louiesgonnadie
"louie-louie-louie-lou-ieeee, louie louie you're g
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- Yesterday 11:23 PM
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2012
- Messages
- 137
Has anyone ever felt this way, as an adolescent entering the beginning of his or her adult stages?
I was homeschooled for three years, and didn't pay attention in school for another three, due to depression and other personal shit, and this resulted in below average knowledge, plaguing my intuition, and leaving me for the most part uninspired, unless I was interested in something at the moment. I feel like I have to be competent at the same time though, and my knowledge base should be up to or above the par compared to society my age right now, yet I'm not motivated to take in any knowledge based on things I'm not really interested in. I have a high IQ and it's kind of being wasted by demotivation right now.
I am currently studying computer networking at a technical school part time, since I think it's a good job to make a living off of (if you're A+ certified in cabling for example and have good experience, in a couple years you could be making up to 80K a year....I think). But for the most part, I just want the skill of troubleshooting computer problems and taking apart and fixing computers. All this extra shit is pretty cool, but I'm generally uninterested.
Or, depression, anxiety, and personal life are plaguing me. I'm not going to get into all of it (ok, there is a girl I met over the internet involved in my thoughts right now, and based on what I know about her, I really like her and feel like I could have something special with her, but I'm like a nuisance in her life and it's just killing me). I have these narrow obsessions where all my energy is focused on that particular interest and any energy and motivation can't be spread around other things. I mean, I was diagnosed with Aspergers on a couple occasions, but it is generally unnoticeable and I don't feel like I fit 60% of the criteria, but pervasively, this could explain these short lived narrow obsessions I have from time to time. For example, my current narrow obsession at the moment is with MBTI and how cognitive functions work with personality types. So, I'm kind of obsessed with figuring out my type. Just since if I have a good idea of what my type is, I'll try and be innovative towards it and figure out what works best for me based on my type (like jobs, hobbies, activities, etc.). Or, I really like that idea, but there's a chance I might be too lazy to even do that. The term "lazy perfectionist" really fits me as of right now.
Maybe I'm not really an INTP? Or I'm just 5w4 to the max? I have no fucking idea anymore. My life is just one huge bubble of ponder.
So, possibilities:
A). I can't learn anything I'm not interested in.
B). Depression, anxiety, demotivation and personal issues are plaguing me and creating a mental block, creating a wall of thoughts and blocking out information entering my knowledge bases, or if you will, any information that tries to go through has to go through my wall of thoughts and mostly ends up scattering and fading, unless it's really important.
C). I have ADHD, so this is affecting my focus towards my future goals.
D). Deep down inside my black soul, I feel like I need passion to accomplish anything or do anything right (this is probably the weakest out of the possibilities, but hey, I'm a drummer, and I enjoy the fuck out of it. I learned basic drumming on my own just by going with my instincts, enjoyed myself, and bam, I can play somewhat complex stuff for someone who has never taken lessons before. albiet I'm not really good with the base/coordination).
Sorry for rambling.
I was homeschooled for three years, and didn't pay attention in school for another three, due to depression and other personal shit, and this resulted in below average knowledge, plaguing my intuition, and leaving me for the most part uninspired, unless I was interested in something at the moment. I feel like I have to be competent at the same time though, and my knowledge base should be up to or above the par compared to society my age right now, yet I'm not motivated to take in any knowledge based on things I'm not really interested in. I have a high IQ and it's kind of being wasted by demotivation right now.
I am currently studying computer networking at a technical school part time, since I think it's a good job to make a living off of (if you're A+ certified in cabling for example and have good experience, in a couple years you could be making up to 80K a year....I think). But for the most part, I just want the skill of troubleshooting computer problems and taking apart and fixing computers. All this extra shit is pretty cool, but I'm generally uninterested.
Or, depression, anxiety, and personal life are plaguing me. I'm not going to get into all of it (ok, there is a girl I met over the internet involved in my thoughts right now, and based on what I know about her, I really like her and feel like I could have something special with her, but I'm like a nuisance in her life and it's just killing me). I have these narrow obsessions where all my energy is focused on that particular interest and any energy and motivation can't be spread around other things. I mean, I was diagnosed with Aspergers on a couple occasions, but it is generally unnoticeable and I don't feel like I fit 60% of the criteria, but pervasively, this could explain these short lived narrow obsessions I have from time to time. For example, my current narrow obsession at the moment is with MBTI and how cognitive functions work with personality types. So, I'm kind of obsessed with figuring out my type. Just since if I have a good idea of what my type is, I'll try and be innovative towards it and figure out what works best for me based on my type (like jobs, hobbies, activities, etc.). Or, I really like that idea, but there's a chance I might be too lazy to even do that. The term "lazy perfectionist" really fits me as of right now.
Maybe I'm not really an INTP? Or I'm just 5w4 to the max? I have no fucking idea anymore. My life is just one huge bubble of ponder.
So, possibilities:
A). I can't learn anything I'm not interested in.
B). Depression, anxiety, demotivation and personal issues are plaguing me and creating a mental block, creating a wall of thoughts and blocking out information entering my knowledge bases, or if you will, any information that tries to go through has to go through my wall of thoughts and mostly ends up scattering and fading, unless it's really important.
C). I have ADHD, so this is affecting my focus towards my future goals.
D). Deep down inside my black soul, I feel like I need passion to accomplish anything or do anything right (this is probably the weakest out of the possibilities, but hey, I'm a drummer, and I enjoy the fuck out of it. I learned basic drumming on my own just by going with my instincts, enjoyed myself, and bam, I can play somewhat complex stuff for someone who has never taken lessons before. albiet I'm not really good with the base/coordination).
Sorry for rambling.