunteer to chair. As an internationally renowned expert in frozen desert economics, @Duxwing will be subpoenaed to appear before the Commission with a full report by the end of the Fiscal Year 2013.
 

Jennywocky

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#41
... wait.... err... um... does that mean I get popsicles or not?

*whimper*
 

Duxwing

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#42
In light of this unprecedented demand placed before the court today I move for the creation of a Special Inquiry Commission on the Feasibility of Popsicle Procurement, which I volunteer to chair. As an internationally renowned expert in frozen desert economics, @Duxwing will be subpoenaed to appear before the Commission with a full report by the end of the Fiscal Year 2013.
Report:

Popsicles are available in bulk and can be bought by the metric ton at very little cost per unit, especially when purchasing wholesale.

-Duxwing
 

Cognisant

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#43
But not with court funds.
 

Jennywocky

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#44
Report:

Popsicles are available in bulk and can be bought by the metric ton at very little cost per unit, especially when purchasing wholesale.

-Duxwing

According to Consumer Safety Report 3.28.2009-pop.blw.doom.23C, there is an issue with bulk-purchase popsicles. Apparently there is a serious deficiency in the left side of the waxed O-seal that could result in (and I quote):

"a wrapper blowout that would compromise the ice composition and consistency of the frozen popsicle, so that when the device is used in a normal spanking situation involving forces beyond 2.23 ppsi, the frozen device is liable to shatter -- causing potentially painful damage to any human being with 6.73 feet of the device as well as resulting in a catastrophic failure in terms of completion of said mission, resulting in delays to project scope and conclusion that will result in unacceptable financial and material cost to the agenc(ies) involved, the likes of which have never been seen since dinosaurs went extinct many many many moons ago."
The Washington Post would die to get their hands on this. I would suggest not cutting corners in the future.
 

Cognisant

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#45
Cogtech's agriculture and foodstuffs subsidiary Moarchow could provide the afore mentioned popsicles at a competitive rate, however as a majority stake holder in the parent company it would be a conflict of interests for me to motion that said popsicles are purchased from there, thus instead I motion the creation of a subcommittee to evaluate my afore mentioned hypothetical motion to have afore mentioned popsicles acquired from the afore mentiond subsidiary of Cogtech that is Moarchow.
 

Architect

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#46

Jennywocky

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#48
His dad was Lawrence ("A one-a, a two-a, a-three-a, and a-fore-a") Welk...?
 

SpaceYeti

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#50
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