Damn. Took me long enough to realize I was a (compensatory) narcissist. I mean had already been looking at the correlation of MBTI and disorders, but hadn't considered myself one, until i looked into it, of course. I was surprised because usually people can tell if someone is a narcissist right? But apparently there's different classifications...obvious/compensatory/whatever. I definitely am. Realized that why nobody notices is because, I don't particularly want them to know. As @Monstressor (un)intentionally perhaps points out, I surely am. Obsessed with deriving satisfaction from the external situation(people). I suppose it is what fuels me. Do I think I am majorly fucking awesome? Yes. But would I ever directly tell someone that instead of just mentioning it here, no. I suppose it's Fe's doing that makes it quiet. Ne-Ti allowing myself to think i'm brilliant, and Fe making sure I just don't go telling people I hate them and their ideas. Hm. I try to act the best around just about everyone, trying to do everything the best, however never blurting out "i'm the best." I want to be the first done, I want to have the highest score, I want to be the most admired, however I achieve such things...quietly. I suppose some evidence would be any/all of my threads/posts here, look at how much I (love to) talk about myself/things related. ahahah. Damn.
While taking a test like this or ennegram, i would score low and a 7 because I already outwardly know that being a narcissist isn't exactly appreciated by the external world.
Yet, I'm just now consciously realizing this. eh. This post could be evidence in itself.
In all of my relationships I attempt to love as hard as possible, that is, make them fall in love with me, because i need attention, of course usually not saying so.
I literally respond to any and all compliments with modesty, while cherishing/basking in the compliment.
I mean pretty obviously
"Oh, you think you're smarter/better than I am??"
-Obvious that saying "yes" to this question gets you nowhere the accepted reply should be "No! Of course not! Everyone is equal" which is indeed what I would say, but not think.
So outwardly, I'm pretteh modest, inwardly oh geez.
With NeTi, it's too easy to see what people want,
I will do anything to garner people's affection, that is I will become what they desire, if they like friendly so be it, if they like smart ok, if they like athletic I'll sure as hell try.
Unfortunately in the past, this has been an issue, one girl only liked bossy guys, she loved being bossed around, I may be a narcissist, but I'm no J. So, I try not to act against my nature - because that's harmful.
I am glad to have brought this issue to light(my own attention...)
