So I tried to meditate in my own way tonight. It consisted of reading the passage then trying to feel the essence of it. Not quite the idea of turning the ideas over in my mind as I've read on Christian meditation sites. Not the mechanical recitation of mantras like in Eastern meditation or the focusing on a spot between my eyes either. Doing the latter is so tempting. It seems so easy, certainly easier than trying to generate an indescribable complex feeling. But I feel that Christian meditation is possibly more of a challenge and so potentially more rewarding.
Well. I still don't know what to do about my predicament, but that's alright. I have peace.
Ah! The return of my shoutbox after days of enforced quietude.
Psalm 32 is a very calming psalm (calm psalm, I like the rhyme). Why did I never come across it in my sojourn across the Bible before? Missing the trees for the forest is as lamentable as the converse (I'm sure there's a better word than lamentable which connotes the sense of waste but I can't for the life of me remember what it is).
Why is the Bible uncool? I think it is, I cannot deny it. But I wish I didn't. It is so much atool of oppression, of condemnation of others, of judgmentalism, that I can't associate it with coolness. I wish I could because it is actually a great book (especially books like Psalms) and I'm sure some atheists will agree.
I love reading in Esperanto too. I think it's great for meditation. It actually forces me to think about the meaning of the words, especially after I read the English and realise it's not quite the same. Reading it in Hebrew must be an amazing experience.
Thing is, nobody cared. Except C. I knew C would pounce. C is opposed to every technical thing that I do, every proposal or amendment, even the non-technical, really. C's way is always the best and we must always stick to the tried and true. Progress be damned. C had already considered things a long time ago and if he didn't want to do it then there's no reason why people should be doing it now.
I'm still worried that the failure yesterday would have repercussions in the future if I propose the system for higher level internal votes. But: coulda been worse!
Did regret not talking much to LL, GG, et al, though. As for LN, she doesn't give a shit about my computer programs of course.
So well, I decided to get this off my chest here as well even though I've already talked to a few people. And I suppose after anonymising the details nobody will be able to make head or tail of what it's about although the proceedings were supposed to be confidential (but really who gives a shit).
So, I was actually anticipating, in the deep recesses of my heart, that the voting program would fail one day. It would fail in a public way, naturally, and everybody would witness it. My reputation as a programmer would go to smithereens.
We live in a country where everyone wants to be part of the elite. I am no exception. As things are, this country is no exception as far as the rest of the world is concerned either.
But having no legitimate claim to elite status, having come from the wrong schools, working in the wrong firms, speaking the wrong languages, I style myself as the anti-elite. I am elite in my ordinariness, the quintessential private citizen of this land, the most representative of the poor and downtrodden.
Yet it is rubbish, for poor and downtrodden though I may be, I cannot lay claim to be representative of the diverse masses of poor and downtrodden people.
It is said that the middle class are the most ambitious. Am I middle class? No, I don't think so. I am working class. But the working class too harbours ambitions of joining the ranks of the elite, much as its members publicly despise the elitist system.
My previous post will be laughed at by your average elitist. SMU, the unranked school, elite?
It is 25 days to the release of my OBU accounting degree results.
I am immensely afraid that I will fail yet again.
It would be such a disgrace to SMU Law School, that supposedly kinda elite place which needs 3 As for entry. Besides a disgrace to SMU at large that someone who got two degrees cum laude from there cannot pass a part time degree. Stupid though that may sound, I can't deny that it matters to me emotionally.
Ah well. In God's hands. He has chosen the foolish things to confound the wise.