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walfin

walfin

Democrazy 37 From /dev/null
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  • walfin
    Dear diary,

    I haven't told many people about the New Thing that has cropped up.

    Very often I feel I need some advice, but I think I might push it away.

    Am I arrogant? Perhaps I am. I don't know, really.

    There is basically no one that I can turn to, for good business advice, who will not sneer, or mock, or give nonanswers.

    Perhaps I would find it better to hide. Then again, I would probably not like hiding all that much.

    Looked at a place on the Interwebz which I have not been in a while. There is always regret. I tell D to move on and forget what cannot be, and I am stuck, myself, having tried to move on but still having regrets inside.

    Yes. I think I am misunderstood.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    So I'm back from Dive 2, with lots of coral inflicted battle scars. :D

    Hehe. Wish I'd caught a few prawns n crabs. Would've been fun.

    Gonna put a few photos here as soon as they're ready.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    It appears that my OBU thesis cannot be found.

    Also it seems that I didn't do terribly well for the most recent term too.
    :slashnew:

    It's said that teenagers are often libertarian. When I was a teenager I was pretty supportive of the ruling party, though. And more socialist.

    Wonder if I will really change as I grow older. I hope I will always support freedom, liberty, and justice. Till the day I die.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Apparently, I forgot to write about the burning car.

    It was mad, I never thought I'd see something like that in this country.

    The worst thing was that people were taking photos.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Apparently, continental Europe has personal "moral" intellectual property rights.

    If US had it, the most recent film adaptation of Alice in Wonderland would've gone into the memory hole (and for good reason too).

    I really like continental European law with its highfalutin principles. When the US doesn't even pretend to acknowledge these ideals because of corporate lobbying, what happens is a cruel, undemocratic law (that's the problem with the US - not, like this country claims, that it is democratic, but that it's not democratic enough in certain ways). That is being realistic? No, that is being opportunistic (on the part of the large corporations).

    This country is, of course, far, far behind. The powers that be will certainly claim otherwise.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    More and more, I feel I cannot escape the curse of Si.

    When someone lays his/her cards open, he is vulnerable to attack. But nobody can ever get ahead without someone laying his/her cards open.

    Well, that is it, then. If I am attacked, so be it. If someone else has a tendency and then denies it, they are cheating themselves, not me.

    On nights like this, the proverb "when the sky falls, use it as a blanket" is comforting.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I regret not selling Cosco at 1.81 the other day.

    Ah well. Hold long term, I guess. It's not a very bad stock to hold, anyway.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I have had prawn mee 2 days in a row.

    It was very salty today. :(

    How am I going to go to school tomorrow, when I have no staff to work here?

    Why is my new blog down? It seems as if God really does not want me to have a blog.

    Very often, I think, I am still a kid inside.
    cheese
    ccb, why you trying to dictate my bedtime? u den kiam pa!

    Anyway, you clearly stated the nice part. So knnb. :D

    It's #intpforum.com
    DON'T BE A PUSSY.

    (My god, the motherland's english just....creeps up on you. Save me. Goddammit, it's not even my motherland.)
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Yay! Two women just spent a total of $21.80.

    I hope they'll continue to come. :p
    cheese
    Yeah, I should try to distance ourself- I mean, myself - instead.

    Glad you appreciate niceness. Doesn't actually seem all that common - the quality or the appreciation. Perhaps I really did pick up on similarities through your blog, heh. Interesting.

    It wasn't so much being nice as pointing out what I saw as fucking obvious inconsistencies in their thought patterns. But the arrogance and back-patting, for such transparently flimsy reasons, just puts me off. Probably a problem in me, actually. Bummer.

    I've got msn but the damned thing won't let me log in. Try it anyway: magnificent_cheese@hotmail.com (you wouldn't've guessed -_-) I'll be around one day, perhaps a week from now - wonky internet at the moment.

    Get on irc? Real-time convos are fun. I'm not on atm but you should check out everyone else.
    cheese
    Oh, whew! I always worry I'll piss off too many people or say stupid stuff without knowing. Willing to learn though.

    I'm just generally full of rage today, so it came splattering out there. I do feel very strongly about our misplaced arrogance though. Annoying as fuck.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I just realised my blog cannot work in IE.

    Lol.

    I bet it'll work on konqi, though, since chrome is ultimately derived from konqi.

    EDIT: Problem solved. Apparently, IE cannot handle html pages using <object>. Ah well. iframe it is, then, since chrome & co can handle those.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Sigh, Maple Story has another huge patch which I didn't know about, and now the customers are dissatisfied that the computers aren't patched.

    And that irresponsible chap played me out and did not show up for work today, saying that he's "not interested" in the job anymore. Dared to threaten to complain about me to the Manpower Ministry, to boot. Attitude problem. :beatyou:
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    It appears that I really only believe in God when good things happen. That is not good.

    Anyway, I have gotten the grant for the machine. It's just about enough to build 1. That should be enough, however.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Multaj Dankoj al Dion!!!!!

    I got it, I got it, I got it got it got it! tralalalala *waltzes*

    Yay!!!
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Gr. Why so many entries in a day?

    Esperanto is a pretty strange language. Why adiaux and not bonforon? Why pardonu mi (no equivalent for sorry)? Why does ja mean "indeed"?

    :rolleyes:

    And I just realised that forfikigxu is f*** off :D
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I've just realised that the Emperor Hirohito was a marine biologist, and the current Emperor of Japan is a ichthyologist. Cool!

    Ichthyologist. Ichthyological. Ichthyologistic. Ichthyologue. I'm ichthyologing! Woohoo!
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Cosco is down, to my satisfaction. Unfortunately, 14 lots have already been traded at 1.79. Should've queued buy order.

    1.83...not very worth it to reenter at this px. Will wait for further drop. Bet the shorters will throw if it's overheated. But buy vol is worryingly high and I won't get the dividend payout if I can't buy it back.

    Hehe, don't think there's anyone on this board who'll be playing my local bourse, but then again plenty of foreigners are scalping on the SGX. "Pantang Kentang", I remember that phrase fondly.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I watch Philosophyking87 v Adymus & Ors [2010] INTPf 1 with bated breath.

    Always fun to have a virtual brawl, though I wish people would submit entries for the Writing Brawl instead. :D
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    The other day, I vowed that I would not be greedy.

    Today, I finally threw the 5 lots of cosco contra at 1.83 thinking that buy volume was pretty thin, only to see it rise to 1.86 later.

    Grr.

    Ah well. $30 profit. Better than force sell and loss.

    Threw the rest at 1.85 too. I hope it'll plunge back so I can reenter.

    OK Cosco closed at 1.86.

    Tomorrow. I shall swoop down on it if it plunges.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I just remembered I wanted to write about this last night.

    It's very annoying that the whole world is always bashing younger men and telling the older women that "it won't work" &c. Can't they go back to bashing Jack Neo and Marcus Chin? I have done nothing wrong, evinced no intentions to cheat, and I am looking for loyalty in return for loyalty. The naysayers would have me, and worse, whoever I date, believe that that is not what I want. For goodness' sakes, I know myself, thank you very much, and I what I want now is for all these people to Get Lost.

    We would have plenty of nonsense to handle in the future, rebellious kids &c. if we get married and listening to all this nonsense does not help anyone.

    But I should dote on her more, I guess. Make them jealous. And start earning more money. :slashnew:

    And for that matter, why is a piddly 8 years even considered an age gap? I'm more than half her age + 7.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Silly me. I bought hot tea, and I went to open a can of Coke from the fridge.

    Gah. Never mind, I'll save the Coke for later.
    Philosophyking87
    LOL, I saw that.

    I remember seeing a thread about chinese astrology and I was like "Oh cool, I'll check it out." So I clicked on it and immediately started to vote, then typed "rabbit." Then I realized I was the only/first person. And it thought it was odd that I was the first person, because I must've been extremely early.

    Interesting to find out that I had voted within seconds of it being posted up. haha
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Sometimes I think INTPs are like the Men of Athens in the Bible (Acts).
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I have heard enough nonsense about this Poly v JC debate.

    Next time, I am only going to hire JC graduates, if Poly grads continue to think they're so great. The last type of people any employer wants to hire are the arrogant. Their belief that "Poly grads are better more mature more etc etc" will be their downfall.

    EDIT: OK, well, I won't hire only JC graduates, but I will hire Polytechnic graduates who are sufficiently modest.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I am going to cry. I have just burnt myself by $500.

    What a terrible lesson this is.

    God. What AM I DOING?
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I stumbled by the constructed languages thread, and realised that Esperantists have a bad rap.

    Yes, it's true that many Esperantistoj go around arguing with people about how easy it is and how it is better than other constructed languages etc. In English.

    I see no point in doing so. If other people claim that Esperanto is difficult and that Lojban or something else is easy, well, let them do what they think is easier. I did not actually learn Esperanto because I believe in whatever worldview Zamenhof had, but because I am lazy and it's easier for poetry to rhyme if practically every word has to end with a vowel(including j/ux).
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Mein Gott. Cosco has dropped 3c.

    Should've sold in the morning when it was 1.84. But no...greed made me queue a 1.86 sell order yesterday.

    :slashnew:

    Anyway. I realise that I do not really like where the realist v idealist thread is going (as usual, with most of my other thread starting attempts, it is a complete flop :p).

    Mi dankas Dio, ke tie cxi ne samas kun INTPc. Although to be fair, I do not know the other place now.

    I wonder if one day I will liberally sprinkle Esperantisms in English speech the way I sprinkle chengyu/cantonese idiomatic phrases in English speech sometimes.

    I wish I knew wenyanwen. Then I could write a proper Classical Chinese poem.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    "The Build-To-Order (BTO) is a responsive system offering flexibility in location and timing for flat buyers."

    Apparently, 2 locations=flexibility in locations for the HDB. Even when neither of those 2 locations makes the buyer eligible for the subsidy for buying a flat close to his/her parents that the HDB likes to tout so much.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I wonder why I did not buy Cosco contra, 3 days ago, instead of Genting.

    I knew it was going up.

    What the hell was wrong with me? Grr. Could've made an easy 2k. What am I doing?
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Right after the last post, I felt semi-ashamed.

    Then I wondered why I felt ashamed.

    Shame is often said to be the emotion of the Enneagram 4. I am a 4w5. Why is this so?

    Last night I was talking to her, and she says she would feel lost in a place where she had no friends, where everyone was a stranger. I told her that I would find that liberating. In many ways I thank God the country is not in those Kampung Spirit days, where in exchange for "helping" one another, everyone wants to know everything about you. Many of the people I have spoken to have claimed that they would actually find a return to Kampung Spirit nice.

    I thank God that posts here do not show up in New Posts.

    Why do I care what you humans on INTPf think of me? How does that affect what I do?
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    The insecurity about everything is welling up again.

    No man likes it, that he is slow, that he is perceived to be incapable, that he is perceived as less able or developed than a woman his age, and that there is no one to blame but himself.

    There is no reason why it wells up. It just does.

    Because the starting point really does matter. The loss of the 2 years is the loss of a significant amount of revenue. It is the loss of many things besides that.

    The professor did say that we're in a hurry to graduate. It's true. Because we are considered slow, less capable and less "mature" than women who were less capable than us. Can we help but feel it's unfair? Can we help but rage inside?

    It's not something new. It's been there all this while. I want it to come out in a healthy way instead. But it eats me up inside.

    I am 22 years of age, and not getting any younger. And I can try to suppress it, but it ALWAYS comes out.

    Dio, mi ne scias kiel elteni tio cxi.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Cosco continues to be up, up and away. Now that I realise Temasek Holdings is involved, I'm a little concerned. The SGX really can be pretty volatile (and manipulated, but should any senior civil servant chance by this diary, of course the government [includes GLCs] is above board and does everything in the citizens' interest).

    I must not play contra again. This is the umpteenth time I've gotten my fingers burnt. Grr. Must control impulses!!!

    Corp law, I think, may not have turned out that well for me. Ah well. I'll try to do better for consti. The history paper was a bit iffy too.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I hope to God that I don't fail AMH today.

    I haven't even got any idea whether the test is closed book or open book.

    Argh. Gotta fly.
    walfin
    Some Indian customer appeared to be surprised that I eat prata. :rolleyes: Must be from India, he had the India accent.

    This is one of the few times I'm proud of my country. Notwithstanding that the Roti Canai produced up north is supposed to be better than our prata.

    I hope I don't turn into 1 of those "I am Chinese and I eat prata and briyani, ergo I am multicultural" people.

    I'm reminded of that time when I overheard one Chinese American chap in the train talking about his friend describing chicken rice as "as good as sex", and he quipped "what kind of sex are you having" in return. Sometimes I feel that the Singaporean pride in food is kind of unfounded. But there is little else to feel proud of, so we must be proud of what little we have. And we have to be proud of something - we're human, and I won't pretend to be "past" it all.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    There are only 3 customers in the shop now and the revenue is super low. :(

    Nobody's applied for a job yet (at least, nobody who's willing to work full time for only 1 month).

    The appeal letter I wrote for the fine is positively grovelling. Seriously, this is a ridiculous country. Even cybercafes need licences and students are barred from playing games before 6:30 PM even if they are not in school uniform. Though I guess the parents have their interests too.

    I haven't gotten much studying done, and the 1st paper is tomorrow. :(
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    It appears that somebody has paid $170000 COV for an HDB flat in Bishan.

    When will this lunacy end?

    Bubble bursts, everyone's doomed.
    walfin
    Exams coming.....

    Dio, helpu min!

    Nenio farigis. Fek.

    Devu labori diligente! (Nun mi auxdas simila kun Boxer la cxevalo, por unu fojo)
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Filipino interviewee gave me some weasel-word ridden spiel about problems with his employment agency.

    And yet he insists he wants to work here, so I don't know exactly what he is trying to put to me.

    I find it a bit sad that a degree holder has to work for me as a cashier. Makes me worried - what is going to happen to me?

    I'm very worried about the future. It already is so uncertain. She doesn't want to give me any assurance that she will stick by me even if nothing is certain, claiming that words are cheap. Somehow I don't really feel she would say that if she truly believed that she would stick by me even if I really went bankrupt/TPD/locked up by ISD agents. I believe the insecurity can be allayed - but she is unwilling to allay it, and I am unwilling to suppress it.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    It is only when I work here that I can see the problems for myself.

    Speakers spoilt, computers hanging, incorrect game settings, system and network lag, all these make the customers leave, never to return again.

    A formerly regular customer just left after he got fed up with having sound problems on multiple computers. Every single computer here is screwed up in some way or another, and I have not done anything about it.

    Much as it sounds like an excuse, I really have got no time. I chose to spend my time on other pursuits instead of tending to my "fields", and I am paying the price with a "fallow" land - a shop with only 2/20 computer occupied every hour.

    It is just as well that I am winding up soon, I guess. I have learnt a terrible, terrible lesson. So much for thinking that the problems were just embezzlement by dishonest staff or lack of marketing. Only <50% of the coms are occupied, max, because those are the only usable ones.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    She was a little unhappy today, about my negativity.

    I saw the point. Must snap out of it.

    It also seems like I am desiring of praise, however much I will deny it. But if praise comes I would probably view it with a great deal of suspicion (and then feel that I did not want it after all even if genuine).

    Jesu, mia lordo. Bonvolu helpi min venki miajn malsekurojn.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I bought Genting contra again, against my better judgment.

    It is currently down from my buy px by 1c. Which translates to a $83 loss since I bought 5 lots.

    I hope to God it doesn't crash.

    Contra is bad. No buying contra again. Don't think you can spot reversals so well, walfin. Your results have told you otherwise.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    Yay! The bourse is up. For the first time in months, my portfolio p/(l) was not red :D.

    Might be short-lived, though. And I believe the reason why Cosco is up is because it's CD. Now - should I sell, or keep the dividends? It might be a good idea to keep Cosco for a few years - it's the only big thing I have.

    I'm again contemplating gender inequality and unable to concentrate on corporate law.

    A professor has asked me to be one of his research assistants. Yet another option.

    It is not that I do not know what I want, but that I do not know how to achieve what I want.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    I have a feeling about a great many things about the company, but I cannot write here for fear that my diary will be hacked by employees.

    Gah.

    What happens if he reads this message, lol. Anyway he's quitting on 10 Apr and I will once more have no staff. Maybe I should close it by then anyway. I'm wondering how long it'll take to move all the computers out and hack away all the fixtures. Sigh. Can't say it's been a good 2 years, and I will always feel sad that I kind of ran the company aground.

    Think he knows this already, anyway, so no harm posting. Haven't gotten any calls from that woman who says she's interested in a takeover.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    How come there are so many Singaporeans here? At the other place there was only me, aelan, and elfie (and they didn't like me).

    Ah well. To avoid annoying the rest of the forum with cynical inside jokes about the familee etc. I am not going to say anything about this country in the main forum; it will be confined to this diary.

    I think I am a political late bloomer - learning about Tang Fong Har/Operation Spectrum etc. only in law school.
    walfin
    Dear diary,

    After reading Tang Fong Har's journal of ISD detention, I think I may be next. The "Mr Lee Kuan Yew, Apologise Now" online petition I signed comes to mind.

    When the ISD arrested Tang Fong Har, her husband Peter stood by her. If they arrest me, who will stand by me? God, I hope. But I'm not even sure of my belief in God. Will I be able to take it when I am locked in a cold, dark cell, with air-conditioning turned to the max at night and heated up in the hot afternoon? I think I can only do that if I can cry out to God.

    ISD officers are human too. Why do they do what they do? Perhaps they see themselves as the righteous ones and us as evil. Perhaps it's power, an ego trip. Perhaps they are well compensated for it. But I guess there is still something human about them - despite all that they do, they don't use the ancient Chinese torture techniques or perform medical experiments on detainees. Or maybe us Singaporean dissenters are a soft lot.
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