Maybe your degree was worthess, but mine requires work (wolf guy).
Hahahaha. Lay it to him, Nap. I like how you referred to him as "wolf guy." lol I've never heard Fury so callous! Bad, wolf guy! Shame!
You might find my sarcasm a bit more playfully placed.
Anyway, I like what concojones said, but I found that it lacked a certain specification. Here's mine. Combined with jones, this might make things even easier:
- Turn on Phoenix. They're like pot. They rock without trying very hard, and they make everything better. And I can still smoke them without getting into trouble with my wife.
- Make a pizza. Or if you're vegan, grow some vegetables.
- Turn off your phone, sister. (This goes off of what jones said about distractions.) That thing is toxic. You don't need to talk to ANYONE. You need to write. Now.
- While your grub is coming up, come up with three opening theses. The first of them should be the most simpleton bull shit you've ever read (e.g. "Philosophy is philosophical."), but should be clear and concise enough to convey a very generic message without any "wow's." The second one should be a "better version" of the first one, and the third should be a "clever version" of the first. If you end up liking none of them, start over from the beginning (yes, turn on Phoenix,
again.) or combine the second and third.
- WRITE! Don't think. Write this stuff down. The more motion in the ocean, the bigger the waves. Don't even think about what that sporadic, made-up-on-the spot turn of phrase is supposed to mean. Just get that hand moving/those fingers tip-tip-typing away. It's like Saph was sayin. You'll never start unless you start!
- Check your pizza/vegetables. If it is done cooking/growing, bring it onto the scene to keep you thinking. Napkins are a plus, if you're eating pizza. You can come back to that every time you write a paragraph. *slaps Nap's hand* Pay attention.
- Keep a provocative overtone throughout your first half, and tone it down throughout the latter half. I've found that, while this keeps you busy on the topic, it helps to develop comic relief. Yes. Comic relief...
- Use comic relief. It doesn't even have to be funny. It just has to keep ol' proffy reading, so he doesn't feel the indigestion it takes to slap a crap grade on your well-written work. It also gives you character, so the prof knows you weren't just copying this shit down from Wikipedia. Though, Wikipedia
does rock. You can usually find a good place for this after a nicely written, dramatically thoughtful paragraph or two.
- Marathon! Like a darting arrow, you should be on this until it's done. Do NOT stop unless it is to dance to Phoenix. This will be hard not to do often, as they are almost as provocative as your overtone.
- Finish with a line that is conclusive. I don't know how many times my masterpieces were touched and turned to feces by my professors in college just because I ended with stuff in the spirit of, "And the wooorld... may never know...!" It was never out of context. It was just not what they wanted to hear. I ALWAYS had knockout papers that were EXTREMELY informative and well-written. But I liked to end dramatically. What can I say? They want to know that you've not only done your homework, but that you could basically win in a fight against the personification of the subject you're studying wearing boxing gloves. You ARE philosophy. No. You're Philosophy's fuckin bully, and you want Philosophy's milk money (soy milk money, if you're vegan). Put your arm around Philosophy, pretend to be its friend, sucker punch it in the gut, and give it something to go home about.
- Stay off of intpforum.
- Ignore the fact that I've just basically written an essay on "how to write a paper" instead of one on how to begin one. I really did mean well.
Maybe I should stay out of things that aren't broken. concojones actually gave you plenty of advice in hindsight. Anyway, you've come this far, so I find it difficult to believe you're gonna mess this up.
We all have a huge time procrastinating. I hope my advice has made yours a little smaller. You're gonna do really well, Carnap. I think you're great!
