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The Random Thoughts Thread

moody

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Is there a universal end point? Im not familiar with this. Do we all follow a rough sequence of views?
Nope! Our end point is our death. You will never arrive at the pinnacle of "who you are." You're always who you are, reacting with the stimuli in your environment. New situations reveal things about ourselves: how we cope, how much we can handle emotional and physical stress, etc. We all have potential to be something that isn't what we define ourselves to be in the present. In this, it's important that we learn from those experiences we have and how they've affected us to determine what we need to learn/practice to survive and be contented.

This isn't to say if you've had a bad upbringing and are stupid, you're screwed. More that we are constantly evolving, and dying is the cessation of our change. Everything stops moving, and we are no longer autonomous creatures. It is in death that we have no control over what happens to us, because we no longer have the facilities to change ourselves.

I find it crucial to grip onto the conscious, every-changing mind while we're alive, because we will always become what we think we are. If we think ourselves resilient and flexible, practice these things, that is what we will become in one way or another.

You've said you've done a lot of changing over the last month or so--this is due to some catalyst(s) in your life that have triggered you into remembering the power you have over-yourself. That's part of the ever-unraveling-self. But do you consider this learning experience to have made you into the person you will always be, or have you found a kindled passion to keep growing?

What is the name of your disorder?
Edit: I saw a documentary about people suffering from these hallucinations, being strangled and beaten every night, at the time there was no explanation, so im very curious.
It'd rather not get into it, if you don't mind. I'm not shy about sharing my experiences, but I'm not super comfortable posting exactly what I have on a public forum. Hell, I even keep it out of any non-anonymous social media. It makes me squeamish to have it listen point blank in any public setting.

I think @Rebis, @Tenacity, @Kormak and I talked about this a while back on this thread. (I hope Tenacity isn't gone for good, she had the best things to say...)

It's called sleep paralysis. I'm surprised the documentary didn't mention the name at all. (It was Kormak who posted a documentary of sleep paralysis here, somewhere). Yes, your brain wakes up before your body. When we fall asleep, the REM cells at the back of our brains paralyze us so that we don't try to act out our dreams and hurt ourselves. The part of our brain that is also asleep is the frontal cortex, where our systems for organization, language comprehension, and rational operate.

In sleep paralysis, our brain wakes up before our body has been unparalleled. The front systems of our brain will still be down as well, so we're very likely to still "dream" while we're "awake." The part of our brain that is still active is the amygdala and the limbic system, the centers of our brain that handle emotional reactions. The amygdala is responsible for our "fight or flight" reactions, and as such it's impossible for you to really tell yourself something isn't real during sleep paralysis.

When I was younger I got horrible auditory hallucinations and tactile ones, where my hands felt like they were being cut to pieces by wires, every once in a while those sensations come back, I kind of have ptsd from it.
Also something odd, one night I woke up from a nightmare, and the only way I could explain it would be, my brain hadn't woken up completely, I was terrified. There wasn't anything to be terrified of, I was just in a state of pure panic for seemingly no reason.
I understand this. Before diagnosis, I had them throughout the day, and it just make me so dissociated from everything and everyone around me. I felt like the sound of ears ringing (if that makes sense), and like everything was so far away. I'd wondered if that was what PTSD felt like.
 

peoplesuck

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Nope! Our end point is our death. You will never arrive at the pinnacle of "who you are." You're always who you are, reacting with the stimuli in your environment. New situations reveal things about ourselves: how we cope, how much we can handle emotional and physical stress, etc. We all have potential to be something that isn't what we define ourselves to be in the present. In this, it's important that we learn from those experiences we have and how they've affected us to determine what we need to learn/practice to survive and be contented.

This isn't to say if you've had a bad upbringing and are stupid, you're screwed. More that we are constantly evolving, and dying is the cessation of our change. Everything stops moving, and we are no longer autonomous creatures. It is in death that we have no control over what happens to us, because we no longer have the facilities to change ourselves.

I find it crucial to grip onto the conscious, every-changing mind while we're alive, because we will always become what we think we are. If we think ourselves resilient and flexible, practice these things, that is what we will become in one way or another.

You've said you've done a lot of changing over the last month or so--this is due to some catalyst(s) in your life that have triggered you into remembering the power you have over-yourself. That's part of the ever-unraveling-self. But do you consider this learning experience to have made you into the person you will always be, or have you found a kindled passion to keep growing?
Your view makes me sad, like the idea of there not being a god, makes a religious person feel empty. So im stealing a page from their book. I would say the person you are closing in on, is the real you. Maybe thats stupid but I need something to help me get out of bed in the morning.
It'd rather not get into it, if you don't mind. I'm not shy about sharing my experiences, but I'm not super comfortable posting exactly what I have on a public forum. Hell, I even keep it out of any non-anonymous social media. It makes me squeamish to have it listen point blank in any public setting.

I think @Rebis, @Tenacity, @Kormak and I talked about this a while back on this thread. (I hope Tenacity isn't gone for good, she had the best things to say...)

It's called sleep paralysis. I'm surprised the documentary didn't mention the name at all. (It was Kormak who posted a documentary of sleep paralysis here, somewhere). Yes, your brain wakes up before your body. When we fall asleep, the REM cells at the back of our brains paralyze us so that we don't try to act out our dreams and hurt ourselves. The part of our brain that is also asleep is the frontal cortex, where our systems for organization, language comprehension, and rational operate.

In sleep paralysis, our brain wakes up before our body has been unparalleled. The front systems of our brain will still be down as well, so we're very likely to still "dream" while we're "awake." The part of our brain that is still active is the amygdala and the limbic system, the centers of our brain that handle emotional reactions. The amygdala is responsible for our "fight or flight" reactions, and as such it's impossible for you to really tell yourself something isn't real during sleep paralysis.
Im aware of that, Its like calling schizophrenia hallucinations, hallucinations are the symptoms not the disorder. I dont understand your secrecy but I cannot steal the information so, damn. I didnt mean for that to sound bitchy
I understand this. Before diagnosis, I had them throughout the day, and it just make me so dissociated from everything and everyone around me. I felt like the sound of ears ringing (if that makes sense), and like everything was so far away. I'd wondered if that was what PTSD felt like.
I was misusing that label, I dont have ptsd

Its like 5am and I usually dont come up with much, now its even worse.
tomorrow I will reread what you wrote and make sense of it.
 

Marbles

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I got my haircut recently, missing my old hair:

Long vs short what'd'ya say? (I'm biased with the long hair)

I vote medium length hair (2nd pic), no more chest mutilation, and lots and lots of booze.
You're not doing anything to disrupt my impression of you as a bohemian, stoic hedonist.
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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2nd pic is my favourite too. My hair should regrow in a few months.
 

Marbles

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Goodbye chest hair
Do not circumcise the viking in you! Your chest is the proud expression of your heritage. It means that one of my forefathers raped one of your foremothers, and is actually also your forefather. That chest hair is exquisite.
 

Rebis

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Shaved hair looks better with an open chest, throwback to the 80s

Overly pronounced chest hair reminds me of old men, which I don't wanna be. I harbour a dislike for senescence, especially seeing old, hairy and drunken old men stumbling on their way home. Stahppp.

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Marbles

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I hair you. First you quit alcohol, though, now scruffiness. Oh well. I like the shirts, man. Takes some balls to pull that style off.
 

Rebis

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I hair you. First you quit alcohol, though, now scruffiness. Oh well. I like the shirts, man. Takes some balls to pull that style off.
Big hairy balls, the size of swollen golf balls. I have ascertained from the male sex that the more ridiculously large your genitalia are, the higher you ascend the social status.

My ball is size of Donkey kong multiplied by big number >:D
 

Marbles

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A bit awkward, but... Can you recommend some good boxer-briefs for swollen golf balls?
 

Rebis

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The weight dispersion is hard, I suggest bionic scaffolding with the balls resting in 2 cupped semi-spheres, the scaffolding will support the XXXXL boxers you wear and set a sturdy foundation.

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peoplesuck

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If they forget to salt your fries, just cry on them, problem solved.
Cycling ruins the crotch in your pants, longboarding stretches the knees out, walking is for old people, running is for people who wont die of sudden cardiac death. What is a boi to do?
I think im way too funny, I have no problem laughing at my own joke while everyone looks on in horror. Maybe im too funny, they dont want my comedic abilities to go to my head. People can be sweet sometimes.
My favorite form of self entertainment is sending weird mixed signal and jokes that make people wonder if Im crazy or just joking. Thats a bad habit, scaring the other humans shouldnt be a pastime. Will work on it.
* slaps face* bad, baad, youre no good and you deserve this!
 

moody

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My favorite form of self entertainment is sending weird mixed signal and jokes that make people wonder if Im crazy or just joking. Thats a bad habit, scaring the other humans shouldnt be a pastime. Will work on it.

This is my favorite thing too. Watch those slaves to social correctness squirm!
 

peoplesuck

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My favorite form of self entertainment is sending weird mixed signal and jokes that make people wonder if Im crazy or just joking. Thats a bad habit, scaring the other humans shouldnt be a pastime. Will work on it.

This is my favorite thing too. Watch those slaves to social correctness squirm!
I dont ever want to be them, but it hurts to be different, so I want to be more like them.
my main coping strategy with pain is comedy, humans are a weird bunch arent we?
 

peoplesuck

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I can always tell im in a super dark place when I start drawing. Thats pretty much my last stand.
I understand if no one wants to play my game, but I would like to see people compile a list of signs they are getting upset.
I will go first, because I am such a nice guy.

My face goes numb
I stop blinking
my voice gets rough and flat
my neck feels hot
Oddly I go mute if im too mad
my hands get cold
my face twitches
tits get hard, I suspect this is genetic, to intimidate them

Im dying of boredom, halp
 

walfin

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Wondering how to get my brain back and out of a funk...
 
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tfw a random old woman you don't recall having met before accosts you at the village shop to tell you that you should get out of the house and speak to ppl more often XD
 

Rebis

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The ENFJ best friend


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Rebis

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Accompanied by the ISFJ best friend

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Kormak

The IT barbarian - eNTP - 6w7-4-8 so/sx
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Did you ask permission before posting pictures of your friends?
Idk I'd be pissed if ppl were posting random photos of me online.
 

redbaron

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i have that same black garbage bag

mine isn't ISFJ though
 

Marbles

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Did you ask permission before posting pictures of your friends?
Idk I'd be pissed if ppl were posting random photos of me online.
Shut eyes and open mouth? I doubt a girl would give her permission for that to be posted, lol

Next time, Rebis, don't tell us their types. Let us guess! :D
 

Rebis

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They'll be fine. I'm at a psychedelic folk gig, it's a small intimate affair and people aren't shitfaced. This will change in an hour as everybody leaves the pre house parties, but for now it's going good.

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Rebis

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xD

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peoplesuck

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tfw a random old woman you don't recall having met before accosts you at the village shop to tell you that you should get out of the house and speak to ppl more often XD
Your becoming healthier pnb, now your hallucinations are giving you good, motivational, life advice. Right on.

At one point someone on this forum posted a screamo song being sung by japanese high school girls.
so much culture here.
Why do people brag about it taking tons of alcohol to affect them, like good for you, not only are you a drunk, but it costs more to indulge in your terrible habit.
It took two full 12% wine bottles to get me drunk enough that walking was an effort. Am I a light weight? I want to be one of the bois.
 

Rebis

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tfw a random old woman you don't recall having met before accosts you at the village shop to tell you that you should get out of the house and speak to ppl more often XD
Your becoming healthier pnb, now your hallucinations are giving you good, motivational, life advice. Right on.

At one point someone on this forum posted a screamo song being sung by japanese high school girls.
so much culture here.
Why do people brag about it taking tons of alcohol to affect them, like good for you, not only are you a drunk, but it costs more to indulge in your terrible habit.
It took two full 12% wine bottles to get me drunk enough that walking was an effort. Am I a light weight? I want to be one of the bois.
Get used to it, it's part of the game.

'Who's got the biggest D' in drinking is:

'Who's more severely depressed their CNS'
 

peoplesuck

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Your becoming healthier pnb, now your hallucinations are giving you good, motivational, life advice. Right on.
the voices in my head say i'm not allowed to play with you anymore
further proving my theory.

I tried to donate to wikipedia, only to find my credit card was reported stolen. WELP
I just turned my room into a gas chamber, too much oil in the diffuser, on the plus side, my lungs smell like eucalyptus.

Home owner brings raccoon trap, 1 minute later im sticking my hand in it to see if it catches me. xD
I have used cookie dough and dog food, we shall see if subject: ceiling raccoon, falls for the trap.
Edit: raccoon stopped just shy of the trap's trigger, smart cookie this one.
My brain after going to bed at 11pm- better sleep until 5pm
My brain after going to bed at 3am- better get up at 10am
What even is a circadian rhythm

My latest project: A 3$ decorative horn, a cheap bt speaker, and a shitty box that actually resembles a box. (thats surprising since I made it)
Sounds like an old school record player. success,
It isnt finished , the top is just sitting on it, I have to flatten the wood, by clamping it and heating it, until I break its little internal bonds. It will be on hinges with a latch.
Im trying to upload audio but it isnt letting me post it. idk
I wish I made a different shape, like long rectangle, it looks a bit odd.
4827
The audio gets louder, my phone's microphone is terrible, so I was slowly going up.
Maor music played on my shitty box thing:
 

Marbles

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I just met an ex while out drinking. She was very, very pregnant - she hadn't told me. Our relationship was often rough, but we were extremely close. She's an ISFP (I guess) and we had little in common. She was so kind, though, and so beautiful. We used to talk every day, several years after having broken up. Now we haven't talked in a year. I wish I could express to her something to mend the pain I have caused, but she would fear such intimacy, and for good reason. We weren't compatible, but we gave it our best.
 

Rolling Cattle

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A lot of my friends were ISFP's with a few FJ's and STJ's too. None of them talk to me anymore.

Also, I'm a 30 year old trapped in a 7 year old body.
 

Marbles

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How have those relationships worked out? Sometimes I feel like my N is so polarized that I will have to sacrifice it for interaction, anyway. Might as well socialize with a full blown S.

Why has the forum been so quiet the last few days?

A lot of baby faced INTPs. That's fine if you're a woman, I guess.
 

peoplesuck

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A lot of my friends were ISFP's with a few FJ's and STJ's too. None of them talk to me anymore.

Also, I'm a 30 year old trapped in a 7 year old body.
Im a 7 year old and a 30 year old, trapped in the body of a 22 year old.
Marbles, not a bad song, how is it related though :0
 

EndogenousRebel

We're all trying our best. Aren't we?
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Recently I've been training my anal retentiveness and I think I'm getting too good at it. This surely means I'm not, and no, not literally ;) I mean my conscientiousness.
I say it like this because one of the things I've started working on, for many reasons, is sugar consumption. It's actually really easy if you control your blood sugar levels, not letting them spike up or go too low. Had something high in carbs(sugar)? Drink a bunch of waters to dilute it. Feeling hungry? Fill up on produce and or something high in protein. Blood sugar being too high and plummeting is really what makes us act against our better judgment when eating things, and now I'm thinking judgement in general.

With all this in mind, I've been more clear-headed, but way more irritable, the idea that this may be due to my body craving sugar completely skipping my mind. It wasn't till my father and I were conversing while I was working on school work that he pulled a candy cane out from somewhere in front of me, and said: "This is my gift to you." and walked away. Let me tell you, that candy cane felt like a pacifier in my mouth. It was such a sobering and humble moment, and make me reflect on things in a different way.
 

Marbles

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A lot of my friends were ISFP's with a few FJ's and STJ's too. None of them talk to me anymore.

Also, I'm a 30 year old trapped in a 7 year old body.
Im a 7 year old and a 30 year old, trapped in the body of a 22 year old.
Marbles, not a bad song, how is it related though :0
Your music box reminded me of the album cover. All you gotta do is attach wings!
 

peoplesuck

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@peoplesuck
I saw this and thought of you XD
Replace men with people and it would be even better. Im coming around though.
Your music box reminded me of the album cover. All you gotta do is attach wings!
I see, I dont have any wings yet, working on that whole deal, going to catch an angel with some angel cake, use her wings to make a floating music box.
 

Marbles

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@peoplesuck
I saw this and thought of you XD
Replace men with people and it would be even better. Im coming around though.
Your music box reminded me of the album cover. All you gotta do is attach wings!
I see, I dont have any wings yet, working on that whole deal, going to catch an angel with some angel cake, use her wings to make a floating music box.
That sounds like a macabre fairy tale. Maybe something to come out of Germany.
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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@Polaris I think I read 50% of your message and really appreciated the lengths you went to produce that response, kudos. Hands down that is the longest comment I've read on this forum.

I got Choline Bitrate instead of Alpha GPC, there goes the main benefits.

Lost inside my head and reading stuff on the internet. Feels good though. I found out my teacher taught at oxford, humble guy since he never mentioned it and I only found it from a paper online. Language barriers are really something else.

@Shadow_Walker I will have the whole programming unit to you by tuesday, there's probably like 200 java notepad files. I got all the lectures sorted.
 

peoplesuck

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When entp girl fell asleep with her forehead against mine, it satisfied something very deep, im not really sure what. Im not sure why I would find that satisfying, vulnerability, maybe?
Watching someone sleep, for me, is the best way to reign in all expectations and judgment. Its such a powerful way to remind yourself that this is a person, no names or actions, just a living, breathing person, with flaws, hopes, dreams, and fears. Does anyone else feel this way?
I think I want someone to take care of, It affects me the same way as someone caring for me, it soothes something very primal and deep. is that unusual or unhealthy?
Im realizing im every cliche, cold and distant movie character, in the end they always turn out to be a sweetie, how unfortunate, im a cliche.
 

Serac

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speaking of girls, I'm kinda tired of them. If I do everything correctly, take initiative, do all the legwork etc etc then I get what I want. But in the end what do I really get? Pussy is only mildly interesting at this point, and their converstation is as inspiring as filing taxes. And what's interesting they love to proclaim that they want a guy like x and not like y, and if you're doing online dating you're only allowed to contact them if you "have something more interesting to say than 'Hi'", etc (and ironically, btw, it's always the barely-mediocre ones who are the most vocal about their supposed high standards). Meanwhile they themselves have exactly zero game, and speaking of 'Hi' that's the only message girls themselves ever send online. Girls want – and in fact need – the guy to chase them, but at this point in history what's the return one gets from chasing them?
 

peoplesuck

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I understand where you are coming from, but at the same time this is my first love interest. I could see this coming off as annoying and childish. mb
 

Serac

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I understand where you are coming from, but at the same time this is my first love interest. I could see this coming off as annoying and childish. mb
yeah man, I get it. Enjoy it and don't listen to me, I'm a cynic.
 

peoplesuck

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if you're doing online dating you're only allowed to contact them if you "have something more interesting to say than 'Hi'", etc (and ironically, btw, it's always the barely-mediocre ones who are the most vocal about their supposed high standards). Meanwhile they themselves have exactly zero game, and speaking of 'Hi' that's the only message girls themselves ever send online. Girls want – and in fact need – the guy to chase them, but at this point in history what's the return one gets from chasing them?
This is real, and it pisses me off the way its just, all our responsibility, although not all women are like that. Its so hypocritical and small minded that it hurts to see. Its worth pursuing if they are your type, some of us are fucking difficult and need a special little snowflake to really bond and enjoy their company.
Thats my take at least.
 
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