srs tym - plz halp

[cheese]

Something's happened. I don't care about you people, or people in general, anymore. I don't find you interesting, or fascinating, or magical. This is notable because I certainly used to. But I don't care about you now. None of you are interesting. Even the interesting ones aren't really interesting. (What this probably means, really, is that you're all interesting by normal standards, and something's gone off in my head. Probably the milk, that fucker.) I even hate you now, sometimes, you and all the world. Everything in it, ugh. I was never this way before. I suspect you miserable little wretches have rubbed off on me. You and your dull grey souls, which I once found a brilliant shade of silver.

I've always thought I'm not particularly worthy of notice or interest, so I doubt this is projection. Maybe I've become Superman and left you all behind. Don't think so; I feel like a zombie, all I want is your brains and your words. I don't care anymore about the spaces between words, the heartbeats, the breath in your thoughts, the rhythms and exultation in your mental dance. You're just another bit of my jigsaw, which I'm quickly tiring of toiling at. And the worst thing is I doubt many, if any, of you will understand what the fuck I'm saying. You'll probably just think I am - or was - insane, a nutter who's thankfully seen the light and joined the dreary ranks of greyscale minds. (Is no one alive? But even the ones who are can't reach me anymore.) Or slap a label on me, as if in doing so I am a known and therefore dismissable quantity, to be shipped off and ignored. Oh god, that is such an old and boring thought, it tears at me. Not really, but I am eating Fruit Loops, which sooner or later will tear through my rectum. Oh well.

I don't know how to get this across properly. Perhaps it's like the loss of your libido? I've heard that's horrible, though I have no personal knowledge of it myself. Or perhaps like waking up to find Santa's taken a giant shit in your stocking. Except we always used pillowcases - much bigger, and capable of fitting larger quantities of (mostly) cereal and other edibles. Your FACE is edible. I mean hateable. Fuck, I don't know what I mean.

I'm really not blaming anyone here, no matter what it may sound like. I don't even know what it is I'm talking about, I'm just throwing lots of words out really, and hoping some of them have bits of meaning attached to them/wiping my arse and smearing the toilet paper on the screen/you fruity loopy motherfuckers.

I suppose this could be a cry for help, or validation, but I highly doubt it. I've had enough experience with them to recognise this as being of different origin, though I suspect it isn't any nobler. Maybe I just want someone to abuse me, and disabuse me of my illusions. I hope this perspective is the illusion, not the previous.

Obviously I'm posting this because some part of me still cares. Maybe I'm putting out a Feeler or something, since Fe seems to have sort of quit, the lazy bitch.

Please don't try to prove how wise and knowledgable you are by spouting a whole lot of negative shit at me. Being cynical doesn't show you have any superior insight over anyone else, and if all you want to show me are shots of Bambi's dying mother in the smug hope of enlightening me, kindly fuck off. I don't think you have any idea what either of us is talking about.

If you do have a 'truth' and it happens to be negative by conventional standards, fine. Negativity in itself isn't a free pass though.

Also, that felt very good. I'm considering just telling everyone to fuck off because no one ever knows what they're talking about. Can I talk about who I hate here? I hate snafupants, CoryJames, and maybe a couple others. Sometimes Anthile pisses me off but he's such a cutie and anyway I have been a dick countless times. Also lor, echoplex, jennywocky, firehazard, AI, cryptonia and some others are awesome. I hate you all equally though, really. I hope someone tells me how worthless and absolutely needless my existence is. I just want all the bullshit to stop. God, I feel like I'm channeling my dead brother here. Which is kinda disconcerting, considering I don't have one.

And here is a letter I wrote to snafupants once:

I think I might honestly hate you. Hate me too! Talk to me! Anything! Acknowledge my presence and tell me how worthless I am! Show me what an awful bastard you are!

...er.

I'm actually semi-serious, though. It's like looking into a mirror, but not the good enchanted sort. The horrible nasty sort with warts on it (NO THOSE CAN'T POSSIBLY BE MY WARTS NO I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT NO). Which I suppose isn't very flattering to you, on the surface, but really it's more about projection, or maybe it is genuine recognition...

I think it was on the IQ thread that you first pissed me off. You just totally assumed someoneIcantremember was wrong, and were being an arrogant little flopstick about it. Horrible to behold, horrible. And then prancing around on other threads with your personality and your tallness and skinniness and postgradness and you're a vegetarian too, or something? Don't think I don't know!

God, it's like love, but worse, because it's hate. Some days I really loathe you, blech. Other days I find you fascinating. I think it's your smell and the 'aaaaaah' sound you make as you come [citation?]. You make my skin crawl in a tingly sort of glowy way, but mostly crawl, like it wants to get off my skin. Aaargh aaargh aaaargh aaaargh.

This is the song you sound like to me:
YouTube - eminem puke

[subtext being that I wish we were married, at one point.][BUT ALL THE OTHER POINTS ARE LIKE SUPER BAD ACUPUNCTURE THAT MAKE ME HUUUURRRRRL]

ps I think it's because you could be chinese, you sound like you might be chinese. Is that it? Is your race to blame?

ps2 I think I'm hoping you are a stonecold emotionless freak because then I can shit all over you and screw the consequences; if however you turn out to actually have feewings and get hurt or summat then I'll just have more shit to deal with and feel the urge to apologise profusely and wipe up your tears and kiss the owwy away, which considering my elongated canines and strangely waggy tail will probably not be a pleasant experience for either of us, so please, don't take this seriously and be on your way.

ps3 all ur highway r belong to me


See I hate snafupants, but I don't actually dislike him. It's a very interesting feeling. CoryJames I dislike sometimes, a couple of others a lot of the time. CJ is a troll, by the way. It's just that obvious. No INTP's that good-looking. Fuck off, you picture-stealing shit.

And he's Face, of course. Just thought you guys should know. Too bad, dickface ---> LOL! He'll never reveal it, but it's true. I actually lived with Face for a couple months, so for once I'm not just spouting absolute shite with no basis. For once, I'm actually sick of the bullshit and lying and advantage-taking, even though I'm also sick at the same time of all of you, and even though this is just an online forum and of course it's impossible to do anything of worth that isn't inherently physical. Or maybe I'm just trying to get banned so we've got enough space for the Central brats.

Also, this is all going to shit, I'm aware of that.

 

[cheese]

I've never hated Anthile. I hope that didn't come out the wrong way. Please don't ban me.

No, really.
/me likes your hugs
/whore

 

[Anthile]

Okay.

 

[shoeless]

before this gets deleted or whatever, which is bound to happen (or maybe not), i just want to say i wish you well in your misanthropy. it certainly sounds like a personal thing that you have to deal with yourself, so i'll refrain from spouting off with my i-love-people bullshit just for you. i always liked you, cheese. i'm sure you'll do just fine.

have a nice life (of self-discovery, et cetera, i'm sure you'll change your mind one day).

ps: this is all with the assumption that you're serious. i can never trust that's true in this place (or any other place, for that matter, especially on the internet.)

 

[Cavallier]

Okay, I'll play with fire.

This is like when I'm standing in the line at the grocery store and I see a dirty tabloid and I can't look away. It's like a train wreck.

I've felt very disconnected from the forum lately because of all the new people. It's like the bar down the street closed and all the drunks have burst into my nice homey pub.

Way to make this all about myself yeah? Weeeeeeee!

 

[Anthile]

I've never hated Anthile. I hope that didn't come out the wrong way. Please don't ban me.

No, really.
/me likes your hugs
/whore

But I thrive on hate!

 

[Cognisant]

I know I've been away a lot lately.

Sorry.

 

[Minuend]

Post gone, I'm so dramatic Made a new one tho, is worse

I never get acknowledged and I want to be.

Yes, I realize I am weak and pathetic. This is only one of the reasons I thoroughly hate myself. I'm here because this is as close as I get to other people, and it's not that close, is it?

I'm here deluding myself that some of my characteristics have some worth, though in the end they have not.

Well, this isn't really directly related to cheese's post, but since we are throwing out emotions and I never do that either. Or rather, used not to do it. Recently I've been doing it a lot. But it never quells my sorrow, it seems.

Cheese kinda reminds me of Melkor now, btw

 

[SpaceYeti]

I hate you too, cheese!

 

[CoryJames]

I would just like to say kindly in response, and I mean this in the kindest way possible...

Spoiler

Kindly go fuck yourself.

Why do you hate me exactly? What did I do to you?

 

[Cavallier]

The cross...it burns us!!!

*flees*

 

[Minuend]

Well, I'm all over my emo moment there

Now, this forum is like a relationship, isn't it? You love it at first, but eventually the initial magic passes, the enthusiasm cools. That's what we have affairs for. Why do you think several people here is cheating on us with INFJFORUM!! That's right, I said it!! I can't keep your dirty secret any longer!! They are going behind our backs!!

 

[Melllvar]

Spoiler

Something's happened. I don't care about you people, or people in general, anymore. I don't find you interesting, or fascinating, or magical. This is notable because I certainly used to. But I don't care about you now. None of you are interesting. Even the interesting ones aren't really interesting. (What this probably means, really, is that you're all interesting by normal standards, and something's gone off in my head. Probably the milk, that fucker.) I even hate you now, sometimes, you and all the world. Everything in it, ugh. I was never this way before. I suspect you miserable little wretches have rubbed off on me. You and your dull grey souls, which I once found a brilliant shade of silver.

I've always thought I'm not particularly worthy of notice or interest, so I doubt this is projection. Maybe I've become Superman and left you all behind. Don't think so; I feel like a zombie, all I want is your brains and your words. I don't care anymore about the spaces between words, the heartbeats, the breath in your thoughts, the rhythms and exultation in your mental dance. You're just another bit of my jigsaw, which I'm quickly tiring of toiling at. And the worst thing is I doubt many, if any, of you will understand what the fuck I'm saying. You'll probably just think I am - or was - insane, a nutter who's thankfully seen the light and joined the dreary ranks of greyscale minds. (Is no one alive? But even the ones who are can't reach me anymore.) Or slap a label on me, as if in doing so I am a known and therefore dismissable quantity, to be shipped off and ignored. Oh god, that is such an old and boring thought, it tears at me. Not really, but I am eating Fruit Loops, which sooner or later will tear through my rectum. Oh well.

I don't know how to get this across properly. Perhaps it's like the loss of your libido? I've heard that's horrible, though I have no personal knowledge of it myself. Or perhaps like waking up to find Santa's taken a giant shit in your stocking. Except we always used pillowcases - much bigger, and capable of fitting larger quantities of (mostly) cereal and other edibles. Your FACE is edible. I mean hateable. Fuck, I don't know what I mean.

I'm really not blaming anyone here, no matter what it may sound like. I don't even know what it is I'm talking about, I'm just throwing lots of words out really, and hoping some of them have bits of meaning attached to them/wiping my arse and smearing the toilet paper on the screen/you fruity loopy motherfuckers.

I suppose this could be a cry for help, or validation, but I highly doubt it. I've had enough experience with them to recognise this as being of different origin, though I suspect it isn't any nobler. Maybe I just want someone to abuse me, and disabuse me of my illusions. I hope this perspective is the illusion, not the previous.

Obviously I'm posting this because some part of me still cares. Maybe I'm putting out a Feeler or something, since Fe seems to have sort of quit, the lazy bitch.

Please don't try to prove how wise and knowledgable you are by spouting a whole lot of negative shit at me. Being cynical doesn't show you have any superior insight over anyone else, and if all you want to show me are shots of Bambi's dying mother in the smug hope of enlightening me, kindly fuck off. I don't think you have any idea what either of us is talking about.

If you do have a 'truth' and it happens to be negative by conventional standards, fine. Negativity in itself isn't a free pass though.

Also, that felt very good. I'm considering just telling everyone to fuck off because no one ever knows what they're talking about. Can I talk about who I hate here? I hate snafupants, CoryJames, and maybe a couple others. Sometimes Anthile pisses me off but he's such a cutie and anyway I have been a dick countless times. Also lor, echoplex, jennywocky, firehazard, AI, cryptonia and some others are awesome. I hate you all equally though, really. I hope someone tells me how worthless and absolutely needless my existence is. I just want all the bullshit to stop. God, I feel like I'm channeling my dead brother here. Which is kinda disconcerting, considering I don't have one.

And here is a letter I wrote to snafupants once:

I think I might honestly hate you. Hate me too! Talk to me! Anything! Acknowledge my presence and tell me how worthless I am! Show me what an awful bastard you are!

...er.

I'm actually semi-serious, though. It's like looking into a mirror, but not the good enchanted sort. The horrible nasty sort with warts on it (NO THOSE CAN'T POSSIBLY BE MY WARTS NO I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT NO). Which I suppose isn't very flattering to you, on the surface, but really it's more about projection, or maybe it is genuine recognition...

I think it was on the IQ thread that you first pissed me off. You just totally assumed someoneIcantremember was wrong, and were being an arrogant little flopstick about it. Horrible to behold, horrible. And then prancing around on other threads with your personality and your tallness and skinniness and postgradness and you're a vegetarian too, or something? Don't think I don't know!

God, it's like love, but worse, because it's hate. Some days I really loathe you, blech. Other days I find you fascinating. I think it's your smell and the 'aaaaaah' sound you make as you come [citation?]. You make my skin crawl in a tingly sort of glowy way, but mostly crawl, like it wants to get off my skin. Aaargh aaargh aaaargh aaaargh.

This is the song you sound like to me:
YouTube - eminem puke

[subtext being that I wish we were married, at one point.][BUT ALL THE OTHER POINTS ARE LIKE SUPER BAD ACUPUNCTURE THAT MAKE ME HUUUURRRRRL]

ps I think it's because you could be chinese, you sound like you might be chinese. Is that it? Is your race to blame?

ps2 I think I'm hoping you are a stonecold emotionless freak because then I can shit all over you and screw the consequences; if however you turn out to actually have feewings and get hurt or summat then I'll just have more shit to deal with and feel the urge to apologise profusely and wipe up your tears and kiss the owwy away, which considering my elongated canines and strangely waggy tail will probably not be a pleasant experience for either of us, so please, don't take this seriously and be on your way.

ps3 all ur highway r belong to me


See I hate snafupants, but I don't actually dislike him. It's a very interesting feeling. CoryJames I dislike sometimes, a couple of others a lot of the time. CJ is a troll, by the way. It's just that obvious. No INTP's that good-looking. Fuck off, you picture-stealing shit.

And he's Face, of course. Just thought you guys should know. Too bad, dickface ---> LOL! He'll never reveal it, but it's true. I actually lived with Face for a couple months, so for once I'm not just spouting absolute shite with no basis. For once, I'm actually sick of the bullshit and lying and advantage-taking, even though I'm also sick at the same time of all of you, and even though this is just an online forum and of course it's impossible to do anything of worth that isn't inherently physical. Or maybe I'm just trying to get banned so we've got enough space for the Central brats.

Also, this is all going to shit, I'm aware of that.

I think somebody had way too much sugar.

People suck. Perhaps you've had too much of them. When you've been all isolated amongst a world full of monsters for years on end you start to crave a place that allows the slightest bit of self-expression, but after dealing with any group of people long enough you'll grow bored with or hateful of them and begin grating on each others nerves (this is part of why marriages never work). If you go spend a decade or two surrounded by the conventional, mainstream filth that populates this planet I bet this place'll seem a lot better.

Actually I really didn't understand the majority of that post, but I thought I'd take a stab at response anyway. Is this just a thing with INTPf, or a more general lack of interest, or are you just dying a little on the inside?

(P.S. You find snafu annoying? I always liked reading his/her/its posts. Maybe I just haven't read enough of them.)

 

[Wish]

There is only so much we can expect from our own species..

 

[CoryJames]

Someone acknowledge that Cheese was WRONG. I AM NOT A LIAR OR A PICTURE STEALER! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Minuend has a rather prescient point, though personally I see it more as a matter of growth. There's comes a point when there's little else one can learn from the forum. All the posts start seem the same, everything becomes mundane. This place starts to feel asinine, of course being apart of the forum means it's partially your own fault. If you have nothing worth contributing, or if you can't put it into the right words, you start to feel equally asinine. At least that's how I feel, which is part or the reason I've moved almost completely onto irc or PMs. The rest being that I can't seem to stay out of conflict (which I actually quite despise) and certain forumers get under my skin with alarming ease. Of course this says more about my flaws than theirs.

I relate rather strongly to your post cheese. I don't think the forum will ever regain the magic it had when we were 'young.' The only real option, it seems, is to move on to somewhere new. Greener pastures with fresh paradigms, where you can continue to grow and shine; but do hold onto those who've come to mean something.

Of course I'm a bit of a hypocrite, as I'm still here after all and I'll probably lurk occasionally for a long time yet.

 

[shoeless]

coryjames, cheese was wrong and you are not a liar or a picturestealer.

(plus, i lol'd when i read your post. it made me happy.)

 

[Bird]

I honestly think this is the best
thread I've read yet.


Thank you Cheese. I am sorry
that this was the product of
such negative emotions, though.

I shall keep my fingers crossed
that things improve for you.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

@cory
I was more amused that the writing was in mirror image, and what that suggests.

@shoeless
No need to enable my dear.

 

[shoeless]

uh, who am i enabling exactly? kinda missed that one.

 

[Moocow]

Maybe this is just your chance to go frolic with the other 99.9% of the human population. Who knew narcissism could get so boring?

 

[Cavallier]

@Shoe: CJ made an emotional ploy for us to believe him. He screamed, cried, and cursed. His need for our attention and coddling is actually kind of funny (to me at least). Then you responded the way he wanted you to. Regardless of whether or not he's truthful you are enabling his need for attention.

It's okay. Your F-ish side is hard for you to ignore. It's just as hard for us to shrug off our INTP detached side you know?

EDIT: Damn it. How is it that the need to clarify always outweighs my need to not actually ever get involved. Bler.

 

[shoeless]

i didn't realize we were actually taking him seriously.

but okay, whatever. sorry for actually finding his post funny?

 

[CoryJames]

@Adaire-it suggests the photo was taken by photobooth

@Cavallier-I thought that I made a proof based argument for you to believe me. It bothered me that cheese, (and through association I assumed others must also feel that way), thought that I was a troll. Also the name calling ("picture stealing shit", to be exact) got under my skin, and instigated me into bothering to procure proof of my innocence of these charges.

How exactly do you derive that I have a "need for your attention and coddling" from this? How does my posting on this forum, and/or responding to challenges to my intelligence and integrity, show that I have a greater "need for attention" than anybody else here...?

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

Such things happen as what defines a proportion of a identity changes. Attack the perceived threat I suppose.

 

[Jennywocky]

Now, this forum is like a relationship, isn't it? You love it at first, but eventually the initial magic passes, the enthusiasm cools. That's what we have affairs for. Why do you think several people here is cheating on us with INFJFORUM!!

*GASP* NOOOOOoOooOOOOOO!!!!

That's right, I said it!! I can't keep your dirty secret any longer!! They are going behind our backs!!

Wow. Do the INFJs know that they are homewreckers?

@Cheese: It was about time you expressed the "cheesed off" part of being "cheese," rather than just being "cheesy" or "sharp cheese" or "American cheese" or "stinky bleu" or the mythical Gorgon-zola or the lethargic Weisslacker and the occasional exquisite Gruyere.

It's always good for self-development to occasionally tell everyone to piss off.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I can see what you mean I guess. Most people here seem like a bunch of psuedo-intelligent arrogant pricks. But that's fine. We all don't mean it that way. It's just fun to hang around here since apparently there's nothing better to do and most people seem to be interested in the same subjects.
Please stay though, cheese. Even though I'm pretty new I kind of liked you...

 

[Cavallier]

i didn't realize we were actually taking him seriously.

but okay, whatever. sorry for actually finding his post funny?

It's impressive how prickly you are. You so often go on and on about liking people and being happy but I always get a pissed off vibe that's only barely hidden by a fake display of nonchalance and apathy.

but okay, whatever. Sorry for actually seeing you for what you are.

 

[Fukyo]

---stuff---

You're a slippery whore, but I still like your brain and it's associated puked out content--

 

[CoryJames]

Watches, mouth agape, as the estrogen level reaches a critical mass.

 

[Fukyo]

Watches, mouth agape, as the estrogen level reaches a critical mass.

GTFO, you filthy testosterone dirtbag, I know you're just jealous because you don't have boobs.

Spoiler

Ok, on a more serious note, my misanthropy goes over 9000 when I'm in a bad mood. I refrain from human contact when I do, because honestly, I just want to tear apart the first thing that speaks to me, and all those little things I usually overlook become UNBEARABLY IRRITATING.

I feel bad about it later if I do lash out on some innocent bystander...when it sinks in.

 

[CoryJames]

I fully admit to this jealousy. Boobs are a thing of wonderful mystery.

 

[preilemus]

I am about to fall asleep, so I'm going to be as curt as I can (while still (trying to) make sense).

I think:

This is about your discomfort of coming out of a more-or-less submissive position. You've unwittingly digested what this place offered you, and oh, would you look at what happened! And even if you haven't gone through the whole thing, you know just what it's going to be.

You want someone to come along and give you a truth; some shelter or comfort. You're basically looking for that superiority, that allure and comfort. With your perspective shift you're wondering if you haven't lost your ability to get that here.

You're frustrated that people here aren't living up to a certain standard for you, and so you're mad at them, but you don't want to actually wind up hurting anyone because then that would bring you even further away from the position you want to be in.

My suggestion:

Move On.

 

[shoeless]

It's impressive how prickly you are. You so often go on and on about liking people and being happy but I always get a pissed off vibe that's only barely hidden by a fake display of nonchalance and apathy.

but okay, whatever. Sorry for actually seeing you for what you are.

um, what the fuck?

whatever, i have to go to school so i'm not gonna deal with this bullshit right now. all i can say is, chill the fuck out. somebody's taking this way too seriously.

 

[cheese]

Mmm, yummy responses. *rubs tummy, bits of self crumble off into a peculiar and suspicious cake*

Ok first things first. This thread was not about the forum. Not specifically, anyway. And I want to apologise to anyone who felt that our (personal or public) interactions suddenly became any less valuable - they didn't, at least to me. This thread does not cheapen anything or anyone. It's more that something inside me has rotted and died.

Cory:
I'm pretty damn sorry man, getting you caught up in this shit. If it helps or explains anything, I was trying to call up a demon. That probably doesn't help or even make sense but it's all I can say. Sorry. This song might help

Spoiler

YouTube - Emilie Autumn - 4 O'Clock

Anyway, you're CJ, I know, and I don't dislike you man, you just seem like a prick sometimes but you're a model so it's ok. I'm a prick too but I'm not a model which is why I have to make these threads. Sorry again.

snafu:
Dunno if you've read this but I hope you don't feel bad that I hate you. I don't despise or dislike you, I just hate you. I even find your posts interesting and read them with (masochistic) pleasure. Also I've only ever hated one other person in my life, so you should feel pretty special. And I was a vegetarian once for a week and that was pretty cool so we've got stuff in common as well. I'll give you a vial of various bodily fluids if you like. Please don't be sad. Daaaaw. Please keep being your horrible self; I like it and hate it at the same time.

Melllvar:
I like your response. It wasn't particularly relevant, but you're a cool person WHO IS TOTALLY BORING. Dying a little on the inside might be right, but guess what, I found out today my parents made it through the car crash so I'm all cured now.

shoeless:
Thanks. What you said was also not entirely relevant, but it's a useful sentiment, in general.

Spacesuit:
You too???? >3 >3 >3

preilemus:
Begone, Satan! <3 Also, no. Alternatively, replace all 'you's with 'URMOM' and it might fit.

Proxy:
Yep. I hope we all identify our threats on this thread and have it out with each other. Also, with that super long argument we had I'm surprised I/you let it go on as long as it did without becoming overtly hostile. I'm not sure if you were sarcastic at the end, but it was one of my nicer horrible experiences. Thanks.

Wish:
Thank Fuck you too.

Fukyo:
i can haz pix? nekkid pix? 2 kewr jelussy?

Jennywocky:
Thanks, you lovely wovely person.

Bird:
Really? What exactly about it?

Cav:
I like that ass ess.

Adaire:
That is a relevant point she raised, and an even relevanter one you erected on top of hers. I'll address it to everyone though.

 

[cheese]

General Forumites:
Don't you sometimes feel like you want to shit in everyone's faces? (Or maybe, for the hoity-toity women, just use really nasty perfume.)

I'm gonna request for anyone who responds after this to please, don't bother making an effort to respond to me, or my thoughts. I mean you can if you want, but don't force anything. Just let whatever comes, come. (Then dispose of it later and wash your hands.)

I think politeness and trying to make sure everyone's ok and assorted other clusterfuckery (thank you, robertj) gets in the way of us actually being able to talk to each other. The thing is, I like all of you. Some of you fucking suck though. I mean you really do. And so do I, and I really don't mean that lightly. I wish we could just tell each other how much we suck sometimes. Perhaps that was part of the reason for this, so that I could open a channel for real feedback. Hit so I could be hit, and not get away with my bull anymore. ["Let's elope, Sanchez!"] Without actually being hostile, or trying to veil it behind passive-aggressive words, or other blah blah too many nouns let's use emoticons

See, I'm actually like this:
But sometimes it's just and and then , which just makes me really , at the end of the day. I don't particularly like or , the latter especially. Maybe our bodies need a certain amount of running through it every now and then to keep it going properly. I don't know. But is just really useless, I think, and it doesn't teach anyone anything except make them hate you for despising them. Why can't we hate each other with respect? Shut up, of course I know what I'm trying to say.

Anyway, there are so many things behind this thread that I can't begin to explain, mostly because I'm unaware of them myself. Also, there's a moth that's trying to commit suicide outside/on my window. Repeatedly on my window. It's mothshit insane. Hahaha.

I don't think seeing the gloss fade off someone is such a bad thing. I used to, and used to hope for a life filled with a myriad of shallow relationships. But the problem is more with your own perception than with the person, I think. It comes from not knowing how to push the relationship deeper, and not knowing how to wield honesty, both in your interactions and your appraisal of the person.

Look, we're all limited, some more than others, and I'm not mentioning any names because I try to avoid SJs. But realising beneath that beautiful but calibrated presentation is a dusty but full person helps; you don't have to entertain or sell yourself to each other all the time, you can just be. Everything can just exist in the moment, and be beautiful - the good, the bad and the ugly. You don't have to turn people into fictions (in the words of some other poster that I can't remember sorry). God. The thought of that terrifies me, that I will become a representation, a memory, instead of an experience. Not with all things: with the important ones, with the stuff that counts. I try not to turn anyone I personally know into a part of my story. You needn't put people into categories, you don't need to bolden their outlines. Why can't we all live in a nudist colony? Wait.

It's that that I've lost, by the way. (Not my clothes, the other stuff.) I'm well-acquainted with the loss of novelty, but I no longer fear it the way I used to. It's the interest in other people at all that is fading away, regardless of how fascinating they/we-together are at first. I think I slowly started to think that any 'connection' I had with people was false, that neither of us were actually talking to each other, but instead dancing politely round each other in a mutual space. Even if we were speaking from our 'true selves' and being totally honest and open, more often than not we were just speaking into a shared void and not really giving or receiving anything. Yeah, I think another part of this crap is late-onset existential loneliness. I felt like most people are too trapped in themselves to ever really communicate with anyone else. We're all separated by our delusions of selfhood, and 'conversations' and 'connections' are these monstrous farces that only do more to keep us apart because hardly anyone notices how terribly constricted and narrow their selves are, how much work is required to overcome that. And those that do expand become so irremediably different and aware of their difference from everyone else that their development only severs more ties and the possibility of genuine connection. A person in a giant glass jar has more mobility than one in a small peanut jar (plus those jars are usually plastic and bad for the environment, those bastards - I'm looking at you, Mr. Peanut), but is also separated from others by far more distance, even if the most anyone can do is press their noses up against the walls. Alright, I don't really know if I believe that. Please tell me everything is bullshit, if it is. I probably won't trust you 100%, but it'd help.

This response has no structure and I'm not going to give it any because I might explode. Also, most of it doesn't really make sense and probably doesn't communicate what I'm trying to say. I'm sorry. NO I HATE YO- no, I'm sorry.

Actually I'm sort of hoping it doesn't make too much sense. It doesn't make much sense to me either (that could be a lie, but it's hard to tell), so perhaps someone's insight about themselves will shed light on this.

And none of this is relevant to anything else and I hope you all derail the fuck out of this thread if you wish, please don't hold back, on anything. [The topic is a lie.] You already know how I feel about you, so it's only uphill from here.

 

[Jennywocky]

After spending a life being paranoid of conflict and now watching a lot of my world crumble because my family can't have the balls to actually get dirty with me while remaining connected and engaged -- when niceness and conflict avoidance derail the ability to speak openly, hash things out, then move on stronger than before -- I actually have started to really appreciate people in my life who can take it on the chin and dish it back. All I need to know is that they're gonna be around after, rather than using it as an excuse to bug out.

The problem with a lot of blunt talk on an open forum full of strangers is that people typically don't have a real commitment to each other, so often it's just a "nuke the planet, destroy the other guy" explosion meant to get one's own way... where in an actual relationship, you're actually fighting to keep things alive and make them better. Sometimes that end demands a lot of blood and violence and lashes of barbed wire.

There's a reason make-up sex has such a mind-blowing reputation.

 

[Melkor]

You don't have to keep living you know.

It's entirely optional.:}

/Hypocrisy

 

[NoID10ts]

I'm with Cheese. I hate you all to.

You're all diseased.

This place has become a cesspool of mundane bullshit and many of the really interesting people hardly ever post anymore, if ever.

<--- This guy is winking as if this is meant to be a playful post, but he doesn't wink for me.

Cunts.

<--- This guy is acting like that "Cunts" statement was just a joke, but it isn't.

 

[cheese]

Just an edit to the previous posts:
I forgot to respond to Moocow and Dimensional Transition! Oops.

Moocow:
Not relevant again, but useful and thanks anyway (you giant bag of shit).

Dimensional Transition:
Yeah, I agree it often isn't meant. Sometimes the words just don't string together in a terribly convenient way.

And of course you like me - you're pretty new.

Might as well add Jennywocky:
Yeah, that's what I meant by respectful hate. Unfortunately what often goes on is the hit-you-over-the-head-with-a-club-so-your-eyeballs-roll-around-in-your-sockets-as-much-as-mine-do variety.

I hate Noddy most of all because he makes me laugh so much it hurts.

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

Thank god it's not just me!

Sometimes it's truly sickening fascinating kind of interesting to find out how much like you guys I am. So of course this means the inverse is true and you all are like me.

^^Man, if I were leaving this place behind that would make an awesome parting shot at you mopes. You are like me....that's meaner than a heartfelt fuck you. I'm not leaving this place, not yet anyway. I'm kinda happy to see the influx of new people because that means a revitalization is possible...or of course they might just wreck the place. Just as good.

^^I'm only kinda sorta serious, it's just that I've felt frustrated about some of the goings on (and lack of goings on that I've done nothing to rectify) both here and the rest of the world. I'll get over it, I always do.

 

[BigApplePi]

Excellent post cheese. Liked the song as well. Mebbe I can call you Limburger after this?

Excellent catharsis. You don't hold it in like I feel obligated to do sometimes.

 

[BigApplePi]

Mmm, yummy responses. *rubs tummy, bits of self crumble off into a peculiar and suspicious cake*

If they want a little notice why not give it to them?

Ok first things first. This thread was not about the forum. Not specifically, anyway. And I want to apologise to anyone who felt that our (personal or public) interactions suddenly became any less valuable - they didn't, at least to me. This thread does not cheapen anything or anyone. It's more that something inside me has rotted and died.

If you were really really sorry, you'd apologize.

 

[Bird]

LOL


"It isn't you, it's me."

 

[Jennywocky]

LOL
"It isn't you, it's me."

Lol... better yet... I've always wanted to say to someone, "It's not me, it's you."

 

[NoID10ts]

Ah yes, it's not me, it's definitely you.

Jesus Christ is it ever you.

You with a capital 'Y'.

YOU with all capitals, in fact.

YOU.

YOU.

YOU.

Not me.

YOU.

Yo, it's U.

This is me ----->

This is you ---->

YOU.




not me
​

 

[BigApplePi]

And the true feelings?

YouTube - The Ames Brothers - You, You, You

 

[Jennywocky]

Ah yes, it's not me, it's definitely you.​

Jesus Christ is it ever you.​

You with a capital 'Y'.​

YOU with all capitals, in fact.​

YOU. ​

YOU.​

YOU.​

Not me.​

YOU.​

Yo, it's U.​

This is me -----> ​

This is you ----> ​

YOU.​

​

not me​

*GASP!*
"It's YOU!!!"

 

[Auburn]

After spending a life being paranoid of conflict and now watching a lot of my world crumble because my family can't have the balls to actually get dirty with me while remaining connected and engaged -- when niceness and conflict avoidance derail the ability to speak openly, hash things out, then move on stronger than before -- I actually have started to really appreciate people in my life who can take it on the chin and dish it back. All I need to know is that they're gonna be around after, rather than using it as an excuse to bug out.

oh god. yes. o__o

i'd rather have someone punch my face than hide behind a smile. i actually love to be criticized, to be yelled at in honest frustration. because being straightforward is the only real way to form a genuine relationship with someone.

one that doesn't feel stunted. you have to be willing to get dirty with them. let them show you their vileness, show them yours, and still accept each other afterward.

to say - we are human. i know you're flawed like me. let's not hide it, dammit! show me your true colors. i'll show you mines. be real with me. the honesty of it, the vileness of it makes me smile.

because how can you truly know me if all you see is the side that looks most pleasant to you? how can I be real with you that way. you see what you want to see, not me. you interact with who you want to interact, not me.

the honesty is refreshing. even if it stings. at least it means you consider me real. worth getting frustrated over. worth yelling at. at least you'd treat me like a person instead of some abstraction that demands politeness to remain at bay in your life..


having said that, i'm a hypocrite and there are few people i've ever truly shown my full colors. but those people mean a lot to me. most people exist as abstractions that i have to manage a certain way in order for the external world to flow as it should - but not as authentic people.

but i've gotten angry with some of you here so I obviously consider you more real than the people around me.

 

[NoID10ts]

^^ I really hate that guy. ^^

<--- There's that winking wanker again.