• OK, it's on.
  • Please note that many, many Email Addresses used for spam, are not accepted at registration. Select a respectable Free email.
  • Done now. Domine miserere nobis.

Join me in achieving self-discipline?

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
@peoplesuck - It's your turn! READ THE BOOK! READ IT! Haha. I'm obsessed. Dear god I love this book.
damnit inex! i was going to read it, but now that you told me to...
:p

Omg today stuff happened!
brought nephew to arcade with full buffet, you guys they had a cookie pizza! and brownies! everything looked so fucking good.
I didnt give in!
I refused!
then afterwards I was stuck in the car with everyone eating my favorite chinese food, they tried to make me eat it! I refused again.

I just got back from store, I bought lots of healthy stuff. Im going to cut back on meat drastically, since I hate the idea of buying it, and how its all done. ANYWAYS
I feel ive overcome my insane sugar cravings, despite only being on day 2?
Im going to avoid overly sugary shit to keep from becoming addicted again.

At arcade they also had trampoline room, I was playing dodgeball with the kids, I tried to throw it, and idk what happened but something in my back moved and I was in pain.
went away after like 3 minutes of sitting and I was good?
????????
(different spot from previous back pain)
(guys I need a doctor, send monie)

I got new pants guys, no holes in the crotch! tbh all my pants had crotch holes.
bch dont judge me, do you even cycle? >.>
also potential huge job opportunity! i find out next week

Ive committed to intermitten fasting for x reasons:
cooking is a pain in my ass
when you are eating and hungry all the time, usually you fuck off with the food you eat.
Just not being hungry 24/7

Im going to try limiting calories to 1000> per day
today I had about 480
idk wot im doing but if I starve I lose weigh, which is the goal
started at 178lbs, yesterday morning 175lbs now at around 174?
scale says 177, but I just drank half a liter of water and refuse to take my boots/clothes off.


I did fuck up and forget cold shower today, thats mainly bc I didnt shower.
fite me

I put a bunch of vegetables and 2 ribs into a slow cooker, so tomorrow I can have some really good and healthy food. I am excite u guys! finally overcame my lifelong sugar addiction. maybe

In order to keep from feeling empty 24/7 or refilling water bottle 24/7 I got a water bottle rated for PS amounts of liquids...
2Liters :D
looks comical af drinking it while driving, its gigantic
oh oh oh! also I fixed my sleep schedule!
so many things r working!
thanks jebus
im ded atm, will respond and socialize another day, amigos
weighed again, neked, after drinking an entire 2L of water, 173 lbs
progressssssss
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
Omg today stuff happened!
brought nephew to arcade with full buffet, you guys they had a cookie pizza! and brownies! everything looked so fucking good.
I didnt give in!
I refused!
then afterwards I was stuck in the car with everyone eating my favorite chinese food, they tried to make me eat it! I refused again.
Holy capybara! Thats a ton of temptation to pass up. You've got willpower of steel!

I tried to throw it, and idk what happened but something in my back moved and I was in pain.
went away after like 3 minutes of sitting and I was good?
Something.....moved? @_@ What do you have back there that's gonna be moving around? That doesn't sound good. Look up a free clinic. It might be a bit of a drive - but hey.

I got new pants guys, no holes in the crotch!
I feel like this is the height of INTP fashion.

also potential huge job opportunity! i find out next week
Awesommeeee!!!!! What in?!

oh oh oh! also I fixed my sleep schedule!
Jeez Peoples. You said you were going to get disciplined...like...two days ago! Haha. I need to catch up!
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
today's meal
one potatoe, and one bowl of mushy vegetables.
yep next time im frying them, gross
the kewl thing about starving, is the food tastes so good, and its kinda exciting. :D
im pretty sure I went past 1k calories with this meal? idc better than what I usually eat.
1 potato like 5 little pieces of chicken+ bowl of vegetables
note to self: use some type of broth, because adding 3 ribs didnt give anything a meat flavor XD
also I think today was the first time in my life I have intentionally eaten a mushroom :o
20200209_091816.jpg
20200209_092953.jpg


Something.....moved? @_@ What do you have back there that's gonna be moving around? That doesn't sound good. Look up a free clinic. It might be a bit of a drive - but hey
ehhhh free clinic you say? Idk if those exist here, It will be ok inex, I will just die at the old age of 27, the way god intended! ;p
Awesommeeee!!!!! What in?!
just duct work, but it pays realllly well.
Jeez Peoples. You said you were going to get disciplined...like...two days ago! Haha. I need to catch up!
I fixed sleep schedule like 8 days ago, food thing just happened.

Edit: perhaps I forgot to tell you I have an obsessive personality, im either 100% or 0%
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
Another successful day of barely eating.
I have done some research, and I think I understand how you are supposed to eat, in order to maintain a healthy weight effortlessly. Not that its complicated...
I got a brownie and some chocolate, along with some natural fig bars. (treats for tomorrow :D)
Im going to eat more tomorrow, I drank too much today, didnt end up eating much.
It was really rough until about 2 hours ago.

Im glad I ended up doing this.
I think I have a much more healthy relationship to food and sugar.

LMK if I should stop doing this in diary format XD
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
just duct work, but it pays realllly well.
I immediately thought of quack quacks.
Why kind of work do you have to do with ducts? Is this the sort of work you’ve done before? I’m really curious to know what this involves. I’ve never heard of duct work. Interesting....ducts....ducts - that’s like pipes right? Or vent thingys that go between the indoors and the outdoors? Sorry. I’m house-dumb. I can do some things. Replace a window pane. Sand and putty. Paint. But I don’t get the mechanics of builders to a pitiful extent. I need to work on that. Must add it to the massive list of things I don’t know. In fact - I think I will actually make a real list like that rather than keeping mental tally....

Today I learned about ribs. Your influence. What you should do is bake them in the oven in a tinfoil thing with a tinfoil cover after you rub seasonings all over them like you do with your frisky ladies. It doesn’t look too difficult. I’m going to try it.

Mushrooms are amazing. I could make you like mushrooms if we were real friends (like, in the tangible world).

Best way to cook mushrooms imo is to fry them in butter with minced garlic. But you can also do a wine reduction sauce...I think that’s tricky. But if you want to try it - do Marsala sweet wine. Mushrooms are so tasty and so good for you! Get baby bellas. Mild flavor.
 

Happy

sorry for english
Local time
Tomorrow, 07:00
Joined
Apr 26, 2013
Messages
1,335
Location
Yes
@peoplesuck
Some fairly low effort tips to make your slow cooked stuff taste gooder because in all honesty, that ribs and veg combo sounds pretty gross and I feel kinda bad for you having to eat it:
  • Don’t just throw your ribs or whatever meat in a slow cooker. Fry it in a bit of oil on at least a medium-high heat first to get them nice and brown on the outside. The brown-ness is flavour. It will also serve to lock in the juice and flavour a bit.
  • The best veggies for a slow cooker flavour base are diced onion, carrot and celery (it’s called mirepoix). Emphasis on the onion. If you don’t like celery, omit it. Cook them a little before you put them in slow cooker (cook them right after you take the meat out so you can use the leftover meat juices for more flavour - add more oil if you need it). Cook the onion a little more than the rest.
  • If you want to add vegetables at this stage, stick to harder ones. Potatoes (diced, min. 1 inch)
  • When you put it all in the slow cooker, 'deglaze' your frying pan (add some liquid - broth or water - and clean all the crap off the pan) and add it to your slow cooker for bonus flavour.
  • Use stock/broth as your liquid base. Add salt, pepper and herbs (parsley/thyme/bay/rosemary are staples).
  • Then, add more flavour with any of the following:
    • a can of diced tomatoes
    • tomato paste
    • crushed garlic
    • half a bottle of red wine
    • a stock cube or powdered stock/bouillon
  • Cook it low and slow. If you want to add softer vegetables, add them towards the end. You can even fry them and add them right at the end. This is especially true for mushrooms. Mushrooms, sauteed in butter, and added at the end to a slow cooked casserole is fantastic.
  • If you want some complex carbs (the good kind), add a (drained) can of any kind of white-looking beans towards the end. If they're in a can, they're already mostly cooked.
  • When you're done, if you want to intensify the flavour, you can strain all the liquid and 'reduce' it (heat it in a saucepan and let the water evaporate to leave the sauce much thicker). It's done when you can dip a spoon in there and it leaves a layer on the spoon when you take it out. If you do this, remember that the liquid will be MUCH thicker once it's cooled down, so don't go overboard.
  • Adjust the flavour with salt and pepper.

There you go. Next time you do it, take at least a few of those tips and it'll be much, much tastier.

If it looks something like this (after reducing the sauce), you've nailed it:

 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
Why kind of work do you have to do with ducts? Is this the sort of work you’ve done before? I’m really curious to know what this involves. I’ve never heard of duct work. Interesting....ducts....ducts - that’s like pipes right? Or vent thingys that go between the indoors and the outdoors?
Ducting, as in vents in houses, but also furnace and ac work. Ive never done it before.
Today I learned about ribs. Your influence. What you should do is bake them in the oven in a tinfoil thing with a tinfoil cover after you rub seasonings all over them like you do with your frisky ladies. It doesn’t look too difficult. I’m going to try it.
yeah I had no idea wtf I was doing. It wasnt great, my veggies were fkn noddles XD
never doing it the wrong way again.

Mushrooms are amazing. I could make you like mushrooms if we were real friends (like, in the tangible world).
Lies, all of them. Mushrooms are my mortal enemy.
@peoplesuck
Some fairly low effort tips to make your slow cooked stuff taste gooder because in all honesty, that ribs and veg combo sounds pretty gross and I feel kinda bad for you having to eat it:
  • Don’t just throw your ribs or whatever meat in a slow cooker. Fry it in a bit of oil on at least a medium-high heat first to get them nice and brown on the outside. The brown-ness is flavour. It will also serve to lock in the juice and flavour a bit.
  • The best veggies for a slow cooker flavour base are diced onion, carrot and celery (it’s called mirepoix). Emphasis on the onion. If you don’t like celery, omit it. Cook them a little before you put them in slow cooker (cook them right after you take the meat out so you can use the leftover meat juices for more flavour - add more oil if you need it). Cook the onion a little more than the rest.
  • If you want to add vegetables at this stage, stick to harder ones. Potatoes (diced, min. 1 inch)
  • When you put it all in the slow cooker, 'deglaze' your frying pan (add some liquid - broth or water - and clean all the crap off the pan) and add it to your slow cooker for bonus flavour.
  • Use stock/broth as your liquid base. Add salt, pepper and herbs (parsley/thyme/bay/rosemary are staples).
  • Then, add more flavour with any of the following:
    • a can of diced tomatoes
    • tomato paste
    • crushed garlic
    • half a bottle of red wine
    • a stock cube or powdered stock/bouillon
  • Cook it low and slow. If you want to add softer vegetables, add them towards the end. You can even fry them and add them right at the end. This is especially true for mushrooms. Mushrooms, sauteed in butter, and added at the end to a slow cooked casserole is fantastic.
  • If you want some complex carbs (the good kind), add a (drained) can of any kind of white-looking beans towards the end. If they're in a can, they're already mostly cooked.
  • When you're done, if you want to intensify the flavour, you can strain all the liquid and 'reduce' it (heat it in a saucepan and let the water evaporate to leave the sauce much thicker). It's done when you can dip a spoon in there and it leaves a layer on the spoon when you take it out. If you do this, remember that the liquid will be MUCH thicker once it's cooled down, so don't go overboard.
  • Adjust the flavour with salt and pepper.

There you go. Next time you do it, take at least a few of those tips and it'll be much, much tastier.

If it looks something like this (after reducing the sauce), you've nailed it:

last ned (9).jpeg
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
Another successful day.
tomorrow im not going to worry about calories, im just going to eat healthy.
Im making my own pizza from scratch tomorrow, already made the sauce, as soon as I get up im making it!
171lbs as of this morning.
I think i may be losing weight a bit too fast for someone my size, I dont want to lose all my gains bro.
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
Just make sure to keep up the protein, but balance it with fat. That's my solution, at any rate. I lose weight when I cut out carbs from wheat, sugar, and rice. In theory, if you take in an adequate amount of protein and fat, your body shouldn't cannibalize your muscles for energy, I think.

But again, if you're sustaining such a diet long-term, you would need to mind your 3-6-9 fatty acid ratio, or you could be increasing your risk of cardiovascular diseases.

I really suggest you give the broth thing a shot! Just a cup of hot broth, with gelatin. Check out the amino acid profile on gelatin. It's impressive. Plus, this method is super filling and low calorie! In theory, it can also benefit your hormone regulation.

Grats on your pizza mission! If you melt a little bit of butter and spice it liberally with Italian seasoning, you can brush it over the crust before you cook the pizza. Makes a big difference!

Maybe you should try mushrooms on your pizza...Be a champ. But - I would kind of fry the mushrooms in the frying pan, because otherwise they maybe could release moisture as they cook down and give you wet pizza? But maybe you like your pizza like you like your girls.

I had a shrug worthy day today. I slept badly last night - still trying to adjust to my new sleep cycle. I've felt run down all day. I was kind of proud of myself though, because at a certain point I told myself to stop making excuses to be lazy and just. do. it.
And it worked! :3 I probably shamed myself into action.

My inner voice is too passive and peaceful. Today, the inner drill sargent came out and that worked a whole lot better!

Like you, Peoples - I'm on a quest now to better my healthy cooking abilities! I've been learning how to make Baby Back Ribs. You inspired me!

WHICH MEANS YOU CANNOT STOP! You'll ruin my life. Lol! Jk.
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
Take a picture of your snacks tomorrow. Lets see who can cook prettier snacks.

The prettiness is important you know. Apparently. It does seem to work on me psychologically. Prettier food is more filling.

Peoples. I'm also going to have to up my water game. Your cinder-block sized water injection canister has put my water game to shame. I'm thinking of getting separate color-coded water bottles and placing them in my most frequently visited areas.

Yeah. I got to step up my game. It's kind of become a competition between the two of us now. I started this thread. I have to uphold my honor.

I challenge you. To a fight to the death (of laziness).
 

ZenRaiden

One atom of me
Local time
Today, 21:00
Joined
Jul 27, 2013
Messages
790
Location
Between concrete walls
Discipline for me is a skill. I have the skill I just do not need it. I am disciplined when I have a goal to achieve. I think most people would have the discipline with sense of urgency and desire to achieve. I think first rule of discipline is to recognize your actual goal. Name the goal. Think about when and where it will be achieved. Then just do it.
If the goal is not worth achieving then you will never try and never have the sense of urgency and drive to do it.
Let me give you an example. Let us say you will get 1 000 000 dollars if you run a marathon. Now you might think that is just make believe, but would you not run the marathon if you did get it>? Probably yes if you have legs working and no heart condition or major health issues. Most people think marathon running is something super crazy. In reality it is super easy just requires lots of frequent practice. Some people like running, some just have motivation to do it. Most people do not run marathons, simply because they do not have to. However if you like the look of 1000 000 dollars you are likely to do it, probs even if it meant hardship. No one would pass the opportunity to do it if they could have that kind of money.
All you need therefore is goal. A goal worth achieving. Not something nebulous and stupid. Something that will actually make you as happy as 1000 000 bucks. Now you have rest of your life to figure out what has the value in your life well enough to make you get out of bed and actually do something. Most people do not have a clear defined goal in life. Most people just avoid hardship and pain and discomfort and as result never get anywhere in life, because that mental state is just plain bad for doing things life.

Discipline is skill, but without a clear goal it means nothing. Having discipline for sake of discipline can be fun for few days, perhaps weeks at best. That is exactly the amount of time people stick to goals they have and do not care about. Most common category of such goals are new years resolutions.
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
After eating half my pizza and refusing to take my shirt and pants off im 171.8lbs

Just make sure to keep up the protein, but balance it with fat. That's my solution, at any rate. I lose weight when I cut out carbs from wheat, sugar, and rice. In theory, if you take in an adequate amount of protein and fat, your body shouldn't cannibalize your muscles for energy, I think.

But again, if you're sustaining such a diet long-term, you would need to mind your 3-6-9 fatty acid ratio, or you could be increasing your risk of cardiovascular diseases.

I really suggest you give the broth thing a shot! Just a cup of hot broth, with gelatin. Check out the amino acid profile on gelatin. It's impressive. Plus, this method is super filling and low calorie! In theory, it can also benefit your hormone regulation.
Yea im having a little cheat day because my protein intake wasnt nearly high enough, neither was my fat intake. I have a lot of muscle I dont want to lose XD
I think doing this way too fast will result in more muscle loss, I will prioritize weight loss, but in a way that doesnt end in me being weak af.
I am making my own broth :D by cooking for other people in pot, and keeping the broth. I have a very good little broth now!
cooking meat b4 putting it into the broth is 100% critical.
I havent had any moments of weakness, last night I was game for ending my fast to make my perfect pizza sauce, but I resisted.
sauce was amazing, and I made enough for like 7 pizzas....accidentally
Grats on your pizza mission! If you melt a little bit of butter and spice it liberally with Italian seasoning, you can brush it over the crust before you cook the pizza. Makes a big difference!
omg yes, its not even a pizza if you dont add seasoning to crust! thanks for tip

Maybe you should try mushrooms on your pizza...Be a champ.
nottodaysatan_thumb.png
But maybe you like your pizza like you like your girls.
I like my pizza the way I like my sandwiches: dry as fuck.
Im learning I like my woman as similar to me as I can find, they are the only ones I can tolerate.
I had a shrug worthy day today. I slept badly last night - still trying to adjust to my new sleep cycle. I've felt run down all day. I was kind of proud of myself though, because at a certain point I told myself to stop making excuses to be lazy and just. do. it.
And it worked! :3 I probably shamed myself into action.

My inner voice is too passive and peaceful. Today, the inner drill sargent came out and that worked a whole lot better!
Yeah adjusting to new sleep schedules is a nightmare. (pun, good imo) Yay stronge inner inex came out :P
Like you, Peoples - I'm on a quest now to better my healthy cooking abilities! I've been learning how to make Baby Back Ribs. You inspired me!
:O Yes Ive become interested in cooking real food! Its so much better when you make it yourself, and havent eaten for 24hours.
glad I have inspired you.
I encourage you to make your own bbq sauce!
WHICH MEANS YOU CANNOT STOP! You'll ruin my life. Lol! Jk.
no pressure, what so ever...
Lets see who can cook prettier snacks.
As an intp, and man, I absolutely refuse to make pretty snaccs.
*goes onto show off pretty snaccs*
my wheat bread, with mintchocolate, bananas, chia seeds, and cinnamon, and peanut butter. and tiny thing of amazing french yogurt
nasty bowl of delicious potatoes mixed with beans and absurd amounts of garlic.
20200210_073016.jpg
The prettiness is important you know. Apparently. It does seem to work on me psychologically. Prettier food is more filling.
<.< woman thing I guess
Peoples. I'm also going to have to up my water game. Your cinder-block sized water injection canister has put my water game to shame. I'm thinking of getting separate color-coded water bottles and placing them in my most frequently visited areas.
Yeah...no...
the other day I drank 2liters in 10minutes...without trying. Hey thats actually really unhealthy XD
If I dont pay attention, I will accidentally fuck up and poison myself with water
144f171d178130abf22414dedb6c74fe.jpg


Yeah. I got to step up my game. It's kind of become a competition between the two of us now. I started this thread. I have to uphold my honor.

I challenge you. To a fight to the death (of laziness).
Competition is good, but its not a good idea to compare your progress to someone who has very few responsibilities, and can focus 100% on these things.
But I accept your challenge.
here is pizza, is covered in chia seeds. its pineapple and onion, hamburger and jalapeno, roast and hamburger :
20200211_092626.jpg
 

moody

Active Member
Local time
Today, 13:00
Joined
Dec 15, 2018
Messages
492
@Inexorable Username
I should try practicing right when I get up...that's a good idea. I tend to be really sluggish in the mornings, and it takes me until the afternoon to get going at times.

On an unrelated note, I'm starting a small ensemble with a vocalist friend and I'm so excited! I'll let you know what rep we're doing in case you're interested. You mentioned once that you wanted to sing more; since I've been looking for chamber pieces that include voice and 1-2 instruments, I could give you some suggestions if you wanted. (I knew of several people who weren't religious, but were involved in a church community so that they could perform. If you want a venue, doing that, or performing for senior homes, is usually a safe way to go). What is your range?
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
weighed this morning, 170.8lbs after day of normal caloric intake.
 

Serac

A menacing post slithers
Local time
Today, 21:00
Joined
Jun 7, 2017
Messages
2,931
Location
Stockholm
@peoplesuck damn dude I say this as a friend - your diet is beyond terrible. It’s like 100% comprised of sugar, starch and wheat?
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
169.6lbs after eating.
The diet thing is easy at this point, I dont know if I want to risk sugar dependency by trying anything too sugary.
I should try practicing right when I get up...that's a good idea.
Typically, you have more self discipline early in the day, before you get tired.
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
@peoplesuck damn dude I say this as a friend - your diet is beyond terrible. It’s like 100% comprised of sugar, starch and wheat?
Yeah, im figuring it out.
It's better than it was...though.. It was so bad before I dont want to share. I could have gotten more sugar in one sip of soda than what I have had in days on this diet. (corn syrup, sugar) I do have sweet things, but naturally sweet.
The yogurt is low sugar content compared to most options, bread is about 60% of the size of normal bread, its grain.
My diet has been completely lacking in protein.
However, it has more vegetables, and fats.
Im going to start adding more things.
I decided to stop eating meat, so Im going to have to stock up on alternatives.
Im working on it...
I guess all I can really say is that it is better than it was.
 

Serac

A menacing post slithers
Local time
Today, 21:00
Joined
Jun 7, 2017
Messages
2,931
Location
Stockholm
@peoplesuck a possibly slightly healthier version of bread - with the added bonus of being a classic norwegian food - is knekkebrød (that's the only bread-type thing I eat). Don't know if that exists in US though
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
@peoplesuck a possibly slightly healthier version of bread - with the added bonus of being a classic norwegian food - is knekkebrød (that's the only bread-type thing I eat). Don't know if that exists in US though
Hey thanks, I googled it and apparently the main ingredient is rye. I didnt even know what rye was, but I guess it has a few uses and is a very healthy wheat alternative.
I will give it a shot.
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
Local time
Today, 21:00
Joined
Oct 6, 2019
Messages
1,623
Location
Ireland
I ate 6 brioche buns today.
I got a tasting for them recently, decided to eat 4 buy themselves and 2 others with burgers in them. I haven't ate this much bread in god knows how long. It's been a good food day and brioche buns are the shit.
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
Hey guys. Will post soon. Had a busy couple of days due to taking in a supposedly “abandoned” cat who was in rough shape.

Cat has been reunited with frantic owner. Smiles and purrs all the way around.

The poor thing was all depressed, matted, and starving. Allies co-worker had this whole weird story around the cat that ended up being very fictional.
 

Elen

Cold and damp
Local time
Today, 13:00
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
131
My attempts at self discipline have been somewhat successful. I deal with insomnia related to an autoimmune disorder and resulting hormone imbalance making it so my body doesn't always produce the sleep hormones it should when it should.

But I've stuck to my chamomile tea and keeping my phone away from my bedroom plan. I have slept better but I still wake up at 3am or 4am for a few hours then fall asleep right before my alarm goes off. That's the fucking worst.

Like now, for example. I have been awake since 3:30am. I predict I'll fall asleep around 5:30am. My alarm will go off at 6am. And then I'll be a zombie for the rest of the day.
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
Local time
Today, 21:00
Joined
Oct 6, 2019
Messages
1,623
Location
Ireland
I used to be a firm believer in the action of voluntary self-improvement but I think speculation is dangerous. Disciplining yourself to doing tasks you don't want to do as if you could roboticize your behaviour is sustaining, so in that end you will only be met with disappoint unless the application of self-discipline is towards a goal. Then another question arises: precisely how is it that you need self-discipline in order to achieve a goal? If you truly want something and it's of prime importance sitting above all else, you're metaphysical Raison D'etre then you should have no problems with self-discipline. Unless, of course you do not understand the goal you're working towards.

A phrase I used to like:
"Aim for the stars and maybe you'll reach a mountain apex"
To contrast a phrase I used to be fond of:
"Aim for the stars and you'll not see the foundations which you stand on"

For example, let's say you want to be an astronaut, but you don't have self-discipline. How does the application of discipline allow you to steadily reach that goal? The skillset of an astronaut is vast: Peak physical health, psychological testing, excellent core engineering skills, survivability and stress management. To function as an astronaut, you need these qualities. I'm sure many of us would like to be in space for a year or two but this is the nature of life: Competiting for resources. To dream, or want is merely a fraction of what is needed to achieve peculiar goals. Just as your dream is a factor that contributes to working towards your goal, you must meet other requirements. All of these requirements can be attained by the size of your ambitions, however that which you lack in other qualities mentioned needs a correspondingly larger ambition. If you suck at practically everythinig above and you don't have an ironclad dream it's just not going to work. You are only seeing the idea of visiting space, you are not seeing the foundation to which these astronauts sit on: Psychological resillience, survival instincts, an in-depth understanding of every material, fuel source or computational device in space.

There are two types of people that do things:
1. People that work a job because they can.
2. Another that has a fantasy of working in that place, which in some cases is an extension of the ego where they wish to be that character, play the role of an astronaut.

If you fall into the latter category, which I believe most do you must be in a psychological trance to achieve this goal. Self-discipline shouldn't even be a question, you have to be completely neurotic about this goal, beyond any rational criticism.

I think people should learn what interests them and see what proceeds after they develop an aptitude rather than aiming for a goal and learning stuff which they don't like. Everything in life seems a lot easier if you simply do what you can rather than what you think you want to do. And to be honest, chasing a long-term future goal requires incredibly patience, particularly so in a global society that's becoming incredibly impulsive: Faster transporation, instant food, 1 day amazon deliveries, 10gb/s downloads.

I currently don't have any long-term goal, or it's not that I don't have one I just don't use it as a framework to work towards. I would like to develop Artificial Intelligence and I am learning mathematics and data structures outside of my course, but I'm disambiguating what it means to play this role. I'm not prescient, if I learn and I fit the bill then everything will fall into place. My ego played a part in this role because I wanted something which was meaningful to pursue, advanced humanity yada yada etc. Now that I'm not actively pursuing the goal and just improving my skills as in how to utilise tools for programming, understanding algorithms that improve workflow, so on and so forth I find life is a lot easier. I'm working within the boundaries of my life rather than trying to exceed them by sheer ego-fantasical delusion. I'm not telling myself I'll do it at whatever cost making everything a sacrifice, I am just learning, keeping quiet and not taking about idealistic principles. It's hard to take baby steps towards a complex goal, especially one you view idyllicly.

All I know is that computer science will play a role in every field: Physics, Maths, Biology, Chemistry, Engineering, Robotics.., you all know this list. If I want to learn anything in the future I will need to understand computers.

If you set a goal too far from your reality you will never understand the steps required to achieve that goal.

P.S I just gave myself as an example so you can understand I don't want to step on anyone's dreams and that this is the realization I came to.
 

Serac

A menacing post slithers
Local time
Today, 21:00
Joined
Jun 7, 2017
Messages
2,931
Location
Stockholm
I recall I went from never having stepped into a gym in my early 20s to working out on average about 5-6 times a week for many years now (admittedly down to about 3 the last year due to too much work). I started out by saying: I'm gonna go the gym once a week and do just 3 exercises. I made everything as simple and natural as possible. Then over time I added more exercises, went more often, learned more about it etc etc – i.e. I let it grow organically into a habit.
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
My attempts at self discipline have been somewhat successful. I deal with insomnia related to an autoimmune disorder and resulting hormone imbalance making it so my body doesn't always produce the sleep hormones it should when it should.

But I've stuck to my chamomile tea and keeping my phone away from my bedroom plan. I have slept better but I still wake up at 3am or 4am for a few hours then fall asleep right before my alarm goes off. That's the fucking worst.

Like now, for example. I have been awake since 3:30am. I predict I'll fall asleep around 5:30am. My alarm will go off at 6am. And then I'll be a zombie for the rest of the day.
Here are some things I've tried that have helped me, personally. Maybe some of these will work for you as well:

For sleeping
- Adjusted to using a face mask and, if necessary, ear plugs
- Weighted blanket
- White noise

For getting up in the morning
- Setting an alarm that requires getting out of bed to turn it off.
- Setting an alarm to wake up 20 minutes early, then going back to sleep...Also I will sometimes drink water or if I'll be drinking caffeine that morning, I will drink caffeine, then go back to sleep for 20 minutes

For morning wakefulness
- A grapefruit. I don't know why, but grapefruits are like drugs to me. They make me very alert, non-tired, and they satisfy my hunger.

From my exercises in self-discipline lately, I've also discovered two more things that seem to help for my sleep and doing a ritual for putting away my to-do list seems to help. Making my bed really seems to help for some strange reason. The feeling of going to bed is different. I think it triggers my brain somehow to crawl into a made bed verses an unmade one.

I know you've probably tried pretty much everything and this stuff is probably not applicable to your situation - but I figured I'd share in case something here is new to you.
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
Sorry I haven't posted for a while!

I had a bit of a kink in my plans. Had to take care of a cat that I thought was abandoned...but it turns out it was only lost. The cat was reunited with its owner after of a month of being missing. It was sweet.

My cat though, suffered a bit of jealousy. He's territorial and possessive. Not being an expert in cat behavior, I'm not sure how to curb that. However, he's also painfully adorable, so I don't know that I'd have the willpower. After a day of hanging out in the office with me, he seemed to have less insecurity regarding the temporary feline visitor we had.

All is well.

2.jpeg


3.jpeg


He also has a thing for onesies. It's something we have in common.
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
As far as discipline goes, my shrine of environmental triggers worked well, so I streamlined this process - and the current method seems to really be panning out for me!

These are my boxes of discipline. There is a morning box, an afternoon box, and an evening box. There are also two baskets. One basket is for the outfit for that day - the other is for changing from that outfit into jammies. The old clothes go in the jammy basket to later be put in the laundry.

I've revived an old index card system I used. The index cards have chores on them, and are labeled by frequency...it's kind of complicated to explain - although very easy to implement. Anyways. Index cards are placed in one of the three boxes depending on the time of day the task is to be complete. Then, other objects that are triggers for tasks that need to be done in the morning, afternoon, or night, are placed in the box. For instance - I have my makeup in the morning box. Not that I typically wake up and put on a full face of makeup...but I'm going to at least make it a habit to put on a bit of concealer or something in order to establish the ritual of wearing makeup, because its something I may need to incorporate into my schedule in the future.

What I like about these boxes is that I can visually see what a certain part of the day should look like, but the boxes are compartmentalized, so I don't have to look at the day as a whole, which can be overwhelming.

What I also like about this box system is that, theoretically, if my morning or my afternoon gets messed up, it doesn't stop me from completing the other boxes.

I'm pretty excited about this system and I'm fairly confident in the ability of the system to work long term! I'll keep you guys posted.
1.jpeg
 

Animekitty

baby marshmallow born today
Local time
Today, 14:00
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
6,705
Location
Dandelion field
I do not think I have a goal in life that drives me. I cannot center my day around something if there is no purpose. I have centered my life around big goals before. But at times there was just nothing. My life meant nothing. I had no friends, I wasn't good at anything, I failed just way too much. I believe I am over much of that. My systems are no longer shut down due to sheer hopelessness. Hopelessness is worse than sadness is worse than depression. Now all I have to deal with is bipolar and a blank mind. Bipolar gives me energy randomly high and low. I fail at being creative because of it. The blank mind comes from not having thinking energy. Energy overcomes a blank mind. Also, I sleep in irregular patten that disrupts appointments I have. To sum up. I need the energy to pursue goals.

@Inexorable Username

You post a lot I notice. I believe you have a lot of energy. From what I just said what do you think?
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
*ahem*

ZOMGKITTY!!!!
Isn't he the cutest? We have conversations - not with traditional meows, but with various inflections on "Mmm" and "Hmmm". Maybe I will get it on tape.

He's a very cool cat. He enjoys hangin with the guys (the dogs, to be precise), going for boat rides, and hanging out on the dock while I catch clams. You can take him anywhere. He enjoys going to family barbecues, where he hangs out on the ground with the dogs and hopes for food. He's a little foodie. He's also obsessed with flushing toilets. He is a purring machine that dishes out oodles of love. Unless he's hungry - in which case he savages things and chews angrily on boxes. His obsession with all things food is unparalleled. I have a backpack that looks like a space helmet that lets me take him places so he can see the world. He's an adventurous soul.

He's also a nutcase with absolutely no sense of self-preservation. I have pet insurance for him...but not his sister, because insurance is usually a rip-off and she's the smart one. XD....Pretty sure Sunday will get his money's worth out of it. He never stops making mischief. He's a thief too. He has an "underbed" lair where he stashes all his stolen treasures, like a pair of my slippers, a neck pillow, a bag of baby wipes, an empty Tupperware....and he goes to work destroying these objects at 5am in the morning when he starts getting antsy. In the interests of preserving my property, we now have early morning cartoons. The kitties zone out to "Cat TV" - songbirds and squirrels and such, and I get to go back to bed listening to the white noise. It works pretty well.
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
I do not think I have a goal in life that drives me. I cannot center my day around something if there is no purpose. I have centered my life around big goals before. But at times there was just nothing. My life meant nothing. I had no friends, I wasn't good at anything, I failed just way too much. I believe I am over much of that. My systems are no longer shut down due to sheer hopelessness. Hopelessness is worse than sadness is worse than depression. Now all I have to deal with is bipolar and a blank mind. Bipolar gives me energy randomly high and low. I fail at being creative because of it. The blank mind comes from not having thinking energy. Energy overcomes a blank mind. Also, I sleep in irregular patten that disrupts appointments I have. To sum up. I need the energy to pursue goals.

@Inexorable Username

You post a lot I notice. I believe you have a lot of energy. From what I just said what do you think?
That's a really tough one. I used to struggle pretty badly with depression when I was younger. It wasn't until I got out of high school and started branching out into the world that I started to really feel any kind of stirrings of ambition. Prior to that, I just felt pretty bored, hopeless, and of-and-on miserable. I didn't want much out of life but to entertain myself. I needed to get out of that environment, really, before my mindset started to change.

I took a self-help book to heart and began to, for the first time, believe that I could actually be something in life. It was a big change for me. I started coming up with dreams of what I would like to be, and envisioning the respect and admiration people would have for me. That's when I started to turn my life around.

Since then, though, the big dreams have come and gone, and come and gone, like waves on the shoreline. The "big dream" and the "reason for being" has always been in flux for me. I go from one aspiration to the next - I'm a flighty thing.

I learned not to rely on the big dream as a motivator - but instead, to dream about making myself into the ideal person. I really became invested in self-growth and self-improvement, and along the way, I learned to love learning. Loving to learn is where I think most of my energy stems from. The love for it has just gotten stronger the more I discover about the world, and my confidence has grown along with it. I don't really think about what I'll be in the future as much anymore. I mostly think about who I am now - perfecting myself in the moment. That gives me energy, and keeps hopelessness at bay. Who I want to be in the moment is vaguely defined by who I want to be in the future, but my primary focus is how happy and satisfied I am in my own skin.

There were two major hurdles for me. The first one was failure. Like you, I felt like I failed constantly, and I couldn't see why I should believe in myself. I had no confidence in my ability to change who I was as a person. Even short term, if I got a bit inspired, or a bit motivated, it was often tainted by a fear of failure. Sometimes it was easier not to try, than it was to suffer the pain of trying, and failing, yet again.

Many of my depressive spells back then were due to my fear of failure - as well as my anxiety, my hopelessness, my feelings of worthlessness - they were pretty much all tied to the way I defined failure...which was, tbh, borderline self-abusive. I really bullied myself over it.

I overcame that hurdle though when I learned to see the bigger picture, and change the way I viewed "failures".

But then, I had another hurdle, because unfortunately, I've never fit in with people. Once I became more positive I also became more people-orientated, and it became even more painfully apparent how out of place I was among the humans.

For that one....I had to understand the fact that most of the advice and perspectives that everyday people were sharing with me were not beneficial for me at all, because I don't fit the typical mold. I finally had to accept the fact that I do things differently - and rather than working against myself to try to fit in with the rest of them, I started working with myself to mitigate what I'm bad at and capitalize on my positive traits. Then, I started to love what makes me different. It still annoys me sometimes that, at times, I feel like I'm struggling to "crack the human code" - but I can remind myself now that the trade off is worth it. I'm an interesting person, I think. I'd rather be interesting and weird than dull and bored.

It's been a lifelong journey for me - mustering the energy and finding the motivation to keep trying, and reapplying myself after I fall back on my progress. I wish I had a more simplified answer for you.

I guess, my first bit of advice would be that you should change your environment. Even if you can't travel, you can still change your environment. Sometimes, I get in my car, drive to the library, roll the windows down, and just read or get my work done. It feels social, without having to be social, and I get a lot of mental health benefits from sun exposure.

Along those same lines - I'd say the most toxic thing for my mental health is having a disorganized environment.

I think my second bit of advice is to learn how to love learning, and pick up a skill - no matter how irrelevant - to nurture. If you're worried about being terrible at it - maybe pick up something really weird that nobody else does. That way if you suck, they've got nothing to compare it to. Making progress in your skill will give you a sense of empowerment - like, if you can do this, maybe there are more things you can accomplish. Making animals out of clay is fun.

My third bit of advice is to exercise empathy. I've found that becoming a more empathetic person has made me immeasurably healthier. I find myself being more concerned with how other people are feeling than myself - it makes me more resilient. I see the struggles I went through as an opportunity to help other people that are also struggling. But I also just found that when you're empathetic, people respond to that. They can feel it. They like it. They treat you differently. I still feel like an alien, but becoming a more empathetic person made me feel valuable....because, I think, that's how people started to view me. It also helps me to not have self-centered thoughts, which helps me to avoid negative emotions.

These days, I almost never experience negative mood swings, and when I do - they're not very long-lasting, and they're usually attributable to a specific trigger. I'm also older now than I was before though, so probably, that helps.


Well...I don't know if any of this is useful to you! It's a tough subject. Maybe there's something here in my experience that you might find helpful. Good luck!
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
I weigh 168.4
no longer following the diet, havent been for 2 days, doesnt seem to matter, still losing weight. (eating healthy, just not once per day)
I broke down and bought my favorite soda, only to realize it tastes like shit now, and I poured it down the sink and went back to my tea. yay
Im going to start putting my effort into reducing dopamine traps, I saw a yt video talking about dopamine being the action chemical, and with too much, you never take action. I know from my experience that is true, and im trying to get the fuck away from my computer, failing badly. Im really depressed, a different type of depression from others. I lost interest in almost everything, im isolating, and tired most of the time, absolutely no sex drive too. This all started with a scare with legal trouble, turned out to be nothing, but now im totally fucking lost in the depths of fuckery.
I was reading the wiki on asociality, and I started reading the page on avoidant pd, I have all of the characteristics. It explains my battle with constantly wanting to isolate, and pretty much everything else.
Oh, and I made a neat wallet. Ive been crafty lately, so thats good.
Im not feeling social, just trying not to completely isolate.
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
Victories!!!
Your favourite soda now tastes like shit? That’s awesome. Glad you poured it out though. I snuck in and laced it with shit when you weren’t looking. Literally. (No. Jk!)

Sorry Peoples. Just trying to lighten the mood. I totally get where you’re coming from and tbh - the last few days have been sort of depressing for me too -.-

I don’t usually get that depressed these days but ehn. I guess it happens.

Legal crap is the worst. If you would like to not isolate though, I promise I won’t beg you to do more than type. Are your fingers as introverted as you are?
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
Glad you poured it out though. I snuck in and laced it with shit when you weren’t looking.
:/
the last few days have been sort of depressing for me too -.-
Lets have a depression party, the chip dip is full of antidepressants, the drinks are all alcoholic, and the music is dark depressing stuff. I know a spot in the forest, hmu
;P
Legal crap is the worst. If you would like to not isolate though, I promise I won’t beg you to do more than type. Are your fingers as introverted as you are?
I seem to be able to stay in touch better now. Every once and a while I either get depressed or feel like im fucking up every relationship I have...
ANYWAYS
Im thinking about trying to make a pair of leather shoes tomorrow >.> zippo pocket and wallet have my confidence up.
perhaps but some flat soled leather shoes, steal the soles, make kewl boots-> profit?
( I had no idea that was a south park reference btw, forgot to answer before)
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
Lol! That sounds like the most depressing party ever! XD
Count me in!

The boots sound ambitious. Go for it!
 

Elen

Cold and damp
Local time
Today, 13:00
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
131
@Inexorable Username

Yeah, I've done all those things. Mine is straight up hormonal due to a shite thyroid. And also anxiety if I'm going to be honest with myself.


Also, I thought your lists were bad. Those tidy bins are straight up giving me an ulcer. Do you find keeping tidy and organized like that helps you to function better or is it really just an excuse to procrastinate on the things you don't want to do? I'm not attacking your goals methods. I'm just curious. Personally, it is easy to expend my energy on organizing and never actually get the original chore done. :ahh:
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
@Inexorable Username

Yeah, I've done all those things. Mine is straight up hormonal due to a shite thyroid. And also anxiety if I'm going to be honest with myself.


Also, I thought your lists were bad. Those tidy bins are straight up giving me an ulcer. Do you find keeping tidy and organized like that helps you to function better or is it really just an excuse to procrastinate on the things you don't want to do? I'm not attacking your goals methods. I'm just curious. Personally, it is easy to expend my energy on organizing and never actually get the original chore done. :ahh:
Ehn. It's a demonstration of my severely crippled brain. I feel like I have to be like that to get things done because I know I'm so dysfunctional that unless I can fool-proof the system, I will fail myself.

Also, though, believe it or not, the tidy little bins feel positively motivating for me. At this point in my life, I've organized enough that I actually enjoy it. When I see those bins - I feel hopeful. Like this time, thinks are going to be different.
 

Elen

Cold and damp
Local time
Today, 13:00
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
131
@Inexorable Username

Yeah, I've done all those things. Mine is straight up hormonal due to a shite thyroid. And also anxiety if I'm going to be honest with myself.


Also, I thought your lists were bad. Those tidy bins are straight up giving me an ulcer. Do you find keeping tidy and organized like that helps you to function better or is it really just an excuse to procrastinate on the things you don't want to do? I'm not attacking your goals methods. I'm just curious. Personally, it is easy to expend my energy on organizing and never actually get the original chore done. :ahh:
Ehn. It's a demonstration of my severely crippled brain. I feel like I have to be like that to get things done because I know I'm so dysfunctional that unless I can fool-proof the system, I will fail myself.

Also, though, believe it or not, the tidy little bins feel positively motivating for me. At this point in my life, I've organized enough that I actually enjoy it. When I see those bins - I feel hopeful. Like this time, thinks are going to be different.
I hear you. Well, good luck! Those bins do seem to be exuding a bit of hope. That's probably what's making me sick to my stomach. :pueh: :D

Have you looked into Marie Kondo? I feel like you would appreciate her ideas on tidiness.
 

Elen

Cold and damp
Local time
Today, 13:00
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
131
Everything is on YouTube so, yes, I'm sure she's there. However, she also has a book call The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up that was the inspiration for her show.

I am surprised you haven't stumbled across it yet. Her philosophy has been a rising phenomenon in the self help world this last year since her Netflix special with people asking themselves if their socks spark joy.

The moms I know basically lost their collective minds over it. I admit the whole thing is basically horrifying to me but many people have found it helpful. I don't base my recommendations on what I personally think is helpful because I'm a weirdo and most folks want different things than I do. But yeah, she'll have you tidy in a jiffy or whatever is a short time frame. A crack? A flash? A twinkling? IDK
 

Happy

sorry for english
Local time
Tomorrow, 07:00
Joined
Apr 26, 2013
Messages
1,335
Location
Yes
That’s another book I’m gonna endorse in this thread (The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying by Marie Kondo).

There’s a lot of fluff and weirdness, and I think her ideas on possessions are only about halfway there; however, the book is worth the time and money invested solely for learning how best to fold and store your clothes (oh, and the whole ‘does this spark joy?’ question thing is pretty neat too).

My wardrobe has been lean and organised AF for the first time in my life, for 2 years running now thanks to reading that.

Apart from that though, I think there’s too much emphasis on tidying your shit and not enough on just letting it go. But horses for courses.
 

lootwowgold

Redshirt
Local time
Tomorrow, 04:00
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
4
Habits are a better thing to focus on. I feel like the rigid adherence required of Discipline with a capital D is something practically everyone is doomed to fail at.

Habits though, habits are easier.
 

Elen

Cold and damp
Local time
Today, 13:00
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
131
Habits are a better thing to focus on. I feel like the rigid adherence required of Discipline with a capital D is something practically everyone is doomed to fail at.

Habits though, habits are easier.
Uhm, yes. Hello? You quoted me without quote frames and then flew away.
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
Local time
Today, 21:00
Joined
Oct 6, 2019
Messages
1,623
Location
Ireland
Uhm, yes. Hello? You quoted me without quote frames and then flew away.
Maybe you're the future Elen and you went back in-time after reading lootwowgold saying that, and said it before him. Do you think I'm so stupid not to consider time-travel in this exchange?
 

Elen

Cold and damp
Local time
Today, 13:00
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
131
Uhm, yes. Hello? You quoted me without quote frames and then flew away.
Maybe you're the future Elen and you went back in-time after reading lootwowgold saying that, and said it before him. Do you think I'm so stupid not to consider time-travel in this exchange?
If I had access to a time machine and I wasted it on that then you are not the stupid one here.
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 15:00
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,567
Location
only halfway there
Uhm, yes. Hello? You quoted me without quote frames and then flew away.
Maybe you're the future Elen and you went back in-time after reading lootwowgold saying that, and said it before him. Do you think I'm so stupid not to consider time-travel in this exchange?
If I had access to a time machine and I wasted it on that then you are not the stupid one here.
If one has a time machine, their pettyness could be so adept. Pettyness capable of going beyond the laws of nature and time.
:O
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
Uhm, yes. Hello? You quoted me without quote frames and then flew away.
Maybe you're the future Elen and you went back in-time after reading lootwowgold saying that, and said it before him. Do you think I'm so stupid not to consider time-travel in this exchange?
If I had access to a time machine and I wasted it on that then you are not the stupid one here.
If one has a time machine, their pettyness could be so adept. Pettyness capable of going beyond the laws of nature and time.
:O
Only if they use their time machine in petty ways! What if you had a time machine, and you used it to go back in time to correct the ways you had wronged others?

There's an issue with backwards time travel though. You could travel back in time to yield significant gains to your person, but you would have to stay in that time period to realize them naturally. If you travel back in time, change the past, and travel back into the future, there's no telling what future you may have created for yourself (the butterfly effect). Perhaps no future at all - perhaps you're not traveling through time the way you think you are. Perhaps you are traveling in space, to an alternative dimension that is taking place in the way your past life has taken place. Or maybe I'm just confusing myself. I don't know enough about these theories from a scientific standpoint to make any sense.

I wonder if you could create a branch in that way....If you, a person of this dimension traveled to another dimension and altered it, I wonder if your doing so could cause a branch in realities...whereby there would be one natural reality, and one reality that is the result of your interference. It could be that none of us are capable of changing anything, but each of our actions creates microprograms. It would be like if someone ripped the source code to Pokemon and made their own version of Pokemon. Two Pokemon realities. Two level 8 starter squirrels named lilpisser.
Thoughts...thoughts. I need to stop thinking though, I have to get to work.

Oh wait! I had another thought to share (dammit!)
If you DID want to ensure that you receive the intended gains from your interference with the past, then you would likely have to live out that scenario as who you are. You likely wouldn't be able to pan forward into the future and just reap the rewards. Even though that movie the butterfly effect was super depressing, I think that you could still alter your past without extreme unforeseen changes, provided that the alteration you made was not too earthshaking, and you, yourself, are living that reality day by day with knowledge of the change that has been made. You would tailor your behaviors to achieve the results you seek, in retrospect.
So, theoretically, you could correct your mistakes of the past over time and have a "double run through" of your life.

BUT you would have to give up your life to do it. Think about it. Everyone you know, all the little things you love - they would be gone. Zilch. They exist no longer. The versions of these things in the past are not the same things you knew intimately in the present. They are other iterations of the things you know and love. I don't think, given that option, that I could do that without eventually becoming very depressed and maybe wanting to kill myself. My mother would be with me, for instance, but she wouldn't be the same mother I had. Also, if something is repeated to you for long enough, it would become true. Nobody would ever understand why I seemed to have unusual insight of the future. Even if I tried to hide this, eventually, I would start to think myself crazy.

Wow. So....In the end. I think I would go back in time, and grow to be an even more depressed, crazy version of myself than I am today. :O
Wild.

Welp, that takes care of that weird, fantastical desire. I'll keep the hand I've been dealt.
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
What worked for me was always just doing something instead of thinking about whether I wanted to or deciding whether I wanted to. The minute you start thinking about whether you feel like doing something or want to, it's usually all downhill from there. Instead your mentality is centered around knowing you're going to do that something and whenever you're reminded of it, you're planning on how to execute it and when. Like it's already set in stone it's gonna happen.

I'm currently not doing something, which is quitting coffee. I think it might impact my digestion negatively, so I'm going to go without it for a while. Had the worst headaches for like 2 days, but day 4 and feel better. I really love my coffee, though, I miss it already :love-over:
How is your progress on keeping away from the coffee?
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
I do not think I have a goal in life that drives me. I cannot center my day around something if there is no purpose. I have centered my life around big goals before. But at times there was just nothing. My life meant nothing. I had no friends, I wasn't good at anything, I failed just way too much. I believe I am over much of that. My systems are no longer shut down due to sheer hopelessness. Hopelessness is worse than sadness is worse than depression. Now all I have to deal with is bipolar and a blank mind. Bipolar gives me energy randomly high and low. I fail at being creative because of it. The blank mind comes from not having thinking energy. Energy overcomes a blank mind. Also, I sleep in irregular patten that disrupts appointments I have. To sum up. I need the energy to pursue goals.

@Inexorable Username

You post a lot I notice. I believe you have a lot of energy. From what I just said what do you think?
I just read your quote thing and realized that you're religious. So further to my comment on energy that I made previously, I think I'd like to add that you should really consider reaching out with your faith to achieve the energy you seek.

People with powerful faith, in my opinion, are far better at achieving permanent, meaningful changes in their lives. Which is why, I think, that they feel they know that God is on their side. It makes sense.

Anyways, here's what I understand of God. He may have made you, and he may have the will to help you achieve your goals and the desire to see you make those goals happen, but in order to capitalize on that power, you have to not only have faith, trust, and righteousness, and regularly exercise these qualities, but you also have to make the effort to head in that direction. If you don't put in the effort, there's very little that God can would do for you. My understanding is that God is not a dictator who strips you of your free will and your ability to be yourself and make your own choices and decisions, but a father who facilitates your success in becoming the person you are trying to become. The "try" has to start with you.

So if you ARE a religious individual, which, based on your quote, I'm assuming you are, I would say that your efforts to establish energy in your life should first take the form of becoming more connected to God through exercising your faith. Maybe consider applying Christian meditation, or investing in a faith book that can give you powerful verses on a regular basis. Maybe it's time to read some more advanced writings in Christian literature...but also, and more importantly - you speak of having nothing to live for. Truly religious people can always find something to live for, because when you are truly united with your faith, you learn to live for the betterment of others. Charity. That is why nuns are traditionally so charitable, and even Buddhist monks contribute to humanity through chanting, and expounding upon worldly knowledge. The highest level of human existence is a thing of charity.

I've become a charity-centric individual. After I work on achieving the charitable goals I have, I want to work on contributing to worldly knowledge/understanding. (At the moment, I'm sort of too young and stupid to do that). If I was religious, I could take it on faith that God would help me to achieve these goals, and that would give me energy.

When you talk about purpose, if you are religious, you absolutely cannot separate your purpose from God's intent for you. Which means that whatever your purpose is, it is going to be something that would be to the benefit of others. That gives you a place to start looking. What do you have to offer that is of use? Having bi-polar is of use. Being able to conquer that would make it possible for you to teach other suffering people how to apply the techniques you've learned to reach a more functional state of living.

So here's my suggestion for you. I think you should set up a faith station. It could be as simple as a yoga mat and a bean bag on the floor somewhere. There, you can pray, and maybe even practice a bit of Christian meditation. I would make the experience fun in some way. Maybe when you wake up in the morning, put a little treat in that spot - like a special chocolate, and know that when you go to that spot to pray, you get rewarded. That will create a dopamine-feedback loop in your brain that should begin to result in creating physiological energy in your body.

You can also get something special to place in your environment to stimulate engaging in your faith station. For instance, buy prayer beads, and hang them over your computer screen, with the promise that if you touch or move the prayer beads, you have to go to your faith station. Try to make a habit of waking up in the morning, making your bed, and then going to your prayer station. If you can't get there - just know that the beads are there waiting, so at any point when you feel up to it, you can still salvage the day by doing that one simple task. Even if it means you just eat the chocolate and sit there for 5 minutes and leave.

That is what I would do if I were you to start trying to establish some sense of energy in your life. This method will introduce a little bit of order and structure into your life, but in a way that doesn't require you to consistently succeed, and doesn't make you feel like a failure if you don't follow through. There's no consequence for failing. There's just prayer beads, and a little reward in it for you if you follow through. Even if it's only for 5 minutes. It's something easy to do that you can succeed at - even routinely sitting there for 5 minutes on a daily basis is a small success in your life. You're proving to yourself that you can do something you set out to do. You're also giving your body a reward, so you're programming your brain to associate your behavior with the production of dopamine. Having this tiny, flexible routine in your life is sure to give you energy.

I'm a big believer in the fact that willpower doesn't work longterm. That's why I loved this book Atomic habits. Willpower works great...while you feel great. When you get tired, rundown, and depressed - willpower goes out the window, and you revert back to your original state. Progress is lost, the feelings of failure get compounded, and it becomes progressively more difficult to lift yourself out of a depression the more you fail.

So your habit needs to be something that is tiny, easy, flexible, fun, and doesn't carry with it the association of imminent failure. For instance, not studying for a test and getting a bad great is a threat to your future success, so you will feel very terrible about it, and develop anxiety for tests. However, not getting in your faith sitting for the day...it's not a big deal. It doesn't mean that God is never going to forgive you. If you do get it in for the day, though, you'll feel good about having done so. Therefore, this habit is only associated with positive feedback. (And intellectually, you need to train yourself to never associate it with anything negative).

I really do believe that faith is the key for you. I'm not a particularly spiritual person, but I envy the power spiritual people have. You can really achieve almost anything if you truly believe in a higher power, and allow it to become the engine that fuels your life. It's why programs like Alcoholics Anonymous are so effective. They even straight up say in the program that if you can't find a higher power, you won't succeed. Although, I don't know, maybe that's only the way they used to be...I would think that model must not be very effective these days.

Anyways!

Appeal to God. Practice faith. Check in with your prayers on a regular basis. Use your religious beliefs to discover what your purpose in life is. If you are a religious person - I'm almost certain that this is the way for you to establish energy during your "down times".

Side note:
I also think it's important to develop a healthy relationship with your bi-polar. I've got a diagnosis too. It's easy to fall into the sinkhole of believing that you're somehow messed up, broken, or inferior to average people. That isn't what your diagnosis is about. It's a personality difference - much like being an INTP. It might have biological components, but the end result is that you have a bit of a different personality, and it comes with its own unique challenges. Other people with other personalities have other challenges to confront. Yours just comes with a label and pedigree papers. I would avoid words like "episode" if you can, in favor of words like "down time" and "up time". If you have doctors/therapists - listen to them, but having them doesn't mean that you're powerless to affect your own circumstances. All of the power you need comes from you. Other people can just help you succeed faster. As can some medications.

Sorry...I know I'm being long-winded here, but this is something I feel passionately about. So many people develop secondary depression and a sense of helplessness as the result of having been diagnosed, and therefore alienated, by society. We are singled-out for being different, and made to feel unacceptable because of it. It took me a long time to learn to accept who I am, and to not be bothered by what makes me different - but rather, to work with it, and use it to my advantage. You can do that too. One of the most energy-sucking aspects of my life is being exposed to the judgmental opinions of other people. I've isolated myself from that, so now, how I think and feel about myself is almost entirely a product of my own mind - and we're happy here. We think very positively about me and my life. (My, myself, and I, that is.) And we are definitely not crazy - because you can't be the crazy person in a town of 1!
 

Inexorable Username

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:00
Joined
Nov 14, 2019
Messages
731
@Inexorable Username
I should try practicing right when I get up...that's a good idea. I tend to be really sluggish in the mornings, and it takes me until the afternoon to get going at times.

On an unrelated note, I'm starting a small ensemble with a vocalist friend and I'm so excited! I'll let you know what rep we're doing in case you're interested. You mentioned once that you wanted to sing more; since I've been looking for chamber pieces that include voice and 1-2 instruments, I could give you some suggestions if you wanted. (I knew of several people who weren't religious, but were involved in a church community so that they could perform. If you want a venue, doing that, or performing for senior homes, is usually a safe way to go). What is your range?
I didn't forget about you! I haven't responded because I'm really not sure what my range is. Firstly, because I haven't played in a while - my keyboard is still suffering from being unavailable due to my moving around. Secondly, because I'm not really sure how professional people figure scale. Do you mean the notes I can sing while still being pretty much on pitch, or the notes I can sing well. There's a big difference! Lol. Like, for instance, the note at the end of "Think of Me" that Christine hits in Phantom of the Opera is something I can sometimes hit, but to me, it sounds more like screeching than singing. I'm sure you know what I mean. So I wouldn't really consider that as being within my range.

Here's my best guess at range:

In warm ups, where I don't have to worry about challenging vowels or preparing for for singing something that's a difficult stretch within the context of the song, I can do about a D3 - A5.

When I push it in warm ups, I can usually hit a B2 or C3, and a B5 or C6 depending on the day. My voice has to want to cooperate with me.

Right now, I'm really interested in challenging myself in a few different ways. Thanks to your advice, I'm kind of getting a bit of a vibrato coming in. (yay! finally!) I'm also working on getting better at riffs and runs.

Right now, I'm kind of interested in the Queen of the Night aria from Mozart's "The Magic Flute", because I like the weird choppy voice part in it. It's really fun. Such a deliciously evil song. So much emotion.
I'm not that great at singing in latin though :/
I never know how to pronounce that stuff. It's like...a seriously glitch in my musical self-education. I'm not really sure how to start fixing that. It would be great though if I could figure that out though, seeing as how it's obviously an incredibly limiting thing to not be able to handle, musically. Lol.

It can also just really be hard to find sheets for stuff like that which actually include the vocal part. Probably because I'm an unethical cheater who tries to find my sheets online and print them out >_>....this hobby can get massively pricey if you let it.

the other thing I really wish I could sing - but don't laugh...you're forbidden to laugh!....
Is this version of the Blue Danube I came across. In Chinese. Lol. But when I stumbled across this - I didn't realize the Blue Danube actually had lyrics. It was so pretty, I'd love to sing it. But again - unfortunately, I can't sing the language, and understandably, I also can't find the lyrics for this so I can't even make a pitiful stab at it. Lol.



But that should be some indication of my musical tastes, I guess. I like to sing things that are fun and have good movement. I enjoy singing Phantom of the Opera - it's one of the few English options. I like singing songs that have a strong melody because I almost always sing acapella. I can't keep up with myself vocally on the keyboard, and the stuff I want to learn on the keyboard is usually not something you sing to. (Although I've tried, with..just Ahs. :3 I'm such a dork)

The only thing that really stops me from joining a church choir is that I worry it will be very boring. First, because I have to actually attend church service before they let me sing the songs. Secondly, because I tend to view choirs as being things that force you to sing very dull, underwhelming parts and struggle to harmonize with other people. I think if I really got into it, I'd probably like the challenge - but standing on the outside looking in, it seems a little grueling. I like to sing songs that push my limits. It's not quite the same as singing "Silent Night" when you only get to enjoy the melody for a couple of stanzas. (I was an alto in chorus class).

Really open to suggestions! If I had a microphone or something, I'd love to try the vocal parts to some of your pieces and send them to you! It would be so cool to collaborate with someone who is interested in music. I have literally no one with whom to share this passion. The only people I have are the people I've "collected" that once made the mistake of off-handedly suggesting that they are interested in singing, or used to sing, and I occasionally try to passionate incite these people into action so they can become useful to me. People are remarkably pig-headed about trying new things though. It's like trying to get a cat to understand the merits of a bubble bath. Frustratingly stubborn. Sometimes, I wish it was legal to go around giving people brownies laced with crack. Then I might actually get some interesting socialization going on!

As to my knowledge, though, doing such a thing is sort of frowned upon.

I just keep my love of music to myself and indulge in it in the car where I can pretend passerbys can't hear me, or I sing Disney to kids. Kids love my Disney songs. <3 I love kids. They're way cooler than adults.

OH! I've also been trying to get into some pop. Or rock...or really anything that isn't the kind of singing that the world at large cringes at. But, to date, I suck at it. Having trouble doing the weird, soulful, super breathy voice that sounds like a person who smokes way too much weed, without feeling like I'm destroying my throat. A lot of those pop-ish singing techniques (really, just singing techniques in general), are things I'm not familiar with and not very good at. I have plans though....Plans to do....karaoke....(god help me. agreed to this on a whim out of musical and social frustration)
 
Top Bottom