I just killed my Parakeet

[preilemus]

It was just born not more than two weeks ago. Just started coming out of the nesting box about 2 days ago. I got it on my finger, and was making it climb back and forth between my two index fingers. It started biting my fingers, so I started poking its beak and it flew on top of the cage. I tried to get it back on my finger so I could put it back in the cage, but it kept on running away and biting me.

So I grabbed it and threw it to the ground.

I heard a crack and it just laid there belly up on the floor. I stared at it for a few seconds but it didn't move. I turned it over and there was all this blood on the floor. I washed the blood off of it and put it back in the nesting box, and cleaned the floor. When everyone else finds out it's dead tomorrow maybe they'll think it was of natural causes. There wasn't any wound, I think all the blood came out of its ears...

Fuck. I'm mainly consciously worried about what people in my house with think. I thought of just going to go tell my parents flat out, but I don't have it in me. That's not all though. I have this strange indescribable feeling, or uneasiness, or jitteriness inside me now. I don't think it's remorse; I just feel, weird. Fuck me..

 

[Lyra]

Curious. I'd like to know how that feels.

Murderer.

My glove!

Doesn't fit.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I got it on my finger, and was making it climb back and forth between my two index fingers. It started biting my fingers, so I started poking its beak and it flew on top of the cage. I tried to get it back on my finger so I could put it back in the cage, but it kept on running away and biting me.

So I grabbed it and threw it to the ground.

I just hope you don't believe in...Parakeet Pete.

 

[snafupants]

That was genuinely shocking to read. Splat. You could say that it bit you and without consciously thinking about it you whipped your finger around and next thing you knew el birdo has chirped his last tune. The real version is too blunt, too brutal. What was going through your head when you obliterated that helpless creature?

 

[EvilScientist Trainee]

Wait, did you just covered up your pet's death? It seems to be a job for pet-CSI.

Jokes apart, it must have been such a weird sensation. However, you did not intended to kill it anyways, so - even though it feels weird- try to nevermind that. The more you'll think about it, the more you'll find reasons to find yourself a monster. And that doesn't seems to reflect the reality, i hope.

 

[The Gopher]

ok so this ahhem mheh hm hm BAHAHAHA. Sorry about that I feel weird now but I don't know how that could happen.

 

[Wish]

Everything that rises must converge.

*hugs Glove*

 

[Jesse]

I say talk to your parents honestly about it especially regarding your feelings.

 

[ApostateAbe]

I don't know the right thing to do. I'll just tell you what I would do. Tell the truth. I killed the parakeet because I became angry after it bit me, I feel very bad about it, I have no excuse, and I learned about my own issues. This would change my housemate's perceptions of me, maybe make me less trustworthy to look after their pets, but it would at least reveal something sensitive about me that would make them trust me on deeper levels on other issues.

 

[Wish]

I think you should try crying.

 

[Lost until Found]

It was just born not more than two weeks ago. Just started coming out of the nesting box about 2 days ago. I got it on my finger, and was making it climb back and forth between my two index fingers. It started biting my fingers, so I started poking its beak and it flew on top of the cage. I tried to get it back on my finger so I could put it back in the cage, but it kept on running away and biting me.

So I grabbed it and threw it to the ground.

I heard a crack and it just laid there belly up on the floor. I stared at it for a few seconds but it didn't move. I turned it over and there was all this blood on the floor. I washed the blood off of it and put it back in the nesting box, and cleaned the floor. When everyone else finds out it's dead tomorrow maybe they'll think it was of natural causes. There wasn't any wound, I think all the blood came out of its ears...

Fuck. I'm mainly consciously worried about what people in my house with think. I thought of just going to go tell my parents flat out, but I don't have it in me. That's not all though. I have this strange indescribable feeling, or uneasiness, or jitteriness inside me now. I don't think it's remorse; I just feel, weird. Fuck me..

Unless you are trolling (or just trying to get a good laugh) you might have anger issues that need to be straightened out. If this really happened, go tell your parents the truth and that you think you may have a problem (anger problems) because, if they love you, they will help you. It's good that you felt something after that because it shows you don't have anti-social personality disorder (that is what I thought you could've had at first).

 

[EvilScientist Trainee]

Also, this image seems to fit this thread quite well.

 

[Lost until Found]

Also, this image seems to fit this thread quite well.

So, basically, If you have a problem you have two options in order to make it better:

1) If no one knows about it, hide it and pretend it never happened
2) blame someone elese

I'm practicing my paraphrasing and reflecting skills, how am I doing?

 

[Jesse]

Miserably. When you explain a joke that joke loses all it's humor.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

That is some messed up shit.

poor bird

 

[ApostateAbe]

Tomorrow, about half of us will eat chicken for lunch or dinner without the least thought of irony.

 

[Glordag]

A while back one of my friends told me a story that has a few similarities to this. They were staying at a friend's house and were sleeping. Somehow the friend's hamster escaped its cage and crawled on my friend's face. Without realizing what happened, they woke up, grabbed the hamster, and flung it against a wall. It did not survive...

The worst part about the story is that it makes me laugh every time I think about it. I have no idea why, but there's just something comedic about the idea of somebody flinging a hamster against a wall, especially out of shock...

That said, I love animals and would hate to see it actually happen. I'd be distraught.

 

[cheese]

You weren't expecting it to die right? You didn't intend to kill it. Some people are violent when they're angry; I used to get beat up and tended towards violence myself when younger. I pissed off a friend when we were teens (he was around 20) and he just started raining blows down on me in a crazed frenzy, eyes mad and bulging. He's a really great person too. It happens. You probably see animals as less than real 'people' anyway. It's a pity, but it's not that strange or that terrible. You got angry and you lashed out. I mean it's bad, and poor birdie, but. Well, thank god you don't go to jail for this anyway. Plus it's unlikely you'd be able to inflict the same level of damage on a person. You don't know your own strength, especially in relation to much smaller animals.

I killed my pet bird too, but that was because I got sick of it and forgot/neglected to feed it. A few days later it was stiff and that was that. This was after it'd survived getting its scalp ripped off by my two other birds too, what a waste! I had to put ointment on its slimy head thing for weeks till the feathers started to grow back. That was years ago and it's only recently that I've started to feel guilty and realised what an awful thing I did to poor little Max/ine [when she started to lay eggs, I realised 'Maximus' wasn't the best name for her]. I think she really liked me too. She must've felt so hurt and betrayed. Wow, that probably doesn't help. Maybe you should feel terrible, who knows. Controlling your impulses is probably something you should learn, but I just don't see what's so bad about what you did - seems more reactionary than anything else (if something was biting me - !).

 

[The Gopher]

are you an INTP... ISTPs tend to get violent quick... what... well everybody else is doing it.

 

[preilemus]

Curious. I'd like to know how that feels.

Feels... pretty horrible

What was going through your head when you obliterated that helpless creature?

A while back one of my friends told me a story that has a few similarities to this.

You weren't expecting it to die right?

I didn't want to kill it, no. It was just bothering me that it wouldn't get on my finger, and in an instant I just wanted to hurt it for inconveniencing me. I did intend to hurt it; it wasn't a matter or freaking out when it bit me or something.

go tell your parents the truth and that you think you may have a problem (anger problems) because, if they love you, they will help you.

First thing I did this morning was to go tell my dad, though I was very nervous about telling him, but after a few minutes I just decided to go in and tell him. He didn't take it very well though. He got very mad at me, and started saying sarcastic things like "you think you might have a problem?" He almost started yelling; didn't really seem like a good idea to tell him.. I figured it was how he would react in the first place, which is why I tried to cover it up immediately after, but I was hoping that maybe he would be a little understanding. I didn't tell him about how I felt though; I can't really do that; especially to my parents.

Perhaps I should have gone with the flowsheet

 

[cheese]

It's such a standard human impulse though. People get angry, they want to hurt other people. It happens everywhere, all over the place, no matter where you look. It might be physical, it might be verbal, it might be emotional (walling off). It'd be much rarer to see someone who DOESN'T hurt when irritated/hurt/angry.

Obviously your dad isn't handling his anger perfectly. Yours just had a more physical consequence. Obviously it's better if that's avoided, because it leaves traces visible to all, unlike verbal or emotional abuse. But your behaviour is really not all that abnormal. I think.

 

[Cognisant]

Too small to cook?

I know that sounds horrible but if I catch a fish and eat it I don't feel the least bit guilty about killing it, whereas if I had just killed it the waste of life would bother me... do you have a cat or dog? The first fish I ever caught I didn't eat because I just thought it was slimy and disgusting, but my parents ate it, which didn't just give me moral closure, I took pride in providing it for them.

Feeding your dead bird to a dog gives its death meaning.

 

[IfloatTHRUlife]

Something tells me that feeding a dead bird to your dog is a little more deranged than tripping out and throwing it in the floor.

And at the end of the day, i would have probably went with the flowchart too. Not because i think there is nothing wrong with what happened, but because at the end of the day.. your parents werent going to be understanding, not many people would. After a while, being confronted when you are trying to be genuine will make you just not want to do it any more, and can make you cold.

So its a lose-lose situation, tell them and being scolded instead of confided in, despite genuinely having feelings of remorse, or cover it up and live with it in your own way, which you obviously feel bad, so your not a psychopath, and your probably not going to kill more animals and cover it up just because you can.

My opinion is probably pretty biased to be honest, i am an example of how cold you can become when you grow up with a parent who is absolutely never understanding. It makes me find more justice in dealing with things personally than try to confide in someone who is just going to get mad, even if they truely deserve to know.

Edit: This only really applies to my relationship with my mother, i tend to maintain honesty with everyone else, even if it i know it could be for the worst. I just cant stand hearing my mother run her mouth.

 

[Cavallier]

Tomorrow, about half of us will eat chicken for lunch or dinner without the least thought of irony.

True, but you don't make a personal connection to the chicken, then kill the chicken, then cook and eat it right? I think that's the significant difference.

Too small to cook?

I know that sounds horrible but if I catch a fish and eat it I don't feel the least bit guilty about killing it, whereas if I had just killed it the waste of life would bother me... do you have a cat or dog? The first fish I ever caught I didn't eat because I just thought it was slimy and disgusting, but my parents ate it, which didn't just give me moral closure, I took pride in providing it for them.

Feeding your dead bird to a dog gives its death meaning.

Agreed. It keeps it from being a random act of violence perpetrated out of anger or simple boredom.

@Glove: The only thing I find disturbing about this story is that you seemed to have made some sort of connection to the bird before killing it. You were probably curious about it while it was in the egg and at the first opportunity you managed to encourage it onto your finger. You (whether or not you realized it) had probably made some sort of small emotional connection to the bird. Then it frustrates you and your immediate response is to have a desire to hurt it. I'm certain that's why you feel "weird" about it.

The bird was an infant and typically infants are supposed to arouse at least a little bit of protective instinct (regardless of gender). This is why fewer people kill baby humans. Babies are extremely irritating after all. Yet, whatever protective feelings or at least patience the infant bird might have inspired in you was eclipsed by your frustration. I'm not surprised you feel weird about this.

Eh, I think it's an event that has forced you to recognize something about yourself. Maybe next time you could take a deep breath before acting on an impulse to hurt. It's something I've had to deal with. I joke around that I might kill somebody someday because of how easily I get frustrated. I generally ball up my fists and shout for a moment or find a quiet corner and stomp around for a bit. It's sounds stupid but I feel better and don't have to deal with the negative repercussions of actually hurting anybody. You just need to find an outlet for these feelings of frustration that is more emotionally healthy and more socially acceptable.

 

[mke2686]

That was genuinely shocking to read. Splat. You could say that it bit you and without consciously thinking about it you whipped your finger around and next thing you knew el birdo has chirped his last tune. The real version is too blunt, too brutal. What was going through your head when you obliterated that helpless creature?

ROFL @ el birdo

 

[nemo]

What ended up happening to the body? Maybe a burial might help... This story is a bit different, but the other day, I came home to find my dog playing around with a lizard it had killed. I was kinda horrified, but accepting at the same time - I wish it hadn't been killed, but I understand that my dog was doing its duty/keeping to his nature/etc. We ended up burying it down the road.

Hm. I don't think there was any point to that story, except maybe to how your dad feels about it? He might be feeling guilt FOR you, and anger AT you. But, I shouldn't presume, because I have no idea what your dad is like. Is there a friend that you could confide in and expect a rational response from? Or mum, cousin, relation, school friend, work mate, etc. It would help to have a real big talking out and exploring what you're feeling and why. Though I think you've taken that step already somewhat by posting on here - good on you!

When I read your first post, I was reminded of the book Crime and Punishment - how he starts to feel after he kills her. Obviously, the stories differ widely, but maybe you're suffering from that same kind of feeling, even though you didn't mean to kill it. Hmm. Or even Inception. Dom feels guilt because he killed Mal indirectly. ...I'm sorry for going off topic. But...maybe...a lesson drawn from other places: you should learn to accept what happened, realise it wasn't your fault, and try not to do it again. That weird/horrible feeling doesn't sound good to carry around with you. I hope you can move on from it!

All the best, preilemus.

 

[NoID10ts]

This is kind of awkward but ...........

...... may I eat your dead parakeet?

 

[preilemus]

The biggest source for my grief during this incident was the reaction I thought it would have (and did have) on my family. Yeah, my dad got pissed at first, but he later conforted me (sort of) and told me all about Jesus and the path of reconciliation. My brother cried his eyes out. That was probably the hardest part, since he was the one who named that bird, and felt a special attachment towards it, and I really didn't enjoy telling him to his face what I did.

And yeah, I did feel weird about killing it, but mainly in the sense of what my action meant to everyone else. I really don't recall much sympathy... I didn't even bury it or anything, I just threw it in the trash bin and told everyone I buried it because that's what they would feel good hearing about. Perhaps I should feel bad about this, but I really don't. (Although this could all have to do with the fact that some time has now passed, and I'm not quite as in touch with my feelings as they were at the time.) Currently I feel more badly about not feeing badly, though.

And I remember finding it funny how all the other birds seemed quite unshaken Us humans fretting over one of their lives more than they were.

I don't think there was any point to that story

Really? I'm pretty sure there are plenty. Maybe just for me though... Interesting observation.

The only thing I find disturbing about this story is that you seemed to have made some sort of connection to the bird before killing it.

Yes, I absolutely agree with your points. When I was younger I had caught a pidgeon and made a poor leash for it out of string, which ended up choking it to death. Maybe I felt bad, but I just remember throwing it into the woods and thinking nothing of it afterwards.

Feeding your dead bird to a dog gives its death meaning.

A meaingless death doesn't bother me very much.

 

[nemo]

I don't think there was any point in that story

I don't think there was any point to that story
Really? I'm pretty sure there are plenty. Maybe just for me though... Interesting observation.

I meant in relation to your story, but perhaps there are still lots of connections gone unnoticed.

When I was younger I had caught a pidgeon and made a poor leash for it out of string, which ended up choking it to death. Maybe I felt bad, but I just remember throwing it into the woods and thinking nothing of it afterwards.

...Am I seeing a pattern here? <_< >_>

 

[JoeJoe]

What ended up happening to the body? Maybe a burial might help... This story is a bit different, but the other day, I came home to find my dog playing around with a lizard it had killed. I was kinda horrified, but accepting at the same time - I wish it hadn't been killed, but I understand that my dog was doing its duty/keeping to his nature/etc. We ended up burying it down the road.

I'm glad you don't own a cat.

 

[Lobstrich]

@ OP - Are you serious? If that's a yes. Then I think that you are kind of an idiot.

 

[nemo]

I'm glad you don't own a cat.

Ahahaha I never owned a cat, but one of my dogs used to catch mice all the same... <_< >_>

 

[Bird]

Just keep in mind not to throw about baby animals in the future.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

Man, that's kinda messed up. You need to control stuff like that, learn to manage your anger. Many people want to kill and destroy and hurt things when they're angry, including me, and many have destroyed lifeless things(maybe ripped a pillow apart, accidentally broke a chair when they kicked it... etc), but when it comes to a live creature, you should be able to control the feelings of hate. Learn how to grunt and walk around angrily, punch a pillow a few times, stamp around with your feet. :P It sounds silly this way, but it helps. Don't listen to that 'count to 10 in your head' stuff, that just tends to build up tension.

 

[Melkor]

This thread is hilarious.

 

[Lobstrich]

Man, that's kinda messed up. You need to control stuff like that, learn to manage your anger. Many people want to kill and destroy and hurt things when they're angry, including me, and many have destroyed lifeless things(maybe ripped a pillow apart, accidentally broke a chair when they kicked it... etc), but when it comes to a live creature, you should be able to control the feelings of hate. Learn how to grunt and walk around angrily, punch a pillow a few times, stamp around with your feet. :P It sounds silly this way, but it helps. Don't listen to that 'count to 10 in your head' stuff, that just tends to build up tension.

It is messed up. To be honest I don't really care about that parakreet. But what annoys me is that you got angry and you 'destroy' something that can't defend itself. Because you didn't treat it properly in the first place.
It's not a parrot, you can't expect it to jump around on your shoulder and fingers. if you want it in the cage. Grab it and put in there.

 

[preilemus]

It is messed up. To be honest I don't really care about that parakreet. But what annoys me is that you got angry and you 'destroy' something that can't defend itself. Because you didn't treat it properly in the first place.

And what exactly is messed up about it? Anyone can see the difference between what I did and beating your fists into a pillow, but they are causally similar. Both are the expression of an emotion (I would say frustration), and the realisation of this desire for expression can range anywhere from a battered pillow to the death of an innocent animal. One of those is obviously a more powerful expression than the other. In a sense, what I have done is a greater realisation of the power of that emotion, and I now have a better grasp on what it/I am capable of. I'm not saying that I would like to go through that again, but are you really suggesting that approaching the full realisation of a desire for expression is something "messed up"?

you can't expect it to jump around on your shoulder and fingers.

Yes I can.

 

[Bird]

And what exactly is messed up about it? Anyone can see the difference between what I did and beating your fists into a pillow, but they are causally similar. Both are the expression of an emotion (I would say frustration), and the realisation of this desire for expression can range anywhere from a battered pillow to the death of an innocent animal. One of those is obviously a more powerful expression than the other. In a sense, what I have done is a greater realisation of the power of that emotion, and I now have a better grasp on what it/I am capable of. I'm not saying that I would like to go through that again, but are you really suggesting that approaching the full realisation of a desire for expression is something "messed up"?


Yes I can.

Usually I cry when I'm frustrated.
I cannot say I've ever thrown
something out of frustration.
However I'm sure you do have
more male hormones than I do.
Still, there's really no excusing
this. I'm not trying to make you
feel guilty but it slightly disgusts
me that you seem to fail to recognize
your wrong-doing in its entirety.
I am glad to know you are using
this as a learning experience and
are finding the silver lining and you're
probably tired of people commenting
on this thread giving you shit, but
what did you expect the reaction
to be when you made this thread?
Most people only read the first
couple of posts (unless you have
too much time like me) and I must say
your opening statement seemed
to be quite heartless.



If I were you I would just ask for
this thread to be closed.
People are only going to continue
to criticize you and you clearly do
not want to hear it.

 

[gruesomebrat]

I kinda agree with Bird. As much as the shock of the first few posts sent me into a little fit of giggling (there's a post elsewhere that discussed that little phenomenon...), I'm starting to get tired of the people pissed off at you, and can only imagine how you feel being the target of such ire. Best bet may be to get the thread closed to keep the overwhelming criticism to a minimum.

 

[onthewindowstand]

I would love to have heard your dad's reaction had you played with the body after. Try explaining no eyes, no feathers, ect. hahaha

 

[Bird]

I kinda agree with Bird. As much as the shock of the first few posts sent me into a little fit of giggling (there's a post elsewhere that discussed that little phenomenon...), I'm starting to get tired of the people pissed off at you, and can only imagine how you feel being the target of such ire. Best bet may be to get the thread closed to keep the overwhelming criticism to a minimum.

We so compassionate (;



lol
:P

 

[Lobstrich]

And what exactly is messed up about it? Anyone can see the difference between what I did and beating your fists into a pillow, but they are causally similar. Both are the expression of an emotion (I would say frustration), and the realisation of this desire for expression can range anywhere from a battered pillow to the death of an innocent animal. One of those is obviously a more powerful expression than the other. In a sense, what I have done is a greater realisation of the power of that emotion, and I now have a better grasp on what it/I am capable of. I'm not saying that I would like to go through that again, but are you really suggesting that approaching the full realisation of a desire for expression is something "messed up"?

I think it's messed up because you were unable to control yourself and let it go out on a creature that is unable to defend itself.. What is even more messed up is that you are excusing this 'act' with the enlightenment about your inner emotions. I agree, it's always a good thing to know more about yourself. But you're basically saying that it's okay because now you know yourself better. So is it okay if I kill a man and tell the judge that I did it because I was angry and I now know myself better?
"You are free to go Lobstrich, you're a good man. A scholar.. In search of his inner self! All is excused in such a quest"

Yes I can.

Sure you can.. But then you are, as I said in the beginning. An idiot.. It was what? 2 weeks old? It's not a trained bird.




EDIT: Oh and by the way.. I have some major anger issues myself. So I'm not just bashing you in ignorance.

 

[Lobstrich]

Usually I cry when I'm frustrated.
I cannot say I've ever thrown
something out of frustration.
However I'm sure you do have
more male hormones than I do.
Still, there's really no excusing
this. I'm not trying to make you
feel guilty but it slightly disgusts
me that you seem to fail to recognize
your wrong-doing in its entirety.
I am glad to know you are using
this as a learning experience and
are finding the silver lining and you're
probably tired of people commenting
on this thread giving you shit, but
what did you expect the reaction
to be when you made this thread?
Most people only read the first
couple of posts (unless you have
too much time like me) and I must say
your opening statement seemed
to be quite heartless.



If I were you I would just ask for
this thread to be closed.
People are only going to continue
to criticize you and you clearly do
not want to hear it.

I actually read most of his posts in this thread. Also the ones where he talks about the worst feeling was the impact it would have on his family etc. It doesn't change the fact that this was a wrong thing to do.

I'll use the example I just used, again. If I kill a man and say I'm sorry and that I know it was wrong, I can go free, with no punishment. I mean I know it was wrong, and I am geniunly sorry, so I'll probably not do it again. Shouldn't we just put it aside and continue on?

 

[Bird]

I actually read most of his posts in this thread. Also the ones where he talks about the worst feeling was the impact it would have on his family etc. It doesn't change the fact that this was a wrong thing to do.

I'll use the example I just used, again. If I kill a man and say I'm sorry and that I know it was wrong, I can go free, with no punishment. I mean I know it was wrong, and I am geniunly sorry, so I'll probably not do it again. Shouldn't we just put it aside and continue on?

I am most fairly certain I never said he
did a "Right" thing.

 

[JoeJoe]

I'll use the example I just used, again. If I kill a man and say I'm sorry and that I know it was wrong, I can go free, with no punishment. I mean I know it was wrong, and I am geniunly sorry, so I'll probably not do it again. Shouldn't we just put it aside and continue on?

Don't you get a lighter punishment, if you really show remorse and make an effort to be better in the future? Isn't that the same thing?

As for the fate of some bird I think the "punishment" his family gave him, or rather the feelings that resulted are enough of a punishment...

 

[Lobstrich]

I am most fairly certain I never said he
did a "Right" thing.

Who did the right thing? Parakreet? Or the man I used as an example? Doesn't matter who. I think they both did a wrong thing; Killed something.

 

[Lobstrich]

Don't you get a lighter punishment, if you really show remorse and make an effort to be better in the future? Isn't that the same thing?

As for the fate of some bird I think the "punishment" his family gave him, or rather the feelings that resulted are enough of a punishment...

As far as I know, you do not. You can get your sentence shortened though, by good behaviour and genuine remorse.

That wasn't my point though.

 

[Bird]

I just do not want you implying that
I am la-di-da-di-da fine with this.

 

[Lobstrich]

I just do not want you implying that
I am la-di-da-di-da fine with this.

I'm not.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I think OP has had enough shit over him now, but I still agree with Lobstrich. It's probably time to close this thread before some sort of flame war starts or something.