Sex requirements (sexquirements)

[SpaceYeti]

What is the one sex thing you could not have a serious relationship without, and the one you would never do?

 

[Brontosaurie]

couldn't not do: vaginal

couldn't do: anal

best regards, a specimen

 

[Sinny91]

Anal's a big no no in my book.
Probably couldn't have a serious relationship if other half couldn't 'get me off'.

The anal thing is actually quite interesting, I know 3 types of men:

1) The men who agree with me
2) The men who accept 'no'
3) The men who are adament (closet cases IMO)

 

[The Gopher]

Hmm lets see, I probably couldn't have a serious relationship with a clown.
I probably couldn't have a serious relationship without myself.

 

[Helvete]

Sacrifice partner at climax sounds fun.

Would never abuse sexual partner.

 

[Minuend]

Come to think of it, I might be able to have a relationship with an asexual. Hmm, maybe. Difficult to say as I imagine it could be a tad frustrating. I guess it also depends on to what degree it has an impact on the rest of the personality.

I did used to know an asexual who actively developed into not being an asexual anymore. The plasticity of the brain does leave room for such in some instances. And the asexual in question had a profound personality development and an extended range of available feels. More nuanced feels grew forth which impacted the complexities of perspectives.

Yikes, how did those paragraphs happen, I strayed from the topic already.

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I guess I'll decide to have no sexual requirements for a serious relationship for now.

As for things I wouldn't do; The first thing that pops into my mind is scat. Though, I'm not so new to internet that I think that's the worst that's out there.

 

[Esurient Fere]

Required: oral sex
Relationship killer: threesome. (it could be a fun ride out if you know what I mean. But I don't share well.)

 

[Yellow]

I'm going on the assumption that things that lead to hospitalization or incarceration are a given for the "no" category.

I'd require nothing sexually from a partner that is open to polyamory. I can get whatever sex I need elsewhere. If it's supposed to be monogamous, I'd require at least vaginal sex on a regular basis.

I won't have anything to do with bodily waste.

 

[Sinny91]

Yeuk, I hate the word vagina haha.

 

[Seteleechete]

Hmm, I would be fine with hugs/cuddling I never really cared much for sex and only really seek the emotional comfort/connection from a partner(though I wouldn't mind more either).

As for what I couldn't handle... I am unsure if I could handle overly much pain being inflicted on me as well as needle play as I have a phobia towards them. Oh and I don't find human waste particularly appealing either. Other than that I am pretty open trying things out if my partner wants to. Then again I am saying this from the POV of a virgin so I could be wrong(I doubt it).

I still don't quite understand why people make such a big deal about sex, sure it's pleasurable but I hardly see it as a particularly important thing(the physical act, I see the emotional aspects as important).

 

[SpaceYeti]

As you said, you're a virgin. Sex is a huge part of relationships. Indeed, romantic relationships are defined by them being between romantic (mutually sexually compatible) people.

 

[Seteleechete]

As you said, you're a virgin. Sex is a huge part of relationships. Indeed, romantic relationships are defined by them being between romantic (mutually sexually compatible) people.

Why is that so? I can understand attraction playing a role in making an emotional bond form but I hardly see why sex has to be huge part of it. Sex hardly matters to me, it's just a physical phenomena that's temporary enjoyable because it brings pleasure. Forming an intimate relationship(with or without sex) matters significantly more.

The virgin thing was meant to explain that I cannot be certain what sexual acts I am unwilling to do. I don't see it as a valid argument to counteract my stance that sex isn't a key influence on forming a romantic relationship for me.

 

[Sinny91]

Meh, meaningful relationships can and do exist without sex.
But romantically, you'd be missing out on a lot if you didn't include it.
Sexual energy transfers n all that.. Powerful experiences.

 

[zerkalo]

Sex hardly matters to me, it's just a physical phenomena that's temporary enjoyable because it brings pleasure. Forming an intimate relationship(with or without sex) matters significantly more.

how would a romantic relationship defer from friendship then? physically desiring a person(in addition to emotional/cerebral closure/harmony) is what sets it apart

hmm is this another thread-split in the making?

 

[Seteleechete]

how would a romantic relationship defer from friendship then? physically desiring a person(in addition to emotional/cerebral closure/harmony) is what sets it apart

I would say it's the intimacy(though the same level may be found in particularly deep friendships) and commitment to ones partner(s).

On that note, friends with benefits isn't considered a romantic relationship because it has sex but (may) lack the intimacy and does lack the commitment.

 

[SpaceYeti]

Why is that so? I can understand attraction playing a role in making an emotional bond form but I hardly see why sex has to be huge part of it. Sex hardly matters to me, it's just a physical phenomena that's temporary enjoyable because it brings pleasure. Forming an intimate relationship(with or without sex) matters significantly more.

The virgin thing was meant to explain that I cannot be certain what sexual acts I am unwilling to do. I don't see it as a valid argument to counteract my stance that sex isn't a key influence on forming a romantic relationship for me.

Evolutionarily speaking, it's the single thing we absolutely must do (aside eating) to continue existing long term. It's this deep, huge area of our species' subconscious. It is a psychological need. So, yes, while you're correct about the physical pleasure, it's not just pleasurable, it's also fulfilling a psychological need. It's kind of like the difference between the flavor of a good cup of coffee versus the flavor of a good cup of coffee to someone who is addicted to coffee, yet hasn't had any for a few days. Even though the flavor is the same, the second person enjoys the flavor far more than the first, and not because it's just a good flavor.

That being said, the emotional attachments are definitely part of relationships, and sex is a huge part of forming them as well as being the result of their existence. Sex is the capstone of romance.

I'm not trying to change your mind about the subject, really. It's possible that you're simply less sexual than most people. In that case, sex would naturally play a smaller role in your life than it does for others. It's possible you're asexual, it's possible that you'll become a sexual vampire. You being a virgin means you can't really know which way you'll go, since you haven't had it. that's pretty much all I meant by that comment.

Further, people commonly complain that society jams sex down their throats, but does it really? Why would people advertise with sexual themes if it didn't work? Why does it work if sex really isn't that big of a deal? Because sex is a big deal to our species.

 

[SpaceYeti]

how would a romantic relationship defer from friendship then? physically desiring a person(in addition to emotional/cerebral closure/harmony) is what sets it apart

hmm is this another thread-split in the making?

A romantic relationship is a friendship.

 

[Seteleechete]

I'm not trying to change your mind about the subject, really. It's possible that you're simply less sexual than most people. In that case, sex would naturally play a smaller role in your life than it does for others. It's possible you're asexual, it's possible that you'll become a sexual vampire. You being a virgin means you can't really know which way you'll go, since you haven't had it. that's pretty much all I meant by that comment.

I like to think that I know myself well enough that having sex with someone won't change my mind(it is possible but the possibility is SO small that I feel confident disregarding it). I know I would enjoy sex but I also know that it isn't and won't be a key motivational factor for me. I did repeatedly say that it is unimportant to me, I know that it can be a far more important factor to others.

 

[Yellow]

A romantic relationship is a friendship.

I've always wondered about that. I've seen relationships without friendship and it blows me away. Having a romantic relationship without solid friendship seems akin to having religion without being spiritual. There's nothing satisfying about that. If you're going to skip something, you'd be better off skipping the formality and enjoy the essence of things.

 

[Puffy]

Think sex is the one thing I couldn't do without in a serious relationship, unless like Yellow said it was polyamorous. I don't have any particular fixation or fetish I know of.

There's a lot of things I would experiment with, within reason and differing levels of enthusiasm, as it takes a hell of a lot to disgust or weird me out. I wouldn't do something I didn't like on a regular basis though. The strap-on Cow udders is one time only, after that you only get the cat ears I'm afraid.

 

[SpaceYeti]

Well, to be fair, I don't think either spirituality or religion have any real value, so I can't quite get that comparison, but, yeah, a romantic relationship is a close friendship plus sex.

 

[Seteleechete]

Now while sex is unimportant to me some physical attraction is needed(though it doesn't have to be a lot, my mind just prevents me from being attracted to some appearances, such as males... my heterosexuality annoys me greatly).
Funny thing I am annoyed at my heterosexuality for much the same reason homosexuals have a problem with their sexuality... I feel like I have no control over it(though I have found that feminized/tomboyish males are acceptable ).

I am mostly thinking that I wouldn't mind a partner that for some physical/psychological reason isn't able or doesn't want to have sex.

 

[Sinny91]

And the fog is lifted haha.

 

[SpaceYeti]

What fog?

 

[Sinny91]

The fog that was disrupting my perception of sete.

 

[Grayman]

Not provided proper stimulation for my partner.
Anything that would ruin my partners ability to feel safe and close to me.

No specific stipulations of my own. It takes little effort to please me and I a lot to scare me away.

 

[StevenM]

I don't think one has to actually have sex to know their sexuality. But people may be different; I probably shouldn't speak for everyone.

 

[SpaceYeti]

No, of course not. Your sexuality is pretty obvious in my experience, granting I'm about as straight as can be. No, the nuances of sexuality are what I'm discussing when I say that one must have sex before they know exactly what they want. Styles, techniques, kinks... I can think of only one kink I was aware I had before I ever even had sex, and I have quite the collection of them, now. It's kind of like how a layperson might know how swords are made, or they might understand how electricity works, or they know that food needs to be cooked, but you can't make a decent sword, install circuitry into a house, or work as a chef in a four star restaurant until you've had extensive training and experience. Sex is the same. You can understand the basics of how it works, but you don't understand it's nuances, or the specifics of your tastes, without experience.

 

[TheAdditional1]

My Sexquirements:

At the very least let's just have good old-fasioned bumping uglies. It's both standard and something so intimate about a girl letting you inside of her and being literally together.

Otherwise a top desire is oral. Can't say it's a requirement because I want her at the very least to be *willing* to do it, but not as an ultimatum. There's something sexy about a girl who might not really want to do something, but is still willing to do it, for you. Strange feeling.



Absolute no-no's: No dudes involved, no teeth during oral, and no, uh...deliberate poop. Other than that, I bet I'm open to more than I may even be aware of, for the most part. Long as the weirder shit stays between us (i.e. once she's wifey).

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

It's so bizarre to me to see people saying how they'd need sex or that it's somehow necessary to a serious relationship. I find myself feeling similarly to what Sete has expressed (and I've had sex so take that virgin-haters ). Although I did find Yeti's post below very interesting. It may be possible that I've just not yet found the right girl or right collection of kinks and turn-ons that would really make sex an endeavor worth actively seeking out.

No, of course not. Your sexuality is pretty obvious in my experience, granting I'm about as straight as can be. No, the nuances of sexuality are what I'm discussing when I say that one must have sex before they know exactly what they want. Styles, techniques, kinks... I can think of only one kink I was aware I had before I ever even had sex, and I have quite the collection of them, now. It's kind of like how a layperson might know how swords are made, or they might understand how electricity works, or they know that food needs to be cooked, but you can't make a decent sword, install circuitry into a house, or work as a chef in a four star restaurant until you've had extensive training and experience. Sex is the same. You can understand the basics of how it works, but you don't understand it's nuances, or the specifics of your tastes, without experience.

As for the sexquirements I might have I'd say what's necessary is faithfulness(?... man I really think that's the wrong word). Like I may not need sex personally, but if I were with someone who did I would be incredibly hurt if they ever had sex with someone who wasn't me. In all honesty though, I think right now I prefer masturbation to sex. I find I have a more "look don't touch" approach when it comes to a lot of things and the types of things I find really turn me on are a little fucked up and shameful to where I would: 1. Be worried about judgement from my partner. and 2. Even if they didn't judge me, I personally wouldn't be comfortable actually taking part in them.


The don'ts would be as mentioned by several people above basically anything involving piss, vomit, or shit.

 

[Lot]

I can't really say I have any. I still haven't had sex, yet. So I'm not really sure what I actually like. I know what I like to get off to by myself with, but I'm not really sure what does the trick otherwise. I like kissing a lot. Cuddling and fondling is nice. I also enjoy biting. But that's all pretty tame I assume.

The only real things I'm sure I won't want to do anytime soon has to do with poop. Poop is just not something I want on me or my lover. Pee is whatever. It neither turns me on or off. I couldn't do humiliation either. Giving or receiving. I have low self esteem as it is, and I don't want to do/say those kinds of things to someone I love. I could do pain stuff, but I have places I would draw the line. And I guess no fucking our kids. Seems to be popular in porn these days, but the thought of actually doing that is so fucking gross. Fisting is kind of weird too.

 

[Doktorin Zylinder]

I'm asexual. I don't really care for sex, but will engage is said activity if my partner requires it but it's under my terms more than anything. I also don't like being touched, so there's that to contend with along with sensory issues.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

I won't accept any fetishism in a relationship. Fetish fixations are symptomatic of a mental illness.

I'd probably need to find a person with a similarly low sex drive to have a stable relationship of that nature with them.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

I won't accept any fetishism in a relationship. Fetish fixations are symptomatic of a mental illness.

I'd probably need to find a person with a similarly low sex drive to have a stable relationship of that nature with them.

What exactly do you define as fetishism?

Light bondage? Role-play? Anything and everything that isn't strictly procreational vaginal sex?



Is there a difference between a fetish "fixation" and a casual kink, in your opinion?

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

What exactly do you define as fetishism?

Light bondage? Role-play? Anything and everything that isn't strictly procreational vaginal sex?



Is there a difference between a fetish "fixation" and a casual kink, in your opinion?

Yes, I have a subjective definition, I don't necessarily feel repulsion to things mentally ill, I view many of the kinks as associated with personalities I wouldn't get along with, on the basis of their more overall erratic behaviour.

Yes, bondage is a case of role-play I dislike based on the relation dynamic it opens. I don't have a problem with role-play in general, if it's an optional mental game, rather than some form of pleasure trigger. Sex is more important for strengthening a relationship, procreation is a separate domain of sex (optional at best) very rare and I would also see it as strengthening the ties between the people (for better or worse).

 

[Minuend]

As for a relationship without sex and defining it as a romantic relationship or not. Yikes, semantics. I'm not entirely sure why the definition matter. Obviously two asexuals who say they are in a romantic relationship have feelings and experiences specific to that bond. I don't think the few categories for human relationships is really sufficient to cover all the different types of relations you can have with one or more humans, anyway. Neither do I think it's a categorizing system we necessarily need to strive for as I think what the people involved get out of it and the dynamic is more important than the label.

Though including one or two more categories in our daily speak definitively can change our collective perception of human relationships and what behavior is acceptable between them and not. Stronger bonds between males are ok, because bros before hos and such. I think shows like Scrubs have influence to set a precedent for closer relationships between males.

That being said, I do realize the importance of sex, oxytocin and such for bonding. I do wonder if asexuals would have shorter relationships in general as feelings might wane sooner than in one with sex. However, it is perfectly possible asexuality is correlated with certain personalities and traits that would more easily enhance length of relationships when they do engage in them.

At the same time, I do wonder if you can ever unlove someone you loved strongly. Even if you grow apart, fight too much. I wonder if those warm, caring feelings toward the other person will ever go completely away. Which is both a comforting and a scary thought.

Yes, I have a subjective definition, I don't necessarily feel repulsion to things mentally ill, I view many of the kinks as associated with personalities I wouldn't get along with, on the basis of their more overall erratic behaviour.

Perhaps erratic behavior and/ or mental illnesses is included in some cases. But I do think it sometimes simply serves to set up a situation where one is able to bend ones feelings to a degree where one reaches an emotional high. Sometimes this emotional high might be sought after like an addict taking a shot trying to escape reality, but other times it's simply experiencing intense feelings in a familiar environment with a person one like. The latter being a mentality that doesn't need go hand in hand with erratic behavior.

I think these feelings often could be derived if put in the same situation, without the sex.

Well, perhaps there is correlation between "heavier fetishing" and erratic behavior. Though, general trends is not important when you are only choosing one individual.

I do get what you mean, and together with your own definition and types of people you get along with, you might be right in that regard. So what I've written above isn't necessarily a contrast to what you wrote.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

Well, perhaps there is correlation between "heavier fetishing" and erratic behavior. Though, general trends is not important when you are only choosing one individual.

I agree that selecting the few people one desires to become intimate with, there exists a capacity to accomodate their quirks and oddities, assuming there is an overwhelming amount of desireable elements. The general case is useful for filtering out the more hopeless and safety guidelines.

 

[J-man]

Requirement: fellatio

Deal breaker: cunnilingus

Lulz

 

[ygnextend]

What is the one sex thing you could not have a serious relationship without, and the one you would never do?

I have to have sexual attraction to the guy, I have to want to rip his clothes off when I see him. I don't have hang ups about sex, if I'm comfortable with my mate I'm down for CERTAIN THINGS, there are limits.

I couldn't be with a person I didn't want. He has to stimulate me mentality first then I can be aroused. If a man can't do that I don't want him.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

I have to have sexual attraction to the guy, I have to want to rip his clothes off when I see him. I don't have hang ups about sex, if I'm comfortable with my mate I'm down for CERTAIN THINGS, there are limits.

I couldn't be with a person I didn't want. He has to stimulate me mentality first then I can be aroused. If a man can't do that I don't want him.

I believe those two things are already implicit with the question.

I think what the thread is for is discussing specifically those "CERTAIN THINGS" which you need and/or would never do.

 

[Miss spelt]

Pretty vanilla. I'm not counting ordinary sex because 95% of the time it's a given?

I will break up with someone if they don't perform oral sex (regularly and enthusiastically) but I won't put much pressure on them to do it. If that seems unfair, well, all is fair. To me it's unfair to pressure someone to do it. If they want to, they will. I for one will regularly and enthusiastically perform oral sex on a partner and as such, reciprocity is expected at least some of the time.

69 is not a requirement but it's disappointing if a partner is reluctant to engage in this position. Same with deephtroating. Nevertheless, I don't push the issue I just swallow it. Actually, swallowing is another one that fits in this category.

I would consider an open relationship but would withhold or at least inhibit my emotional commitment and probably wind up leaving it behind within a few short weeks. As such, polyamory would probably not work for me. At one time I thought it would, but no. I'm monogamous. With this in mind, the absolute no for me is any cuckold situation. A FMF threesome is acceptable provided all three participants enjoy themselves, and it's something I've been eager to try but never had the opportunity.

I have had anal sex and maintain that women tend to prefer it once exposed. The orgasms are more intense and easier to achieve, provided there is (adequate lubrication) and clitoral stimulation to accompany it.

 

[Peripheral Visionary]

Yes, I have a subjective definition, I don't necessarily feel repulsion to things mentally ill, I view many of the kinks as associated with personalities I wouldn't get along with, on the basis of their more overall erratic behaviour.

I have a different subjective definition, and it has nothing to do with mental illness per se'.

I define a fetish as a strong mental association of disparate things. In this context, it is an association between sexual desire and something that may or may not have anything to do with sex.

The ringing of bells has nothing to do with food, but Pavlov trained his dogs to respond as if there was. But we needn't have diabolical scientist creating these for us, they can develop innocently and accidentally at a time of elevated emotion and arousal, very often in childhood or adolescence.

The (near) opposite of a fetish is a phobia. An irrational aversion or fear of something can exist in someone quite rational otherwise.

But to answer the OP: 1. A Swedish airline stewardess and a pair of handcuffs. 2. Vegemite

 

[Reluctantly]

Pretty vanilla. I'm not counting ordinary sex because 95% of the time it's a given?

I will break up with someone if they don't perform oral sex (regularly and enthusiastically) but I won't put much pressure on them to do it. If that seems unfair, well, all is fair. To me it's unfair to pressure someone to do it. If they want to, they will. I for one will regularly and enthusiastically perform oral sex on a partner and as such, reciprocity is expected at least some of the time.

69 is not a requirement but it's disappointing if a partner is reluctant to engage in this position. Same with deephtroating. Nevertheless, I don't push the issue I just swallow it. Actually, swallowing is another one that fits in this category.

I would consider an open relationship but would withhold or at least inhibit my emotional commitment and probably wind up leaving it behind within a few short weeks. As such, polyamory would probably not work for me. At one time I thought it would, but no. I'm monogamous. With this in mind, the absolute no for me is any cuckold situation. A FMF threesome is acceptable provided all three participants enjoy themselves, and it's something I've been eager to try but never had the opportunity.

I have had anal sex and maintain that women tend to prefer it once exposed. The orgasms are more intense and easier to achieve, provided there is (adequate lubrication) and clitoral stimulation to accompany it.

So far you seem like one of the few that actually enjoys sex.
You sound fun.

 

[missalissa]

Must: Oral (occasionally). Like receiving it, but absolutely love giving it.
No - no: Anything that I feel strongly objectifies me. I'd rather have a guy come all over me than be tied up and treated like an animal. I just see it as disrespectful for some reason. Idk, it makes me sad. I guess what I'm trying to say I'm experimental as long and it's done with the intent to merge realities or travel to a different dimension. As far as sex for the sake of pure lust, I'm not really a fan

 

[WALKYRIA]

Originallly am asexual. So penetrative sex is not really necessary.
Being the kid that i am, cuddles, kisses, hugging and of course infinite amount of bjob amd handjob and soapy massage is usually largely suffisant... especially the bjob. Bjob is the most energizing and relaxing thing ever, whenever i feel down i ask for one and things get better.
Most of women love, or even need penetration... so if they really really require to be penetrate well i deliver, otherwise its ok. But tnen they feel unloved and undesired.

No-no: potentially nothing since im very openminded and like exploration and novelty... if love is involved. And if "the thing" is beautiful or poetic. The only thing i dont accept is threesome with other males, since it would threathen my feelings for my lovely girl and since im turned off by men, so no positive at all...im very territorial and dont like to share my girl.( i suspect that girls would accept more easily another girl for a threesome, dunno why...


So yeah bjob all theway girls, feels too good and its the ultimate proof of love and care for your man. Also its the ultimate act of feminity, dont forget that you are the most beautiful and feminine when you do that. Penetrative sex is so passé and primitive anyways...

 

[Miss spelt]

i suspect that girls would accept more easily another girl for a threesome, dunno why...

me neither

cause that doesn't make any sense.

 

[WALKYRIA]

It doesnt make sense? Of course it doesnt.... but same goes for so many things on this earth!If things made sense, i guess i would be the sanest person on this earth... insanity drove me insane lol.

Anyways, dont want to go too philosophical here but do you seriously think love, sex, friendship makes sense? Not at all... therefore the intuition that a girl might be more accepting of another girl for a threesome(more than a man would) isnt that silly or atleast counter-natural(in regard to our evolutionnary trajectory and history). Ever seen straight women passionately kiss and touch each other in clubs ? I see it every time, and yet most straight men would be disgusted and reluctant to play that game... got it?

.. Or maybe its just wishful thinking.( yeah i wonder to what degree wishful thinking is specific to "subjective thinking" amd INTPs...myeah!)

 

[Miss spelt]

Oh I must have misread that as any random hetero female would prefer a FMF threesome over a MMF threesome.

Barring mitigating circumstances such as emotional attachment, this makes 0 sense.

But you meant women would be more accepting of FMF than men would be of MFM. Sure, that makes sense.

 

[Owl_is_my_spirit_animal]

Anyone not feel comfortable making a lot of noise or talking during sex? I am okay with the other person making noise or loudly vocalizing, just not me.

 

[Sinny91]

Anyone not feel comfortable making a lot of noise or talking during sex? I am okay with the other person making noise or loudly vocalizing, just not me.

Ya, me.

Also, I'd prefer MMF I think...
I really don't think I'd like to go near another vagina.