Not once did I excuse myself. Turning this into a catalyst for self-growth in no way negates what I felt, what the impact has been on my family, or the "wrongness" of any of it. I never said this is okay, that throwing around baby animals any time you're irritated is a perfectly agreeable reaction.
But just because it's not okay doesn't mean it can't happen, and in this case, it very much did. So, what then? I can't feel that this is a great benefit to me, and know that it's not something I want to do again both at the same time? It's either be a complete monster, or a tormented atoner?*I'm not put off because anyone is acting like it's a bad thing, it's because you act like it can't also be a good thing at the same time!
If there's something messed up about it, it's because everyone around me has made it so. It's messed up to go through life having killed an animal. It's messed up to go through life cheating on your spouse. Not everyone is messed up in the same ways, and we look at someone without our flaws and say "oh how I wish I were as pure as them!" without even recognising that they themselves are flawed in ways we are not. There is no such thing as a Paragon. What does this imply though? I don't know, but what I am NOT doing is allowing myself to revel in my flaws.
I am justifying my actions because of your flawed indictments. I haven't excused myself of anything because in my eyes no wrong has even been done in the first place. This experience's benefit's have far outweighed any of the dejected feelings it brought with it, but why can't I say that without implying that it's okay to do it again? Why can't a bad become a good without losing its inherent harmfulness? After all, everything is a poison in the right quantity, and in this case the overdose rests rightly on "one time." but if you could possibly dissect this instance of death, then you might find that somewhere along the road from zero to one there was a valuable experience.
It is a wrong thing to do, but in this case, is it a wrong thing to have done anymore? It's wrong to you because you don't want it to happen. Are you trying to fix me? Is it not fair that I've gotten off scot-free in the eyes of whatever moral institution you adhere to?
An action is an action, and it's not wrong until someone is there to say so. Do you understand? If I hadn't made this thread then not a single person would ever know I did this. I had already perfectly set everything up to make it look like natural causes; no one would have ever suspected anything.
...So then, are you my judge? Here to sentence me for my crime? I have already endured punishment of others. What do you think you are going to do?
I do not think you actually read half of what I wrote. You keep going on about how I am saying that you can not take a bad thing and make it good, when did I ever say that? I even recall saying the exact opposite; that it is good that you now know yourself better!
But that still does not change the fact that what you did is wrong.. It is very simple even if you have actually gained alot more than what you have lost and that you will never do it again. It is still wrong what you did. Anyone
remotely logical can see that. And frankly I am insulted that you think me so close-minded, that I think you cannot, and should not gain from this experience. EVERYTHING can teach you something, and everything should be used to learn. But that
still does make what you did, a good thing.
And to clear it up comepletely. What I find messed up, Is that you think what you did is not a bad thing because you have learned from it. That you see no wrong in it. And not that you have learned from it, and accepted what this experience had to give (Which I would have done myself)
EDIT:
"An action is an action, and it's not wrong until someone is there to say so. Do you understand? If I hadn't made this thread then not a single person would ever know I did this. I had already perfectly set everything up to make it look like natural causes; no one would have ever suspected anything." So again. If I kill a person, and nobody will ever find out, it is okay? Is it okay to chop down your neighbours trees because they are in the way? Is it okay for me break into a store and make sure I'll go unnoticed, to steal all that they have? Is it okay to dig up graves and play around with the remnants of other people? (if nobody notices, of course)
No, I am not your judge. I am only expressing my opinions. And no, I am not trying to fix you, why would I care about you? Do you want me to fix you? (I'm just asking dumb questions here, seems like the new trend) Which moral institution do I adhere to? I think 'common sense' is the most common name for it, no pun intended. If you insist that we should all be able to say "This is okay in my eyes, I am therefore allowed to do it" Then I
could just do all that I have just mentioned even without worrying about getting caught because
I think it is okay, so it is okay. Funny thing is that you start out saying that an action is and action if nobody, but you knows. And then leave off saying that we should be able to say what is right and wrong, with no 'borders' and act upon what we think is okay. Which is basically saying that it would not matter if your dad had seen you kill the parakreet.
Do you understand?