BrBaFan225
Redshirt
I'm wondering if anyone else has struggled with what I am, and has had the same thoughts as me.
Here lately I have been severely depressed. I'm talking for a good month and a half, I have had strong suicidal thoughts. I keep telling myself if only I didn't have parents, I would have already killed myself. I've caught myself in very scary situations, for example walking alone in the dark at night in a not so nice neighborhood, not even scared; because if I died right then I wouldn't really care. I have one real friend right now, and I'm currently not in college. But that isn't all of the reason. It isn't even most of the reason..
I feel like no matter what I do on this Earth, in 200+ years everything I did will be irrelevant. So all of my struggles, the pain I have to endure. The relationships I make, all for nothing in the end. Anything I can possibly do someone has already done before. In 5 billion years the Earth won't even exist due to the sun moving closer and closer, so nothing any of us do really matter at all. We are put here and forced to exist, go to school and work every day, for what? A house that will some day be someone else's to live in, and then die and then pass on? I just don't see a point in living if in a few centuries noone will even know I existed. Or care about my existence at all. I honestly feel like a zombie just trudging through life until my death arrives. The planet is kind of my playground. Living is just something to do to me, I guess. Something that I could end doing at anytime and be content.
Here lately I have been severely depressed. I'm talking for a good month and a half, I have had strong suicidal thoughts. I keep telling myself if only I didn't have parents, I would have already killed myself. I've caught myself in very scary situations, for example walking alone in the dark at night in a not so nice neighborhood, not even scared; because if I died right then I wouldn't really care. I have one real friend right now, and I'm currently not in college. But that isn't all of the reason. It isn't even most of the reason..
I feel like no matter what I do on this Earth, in 200+ years everything I did will be irrelevant. So all of my struggles, the pain I have to endure. The relationships I make, all for nothing in the end. Anything I can possibly do someone has already done before. In 5 billion years the Earth won't even exist due to the sun moving closer and closer, so nothing any of us do really matter at all. We are put here and forced to exist, go to school and work every day, for what? A house that will some day be someone else's to live in, and then die and then pass on? I just don't see a point in living if in a few centuries noone will even know I existed. Or care about my existence at all. I honestly feel like a zombie just trudging through life until my death arrives. The planet is kind of my playground. Living is just something to do to me, I guess. Something that I could end doing at anytime and be content.