INTP Interaction Manual

[Thoughtful]

So, I had this crazy Idea. I want to make a set of instructions for dealing with INTPs to give to a loved one. What our preferences are, what we mean when we do x, etc. I'm too lazy to write it all myself, I need inspiration. So, if you were to give instructions on how best to interact (peacefully) with you, what are the do's and dont's?

Free copies if I ever actually put it together.

 

[Black Rose]

Chapter 1

Never tell an INTP their ideas are stupid.

 

[Adymus]

I think what you actually mean is you need us to write it for you, hmmm?

I want my royalty checks quarterly, and a non-recoupable advance, plz.

 

[shoeless]

chapter 2

do not play mind games with an INTP. just... don't.

 

[Beat Mango]

Chapter 3 - don't tell them they think too much, ever.

 

[Latro]

Chapter 4: Be sure to break these rules from time to time so that their ego doesn't get too big. Except this one. And that one. And that one. And....OH FUCK THE RECURSION

 

[bovinity]

Remember that they aren't necessarily being cold or ignoring you if they aren't talking to you. They enjoy silence from time to time, even around other people.

 

[Crazythinker1]

Just remember that INTPs have perfected the art of being in two places at once.

If you find us wandering the house late at night muttering to our self, it's normal, don't worry.

If you say or do something that is wrong or illogical, you will hear about it. Just get used to it.

If you tell us a joke and we don't laugh at it, Please don't be offended, we are just analysing it to see what makes it funny.

 

[Melkor]

This is a smashing idea!

Of course, it won't ever take off, those of us unlucky enough to know INTP's seem to give up on understanding them.

I want to help!

Ugh, in case you were unaware, smashing is good, very good!

 

[citrusbreath95]

1. Don't talk about other's tragic stories to us, and expect a sympathy discussion
2. If we are just sitting silently and blurt something out unexpectedly, don't assume us to be crazy (we already know that)
I think of more later.....

 

[Red Devil]

Don't say anything like or similar to 'You seem aloof... why don't you mix up with other people?', 'Are you alright?' and 'You're so quiet..why don't you talk?'.

 

[bovinity]

Don't say anything like or similar to 'You seem aloof... why don't you mix up with other people?', 'Are you alright?' and 'You're so quiet..why don't you talk?'.

I got fired from my last job for not following these suggestions. I'm never working customer service again.

 

[jachian]

the instructions are as follows:

1) disregard everything you thought you knew about people and personal interactions.

2) make no assumptions or interpretations about INTPs behavour.

3) Ask intp questions about the meaning and interpretation of observed behaviour.

4) If behaviour observed in 3) is seen again do not attribute the same meaning that intp answered the last time 3) was executed.

5) when intp asks you a question make sure you answer it honestly.

6) If you dont answer questions truthfully, intp will never take you seriously or trust you.

7) If you refuse to answer questions dont expect that you can become an intp's friend.

8) 'I dont know' is a valid answer from an intp. It means was it says.

8.5) do not ask intp a question if you are not interested in the answer.

9) Do not use intps facial expressions as an indication of emotional state.

10) Do not seek to manpulate intps emotions for your benefit or friendship will end.

11) do not expect intp to behave as other people do.

12) do not pretend to be interested activities the intp is interested in...... when your not...... in order to gain friendship or favour with intp.

13) Ask intp directly and it will most likely be given onto you....... as far as possible.

 

[LifeLine]

INTP's do not ooh and aah over puppy pictures.

Don't tell us to be more optimistic.

There is no faith, only facts.

INTPs aren't normal.

INTPs are not for going out and partying.

Don't ignore us completely, we don't like it.

 

[WorkInProgress]

the instructions are as follows:

1) disregard everything you thought you knew about people and personal interactions.

2) make no assumptions or interpretations about INTPs behavour.

3) Ask intp questions about the meaning and interpretation of observed behaviour.

4) If behaviour observed in 3) is seen again do not attribute the same meaning that intp answered the last time 3) was executed.

5) when intp asks you a question make sure you answer it honestly.

6) If you dont answer questions truthfully, intp will never take you seriously or trust you.

7) If you refuse to answer questions dont expect that you can become an intp's friend.

8) 'I dont know' is a valid answer from an intp. It means was it says.

8.5) do not ask intp a question if you are not interested in the answer.

9) Do not use intps facial expressions as an indication of emotional state.

10) Do not seek to manpulate intps emotions for your benefit or friendship will end.

11) do not expect intp to behave as other people do.

12) do not pretend to be interested activities the intp is interested in...... when your not...... in order to gain friendship or favour with intp.

13) Ask intp directly and it will most likely be given onto you....... as far as possible.

Nothing against you guys, but this is the only post that I think should be included in the book. Well said, Jachian.

 

[Alice?]

the instructions are as follows:

1) disregard everything you thought you knew about people and personal interactions.

2) make no assumptions or interpretations about INTPs behavour.

3) Ask intp questions about the meaning and interpretation of observed behaviour.

4) If behaviour observed in 3) is seen again do not attribute the same meaning that intp answered the last time 3) was executed.

5) when intp asks you a question make sure you answer it honestly.

6) If you dont answer questions truthfully, intp will never take you seriously or trust you.

7) If you refuse to answer questions dont expect that you can become an intp's friend.

8) 'I dont know' is a valid answer from an intp. It means was it says.

8.5) do not ask intp a question if you are not interested in the answer.

9) Do not use intps facial expressions as an indication of emotional state.

10) Do not seek to manpulate intps emotions for your benefit or friendship will end.

11) do not expect intp to behave as other people do.

12) do not pretend to be interested activities the intp is interested in...... when your not...... in order to gain friendship or favour with intp.

13) Ask intp directly and it will most likely be given onto you....... as far as possible.

Yes, yes, and yes.

 

[Fallenman]

Agreed. Jachian got it right =].

 

[Cavallier]

'I dont know' is a valid answer from an intp. It means was it says.

This is one thing I wish the world understood. When I say "I don't know" I don't mean "I do know but I don't want to tell you" I mean "I don't know". It's really very liberating when people realize this.

 

[ashitaria]

1) Do not whine, demand, or become emotional. Doing so will make the INTP ignore you and lose his respect of you.

2) Be open-minded and don't disregard the INTP's ideas. INTPs dislike narrow-mindedness.

3) Never complain to an INTP on how long he spends on the computer or how late he wakes up in the middle of the night to write something down. INTPs are forgetful people- ideas come and go, especially in the middle of the night.

4) When INTPs are silent, leave them be. They're either angry or brooding, or immersed in their own world and need to sort something out.

5) Never rush an INTP when he is in the toilet.

6) Do not create illogical reasons for an INTP to do things, don't say things like "because I said so" or "I don't care, I like it that way". INTPs will automatically dismiss you if you say so.

7) Never try to impose on an INTP traditions or beliefs. This means you Christians!

8) INTPs are weird. Get used to it.

9) INTPs like debates. Please handle debates as they are, no hurt feelings.

10) Accept what they analyze and point out. More often than not, they have a point.

11) If you fail at at least three of those above, I recommend you stop dating your INTPs. INTPs value individuals, they don't like it when people change themselves for their own sake.

 

[Jesin]

1) Do not whine, demand, or become emotional. Doing so will make the INTP ignore you and lose his respect of you.

2) Be open-minded and don't disregard the INTP's ideas. INTPs dislike narrow-mindedness.

Ashitaria! How do you not notice the contradiction here?

 

[s0nystyle]

1) Do not whine, demand, or become emotional. Doing so will make the INTP ignore you and lose his respect of you.

2) Be open-minded and don't disregard the INTP's ideas. INTPs dislike narrow-mindedness.

3) Never complain to an INTP on how long he spends on the computer or how late he wakes up in the middle of the night to write something down. INTPs are forgetful people- ideas come and go, especially in the middle of the night.

4) When INTPs are silent, leave them be. They're either angry or brooding, or immersed in their own world and need to sort something out.

5) Never rush an INTP when he is in the toilet.

6) Do not create illogical reasons for an INTP to do things, don't say things like "because I said so" or "I don't care, I like it that way". INTPs will automatically dismiss you if you say so.

7) Never try to impose on an INTP traditions or beliefs. This means you Christians!

8) INTPs are weird. Get used to it.

9) INTPs like debates. Please handle debates as they are, no hurt feelings.

10) Accept what they analyze and point out. More often than not, they have a point.

11) If you fail at at least three of those above, I recommend you stop dating your INTPs. INTPs value individuals, they don't like it when people change themselves for their own sake.

uhm..... yeah about that

 

[Apathy]

You can criticize our actions and ideas (in fact if we agree with you it may bring us closer) but don't cirticize our character (some of us have a fragile ego)

 

[jachian]

Nothing against you guys, but this is the only post that I think should be included in the book. Well said, Jachian.

Thank you all for the compliments .

Im sure I can include more ................

Let me think a while and I'll get back to you guys.

 

[jachian]

This is one thing I wish the world understood. When I say "I don't know" I don't mean "I do know but I don't want to tell you" I mean "I don't know". It's really very liberating when people realize this.

Yes..... many non intp types will fabricate their own facts or information rather than admit to not knowing.........

They just have to put on a front and they think that we are the same........

'I dont know' means just that......

 

[Adymus]

This is one thing I wish the world understood. When I say "I don't know" I don't mean "I do know but I don't want to tell you" I mean "I don't know". It's really very liberating when people realize this.

This is true, with an exception for the question "what are you thinking?"

Obviously I do know what I am thinking, but you won't understand it, and I am not willing to spend the energy explaining it to you. So "I don't know."

 

[EditorOne]

Jachian, that was very good.

The problem that I see is assuming very many people WANT to know how to deal with us on our terms. Other than the few folks we see coming in here asking for help with INTPs, my experience is that most of the world, dominated by Js, sees us as broken and in need of repair. They seek change, not understanding. So this may not sell as many copies as The DaVinci Code or a Harry Potter book.

But it's still a good idea and Jachian really nailed it.

(I'd add "If an INTP tells you they'll be fine if you just leave them alone, that's a true statement.")

 

[ashitaria]

Ashitaria! How do you not notice the contradiction here?

In what, can you explain?

How is there a contradiction in telling some one not to be emotional, whine, and complain out of self-pity, in contrast to telling someone to be open-minded and to listen to what one has to say?

Do you have some grudge against me, friend?

 

[jachian]

the instructions are as follows:

1) disregard everything you thought you knew about people and personal interactions.

2) make no assumptions or interpretations about INTPs behavour.

3) Ask intp questions about the meaning and interpretation of observed behaviour.

4) If behaviour observed in 3) is seen again do not attribute the same meaning that intp answered the last time 3) was executed.

5) when intp asks you a question make sure you answer it honestly.

6) If you dont answer questions truthfully, intp will never take you seriously or trust you.

7) If you refuse to answer questions dont expect that you can become an intp's friend.

8) 'I dont know' is a valid answer from an intp. It means was it says.

8.5) do not ask intp a question if you are not interested in the answer.

9) Do not use intps facial expressions as an indication of emotional state.

10) Do not seek to manpulate intps emotions for your benefit or friendship will end.

11) do not expect intp to behave as other people do.

12) do not pretend to be interested activities the intp is interested in...... when your not...... in order to gain friendship or favour with intp.

13) Ask intp directly and it will most likely be given onto you....... as far as possible.

Am back..........

Additions to the list:

14) Words cannot fully convey feelings and emotions for intps.

15) For an intp Actions speak louder than Words.

16) Your Actions and not your Words will be used to determine your motives and intentions.

17) Intps are Harmless even though their appearance may cause you to think otherwise.

17.5) Fear intps razor sharp intuition like a vampire fears daylight. If your actions were meant to deceive you WILL be found out.

18) Do not expect intp to take your side of an argument just because you are friends. If you are Wrong, then you are Wrong.

19) When 18) happens it does not mean that intp is no longer your friend, or thinks your a bad person. Get over it.

20) Do not tell intp that he/she MUST do x, y or z. Intps dont need to do anything.......... not work, not mowing the lawn, not eating, neither drinking nor sleeping.

21) The only thing Intps MUST do is die.

 

[Tempestas]

In what, can you explain?

How is there a contradiction in telling some one not to be emotional, whine, and complain out of self-pity, in contrast to telling someone to be open-minded and to listen to what one has to say?

Do you have some grudge against me, friend?

I think the contradiction is in that you're saying "be open minded" and have strict ideas on how to behave. (not emotional)

 

[Crazythinker1]

Never play poker with an INTP.

 

[vertimptote]

I think the contradiction is in that you're saying "be open minded" and have strict ideas on how to behave. (not emotional)

I see no contradiction. Finding overly emotional behavior annoying is simply natural for me - I've always eschewed the people that frequently do it and try to avoid the behavior myself when I can help it. This does not in and of itself make me closed-minded.

 

[Van]

Warning: modifying your behaviour as a result of reading this manual can lead to further loss of your INTP's respect.
You're screwed. Sorry.

 

[Black Rose]

Yes..... many non intp types will fabricate their own facts or information rather than admit to not knowing.........

They just have to put on a front and they think that we are the same........

'I dont know' means just that......

I admit to not knowing some things. But theory is another matter. (I don't know but I have a theory on that) is usually my answer. Its the difference between people telling me "I think your wrong" and "I think your a lier". My systems may be flawed but have patience. I might just be a confused idiot.

 

[Cavallier]

@ Ash: As logically thinking INTPs it is obviously difficult for us to understand the point of view of an emotional person. However, it is a contradiction for us to tell an emotional person to understand our point of view if we are unwilling to at least attempt to understand theirs. Thus telling somebody to be open minded to our way of thinking while at the same time not being open minded enough to attempt to try their way of thinking is not only a contradiction but also hypocritical.

Basically you said: You are emotional. I reject you for being emotional.

Then you said: Be open minded. Don't reject me for being logical instead of emotional.

I think this was the point Jesin was making.

 

[Alice?]

Warning: modifying your behaviour as a result of reading this manual can lead to further loss of your INTP's respect.
You're screwed. Sorry.

Only if it's for the purpose of manipulation.

 

[Jesin]

@ Ash: As logically thinking INTPs it is obviously difficult for us to understand the point of view of an emotional person. However, it is a contradiction for us to tell an emotional person to understand our point of view if we are unwilling to at least attempt to understand theirs. Thus telling somebody to be open minded to our way of thinking while at the same time not being open minded enough to attempt to try their way of thinking is not only a contradiction but also hypocritical.

Basically you said: You are emotional. I reject you for being emotional.

Then you said: Be open minded. Don't reject me for being logical instead of emotional.

I think this was the point Jesin was making.

Yes, thanks, this looks like a good way of explaining it.

 

[RedLoki]

Never ask or point out something really obvious. It's very annoying and aggravating.

Example (this happened to me): I walked in holding grocery bags in both hands. I was asked if I went to the store... No, I obviously got back from the Moon.

 

[Cogwulf]

Whilst INTPs are often firm believers in principles, they are likely to disobey rules due to the principle that rules are just attempts at making principles black and white.

 

[didyouknow]

Just send them a link to "You know you're an intp when..." and if they give up half way through, well, you gave them adequate warning.

 

[Lobstrich]

@ Jachian - Your first post was just insanely accurate. You second one is almost accurate! Hehe

15) For an intp Actions speak louder than Words.
16) Your Actions and not your Words will be used to determine your motives and intentions.

I see people kind of saying that all the time, And in a way I disagree. Or I'm just confused.
Could someone please explain to me in what sense you think actions speak louder than words? 16 is very true though! I just added it into the quote.
So now you're probably thinking "Why did he just ask that? He just said he agreed"
Well.. True, but in a way. I think words speak very loud as well. And in a weird way I disagree with 15 and agree with 16. So could someone please enlighten me?

18) Do not expect intp to take your side of an argument just because you are friends. If you are Wrong, then you are Wrong.

I'm inclined to say "heard!" but I think it sounds stupid, so I'll go with this -> Probably the quote of the week, this is so very very true. I hate when my friends, family and colleagues expect you to be subjective. To be objectiveness is the truth and truth is everything.

19) When 18) happens it does not mean that intp is no longer your friend, or thinks your a bad person. Get over it.

For the most parts, if I think the person is an idiot, he/she is no longer my friend.
I do get your point though, hehe.


Keep going though! You seem to have it all figured out!

 

[Lobstrich]

Warning: modifying your behaviour as a result of reading this manual can lead to further loss of your INTP's respect.
You're screwed. Sorry.

Hahahahaha! THAT was probably the quote of the week! Sorry jach.

Man that was funny! Hahaha!

 

[Anling]

(I'd add "If an INTP tells you they'll be fine if you just leave them alone, that's a true statement.")

Yes! I really hate it when people won't just leave me alone so that I can process my emotions in my own way. Some of them are very insistant about "cheering me up" when I don't need it. If they'd leave me alone I would have been past whatever it was already.

 

[Lobstrich]

Yes! I really hate it when people won't just leave me alone so that I can process my emotions in my own way. Some of them are very insistant about "cheering me up" when I don't need it. If they'd leave me alone I would have been past whatever it was already.

Yeah, that is very annoying. to process the emotions is exactly what I want as well (Most INTP's do I guess)
And people, as you said. Very insistant on "cheering you up"
In fact my grandmother just died. And people are constantly either on top of me or my mother.

 

[ashitaria]

@ Ash: As logically thinking INTPs it is obviously difficult for us to understand the point of view of an emotional person. However, it is a contradiction for us to tell an emotional person to understand our point of view if we are unwilling to at least attempt to understand theirs. Thus telling somebody to be open minded to our way of thinking while at the same time not being open minded enough to attempt to try their way of thinking is not only a contradiction but also hypocritical.

Basically you said: You are emotional. I reject you for being emotional.

Then you said: Be open minded. Don't reject me for being logical instead of emotional.

I think this was the point Jesin was making.

I said overly emotional. I wasn't dissing emotional types, I'm dissing those overly emotional types. And by overly emotional types, I mean flinging stuff out of the house, throwing chairs, screaming, hitting, and all that emotional stuff plus whining, complaining and otherwise moaning about him or herself and blah blah blah. I didn't put those commas and "ands" for a reason.

Believe me, I've been quite open-minded about emotional people because if I wasn't, I would be a much meaner person at school, and much is an understatement.

So in reality, this is what I said:

You are bad-tempered, whiny, full of self-pity, and dogmatic, thus I reject you.

I really hope this makes things a lot more clearer.

EDIT: Oh, I realized that I didn't make my points clear enough. I should have put "over" before emotional, next time I will be more careful with what I type before posting.

 

[Grove]

Do not, I repeat DO NOT tell me something just to give me an answer. If you don't know the answer then tell me you don't know. I will not see you as weak, stupid, or unprepared...just honest. Knowingly giving me a wrong answer, or a guess, and passing it off as fact will only result in me never trusting your judgment again.

 

[Cavallier]

EDIT: Oh, I realized that I didn't make my points clear enough. I should have put "over" before emotional, next time I will be more careful with what I type before posting.

Intpforum: Taking over the world through linguistic exactitude one person at a time.

 

[asmit127]

Never ask or point out something really obvious. It's very annoying and aggravating.

Example (this happened to me): I walked in holding grocery bags in both hands. I was asked if I went to the store... No, I obviously got back from the Moon.

My mum hates me for my sarcastic responses to that kinda scenario.

I'd add "don't question things I say that there is no point making up"

Example (5 mins ago)
Me (with fridge open): There's not much milk left.
Mum: Really? Let me have a look...

WTF? Why would anyone I make it up?! Really angravating....

 

[ashitaria]

Intpforum: Taking over the world through linguistic exactitude one person at a time.

Sigh...

Cavalier, you are just there to rub salt on my wounds aren't you?

 

[shadowdrums4]

-Don't tell your INTP you want something done "right now" so that he/she drops everything and does it, if you really didn't need it done for another hour.
-Listen to your INTP, most INTPs don't talk much and when they do, it's because they feel the input is important.
-Don't be surprised if he/she bring up something you said a week earlier in a current conversation. Everything is relevant, no matter when it was said.
-Trying to force anything on your INTP WILL result in immediate rejection. (This goes along with INTPs don't NEED to do anything besides die)
-Procrastination is common, and so is sarcasm.
-Validity does not come from repetition for INTPs.
ex: "I love you" is true until your INTP says otherwise, even if he/she has only said it 3 times throughout the 3 week relationship.
-He/She needs alone time, let him/her have it.
-Just because your INTP takes a little longer to answer doesn't make it any less true. Information needs to be processed before he/she can give an answer.
-If all else fails, email.
-If he/she ask you something, don't lie to protect his/her feelings. He/She wants an honest answer.

Just throwing out there that there was an INTJ interaction manual somewhere. It was really funny. That was the sentence structure I followed (the He/She "your INTP" format)

 

[NeverAmI]

I have 2 major rules.

Be honest and be rational.