Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[AlisaD]

Ok people, this is an emergency. I need to earn a million dollars in the next month so I could quit my job and live happily ever after.

If I fail, certain death by boredom induced asphyxiation awaits me.

Most of you here are really smart, so I figure that earning one lousy, tiny million in a whole month should be no problem.

Please?

 

[Deleted member 1424]

I'm planning to rob a bank, care to assist?

 

[ashitaria]

Okay, so here's what you do.

You know those iPads? Yeah? Okay. Go the the store and buy as many fuck as you can. Good? Sell them for $100 more than they cost, maybe even three hundred more if you can get away with it. I heard that if you import these to an asian country, you can sell them for twice the amount.

Of course, that's assuming you can get iPads (it is in really high demand now) and that you are a good businessman.

The other option is to simply invest in the stock market. With the low economy now, stock markets are cheap. Add inflation, and boom. You'll get some money.

Of course, I can not guarantee a million dollars in a month, let alone the above plans would work.

 

[Irishpenguin]

Of course, I can not guarantee a million dollars in a month, let alone the above plans would work.

Ouch...welp, I guess it's time we hop in Nyx's Van and put on our ski masks.

 

[AlisaD]

I'm planning to rob a bank, care to assist?

I'd love to. What's my role in the plan? I'd be good at staring at the bank employees until they get uncomfortable enough to hand their money over to me, but if you had something else in mind, I'd be glad to comply.

Okay, so here's what you do.

You know those iPads? Yeah? Okay. Go the the store and buy as many fuck as you can. Good? Sell them for $100 more than they cost, maybe even three hundred more if you can get away with it. I heard that if you import these to an asian country, you can sell them for twice the amount.

Of course, that's assuming you can get iPads (it is in really high demand now) and that you are a good businessman.

The other option is to simply invest in the stock market. With the low economy now, stock markets are cheap. Add inflation, and boom. You'll get some money.

Of course, I can not guarantee a million dollars in a month, let alone the above plans would work.

Your plan seems pretty sound, except for the fact that it implies that I have some money to invest.

Unfortunately this is not the case, mostly due to the fact that the moment I get hold of any money whatsoever, I tend to quit my job and wonder the world aimlessly until it's all gone.

 

[Anthile]

See? That's the difference between INTPs and INTJs. INTPs rob banks, INTJs found them.

 

[RubberDucky451]

INTP bank heist? Best idea ever.

 

[s0nystyle]

INTP bank heist? Best idea ever.

count me out, im busy robbing McDonald's with the hamburgler

 

[Dormouse]

INTP bank heist? Best idea ever.

Booyah. Can I be the lookout? I promise not to get distracted, and anyways, sirens are really loud. Plus, I'm nearly blind so they'll never suspect us!

 

[AlisaD]

INTP bank heist? Best idea ever.

Care to join?

 

[Dormouse]

We need someone to drive our truck, which should definetly be armoured and bright pink. You know, to create an SEP field.

 

[s0nystyle]

We need someone to drive our truck, which should definetly be armoured and bright pink. You know, to create an SEP field.

yah yah yah, w/ hydrolics + chromed spinners, totally not suspicious

 

[Tyria]

Sell non vital organs.

 

[Words]

Sorry to ruin your plan, but I've come to arrest you all.

*handcuffs AlisaD*

You might need an extra million.

 

[s0nystyle]

Sorry to ruin your plan, but I've come to arrest you all.

*handcuffs AlisaD*

You might need an extra million.

wat? wat is this minority report? arresting ppls before they even commit a crime >.>

 

[Dormouse]

Thoughtpolice! Thoughtpolice! It was all hypothetical, we swear!

Now banish this no-good snitch.

 

[Words]

wat? wat is this minority report? arresting ppls before they even commit a crime >.>

better arrest INTP's before they start forgetting about it..

 

[ashitaria]

Hey, I'll be the one who shoots the bank guys. Might be fun.

 

[Dormouse]

Nonono. No shooting, more taking hostages. More fun that way, plus you can milk them for cash later on.

 

[Cognisant]

[Personal Note]
Ashitaria Words = Minion, part time
Everybody in favour of robbing a bank = Hired Goons (contractors)
[/Personal Note]

Okay now this is how it's done, first you'll need to find someone who's reasonably wealthy and preferably somewhat famous (A-list celebrities have a protective entourage, so avoid them) then you befriend them, y’know feed their ego a little bit, make’em feel special, then when they’re comfortable with you, when they trust you, get them blind drunk. The next bit’s fun, basically the idea is to make them do something they don’t want the world (patricianly friends/family/employers) to know about, to this end hookers are wonderfully helpful, although hypnosis is even better (if of course you know how) because it builds upon the inhibition nullifying effect of alcohol, and the hookers will want their cut. Now finally you blackmail the poor bastard/bitch, make sure the payments in cash, and threaten to go public if s/he ever goes to the police or media.

Of course if s/he calls your bluff and does go to the police or media, then don’t publicise the blackmail material because all that’ll do is validate their claim that somebody is trying to blackmail them. Then again if your blackmail material is of the idiot doing something illegal (the more so the better) then this probably isn’t going to be an issue.

Where do you think Cogtech gets its funding?

Edit: Words, if you know hypnosis I'll make it Minion, full time.

 

[ashitaria]

[Personal Note]
Ashitaria Words = Minion, part time
Everybody in favour of robbing a bank = Hired Goons (contractors)
[/Personal Note]

Okay now this is how it's done, first you'll need to find someone who's reasonably wealthy and preferably somewhat famous (A-list celebrities have a protective entourage, so avoid them) then you befriend them, y’know feed their ego a little bit, make’em feel special, then when they’re comfortable with you, when they trust you, get them blind drunk. The next bit’s fun, basically the idea is to make them do something they don’t want the world (patricianly friends/family/employers) to know about, to this end hookers are wonderfully helpful, although hypnosis is even better (if of course you know how) because it builds upon the inhibition nullifying effect of alcohol, and the hookers will want their cut. Now finally you blackmail the poor bastard/bitch, make sure the payments in cash, and threaten to go public if s/he ever goes to the police or media.

Of course if s/he calls your bluff and does go to the police or media, then don’t publicise the blackmail material because all that’ll do is validate their claim that somebody is trying to blackmail them. Then again if your blackmail material is of the idiot doing something illegal (the more so the better) then this probably isn’t going to be an issue.

Where do you think Cogtech gets its funding?

Edit: Words, if you know hypnosis I'll make it Minion, full time.

F u, you're not the boss here.
You can't decide who's who. If I want to shoot someone, I'll fucking shoot someone.

 

[WeAreTheStrange]

Count me in. i'll be the guy on the inside

 

[Cognisant]

F u, you're not the boss here.
You can't decide who's who. If I want to shoot someone, I'll fucking shoot someone.

Oh sorry, my mistake.

[Personal Note]
Words = Minion, part time
Everybody in favour of robbing a bank = Hired Goons (contractors)
Ashitaria = Expendable Thug (kamikaze)
[/Personal Note]

Well that's one less pay cheque to write out.

 

[unhinged]

I can be the guy who takes the loot for safe-keeping until the heat is off... I'll make sure no-one sees it... EVER!

 

[Words]

[Personal Note]
Ashitaria Words = Minion, part time
Everybody in favour of robbing a bank = Hired Goons (contractors)
[/Personal Note]

Okay now this is how it's done, first you'll need to find someone who's reasonably wealthy and preferably somewhat famous (A-list celebrities have a protective entourage, so avoid them) then you befriend them, y’know feed their ego a little bit, make’em feel special, then when they’re comfortable with you, when they trust you, get them blind drunk. The next bit’s fun, basically the idea is to make them do something they don’t want the world (patricianly friends/family/employers) to know about, to this end hookers are wonderfully helpful, although hypnosis is even better (if of course you know how) because it builds upon the inhibition nullifying effect of alcohol, and the hookers will want their cut. Now finally you blackmail the poor bastard/bitch, make sure the payments in cash, and threaten to go public if s/he ever goes to the police or media.

Of course if s/he calls your bluff and does go to the police or media, then don’t publicise the blackmail material because all that’ll do is validate their claim that somebody is trying to blackmail them. Then again if your blackmail material is of the idiot doing something illegal (the more so the better) then this probably isn’t going to be an issue.

Where do you think Cogtech gets its funding?

Edit: Words, if you know hypnosis I'll make it Minion, full time.

Woah woah, hold on bud! Another RPG? I might need to arrest you as well. Bah!

*handcuffs Oresama*

 

[Cognisant]

You'll never catch me alive!

 

[Words]

You'll never catch me alive!

Wait! Before anything else, I have a very urgent question. It's about your mother....no

Why do people refer to you as this?

Of course, clearly I'm only feigning ignorance. I actually do know the reason! Heh.

 

[Cognisant]

Cog -> Cognisant
For it's widely known that I am enlightened.

Of course you've already figured it out, not being a complete idiot and all.

 

[Words]

Cog -> Cognisant
For it's widely known that I am enlightened.

Of course you've already figured it out, not being a complete idiot and all.

Of course! Of course!

*manacles the roll steel ingot*

 

[Cognisant]

Steel ingots aren't alive.

Nah nah, told you so

 

[Words]

Calling all reinforcements, steel ingot on the loose.

 

[Cognisant]

Oh crap the fuzz, time to boggie.

Spoiler

Oooh I know *runs past cake store*

Spoiler

Eat cake and die piggies!

 

[Beat Mango]

Ok people, this is an emergency. I need to earn a million dollars in the next month so I could quit my job and live happily ever after.

If I fail, certain death by boredom induced asphyxiation awaits me.

Most of you here are really smart, so I figure that earning one lousy, tiny million in a whole month should be no problem.

Please?

Did you not see my thread, "How to become a hermit":

http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=6799

You don't need one mill, you could get by with about 50 thousand.

 

[Words]

Oooh I know *runs past cake store*

Spoiler

Halt boys!

Oooh..*clears throat*...It looks like we need to do some inspectin' here..

 

[AlisaD]

Did you not see my thread, "How to become a hermit":

http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=6799

You don't need one mill, you could get by with about 50 thousand.

Didn't see it earlier, sorry, but it is a great idea, still I'd need to come up with 50k, and no banker in the right mind would ever approve a loan to a person with my employment/income records

 

[AlisaD]

See? That's the difference between INTPs and INTJs. INTPs rob banks, INTJs found them.

How about opening an INTP bank? Instead of offering people money, we'd offer them ideas about money. The main idea would be that they should give their money to us.

This doesn't sound right, I might have to work on it.

But it got me thinking, maybe we can open up an idea shop. We'd have to employ an ESFJ to stand in front and yell:
"Ideas, ideas, get them while they're hot!"
"Ideas, ideas! New ideas, old ideas, old ideas in new packages, genius ideas! Dumb ideas on sale!!!"
"Ideas, ideas, get them while their hot, otherwise these people will just forget about them!"
"Ides, ideas!!! Buy one of Anthile's get two of Alisa's for free!"

 

[Cognisant]

ENTPs flood the market with cheap knock-offs of INTP/INTJ ideas, making it hard for us to make a profit because anyone who needs to buy ideas is clearly too dim-witted to tell the difference between quality and mass produced crap.

And then there's the FJ monopoly on anything morality related, it's a dirty business.

 

[Jah]

There's a nice book about the subject I just read.
Sort of an autobiography/memoir collection by Felix Dennis, one of the most successful entrepreneurs within the magazine business. ("How to get rich" is the title, and I got it for something like $3 at amazon. Worth a read.)

 

[IssphitiKOzS]

Question is, what are you willing to do for that million?

 

[AlisaD]

Question is, what are you willing to do for that million?

Oh honey, I'd do just about anything

 

[JUN]

I recommend prostitution, it has worked out for many people.

 

[WeAreTheStrange]

so the bank heist idea has been discarded?

( what the hell am I going to do now? I already got the damn job )

 

[ashitaria]

I recommend prostitution, it has worked out for many people.

No offense meant in the process of this making, but:

<Cynical Sarcasm>

Oh Ran...

You would know wouldn't you?

</Cynical Sarcasm>

Here's a list of reasons why it would probably NOT be a good idea for prostitution.

-STDs.
-Rape.
-Assault.
-Chances of being killed.
-Chances of getting addicted to drugs.
-Health.
-Profit is low if you're not pretty. (some have to slug all day)
-You will lose all the precious social life you have (I doubt you would care though...typical INTPs)

I recommend you not do prostitution but just do blow-jobs. Of course, I'm hoping you won't get in to this at all.

If I roll my eyes anymore, they are going to pop out.

 

[Anthile]

<Cynical Sarcasm>

Oh Ran...

You would know wouldn't you?

</Cynical Sarcasm>

Here's a list of reasons why it would probably NOT be a good idea for prostitution.

-STDs.
-Rape.
-Assault.
-Chances of being killed.
-Chances of getting addicted to drugs.
-Health.
-Profit is low if you're not pretty. (some have to slug all day)
-You will lose all the precious social life you have (I doubt you would care though...typical INTPs)

I recommend you not do prostitution but just do blow-jobs. Of course, I'm hoping you won't get in to this at all.

If I roll my eyes anymore, they are going to pop out.

Congratulations, your all-time cluelessness has just reached a new height. I never thought it would be possible but you have outdone yourself and kicked reason to the curb.

^me

 

[ashitaria]

Congratulations, your all-time cluelessness has just reached a new height. I never thought it would be possible but you have outdone yourself and kicked reason to the curb.

^me

Well thanks. It must be awfully reasonable to smash your computer off the desk. I applaud you.

As for my clue-lessness, I'm sorry. I'm meant to be asexual.

 

[JUN]

Asexual ?
You're 14.

 

[s0nystyle]

^ you're from portugal like your opinion matters *dodges*

 

[ashitaria]

Asexual ?
You're 14.

I don't even want to explain that. -_-

 

[Spectrum]

Obviously, you never watched the Ocean movies.

 

[Fukyo]

I don't even want to explain that. -_-

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Asexuality