First and foremost this might be kind of long and as I am well aware of - us INTPs have a hard time paying attention to 99% of things, especially long rants filled with possibly boring detail of others lives. However, I did want to offer some advice to you from an INTP who has found happiness. Why do I have any credibility? Because I have suffered from serious depression prior to a year ago and was on my way to possibly just ending it all because I seemingly knew what my apparent destiny was - getting a fucking horrible job that required monotonous boring work topped with constant social interaction day in and day out. The inescapable 21st century workforce that others can somehow manage to pull of but is a sheer searing knife to an INTP brain where our mind is a playground of imagination and logic. I'm not going to go into immense detail but let me just give you a hint on my backstory...
I'm fairly young, early 20's, never heard of the INTP personality before summer of 2011. I graduated high school a few years ago and went straight to college. I've always been fairly gifted at figuring things out but I am far from a gem of brilliance. You see I'm smart in the sense that I am good at ARCHITECTING ideas. I'm sure many of you feel the same way. However, I cannot follow rules - I can't study, I only pursue academics of my own interest, and I am constantly bored. Nothing (well almost nothing) can hold my attention for more than probably a week before it gets shattered by a new pursuit. My problem is I'm just as much a logician as I am an artist and I need to have some outlet for creativity using logic. It must be a mix of the two or else I become depressed - for instance, I could never be a painter, musician, writer, etc. because it relies way too much on the individual to produce unique creative work. And I could never be a full blown mathematician because it requires sheer logic, and in my opinion, mathematics and the sciences or too restricting when it comes to scientists being creative with their work. That's just my opinion however.
Anyway, us INTP's we need the two together - Creativity and Logic. I went to college because I thought it was the next step in life but it took me two years to even pick a major because I never could decide what to do with my life - I NEVER had an answer when I was a child. I fucking hated people that did (or I was just jealous) because I never knew how someone could pick ONE thing to devote their life to when the world offers so many different things. Luckily, I went to a local state school which is respected, credible, and fairly cheap compared to other colleges. I THOUGHT I wanted to be a filmmaker of some sort (sheesh, fucking kidding right? I can barely follow through on tying my shoes) because I LOVE the idea of IDEAS. I love the thought of being able to architect an IDEA and build it and polish it and show it off to the world and inspire others.
So, two years into college I just picked a major that dealt with media production and stuff. Little did I know was that I am an INTP - decision making, follow through, and sticking to something is not going to happen. Plus I fucking hate the media and shit, but what the fuck did I know at the time? I just went with my apparent interests that I had one day.... Well that day turned into another two years of classes, classes I despised. But why did I stick to it? Cause I didn't know what else to do with my life - I 'needed' a college degree and all my credit hours were with this major so I just thought I'd finish - plus I got scholarships for my excellent GPA so I used it to my advantage.
So there I was, another two years later about to graduate college and I realized I didn't want to do this with my life. I felt like I just wasted four fucking years of education and college and some of my parents money to have nothing to show. WTF was wrong with me? I had totally lost interest in something I THOUGHT I was passionate about. The thing is though, and that I realized, is that I NEVER was passionate about it - in fact I realized I was not passionate about anything in life. I just went with my interests at the time but you all know as an INTP - interests change often.
So I got thrown into depression because I thought something was wrong with me and the way I think. I wanted to be like everyone else - don't think so much about things, enjoy fucking sunday football, watch grass grow, mow the lawn, talk about the weather, blah blah blah blah... all the things that NORMAL people do. But I knew it was never going to happen - my mind was a playground with no outlet and I knew I wasn't normal. Bare in mind, this was a point in my life I did not know about the INTP, and I felt immense guilt for my actions and the way I think. I knew I could not survive in this world without being extremely unhappy everyday. So I thought about suicide a lot.... I cried a lot... I had the some of the worst thoughts ever where I would just mentally beat myself up because I hated who I was. I didn't think I had any sort of skills or anything to offer the world.
One day in the middle of the semester - a semester where I was drinking heavily and picked up smoking cigarettes because I couldn't stand my classes - I realized I could not do this anymore. I was at the lowest of the low and I knew it was either suicide or take responsibility for shaping my life the way I wanted it to be. And for some reason, at the lowest of the low, when I HATED everything that was in this world, I realized that the only thing that has been a sustained current of interest is Computers. I BELIEVED in the power of Computers, and for some reason, I felt the need to learn how to program. I couldn't really tell you why other than the fact that I realized I had nothing to lose, I was practically on the breaking point anyways and I thought, well why the fuck not?
So next semester was my first CS course and I LOVED it. I learned about primitive types, loops, control statements, and "Hello World!" I learned about classes, fields, and methods.... and I will never forget when I realized what an Object actually was. I finally saw the bigger picture of an Object and I was like
"OHHH That's an object! I get it!". I WANTED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT COMPUTERS AND PROGRAMMING. I actually would go home and smash through websites, tutorials, and would read the book far ahead of anyone in my class because I WANTED TO KNOW MORE.
And that's when it hit me - I wanted to be a programmer.
I never WANTED to be anything in my life, but I WANTED to be a programmer.
But what the fuck? I'm about to graduate college - my parents will think I'm crazy, EVERYONE will think I'm crazy.... how am I going to go to school for this for another two-three years? How will I pay for it...?
One day, when I was trying to find online advice about what to do, I found Steve Job's Stanford Commencement Speech. It changed my life because it hit me exactly when I needed it to and also when I was already thinking about just killing myself anyways. I realized from what he said, that life is short and that I should be happy. Programming made me really happy. No other type of work made me happy, or held my true interest, or gave me an inner sense of satisfaction. So I decided, to "trust that it would all work out okay" and I told my parents that I wanted to be a programmer and that I don't care what happens but that I'm going to pay for summer school and work my ass off so I can get into higher level classes in the fall. And I don't care, because this is what I want to dedicate my working life to - because, as I felt cocky to admit it, I was GREAT at programming, not only because I loved it but because it was MADE for my mind of using Logic and Creativity to architect and build IDEAS.
Summer of last year, I worked my ass off studying, programming, and working to pay the bills. It was amazing that I loved to do something and I wanted to know why. I wanted to finally figure out why I was the way I was and eventually, I found the INTP forum, and I found you guys. And the planets aligned in my life. It all made sense to me now - every single fucking decision I ever made, every interest I've held and thrown away, every thought I ever had - it all made sense now. Sure, Myers-Briggs might be pseudo-sciencey, but it certainly is a starting point for a lot of people and it saved my life because it made me realize that I suck at 99/100 things but I blow the competition away when it comes to Abstract ideas. I decided to nurture and grow that skill and now here I am.....
Let's just say "it all worked out okay", I worked my ass off and got scholarships to help pay for my school. I found a company that believed in my capabilities and currently work for them as a programmer. Sure, it's a lot of responsibility but hard work - but there is no other job I'd rather be doing and working my ass off at. They respect who I am and they leave me alone to do my work. Everyone is very intelligent and very respectable - thought I think they are more ISTJs but still very awesome.
My life did a 180 in ONE FUCKING YEAR because of passion and hard work and the realization that my life and my happiness was my responsibility. I know everyone has different circumstances and life is 'harder' for others, but I urge you to please take something from my story....
1. Take responsibility for your life, it is yours, and no one can tell you what to do fully or what makes YOU happy.
2. Believe in yourself even though your an INTP. You're not like others, but you also have skills that pay MONEY and that you love to use anyways. Foster these Logic and Creativity skills and use them to support yourself.
3. You deserve to be happy, but you have to find it. AND YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT. The work I put into changing my life was not stated enough in this rant, but it exists. I knew what I wanted in life and I worked very hard for it.
4. Don't fucking make excuses. I had a million excuses not to change my life because it would be 'too hard'. INTPs solve problems. If I didn't have money for school then I went out and I found others who did who would give it to me. If I didn't have 'time to learn everything' then I stopped my 'hobbies' and I found the time. SOLVE YOUR LIFE PROBLEMS, YOU'RE A PROBLEM SOLVER.
5. Develop your social skills and be nice to everyone - it goes a long way. I HATE small talk, in fact I don't care to socialize much at all. But dude, humans have to talk to one another, especially when working together. Respectable, intelligent employers want to know you're not a complete basket case because they need to work with you.
6. Eliminate everything in your life that DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY. You won't find me on facebook, or watching television, or filling my life with any negative aspects that this world has seemed to adopt so readily. I live a very simple life and in my personal opinion, I think that is where happiness is. Surround yourself with what you love - it's probably only a few things.
7. It's never too late to change your life.
Don't hesitate to ask me more questions. I'm kind of bored writing this now and I'm about to enjoy a wonderful day with my girlfriend. I've got some shit I want to do now, because I'm an INTP and I've got a lot of side interests I'm working on.