I can offer you some things I know about myself, even though I'm not considered "insane" by psychiatric standards, I'm for all intense and purposes a schizo (archetypically at least) and would probably be considered "insane" or "mad" by societies standards
Beat Mango said a few things that are concurrent with my being. I have extremely intense, penetrating eyes. Woman seem to love my eyes but many of them can't look into them for longer then a second without the intensity making them feel uncomfortable.
Also, I have primarily gone through life, ever since I was a very young child (and who knows, probably when I was an infant too) existing primarily in my head. Now I'm an INTP, so this isn't wholly uncommon in this regard, but to the
extent that I have inhabited my mind and the utter power it has over me; that's where I'm different from people. I am not naturally prone to being in my senses. I have to be shocked into it over and over again from other people, like waking up from a dream. I have to remind myself over and over again to be in my senses because otherwise I am unconsciously existing in my head perpetually.
Another thing I will add are the delusions and fantasies that occur in the madman's mind. The Genius-Complex is very common, for one. Many "mad" people, probably because they feel so utterly, fundamentally different from almost everyone around them, come to a point in their life where they start having very serious thoughts that they are a genius. It happened to me when I was about 17, and it was probably the most seriously delusional thought that I had experienced up to that point, and may have been the sign of my evolution from severe anxiety and depression to full blow schizophrenia.
From there on the delusions and fantasies became more extreme, and this goes hand in hand with
histrionics. One time when I was smoking pot I came up with the most outrageous epiphany imaginable. I felt so relieved, so utterly relieved for I had found what my destiny was: I had come with an ingenious way to make an impact on the world, to be known by all, etc. I had come up with the idea that I could mock the crucifixion. I would dress up as Jesus, be crucified, put it on camera, and (I would need other conspirators of course) to put it on the internet (totally anonymously) and let the hysteria begin: I mean, just imagine, you go on youtube and you come across some random video, you click on it and you see a man being crucified, actually crucified like Jesus, he's on the cross and he's just parading the crucifixion, but for real, the whole thing has music in the background and great camera shots... it's set up like a real piece of art, but it's all real. And no one knows where it came from or why. I thought it would just make an explosion and really get people to think. I mean, if being "known" was what I was striving for, this really is an ingenious idea. I'm still proud of it! Haha
From that point on, struggling with whether I was really a genius or not, and absolutely hell bent on making the biggest mark I possibly could on the world, to be in the pages of history, I started conceiving of any way I could be heard, make my impact. As my alienation, utter loneliness, suffering and hatred grew, I started conceiving of many different "Art-Crimes". I'm not going to name any particular things I was fantasizing about, but everything was to try and to some kind of crime (against society or myself, or both) and turn it into a work of art. This is all before I ever even heard of Nietzsche by the way, so don't blame him.
Basically, it all comes down to delusions, histrionics, and the need to be a piece of history, to change the world, not for the better or for the worse, but simply to change the world as
powerfully as can be imaginable.
The philosopher Gilles Deleuze, in his book "Anti-Oedipus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia" talks about the schizo and his relationship to history by using Nietzsche as an archetypal example:
"There is no Nietzsche-the-self, professor of philology, who suddenly loses his mind and supposedly identifies with all sorts of strange people; rather, there is the Nietzschean subject who passes through a series of states, and who identifies these states with the names of history: "every name in history is "I"... it is not a matter of identifying with various historical personages, but rather identifying the names of history with zones of intensity... each time Nietzsche-as-subject exclaims "They're
Me! So it's
Me!" No one has ever been as deeply involved in history as the schizo, or dealt with it in this way. He consumes all of universal history in one fell swoop. We began by identifying him as
Homo natura, and low and behold, he has become
Homo historia..."
btw, I have never had hallucinations except for when I was on drugs. You said you wanted "subtler" symptoms, so I hope I have given you some ideas.
I am nervous posting this, because I don't know how people are going to respond, but at the same time it feels really good to get this insanity off of my chest. I am much different these days. I still have my fantasies, and I vicariously experience their intense content through my head and fulfill some psychological need by doing so, but I keep them as fantasies and am more aware of why I have them and what function they serve, instead of trying to manifest them as reality.
Now you all know a little bit more about me. Hope I haven't scared anyone
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