Helping INTP develop emotional intelligence?

[snowqueen]

I've been reading through the past threads as there is something I have been thinking about, namely how to develop my emotional intelligence. Some of you may have picked up that I am in my 50s and only recently discovered my INTPness so I have been struggling with all of the INTP issues by myself for a long, long time! Much of this is done in secret - most people have no idea how crazy I really am inside!

Over the years I have managed to develop a lot of coping strategies which have worked reasonably well - actually very well considering so many of us do end up in difficulties of one sort or other. Anyway, I have managed to become successful in a lot of different ways. One that always surprises me is that I am a good mother. But that is probably because I am very thoughtful about parenting! And I have learned how to show my children that I love them, even though I don't have the same sort of maternal feelings that I hear from others. When I worked as an occupational therapist in mental health I was really good with people with 'personality disorders' - a category generally hated by most psychiatric staff (mind you most psychiatric staff hate patients anyway). I have miraculously found and made some very strong friendships, largely to do with my best friend at school, an ENTP, who helped me to come out of my shell through humour (we were the French and Saunders of our day!) while still indulging my need for conversation. We've been friends for 40 years now.

Through learning about group dynamics I am much more able to cope in a group, especially if I am in control - such as a classroom where, paradoxically, I am excellent at enabling others to take control of their learning, not really being a control freak at all! On a one-to-one basis I am able to deal effectively with most of my colleagues (secretly I think universities were invented to keep Ti types away from the rest of society).

But I still have not learned to deal with my emotions very well. Most of the time I am unbothered by emotions but when I'm stressed I become hyper-emotional and due to my childhood experiences with a toxic-to-INTP mother who amongst other things would beat me for crying myself to sleep, I find that once I flip into an intense emotion I have great difficulty self-soothing or calming down and it leaves me drained. I also tend at the same time to go into overdrive in my thinking and it's not always particularly rational as I tend to go over and over events in minute detail but can't reach any conclusions because basically it's about emotions and I don't understand them. I also tend to build on previous emotions so for example, any loss I experience gets added to other losses so I experience them all at the same time.

I came across this theory of emotions by Plutchik and it seems to me it could be a very useful model to work from to try to monitor and gain a little more control over my emotions. I like models! I quite like the idea of taking an intellectual approach to emotions to help me work with them more effectively (a little subversive even, like possessing a map to the enemy camp).

Ok - so each petal is an emotion group with the outer pale segment being the less intense experience and the darker being the more intense (I'm not sure that's exactly how Plutchik described it but it makes sense to my experience) The white petals are the combination of the neighbouring emotions. There is also a richer analysis of these combinations here:

So how could this be useful? Well for example, I currently have a manager who (almost literally) drives me crazy. She is like David Brent from the Office - she simply has not got a clue how to manage people. SHE IS THE MOST ILLOGICAL PERSON ON THE PLANET!!! My strategy has largely been to avoid her because I can't cope with the feelings she raises in me. But looking at the model, I can understand what's going on - I feel annoyance which often spills into anger and occasionally rage - and I veer between feeling aggressive and contemptuous of her. Now I can see that in a diagram, I can see that if I can find a way just to stop at annoyance, and resist the feelings of contempt, I could maybe avoid getting angry and enraged (however justified I think that is) and reacting aggressively (oh I've been so close to opening my mouth and regretting it). I need to be able to deal with her to get her support to carry on my research and so it's important that I deal with this.

The other area of my life which has traditionally been pretty disastrous is my love life which often starts well enough until I encounter a situation which I can't handle emotionally - usually I can understand it in hindsight just about - but it's often because I feel an emotion but process it cognitively and behave inappropriately as a result.

So again, using the model I can see what went wrong with my last boyfriend. I intuited that something wasn't quite right and I started thinking too much about what was wrong (pensive) and so veered towards disapproval which took me into taking an undue interest in his relationship with his ex and then noticing their closeness aggressively which led to anticipating their behaviours and becoming obsessed with them (vigilance) and then flipped over to the red, went through to rage, broke up. Then I went back to pensive, but this time veering towards remorse, so went down into sadness and grief. I've since found a really useful video about how to talk about things that are bothering you and if I had spotted the emotional signs early enough I would maybe have been able to articulate them in a constructive way and stopped myself flipping into rage and avoided the grief (which is experienced as a compound of my father's death and all my lost loves).

I think this could also be very useful to work on ways to connect with the white petals to uncover my motivation because that again could be a warning. Also I guess one could use it to look for ways of enhancing positive feelings. You can download a really good poster and I'm going to print it out and put it on my wall at work and see if it helps!

 

[Ogion]

Wow.
Well, i certainly think that this could be useful in analyzing another persons emotional status, although probably not in real-time.
Without wanting to distract from your description, my 'problem' in dealing with other persons emotionally lies in that i don't feel emotions at all, or at least very weak. Going through the middle-intensity emotions i already have to say that i barely ever really feels these, like joy, fear, sadness...So i think i have problems understanding the motivations, reasons, actions etc. from people who experience the full spectrum of the above graphic.
So the question is, how to notice, recognize, 'appreciate' and acknowledge all these emotions. And especially how to help for example someone in grief or rage or terror to overcome thos emotions, because that is probably the important part when dealing with people with problems.

Ogion

 

[snowqueen]

Wow.

Without wanting to distract from your description, my 'problem' in dealing with other persons emotionally lies in that i don't feel emotions at all, or at least very weak.

I really envy you that. I was like that as a child but then I discovered fear very strongly and when I became an adult it became rage. When my father died I discovered grief but 25 years on I am still dealing with it. But I think they are emotions that have been awakened in an unhealthy way rather than through gentle guidance.

I would like to return to that state which is why I think this model might be useful. btw I found it on Joe Metallic's page on PC.

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

This is a fascinating post!

I'm closer to Ogion in not feeling intense emotions. At least not very often and when I do, I have trouble identifying what it is. They seem inappropriate for the occasion and highly unpredictable when they might emerge. Since it is so rare that it comes up, I am always unprepared which makes coping all that more difficult. If I can see it coming, the effects would be negligible.

 

[snowqueen]

This is a fascinating post!

I'm closer to Ogion in not feeling intense emotions. At least not very often and when I do, I have trouble identifying what it is. They seem inappropriate for the occasion and highly unpredictable when they might emerge. Since it is so rare that it comes up, I am always unprepared which makes coping all that more difficult. If I can see it coming, the effects would be negligible.

Hi IB - thought I'd replied to this - sorry I must have got distracted.

I have huge difficulty identifying emotions until it is too late. I think that if I could identify them earlier it might prevent feeling so out of control when they do. I imagine that in comparison to other types I actually feel very few emotions! But in INTP terms I think I feel too many.

Just reviewing that I suspect it's only an INTP who would type 'I think I feel'!

 

[The Fury]

I rarely feel anything outside the lighter tiers of emotion. I've often wondered whether I am repressing my feelings or whether they're simply not there. If I take the time, I can usually identify my emotions when they arise and where they come from.

 

[Razare]

Hmm... I've never had trouble experiencing emotion on the inside. Through my early teenage years I would just force myself to deny that the emotions were there. Do this enough and you forget about your emotions and they'll lose their day-to-day intensity. Traumatic events can cause these suppressed emotions to surface, though.

Essentially, I've failed at suppressing my emotions completely. I was close to this in my late teens, I think. What goes on in my mind emotionally is this...

I feel an emotion on the inside. I may or may not realize that I'm experiencing an emotion, but I feel it either way.

Then my "mood" changes, but only incredibly perceptive people can pick up on this who know me well. The INFP woman I like, can tell right away what kind of mood I'm in and she points it out to me. When I was younger, I'd get frustrated when people did this. This is what I was thinking... "Who are you to tell me what mood I'm in? I was fine before you made the statement that I actually experience emotion, how dare you!"

This is because I was trying to deny my emotions existed. Having someone point out what emotion I was feeling popped the little fantasy world I was trying to make for myself.

Now back on subject, if I don't recognize that I'm feeling an emotion, one emotion leads to another internally, shifting along that nice wheel, which I think is very interesting and accurate. This process of subtle emotion goes on internally, with little overt physical responses initiated by me to address those emotions. We train ourselves not to respond to emotions. "They will lead us astray." Which is a fear some of us must have experienced in our past and in order to avoid that fear, we kept relying on logic. I think a healthier attitude would be to say, "I prefer logic over my emotions, but emotions shouldn't be denied or shunned into non-existence."

The past few years, I have been recognizing my emotional state on certain occasions. It sounds like I have more intense emotions than all of you, so it's probably impossible for me to completely deny them. This has forced me to recognize their existence. When I do recognize an emotion, I usually ask myself why am I feeling it?

Once you recognize it, the Why? is the easy part.

From there I can decide if I want to act upon my emotion. The problem is many emotions I experience are petty. Most often, it makes more sense not to act upon my emotions because they will just lead me astray. (Which demonstrates the original fear was a valid one.) However, simply respecting their existence has helped me.

Some of the more simple emotions I've experienced happen like this...

A guy talks to a girl I like and I get jealous. I recognize that I'm jealous and realize how silly it is because she's not my girlfriend. If I really want to be jealous I should make a play for her. Then I identify why I haven't made a play for her yet and basically convince myself out of being jealous.

Another one is annoyance at some of the idiots I encounter. This one is deceptively difficult to deal with because they are idiots imposing their idiot-ness upon all they meet. When I was a better intentioned person and not so bitter, I'd try to recognize them as flawed individuals like anyone else and just shrug off how they were making me feel. What right do I have to be annoyed with a person who can't help being who they are? They obviously have issues that probably stem from other unfortunate circumstances. So basically I would try to supplicate annoyance with sympathy. Doesn't always work of course. Lately, I just treat them like idiots and that works too.

After saying all this, I realize how much actually does go on in my head with regard to feelings and wow... That's a lot of stuff!

I think this could also be very useful to work on ways to connect with the white petals to uncover my motivation because that again could be a warning.

I think you're onto something. All too often I don't notice my emotions until they've reached the more intense layers.

The problem with all this emotional exploration is how often do we get to do it? For me it's maybe once a month when I hang out with the few friends I do have. It's really not enough time to improve my understanding.

 

[Razare]

Thanks for posting these charts, snowqueen. They are very insightful. I never knew there was a field of emotional study out there.

 

[Carnap]

Hi snowqueen.

You are in academia, and I was wondering, how did you get over the procrastination that is natural to INTPs in order to get so far?

I would love to be a university lecturer, but am struggling just to write this paper I have to do (I am so easily distracted, the queen of procrastination !).

I am hijacking this thread, because I thought your input would be helpful.

Back to emotions. I am surprised so many said they don't feel the intense ones ! I do, but then I short circuit because I don't know how to handle them, then they get even more intense.

 

[snowqueen]

I rarely feel anything outside the lighter tiers of emotion. I've often wondered whether I am repressing my feelings or whether they're simply not there. If I take the time, I can usually identify my emotions when they arise and where they come from.

Again like with Ogion I really envy that - but maybe it is because you avoid situations which would provoke them? Which could be a sensible strategy! Whatever reason, it seems a pleasant way to be.

Thanks for posting these charts, snowqueen. They are very insightful. I never knew there was a field of emotional study out there.

Neither did I - I think this is relatively recent, or maybe I just glossed over it when I came across it before! I will respond to you longer post in a minute.

Hi snowqueen.

You are in academia, and I was wondering, how did you get over the procrastination that is natural to INTPs in order to get so far?

Hi Carnap
My sense of responsibility overrides my procrastination but I still find myself pushing deadlines with alarming regularity.

I would love to be a university lecturer, but am struggling just to write this paper I have to do (I am so easily distracted, the queen of procrastination !).

One of the more helpful things I do is have a book in which instead of having a to do list, I write down everything I do as I do it. That seems to keep me on track and if I do something as a distraction I record it too - sometimes it's something constructive and sometimes it's not but it gives feedback to me.

I am hijacking this thread, because I thought your input would be helpful.

Back to emotions. I am surprised so many said they don't feel the intense ones ! I do, but then I short circuit because I don't know how to handle them, then they get even more intense.

Yes that is much more my pattern. I was speaking to a good ENFP friend tonight and he thought using the wheel would be very helpful because he said that he observes that I do not recognise the mild emotion (although I intuit it), become more aware at the moderate stage but by then I am on a trajectory to the very intense emotion. He said that he notices the mild emotion and then questions it (like Razare suggests above) and then makes choices about how to proceed. It was very interesting because through talking with him I could see how he can manage his negative emotions and promote the positive ones.

 

[snowqueen]

What goes on in my mind emotionally is this...

I feel an emotion on the inside. I may or may not realize that I'm experiencing an emotion, but I feel it either way.

Then my "mood" changes, but only incredibly perceptive people can pick up on this who know me well. The INFP woman I like, can tell right away what kind of mood I'm in and she points it out to me. When I was younger, I'd get frustrated when people did this. This is what I was thinking... "Who are you to tell me what mood I'm in? I was fine before you made the statement that I actually experience emotion, how dare you!"

This is because I was trying to deny my emotions existed. Having someone point out what emotion I was feeling popped the little fantasy world I was trying to make for myself.

Now back on subject, if I don't recognize that I'm feeling an emotion, one emotion leads to another internally, shifting along that nice wheel, which I think is very interesting and accurate. This process of subtle emotion goes on internally, with little overt physical responses initiated by me to address those emotions. We train ourselves not to respond to emotions. "They will lead us astray." Which is a fear some of us must have experienced in our past and in order to avoid that fear, we kept relying on logic. I think a healthier attitude would be to say, "I prefer logic over my emotions, but emotions shouldn't be denied or shunned into non-existence."

This is a fantastic description of what I experience - particularly the lack of taking action in response to mild emotions. What happens to me is that intuit something but don't know how to act upon it. So if it's annoyance or irritation instead of linking in to the emotion, I use the intuition to start a thought process - trying to analyse what's going on but without reference to emotions - so I see patterns of e.g. communication, relationships etc but in an objective rather than subjective way. The problem really comes when I communicate that. 'The problem here is that you are doing x which means y happens and the I react like this which triggers you to do z'. 'No you're just ignoring the fact that I feel like crap because I've had a hard day in the office.' [INTP slinks off hurt and feeling unappreciated]

I hadn't thought it might be because I have trained myself not to notice emotions. I'm not sure.

The past few years, I have been recognizing my emotional state on certain occasions. It sounds like I have more intense emotions than all of you, so it's probably impossible for me to completely deny them. This has forced me to recognize their existence. When I do recognize an emotion, I usually ask myself why am I feeling it?

Once you recognize it, the Why? is the easy part.

From there I can decide if I want to act upon my emotion. The problem is many emotions I experience are petty. Most often, it makes more sense not to act upon my emotions because they will just lead me astray. (Which demonstrates the original fear was a valid one.) However, simply respecting their existence has helped me.

Some of the more simple emotions I've experienced happen like this...

A guy talks to a girl I like and I get jealous. I recognize that I'm jealous and realize how silly it is because she's not my girlfriend. If I really want to be jealous I should make a play for her. Then I identify why I haven't made a play for her yet and basically convince myself out of being jealous.

Another one is annoyance at some of the idiots I encounter. This one is deceptively difficult to deal with because they are idiots imposing their idiot-ness upon all they meet. When I was a better intentioned person and not so bitter, I'd try to recognize them as flawed individuals like anyone else and just shrug off how they were making me feel. What right do I have to be annoyed with a person who can't help being who they are? They obviously have issues that probably stem from other unfortunate circumstances. So basically I would try to supplicate annoyance with sympathy. Doesn't always work of course. Lately, I just treat them like idiots and that works too.

Yes this is very much what my friend was suggesting. I said I felt I should carry a copy of the 'flower' around so I could refer to it whenever I needed to but I thought others would find this bit weird but he said he thought it would help open up the conversation and promote understanding. I guess if it did then you would know that person was worth talking to! I've also experimented with treating idiots like idiots and it does work!

After saying all this, I realize how much actually does go on in my head with regard to feelings

Again - only an INTP would say that!

The problem with all this emotional exploration is how often do we get to do it? For me it's maybe once a month when I hang out with the few friends I do have. It's really not enough time to improve my understanding.

I can tell you that once you start working and even more so if you have children, you get to 'explore' a lot more than you would ever want to. Having said that, I think you will be a lot more prepared for it that I was at your age.

 

[echoplex]

You made a very good point about coming out of your shell with humor. I think that is probably the only way I will ever be able to come out of mine. Humor is a very useful tool for INTPs, which I think often derives from the pleasure of Ti temporarily letting go of its death grip. That's the problem with dominant functions, they want to dominate everything!

And to the model, I think it's quite an accurate portrayal of how emotions work. For an INTP, it's nice to know what we're missing, as I consider half of those emotions to be a foreign substance. (okay, I'm half-kidding) Probably admiration is the only one of the darker ones I can recall feeling with any regularity, which usually happens when I admire someone's personality or accomplishements, even though I don't necessary "love" the person.

I also think it can definitely help an INTP gain a greater understanding of such foreign territory by allowing them to organize their feeilngs, perhaps giving them a greater sense of mastery and confidence over them. I also think those who only feel the lightest shade emotions should maybe try to open themselves to the middle ones, and so forth. Perhaps that way we can slowly come to tolerate them for what they are: Disgusting amobinations.

 

[snowqueen]

I also think those who only feel the lightest shade emotions should maybe try to open themselves to the middle ones, and so forth. Perhaps that way we can slowly come to tolerate them for what they are: Disgusting amobinations.

lol (literally I did) that's so funny I forgive you the transposition!

 

[kchikage]

I don't know why, but I cry when I have emotions, esp love, disapproval, submission and remorse. Then my friends will start saying that, "Ei, I can't believe that you ain't a robot?!" =.=
But I wouldn't feel annoyed, instead, I feel between contempt and remorse which is boredom. At least I understand that.

And the emotions that I have doesn't really follow the chart, for example: I feel aggresive and remorse without feeling comtempt. Base on the chart, which type of emotions am I involved in?

Other than that, just like others, I don't really feel intense feelings or respond to emotions accurately ( the accurate in this term is based on the responds that mojority will feel, since there is no real accurate on in this field~ )

Anyway, it is interesting to know about that is relationship between all kinds of emotions 0.0
wow~~~

 

[didyouknow]

Wow. Your post was so insightful! I am feeling... *consults poster* pleasant surprise!

I don't really feel anything most of the time. I just feel neutral. Either that or I just don't notice. Often when I do feel the emotions I don't really know what they are and it can take me a long time to figure out what they are. When I do I either ignore them or try to get rid of them. It can be rather embarrassing when they get overboard and I can't control them. I end up lashing out and then the recipient is always shocked by the intensity of my emotions.

I suppose what we're really supposed to do is recognise them in the faint stages on the outer sections and solve them before they get out of hand. I often don't notice until someone who knows me really well points it out to me.

Snowqueen, how do you go about recognising your emotions in the early stages?

 

[Anling]

Like several others, I don't usually recognize my emotions until they get intense and cause an emotional shutdown. Maybe I should carry a copy of the chart around with me too. If I could learn to pay attention and recognize them in the early stages I could deal with them in a more appropriate manner.

 

[snowqueen]

I don't know why, but I cry when I have emotions, esp love, disapproval, submission and remorse. Then my friends will start saying that, "Ei, I can't believe that you ain't a robot?!" =.=
But I wouldn't feel annoyed, instead, I feel between contempt and remorse which is boredom. At least I understand that.

And the emotions that I have doesn't really follow the chart, for example: I feel aggresive and remorse without feeling comtempt. Base on the chart, which type of emotions am I involved in?

Hi kchickage,
I find when I am emotional I end up crying a lot which I dislike intensely but I think I do that because at least it is recognisable as an emotion. I don't know what emotions you are involved in - I can only just recognise my own now and then!!

Wow. Your post was so insightful! I am feeling... *consults poster* pleasant surprise!

I don't really feel anything most of the time. I just feel neutral. Either that or I just don't notice. Often when I do feel the emotions I don't really know what they are and it can take me a long time to figure out what they are. When I do I either ignore them or try to get rid of them. It can be rather embarrassing when they get overboard and I can't control them. I end up lashing out and then the recipient is always shocked by the intensity of my emotions.

I suppose what we're really supposed to do is recognise them in the faint stages on the outer sections and solve them before they get out of hand. I often don't notice until someone who knows me really well points it out to me.

Snowqueen, how do you go about recognising your emotions in the early stages?

Yes I shock people with the intensity of my emotions too. I hate that. I was speaking to an ENFP friend yesterday and he said he notices them in the faint stage and deals with them so they don't get out of hand.

I don't deal with them in the early stages - instead I have an intuition that something is going on but I address that in a thinking way rather than noticing the emotion. I notice 'something's wrong' but I tend not to confront the person because I don't want to cause conflict or I think it's not that important. Then later it becomes very important at a point when I can't stop it any longer. So I'm trying to work on noticing and naming the emotion and then dealing with it immediately.

Like several others, I don't usually recognize my emotions until they get intense and cause an emotional shutdown. Maybe I should carry a copy of the chart around with me too. If I could learn to pay attention and recognize them in the early stages I could deal with them in a more appropriate manner.

Well that's what I'm trying to learn to do!

I was showing it to an INTJ friend tonight and she was querying 'serenity' which she felt was more intense than ecstacy. We decided that 'serenity' was more likely to be 'contentment' and that what we called 'serenity' was something much deeper which F-types couldn't feel

 

[echoplex]

lol (literally I did) that's so funny I forgive you the transposition!

It appears I invented a new word. I assume it means something awful.

 

[snowqueen]

It appears I invented a new word. I assume it means something awful.

amobination: the feeling of disgust experienced when encountering F-types mobbing you with their inane 'partying' behaviours.

 

[dents]

It sounds like I have more intense emotions than all of you, so it's probably impossible for me to completely deny them.

Are you an HSP perhaps?

 

[ArcusDog]

First of all, thank you very much for posting this, snowqueen. I am definitely going to print it out, after procrastinating some.

I basically agree with most of what has been said about how emotions are noticed and dealt with (or rather, not noticed or dealt with) and they have always been a great mystery to me.

Just last night I experienced an intense negative emotion while conversing about something I didn't even realize I cared about. I had discussed this subject previously, but only what I *thought* about it. Last night I tried to explain how it made me *feel* which somehow allowed me to connect to that feeling and my emotions got out of control to the point where I had to expend a lot of effort fighting back the urge to cry and resisting the urge to make childish and mean comments.

I found that in the climax of my emotional surge, I lost contact with most of my logical side - or perhaps more accurately, my logical side was desperately fighting my emotional side. Very strange.

Additionally, just the realization that I was experiencing very strong emotions made me feel even worse for some reason.

Anyway, I think this new information is going to help me understand my emotions in a big way.


In regards to this comment,

I don't really feel anything most of the time. I just feel neutral.

I have the same experience very often. I think "neutral" is my natural state. I sometimes think about it. I have pets. I know I love my pets. But sometimes I sit there and ponder my love for them and don't understand why I feel neutral. If I love them, shouldn't I FEEL love? I try to make myself feel love and it doesn't work. I just feel nothing. And yet, I KNOW I love them. Strange.

 

[brain enclosed in flesh]

Yes, good post.
Emotions, like for others on here, are a tough one that I don't get. I always thought I was an 'F'. I was an artist, a tragic romantic type. But the tests always come up 'T', and reading this has been enlightening. Extreme emotions are the only ones I've ever really felt. It's like nothing, and then chaos.

Being on mood stabilizers for the past two years has been enlightening as well. I went from being Sylvia Plath to being a dry piece of toast. It's opened my eyes to how little I understand the subtleties of emotion. I understand them so little I am at a loss as to how to describe them at all, so I've gone through all of this analysis over the last couple of years, trying to figure out what the real me is and what is mental illness, how much of what I am now is medication, etc.

And now I am afraid of most emotions, I am afraid that if I feel too much again I will lose control of my life and my mind again. So I've kind of been avoiding life and feeling much of anything at all. Or is that just because I'm content with what is and I no longer need those other things?


I've cut down my amount of medication considerably, which makes me think that this is just who I am, that I am more dry toast than Sylvia Plath. I feel more comfortable being toast, at least. I don't know. But yes, humor is good. Humor is an emotion I am comfortable with.

I am going to print up the diagram and study it. Thank you, Snow Queen.

 

[Razare]

Well I've gotten into the habit of when I feel extreme emotions, I try my hardest not to act on those. You just identify that you're being too emotional for your own good and wait before you act. If I get extremely angry, I'll usually shake with anger and I stand there frozen to keep myself from screaming or throwing out punches. It requires all the discipline I have. Granted this has only happened once or twice in my adult life, so it's not like an every-day thing.

dents - I probably do have HSP, but I don't care. Applying mental quirks or illnesses to yourself and then stating this is what I am can only limit you as a person.

 

[brain enclosed in flesh]

HSP? Is that Highly Sensitive Person or does it mean something else? (That's the first thing that came up that sort of made sense when I googled it.)

 

[Razare]

Yeah that's what it is. Highly sensitive to surroundings. This is kinda odd coming from an intuitive type that doesn't mentally process sensory input but I guess sensory processing happens on a subconscious level as well.

I generally have an image of my surroundings in my mind. While I am not analyzing this image, I do pick up on changes quite well. If someone comes into my room and moves something in this chaotic mess, I notice. Something is subtly different in my mental image and it sticks out like a sore thumb.

Too much going on around me does overwhelm me very easily and I have to work at tuning it out. Like often someone will talk to me with other noises going on, while I can hear the person fine, my mind can't help but concentrate on the background noises while listening. 1 noise at a time is all I can handle.

 

[dents]

Applying mental quirks or illnesses to yourself and then stating this is what I am can only limit you as a person.

I only pointed it out in case you were not aware, so that you can look it up. In the same way I hope people point out the labels that apply to any of my behaviors, so that I may find out more about them. Perhaps even call BS on it once in a while. The only reason I stuck labels in my sig is so that people are able to recorgnize times when I adhere and diverge from them during posts and possibly point it out. In real life, you gotta seem normal to get anywhere, there's no place for excuses (be they based on mental quirk, illness, or other label)

 

[sagewolf]

I shall draw and study this. My Ti shall ruthlessly analyse it and never accomplish anything while my Fe screams "You're happy, dammit! Just accept being happy! You're not listening! Listen to me for once!" to no avail. Business as usual. *shrug*

Most of the emotions I feel are the outer, pale manifestations as well-- but for some reason, I can't remember ever having felt the darker shades. It's as if my emotions have a greater effect on me than the diagram suggests they should, or perhaps they simply seem more intense to me, since I normally coast along in neutral like the other people who mentioned that. Or perhaps I just don't know how to deal with them, so I evaluate the emotions in terms of their consequences, and wind up over-estimating them because of that.

 

[Carnap]

oh shit, i should have thought about that chart before I started throwing stuff around and screaming like a child yesterday.

 

[snowqueen]

I found that in the climax of my emotional surge, I lost contact with most of my logical side - or perhaps more accurately, my logical side was desperately fighting my emotional side. Very strange.

Additionally, just the realization that I was experiencing very strong emotions made me feel even worse for some reason.

Anyway, I think this new information is going to help me understand my emotions in a big way.

I'm glad you think it might be helpful - it seems to be helping me quite a lot. Yes I know exactly what you mean about the emotional side fighting with the logical side - it makes me feel quite sick thinking about it! I feel like I've been tricked into behaving some way I don't want to.

I've cut down my amount of medication considerably, which makes me think that this is just who I am, that I am more dry toast than Sylvia Plath. I feel more comfortable being toast, at least. I don't know. But yes, humor is good. Humor is an emotion I am comfortable with.

I am going to print up the diagram and study it. Thank you, Snow Queen.

You're welcome. I love the image of dry toast lol. I'd rather be toast than Plath for sure but earlier in my life I definitely thought that I was the deeply emotional romantic too so that's interesting. I think my emotions were churned up by my childhood experiences - my mother's constant goading and abuse to be specific - once the floodgates were opened I lost touch with my logic for some time.

I shall draw and study this. My Ti shall ruthlessly analyse it and never accomplish anything while my Fe screams "You're happy, dammit! Just accept being happy! You're not listening! Listen to me for once!" to no avail. Business as usual. *shrug*

Most of the emotions I feel are the outer, pale manifestations as well-- but for some reason, I can't remember ever having felt the darker shades.

I envy you that. I have only felt terror, grief, loathing, rage and vigilance off that list. But I have felt occasional contentment (which is what I think 'serenity' really is there). I am usually optimistic, though in a pessimistic way lol. And I think it's hard for me to feel love because I have huge issues with trust - but I didn't realise that until I started looking at the flower.

oh shit, i should have thought about that chart before I started throwing stuff around and screaming like a child yesterday.

you could always analyse what happened to see what you could have done differently and learn from it I guess.

 

[Beat Mango]

Thanks for posting this, I accepted last night that my emotional intelligence is very poor, I am not good at dealing with feelings, they turn chaotic, overwhelming etc.

Looking at the poster, in hindsight that's how I managed my depression, I take action at pensiveness.

 

[Ermine]

I have the same experience very often. I think "neutral" is my natural state. I sometimes think about it. I have pets. I know I love my pets. But sometimes I sit there and ponder my love for them and don't understand why I feel neutral. If I love them, shouldn't I FEEL love? I try to make myself feel love and it doesn't work. I just feel nothing. And yet, I KNOW I love them. Strange.

Reminds me of when I first found out I got a full ride scholarship for a year. While everyone that knew about it was jumping up and down, being absolutely ecstatic, I was just sitting there, nothing more than content. I find it messed up that people are vicariously taking more pleasure from my scholarship than I am. Unless contentment is simply my version of happiness.

 

[Sapphire Harp]

Reminds me of when I first found out I got a full ride scholarship for a year. While everyone that knew about it was jumping up and down, being absolutely ecstatic, I was just sitting there, nothing more than content. I find it messed up that people are vicariously taking more pleasure from my scholarship than I am. Unless contentment is simply my version of happiness.

Are you sure it's best described as 'vicariously taking pleasure' from you? I thought I was trying to promote your enjoyment of it...

Excitement isn't usually diminished by sharing it...

​

 

[Ermine]

Hmm. It's kind of hard to express the exact conditions of everyone else's excitement. It would have to be a mix between vicarious pleasure and just being happy for me. It's weird because no matter how good the news is, good news quickly turns into old news for me.

 

[ArcusDog]

I printed out the flower and "diad" chart and have been studying it.

In an effort to become more fully aware of my emotional state, I have tried speaking the emotion I am feeling at the time I feel it. The most common one so far has been "surprise," which, for some reason, does not seem like an emotion to me. I also briefly felt I loved my cat for a couple of seconds, and I think I felt ecstasy last night, but I'm not sure if it was an emotion or just physical pleasure.

But the overriding majority of the time, I feel neutral.

 

[snowqueen]

Reminds me of when I first found out I got a full ride scholarship for a year. While everyone that knew about it was jumping up and down, being absolutely ecstatic, I was just sitting there, nothing more than content. I find it messed up that people are vicariously taking more pleasure from my scholarship than I am. Unless contentment is simply my version of happiness.

Ah - that's just made me realise something! Last year I won a hugely prestigious award and I was really excited for about 5 minutes - actually mostly surprise - and then it died away and then people started going on and on about for weeks and I just felt embarrassed because I couldn't keep getting excited with them. If I think about though I do get a faint feeling of pride so that's nice.

I printed out the flower and "diad" chart and have been studying it.

In an effort to become more fully aware of my emotional state, I have tried speaking the emotion I am feeling at the time I feel it. The most common one so far has been "surprise," which, for some reason, does not seem like an emotion to me. I also briefly felt I loved my cat for a couple of seconds, and I think I felt ecstasy last night, but I'm not sure if it was an emotion of just physical pleasure.

But the overriding majority of the time, I feel neutral.

Yes since discovering I'm INTP I've calmed right down from the highly emotional state I was in (mostly anxiety/terror) a couple of months ago and have gone back to neutral with a few shades of emotion here and there. It's really nice and I'm noticing the milder pleasant emotions when they arise which were completely blocked out by the out of control emotionality I had been experiencing before. That's happened because I now feel much more separate from people when I'm talking to them which I think is a good thing. Previously I kept feeling I had to connect all the time.

 

[ArcusDog]

It's hard being an INTP and not knowing it. Learning about INTPs has really changed my perspective about myself in a huge way. Maybe that was ecstasy...

 

[Oblivious]

Maybe the thing to do is to stop thinking for a moment and becoming confident with letting our emotions decide our thoughts and actions to a limited extent?

It would serve as good observational data if nothing else.

 

[ArcusDog]

Maybe the thing to do is to stop thinking for a moment and becoming confident with letting our emotions decide our thoughts and actions to a limited extent?

It would serve as good observational data if nothing else.

That sounds scary. Would I, could I still respect myself afterward?

 

[Oblivious]

Take baby steps. One small thing after another small thing. The main thing to remember is this:
The ability to make people smile will never be in vain.

 

[bdubs]

I printed out the flower and "diad" chart and have been studying it.

In an effort to become more fully aware of my emotional state, I have tried speaking the emotion I am feeling at the time I feel it. The most common one so far has been "surprise," which, for some reason, does not seem like an emotion to me. I also briefly felt I loved my cat for a couple of seconds, and I think I felt ecstasy last night, but I'm not sure if it was an emotion or just physical pleasure.

But the overriding majority of the time, I feel neutral.

This reminds me of a game I used to play.
YouTube- Mass Effect - Elcor Conversation

I assume to do not speak the emotion you are feeling at the time while conversing with someone do you?

 

[Ulysses]

Is it the Ne in INTP that makes it difficult for them to analyze emotions? I still don't exactly know what I am, but what I do know is that I can read other peoples emotions quite easily simply by observing their body language and such. The end result is that in the real world, I can choose to be emotionally manipulative towards people, including the non-INTX types who are supposed to be especially perceptive towards emotions.

 

[snowqueen]

Is it the Ne in INTP that makes it difficult for them to analyze emotions? I still don't exactly know what I am, but what I do know is that I can read other peoples emotions quite easily simply by observing their body language and such. The end result is that in the real world, I can choose to be emotionally manipulative towards people, including the non-INTX types who are supposed to be especially perceptive towards emotions.

I am much better at spotting other people's emotions than my own. I am no good at emotional manipulation though. I'm no good at any manipulation but I do like to mess around with students' minds in terms of challenging their thinking. But that's not manipulating. I don't like to play games with men like other women seem to. What do you tend to score towards then? My daughter is superb at emotional manipulation - she's ENFP.

 

[Ulysses]

I don't find the online tests to be very accurate in determining my personality type. Most of the time, I unknowingly answer the questions in such as a way that the results turn out to be exactly what I wanted them to be. Usually, I end up being classed as either an INTJ or an ISTJ, while my friends would seem to think that I'm more of an ISTP.

 

[ArcusDog]

This reminds me of a game I used to play.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5USn_CT_DpY

I assume to do not speak the emotion you are feeling at the time while conversing with someone do you?

LOL, that was a cool clip. Yeah, I was just blurting out my emotions as they came along, regardless of who was present or what I was doing. There weren't that many though and I've mostly been alone. I said "surprise" a surprising number of times, and I said "annoyance" to my cat once. That's about it. Oh yeah, and I said "love" to my cat also.

 

[brain enclosed in flesh]

An experience in developing emotional intelligence I had thanks to this thread:

The other day I was feeling especially schizoid- I wanted nothing to do with anyone, all people were worthless and disgusting, etc. I felt detached from my body, from the physical world.

So I stepped back for a moment to consider why I was feeling this way. Was there something going on in my life that would trigger such a response?

Well, this total XNFP fellow parent was pulling her kids out of my kids' school for what I considered to be completely irrational reasons. This was upsetting to me because her kids are my kids' best friends. My daughter was crying the whole afternoon about it and it made me angry that someone was so irrationally toying with my daughter's life. (Not to mention the life of her own children. Long story, but this isn't exactly the first time she's screwed things up with her kids for the sake of their 'destiny' or some such weirdness.) So that pissed me off.

Secondly, I was supposed to call a handful of parents about an issue at school. I had volunteered to do so, because it was something I considered to be important. But I hate calling people, especially people I don't really know, because it is stressful and scary for me. I hate being introverted sometimes. So I think I was angry at myself not only that I agreed, but also that at the age of 34, something so minor as calling five other parents could fill me with such dread.

Lastly, due to multiple reasons, I hadn't had sex with my husband in three weeks. I was seriously lacking human physical contact.

It was a revelatory experience. I acknowledged the triggers, made the phone calls, settled matters with my husband, and the schizoid feelings disappeared. Weird. (And now you know more than you ever wanted to know about my life.)

 

[snowqueen]

It was a revelatory experience. I acknowledged the triggers, made the phone calls, settled matters with my husband, and the schizoid feelings disappeared. Weird. (And now you know more than you ever wanted to know about my life.)

Thanks for sharing that (let's just hope Fury doesn't notice) - well done! I've had a couple of successes identifying triggers recently especially around my boss and my ex. With the latter I managed to identify that the problem was more to do with unresolved grief over my father than him and spent time looking at my Dad's photo and thinking about him which helped a lot. I don't know about you, but just that little corner of control makes me feel less anxious about 'losing it'.

 

[fullerene]

hehe don't worry... people have said worse about their lives elsewhere around here

 

[420MuNkEy]

What qualifies as an emotion? This is where I get stuck. I remember I've had people ask me something like "What emotions are you feeling now?", and I sat and couldn't come up with an answer. In hindsight, I wonder if my inability to conceive an answer would itself justify as emotion, but if so, what emotion? Confusion? That doesn't fit, as I understood the question. Bemusement is really the only thing I would have been able to answer honestly. Now, confusion is inherent in the meaning of bemusement, but confusion alone isn't enough to explain my state of mind. Does bemusement count as an emotion? If it does, pretty much any adjective can be used as well. These words are nothing more than descriptions of what's currently on ones mind.

I think it's safe to say that we (being used as the collective for INTP's) have thoughts more frequently than others, the thoughts we have are more complex, and they are much more abstract than the average persons. Given this presupposition, asking us to condense our current thoughts into a single word seems ludicrous. The 'emotions' we seem to be able to identify are the results of lingering thoughts. These thoughts usually can't linger long enough to become an intense emotion. An explosion of intense emotion could be explained by something like new information leading to the realization of something that has effect on something that's deeply important to you. If something is important to you, it will probably be on your mind for a while when something involving it is effected.

Given the aforementioned description of what an emotion is, yes, it's possible to break them down into simpler things, but very few of the seemingly infinite 'emotions' break down specifically to 1 or two groups. For example, take a seemingly simple emotion like humor and try to break it down. Well that could be a combination of (using the root of each part of the flower) ecstasy, vigilance, rage, loathing, amazement, or admiration. I couldn't really think of a situation where someone could be either have grief or terror of something and still find it humorous, yet I'm sure they exist. Sure, you might be able to break down an individual joke and come up with 1 thing or a combination of two that resulted in humor, but what if there was a joke that used 3 or more? Are you just supposed to disregard one at random? Is it reasonable or even healthy to focus so much energy on picking apart how every little thing effects you at your core?


This is just my speculative idea of what emotions are and why INTP's seem to experience them differently. I don't know how clear the idea I've tried to convey is (I usually don't until I a response) and I'm not sure if I went way off topic.