The INTPf High Court of Justice

[BigApplePi]

I say "aye."

 

[Jennywocky]

I say "aye."

*suspicious* Don't you mean, "утвърдителен отговор"?

 

[walfin]

*suspicious* Don't you mean, "утвърдителен отговор"?

What a complicated way of saying yes. Utvrdityelyen otgovor??!

 

[BigApplePi]

I'd dwink to that if it be courtly.

 

[BigApplePi]

I'd dwink to that too. Is it on the docket?

 

[walfin]

I'd dwink to that too. Is it on the docket?

A ghost!



No, you faked your death! Too bad, we're gonna distribute your assets anyway.

 

[walfin]

It does not feel good that there were unresolved matters in this court, and so I will resolve them now.

SpaceYeti v BigApplePi

This suit is dismissed for default of pleadings given the long period that has elapsed since there was any step taken in the proceedings. I grant the parties liberty to apply to Court to set this decision aside.

In Re The Estate of BigApplePi

As there are no claimants to BigApplePi's estate, all of BigApplePi's assets have escheated to the Court.

If BigApplePi is found to be alive in България, his assets will nevertheless be forfeited by the Court for faking his death.

Dismissed with costs to BigApplePi's estate.

In Re Jennywocky

*thwap* *thwap*

 

[SpaceYeti]

... I did what, now?

 

[BigApplePi]

Now that the court has found itself with ill-gotten gains what does it plan to do with its booty in the face of hostile executive and legislative branches?

 

[Jennywocky]

*ow*

Uh... As the official "purse holder" of the forum, I'll take the booty into my safe keeping until we can decide officially what to do with it.

*goes online shopping for airline tickets*

 

[Architect]

*ow*

Uh... As the official "purse holder" of the forum, I'll take the booty into my safe keeping until we can decide officially what to do with it.

*goes online shopping for airline tickets*

Hmmm, reminding me of the Mormon who collected all their money to quietly buy up one of the big Hawaiian islands for secret Mormon purposes. Well I guess all that money helped him convert OUT of LDS and into a new career of spending the dough.

 

[BigApplePi]

Uh... As the official "purse holder" of the forum, I'll take the booty into my safe keeping until we can decide officially what to do with it.

There is no place on Earth like a Court of Justice where one may find as many purloiners, pushers, pickpockets and possible purse thieves. How long do you plan to hold on to your plunder?

"Is it safe?"

 

[Montresor]

I think I saw @TheScornedReflex stealing away with it yesterday evening.

 

[Jennywocky]

Hmmm, reminding me of the Mormon who collected all their money to quietly buy up one of the big Hawaiian islands for secret Mormon purposes. Well I guess all that money helped him convert OUT of LDS and into a new career of spending the dough.

There are worse places to go than Hawaii.

Although someone else's cash on the barrelhead makes any place a win.

There is no place on Earth like a Court of Justice where one may find as many purloiners, pushers, pickpockets and possible purse thieves. How long do you plan to hold on to your plunder?

until, uh, well, we don't have any more plunder to protect.

"Is it safe?"

Of course -- I know exactly where it is!

I think I saw @TheScornedReflex stealing away with it yesterday evening.

He was a decoy.

Wait, no, I mean yes, uh, TSR has the money! I wouldn't know where it was. I gave it all to him!

 

[BigApplePi]

I think I saw @TheScornedReflex stealing away with it yesterday evening.

As a barred (passed the bar) lawyer without any scruples up for hire, I will take one of two cases:
(1) Prosecution for thievery if we have an eye witness.
(2) Prosecution for false witness if we have a false witness.

 

[Jennywocky]

As a barred (passed the bar) lawyer without any scruples up for hire, I will take one of two cases:
(1) Prosecution for thievery if we have an eye witness.
(2) Prosecution for false witness if we have a false witness.

My purse is missing.
I think he took my purse.

*shows empty hand*

 

[BigApplePi]

My purse is missing.
I think he took my purse.

I think I saw it in the garage.

*shows empty hand*

Did you check your other hand?

In either case you need a lawyer though I don't know what for. ... We'll find something.

 

[Jennywocky]

I think I saw it in the garage. Did you check your other hand?

*puts empty hand behind back, pulls out other hand*

No, it's empty too. Hmmm...

In either case you need a lawyer though I don't know what for. ... We'll find something.

Everyone needs a lawyer just like an alcoholic needs a bottle of cheap scotch.

 

[walfin]

Have we a case? Have we a case?

Yeah!!!



Jennywocky v TheScornedReflex

This is a private summons for theft.

TheScornedReflex is directed to file his defence, after which we'll nominate some jurors.

As has been pointed out, if the jury finds for TheScornedReflex, Jenny must have given false evidence and will be punished.

As rightly pointed out, whether Jenny is a Mormon priest or not shall be a relevant fact.

*ow*

There, now *rubs Jenny's butt gently*

... I did what, now?

I don't think anybody remembers any more, but you can always trawl the dusty old records of the Court. Who knows, you might find some evidence against yourself!

 

[SpaceYeti]

I think I was calling BAP a hooker. I think that's what my trial was about. Was he the defendant? I put forth that BAP is a great many bad things, such that the bad things I say about him are not slander, but entirely applicable insults.

Or is it too late?

 

[Jennywocky]

Jennywocky v TheScornedReflex

This is a private summons for theft.

TheScornedReflex is directed to file his defence, after which we'll nominate some jurors.

As has been pointed out, if the jury finds for TheScornedReflex, Jenny must have given false evidence and will be punished.

What?? This is an outrage! The worst outrage since the miscarriage of justice practiced against Jodi Arias and Casey Anthony!!!

As rightly pointed out, whether Jenny is a Mormon priest or not shall be a relevant fact.

Sorry, yes, I might own my own planet in the afterlife, but the court can't touch that property.

There, now *rubs Jenny's butt gently*

HEY! ORDER IN THE COURT!

*brandishes hedge trimmers*

 

[BigApplePi]

@SpaceYeti

I think I was calling BAP a hooker.

Is it wrong to hook? A flyfisherman would not be so critical.

I think that's what my trial was about. Was he the defendant?

I move to dismiss the case as SpaceYeti is not sure.

I put forth that BAP is a great many bad things, such that the bad things I say about him are not slander, but entirely applicable insults.

So it's okay to all a spade a spade if the spade is a spade.

Or is it too late?

It is never too late except in this case we need to firm things up so we can decide how to proceed.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

A court summons?

*Waltzes up, butt naked, to the court*

Excuss my lateness oh mighty judge of judginess. I couldn't decide what to wear.

Now for my defense:

*Clears throat and takes deep breath*

Wasn't me.

 

[SpaceYeti]

@SpaceYetiIs it wrong to hook? A flyfisherman would not be so critical.

It's a sin against Glob!

I move to dismiss the case as SpaceYeti is not sure.

Who are you, anyway?

So it's okay to (c)all a spade a spade if the spade is a spade.

But not if it's a hoe.

It is never too late except in this case we need to firm things up so we can decide how to proceed.

You're the defendant, I'm the other guy, and I say you're dumb.

 

[BigApplePi]

It's a sin against Glob!

Did you mean Blob? Da Blob?

Who are you, anyway?

I'm just standing here. I'm as innocent as pie.

But not if it's a hoe.

I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

You're the defendant, I'm the other guy, and I say you're dumb.

Because you accuse me of standing mute I'm taking a 5th. I was going to anyway.

 

[walfin]

As established by age old custom, the next three posters shall be the jurors in Jennywocky v TheScornedReflex.

I move to dismiss the case as SpaceYeti is not sure.

It already got dismissed. Unless you guys would like to bring it up again?

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

As established by age old custom, the next three posters shall be the jurors in Jennywocky v TheScornedReflex.

I actually enjoy jury duty

 

[Jennywocky]

hey guys, what's up?

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Yussss! Made it.

 

[Jennywocky]

Yussss! Made it.

Hi five!!!

... wait... dammit!!!

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Hi five!!!

... wait... dammit!!!

 

[BigApplePi]

Let's put a stop to all this "getting along." What's your beef anyway?

I want to see people state their complaints loudly and at length. More whining, crying and objections are needed. More self-righteous indignation. Then litigate the hell out of everything. I thought this was a litigious society? So let's get with the program.

What is this court for anyway?

 

[TheScornedReflex]

.... Your mother!!

 

[walfin]

Shoot, I didn't say parties weren't allowed to be jurors! Damn.

BAP, I see you have lots of opinions. You counsel for anyone?

Jenny, call your first witness.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

I'll be Jenny's lawyer .

 

[Jennywocky]

.... Your mother!!

I'll be Jenny's lawyer .

I'll be your mother.

Jenny, call your first witness.

Your honor, I'd like to call myself as my first witness.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Can I just skip ahead and announce that the jury activates nullification?

 

[Jennywocky]

Can I just skip ahead and announce that the jury activates nullification?

Does that mean the entire planet will be wiped clean of organic life?

Won't that cause a problem in the law proceedings?

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Does that mean the entire planet will be wiped clean of organic life?

Won't that cause a problem in the law proceedings?

 

[Jennywocky]

What the hell kind of answer is that in a court of law????

... i mean... as it please the Court and all....

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

What the hell kind of answer is that in a court of law????

... i mean... as it please the Court and all....

Spoiler

 

[Jennywocky]

Spoiler

....hrrrmm... or maybe it's really a cat of law... ... hrrmmm....

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

....hrrrmm... or maybe it's really a cat of law... ... hrrmmm....

 

[Montresor]

Needs more Ti...

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Needs more Ti...

Spoiler

Needs more Ne... (This should be the last emoti-post. I think it's obvious enough by now.)


So clearly a certain high-ranking-court-peep screwed up the proceedings by allowing the accused to serve on their own jury as well as lawyers to their opposition. We need more order! (I can't believe I just said that...)

 

[Jennywocky]

So clearly a certain high-ranking-court-peep screwed up the proceedings by allowing the accused to serve on their own jury as well as lawyers to their opposition. We need more order! (I can't believe I just said that...)

No, no, no.... I think things are just fine as they are!

By the way, my testimony is that I saw everything happen as it unfolded, and Jenny didn't do it. This I swear, by the sanctity of this court. is that al you saw, Jenny? Yes, that is all i saw. Well, if it pleases the court, may we excuse the witness, who I say has an impeccable reputation for honesty among the community as well as a nicely done manicure on this fine summer evening? Why thank you, honorable counsel, that is very kind; I shall go take my seat now.

(If only I were the judge, this whole proceeding could be done in record time!)

 

[walfin]

[BIMG]https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/3733134080/h4DE3193A/[/BIMG]

TheScornedReflex, Jenny hasn't appointed you (yet).

Jenny, do you want to appoint him? Though in the interests of fairness, if you get to be her lawyer, she gets to be your lawyer too.

I'll be your mother.

Your honor, I'd like to call myself as my first witness.

You may proceed with direct examination (examination-in-chief for brit/commonwealth readers).

Jenny actually called me "Your Honour". So respectful!

Spoiler

Needs more Ne... (This should be the last emoti-post. I think it's obvious enough by now.)


So clearly a certain high-ranking-court-peep screwed up the proceedings by allowing the accused to serve on their own jury as well as their lawyers to their opposition. We need more order! (I can't believe I just said that...)

Yessssss! Evidence of contempt!!! Screwed up?!

[BIMG]http://www.legalcheek.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/sue-everyone.jpg[/BIMG]

This is INTPf, the bastion of thought leadership. What other place is so progressive that the parties to the action are allowed to serve on their own jury as well as be counsel for their opponent?

 

[TheScornedReflex]

I'll be your mother.

Y-you mean it?!

TheScornedReflex, Jenny hasn't appointed you (yet).

Jenny, do you want to appoint him? Though in the interests of fairness, if you get to be her lawyer, she gets to be your lawyer too.

What's the worst that could possibly happen? Oh Jenny!! Mummy, defend from.. yourself?

 

[BigApplePi]

Needs more Ti...

I've carefully devoted some time to this alleged* case,

Spoiler

thought it over and come to the conclusion:

A serious hangnail is discerned for those who have the will to look closely enough. Think of what will happen if some copycat lifts and pulls on it! If unchecked this could spread to who knows where? I demand some sort of action. Who will be the first to catch a possible prospective perpetrator and haul them into this court? Don't tell me that can't be justified. Justice delayed is justice denied and if you don't believe that just take a look at the proceedings to this point! Action! Action! Action!

*Allegement is the first step** on the road to perdition unless I'm mistaken.
**Ask any troll***.
***Keep them**** out of court.
****Trolls.
.

 

[Jennywocky]

[BIMG]https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/3733134080/h4DE3193A/[/BIMG]

TheScornedReflex, Jenny hasn't appointed you (yet).

Jenny, do you want to appoint him? Though in the interests of fairness, if you get to be her lawyer, she gets to be your lawyer too.

Fairness aside, I think I should be everyone's lawyer.

My other client (the non-Jenny one) pleads guilty, your honour. I told him not to, but he insisted, as a sign of decency on his part. I would ask the court to respect him in this matter and not try to dissuade him from baring the horrible guilt he feels before a jury of his peers (which happens to be comprised of myself + 2 others).

You may proceed with direct examination (examination-in-chief for brit/commonwealth readers).

Jenny actually called me "Your Honour". So respectful!

And can I say, that's the most amazing combover I've ever seen? Your head of hair is almost virile today. Yum! Who picked your tie, your honour? It goes with your robe so beautifully.

This is INTPf, the bastion of thought leadership. What other place is so progressive that the parties to the action are allowed to serve on their own jury as well as be counsel for their opponent?

Nowhere else, your honorable honorificness.

Y-you mean it?!

If it would please this honorable court, I would like to announce my intent to adopt my adversary, my fellow jury member, and my defendent (all of whom happen to be the same person, isn't that serendiptious?) as my own flesh-and-born child. Which might seem like a biological impossibility, but doesn't love transcend all feeble rationalities?

What's the worst that could possibly happen? Oh Jenny!! Mummy, defend from.. yourself?

I'm doing my best, but I don't know what might happen if you fall into her dreadful hands!