Friends

[DrSLudge]

Hey just wondering how many friends each of you have...
by friends I mean real humans that you see in the flesh and talk to and "hang out" at least once a week or so...

If you have 0-1 friends please post and say so, it would make me feel so much better to know that I'm not the only one...

for everyone with 2 or more friends can you please tell me where you hang out / what do you do together

for a long time I have known the difference in feeling lonely and being alone, infact I feel the most lonely in a large group of people, but lately my complete deprivation of social contact has caused me to feel lonely while I am alone which is completely contrasted to everything that I think I know about socializing...

I am going to college in the fall and I am sure I will meet people in my classes that I can relate to, but in the meantime am I destined to feel lonely while I am alone?

please please please can anyone suggest some places where I can probably meet people?
useless suggestions are:
Bar
dance club
staples
grocery store
swimming pool
party
the mall
church


thanks for any help that can be offered!!!

 

[Words]

0 right now. *sniff sniff* (Unless you count my parents/siblings). I now see another reason to go to school. I can look for friends but meh...

----

Try a bookstore. Just sit down near someone reading and say "hi".

 

[Mike72]

3 rl friends, 0 of them that I can really trust, except 1 maybe, but that's only 1/2 of the time. What we do? Hang out at school and each others places, play computer games, cards, talk about stuff... Anyway, anything THEY want to do. And that's why I hate it - I can't be myself when I'm with them! As for meeting people, no idea, I prefer to be alone.

 

[IssphitiKOzS]

Not sure I'd have to see them on a weekly basis, but I'd say 6 friends I know I can count on when it comes to it. As for meeting ppl, I'd say the most common which wasn't mentioned is to meet coworkers and others through them.

Speed dating is great too, I hear, even just for friends. Also, enroll in some hobby course like photography and you'll definitely meet like minded ppl.

 

[Minuend]

Hey just wondering how many friends each of you have...
by friends I mean real humans that you see in the flesh and talk to and "hang out" at least once a week or so...

That's quite strict conditions there, sludge.

I haven't "hung out" with any friends for 5 months. I have two friends that I don't really have any interest in any longer, we have grown too different. It's odd how some grow more judgmental and normal as they age.

I have one friend on the other side of the country who I still like, but with whom I feel like a burden and a fool.

 

[Anthile]

0.00

 

[ohrtonz]

I have two friends that I hang out with anymore, rest moved or are whipped by gfs. My one friend has gf that hangs with us too but I hardly ever say a word to her lol.

 

[DrSLudge]

hey thanks guys

coworkers are allright I guess but I'm pretty young, a lot of the people I have worked with are usually 10 years older than me, at LEAST.

photography club is actually a really excellent suggestion, when every one meets up and shares pictures
and I'm always around beautiful scenery when I skateboard, up in foresty hills with veiws of the lakes..

 

[ckm]

I have two very close friends and a number of people I hang out with sometimes, but I see only one of them on a weekly basis because he goes to school with me, and we're not exactly inseparable. Loneliness hurts, but I'm afraid the only advice I have is to find your own way to get through it.

 

[GarmGarf]

God, sometimes reading this forum makes me feel like an extravert.

How the hell did this happen to (some of) ya'll?!! How can it happen? Humans are social creatures...


Anyways, DrSLudge, once you're in college you should be sorted. Until then, well, idk, maybe try to get a job somewhere where there are people you can relate to (games store or internet cafe or something?).

Oh, you could also go onto a dating site and get a girlfriend/boyfriend and then steal all their friends!

 

[Subotai]

1 and 1/2 at the moment

 

[DrSLudge]

if I was like 70 it would be so easy, there'd be tonnes of people to not talk to, and play chess and shuffle board, and read

 

[unhinged]

Had like 2 very good friends... but had to another city recently... still talk to them online but of course its not the same.

Right now? 0...

 

[IssphitiKOzS]

I'll be you're friend guys.

 

[Pants]

2.

Pool hall? Alcohol and an engaging game that still leaves room for conversation.

 

[JUN]

Not this shit again.

 

[Fukyo]

Not this shit again.

"INTP 'The Whiner'
Everyone has problems. Most people attempt to rid themselves of those problems at some point. Not the INTP! That would remove the greatest pleasure the INTP has: bitching about their problems on the internet. God forbid the INTP ever actually does anything, just the mere fact they think they could do something is good enough."

 

[Spectrum]

2 at the moment, and this is common for INTP's. Don't worry, it's very natural. 1 real friend is more beneficial than 100 phony friends who become more of a hinderance than true assets.

 

[shadowdrums4]

Well as of now I'd say I have 3 friends that I like. We don't hang out much because we don't have the means (No one can get rides) but we hang out at lunch in school every day and practice together in the band room. (All 4 of us are band nerds)

What do we do? Mostly we talk about stuff. This summer when we are able to hang out more, we are going to go get food a lot and sing karaoke and one of them is taking us all to Disney world.

I mentioned in another thread how an INTJ friend really hurt me so people are going back to square one. Those 4 are the ones I'm starting to get close to again.

What's so wrong with having friends online? Isn't talking to someone the most important part of a friendship? I actually thought I was kind of lonely for a while but that was only because I didn't have anyone to bounce ideas off of. You can get that online sometimes easier than in real life.

As for a place to go, I'd say some kind of activity you enjoy. It was band for me, it could be photography for you. Don't some bookstores have some clubs for kids who like reading or something?

Finishing with I don't really think the number of friends is important. What matters is how close to them you are. Even if it is just one friend.

 

[Lobstrich]

I'd say 2.5. 1 of them really annoys me sometime. But I trust him, and he is trustworthy.
Second one I kind of trust. But he is still a very good friend.
And the last one has been my friend for a long time. Except I wouldn't go around telling him whatever popped in my mind.

 

[Lobstrich]

Hey just wondering how many friends each of you have...
by friends I mean real humans that you see in the flesh and talk to and "hang out" at least once a week or so...

If you have 0-1 friends please post and say so, it would make me feel so much better to know that I'm not the only one...

for everyone with 2 or more friends can you please tell me where you hang out / what do you do together

for a long time I have known the difference in feeling lonely and being alone, infact I feel the most lonely in a large group of people, but lately my complete deprivation of social contact has caused me to feel lonely while I am alone which is completely contrasted to everything that I think I know about socializing...

I am going to college in the fall and I am sure I will meet people in my classes that I can relate to, but in the meantime am I destined to feel lonely while I am alone?

please please please can anyone suggest some places where I can probably meet people?
useless suggestions are:
Bar
dance club
staples
grocery store
swimming pool
party
the mall
church


thanks for any help that can be offered!!!

Sorry for being insentitive. But this is bullshit. Are you really asking on a forum for advice on getting friends? I mean really? Really?

To seriously log in explain how it is and ask for advice on how to gain friends is just..
You named bars, groceries etc. But what do you expect us to say? "Yes! Go to a bar! Then go to a guy that looks cool... Say "how are you doing?""

Then what? You cannot advice on thre behalf of other people's minds. Or so to speak. One dude might find you awesome if you walk up to him naked, one might give you the beating of your life, one might even drop his clothes. You never know.
Everybody is different.

This said. I get what you're at. I have been lonely for a long time now. I still kind of am to be honest. But that's more in the topic of "love" Not friends.

Still my only advice is: Get off your ass, and try instead of this. Because, as said. We cannot give you other advice then what you already know like "Don't smell bad" But what if one guy wants you to smell? He might think you're stupid for not smelling, what do I know?

Use your common sense, that thing is a god given gift.
(And I'm not even Christian.. So I seriously think it's a good thing, specially for friendship )

 

[kantor1003]

People I can have a conversations with in party mode, pretty much everyone. I meet many new people, so there are probably 100+ I could strike a conversation with that I have had some contact with before and come to fair enough terms with, but I don't call that friends.
Real friend..hmm.. maybe 1.. but thats a big maybe. I don't feel like seeing people everyday. Not many people that manage to keep me interested over longer periods of time.
If I downgrade the friend criteria to people I like and enjoy spending some time with, maybe 30-40, but they are spread all over, so I don't see them too much.

 

[Lobstrich]

I don't feel like seeing people everyday. Not many people that manage to keep me interested over longer periods of time.
much.

Yeah.. I know that. It's not like they can't keep me interested. But sometimes I just want to be, by myself. Paint, Guitar, Videogames, books, movies etc.

 

[Cavallier]

I have two friends that I hang out with anymore, rest moved or are whipped by gfs. My one friend has gf that hangs with us too but I hardly ever say a word to her lol.

Huh. It's the opposite for me. I make friends and they clam up around my BF. Weird.

I have 2 close friends and 2 more that are less close but I hang out with them on a regular basis. I met them at work and school.

I find that if you meet somebody at work or school that you can be friendly with eventually you'll be introduced to their friends outside of school or work and some of them can become your friends. There is a guy I am friendly with who was originally the coworker of my boyfriend's high school friend. Extended networks are handy like that.

"INTP 'The Whiner'
Everyone has problems. Most people attempt to rid themselves of those problems at some point. Not the INTP! That would remove the greatest pleasure the INTP has: bitching about their problems on the internet. God forbid the INTP ever actually does anything, just the mere fact they think they could do something is good enough."

This just sounds like the average 13 year old as apposed to the average INTP. Conveniently INTPf has both of those bound up in the same person.

 

[kantor1003]

Yeah.. I know that. It's not like they can't keep me interested. But sometimes I just want to be, by myself. Paint, Guitar, Videogames, books, movies etc.

Exactly, I derive most of my pleasures from solitary activities. Guitar, videogames, books, movies. Most of which is better enjoyed alone.. I even prefer drinking alone. Playing music (not listening) is the only exception of an activity that is better suited several individuals.
The main reason, I'm speaking for myself, to partake public gatherings is the possibility of sex. Pathetic, I know... but I believe this is true for many.

 

[Spectrum]

Exactly, I derive most of my pleasures from solitary activities. Guitar, videogames, books, movies. Most of which is better enjoyed alone.. I even prefer drinking alone. Playing music (not listening) is the only exception of an activity that is better suited several individuals.
The main reason, I'm speaking for myself, to partake public gatherings is the possibility of sex. Pathetic, I know... but I believe this is true for many.

Same for me as well. The sex thing seems to be true in many instances from what I've observed. Guitar, listening to music, and reading are definitely things that need to be done alone for me. I tend to get anal towards those who crave my attention while I'm doing those things. My natural reserve keeps me from killing them though.

 

[kantor1003]

Same for me as well. The sex thing seems to be true in many instances from what I've observed. Guitar, listening to music, and reading are definitely things that need to be done alone for me. I tend to get anal towards those who crave my attention while I'm doing those things. My natural reserve keeps me from killing them though.

Thats why you and me are going to fail in the music industry sigh..

 

[Spectrum]

Thats why you and me are going to fail in the music industry sigh..

Agalloch is filled with guys who hate people (except for the occasional friend) and Burzum's Hvis lyset tar oss was done by one man with a plan. From the way I see it, failing in the music industry = win. Because most people can't comprehend music with a lot of depth (I'm not saying you have to like the music listed to comprehend depth of course). My album will be ready when it's ready, and no release schedule for impatient fans!!!

 

[kantor1003]

Agalloch is filled with guys who hate people (except for the occasional friend) and Burzum's Hvis lyset tar oss was done by one man with a plan. From the way I see it, failing in the music industry = win. Because most people can't comprehend music with a lot of depth (I'm not saying you have to like the music listed to comprehend depth of course). My album will be ready when it's ready, and no release schedule for impatient fans!!!

Ah, thats a different topic. Sure, I don't think the masses will comprehend/enjoy revolutionary music.. they never have..big topic.. and interesting.. suiting for the music section.. I'm too drunk to take that one now, here. My point was only; if you don't like sharing your music.. or you prefer to do it alone (like me), it is not a favorable position for you as an "artist". Our ability, at least mine, to sell our selves is beyond limited.

Always fun to discuss music due to it's subjective nature. One could also argue that that fact alone renders the topic completely useless for debate.

Sorry, really drunk now.. haha. Listening to Periphery's debut album. If you haven't heard it; stay away.. it will get you addicted, and you will search for an high to match the music... like I am doing now, hahaha

 

[Spectrum]

Ah, thats a different topic. Sure, I don't think the masses will comprehend/enjoy revolutionary music.. they never have..big topic.. and interesting.. suiting for the music section.. I'm too drunk to take that one now, here. My point was only; if you don't like sharing your music.. or you prefer to do it alone (like me), it is not a favorable position for you as an "artist". Our ability, at least mine, to sell our selves is beyond limited.

Always fun to discuss music due to it's subjective nature. One could also argue that that fact alone renders the topic completely useless for debate.

Sorry, really drunk now.. haha. Listening to Periphery's debut album. If you haven't heard it; stay away.. it will get you addicted, and you will search for an high to match the music... like I am doing now, hahaha

Now that you said that I'm totally not going to stay away

 

[kantor1003]

Now that you said that I'm totally not going to stay away

That was just what I was aiming for! You know, misery wants company! :P

 

[Spectrum]

That was just what I was aiming for! You know, misery wants company! :P

I want their amps! Obvious meshuggah influence on the guitarists' part. I'm liking it so far.

 

[DrSLudge]

the title of my favourite musical genre can be parsed into about 8 different sub genres and post-genres, which is really testament to how underground it IS. That speaks volumes about my personal character, that I like underground music which is inheirently far from the mainstream and therefore non-conformist, artisticly mysterious and edgy.

 

[Spectrum]

what is the title of your fav genre?

 

[Lobstrich]

Exactly, I derive most of my pleasures from solitary activities. Guitar, videogames, books, movies. Most of which is better enjoyed alone.. I even prefer drinking alone. Playing music (not listening) is the only exception of an activity that is better suited several individuals.
The main reason, I'm speaking for myself, to partake public gatherings is the possibility of sex. Pathetic, I know... but I believe this is true for many.

Indeed. the "sex thing" is very true.. But then again. All we do, we do to gain something beneficial.
Even in if we are helping in Africa we might not gain what the majority sees as something beneficial. But WE the person that is in Africa, gains satisfaction, maybe atonement? What do I know? But the fact remains that no matter what we do we do it to GAIN something.


On a little side note: Yes, I believe games, books and movies are best watched alone. Obviously books.. videogames as well, I don't mind playing with a couple of friends once in a while
Same goes for movies "Wow! It's so sad when people watch movies alone"
How is it sad? I get to watch it, and not listen to you go like "I think I figured it out!" That is not to say, that I don't mind watching a movie with a friend or a girl once in a while, it's always nice to theorize together.

 

[DrSLudge]

what is the title of your fav genre?

ummmm...
alternative post lo-fi neo-industrial arena-thrash trance...core?

 

[Jesin]

How the hell did this happen to (some of) ya'll?!! How can it happen? Humans are social creatures...

It was probably the "in the flesh at least about once a week" restriction.

 

[Spectrum]

ummmm...
alternative post lo-fi neo-industrial arena-thrash trance...core?

That sounds interesting, would you mind PM'ing me some songs or something?

 

[DrSLudge]

That sounds interesting, would you mind PM'ing me some songs or something?

uhhhhh sure... gimme about a week I gotta imagine what it would sound like, then try to implement it on fruity loops... I don't know if I am going to be able to produce on this.

I was just being sarcastic because I don't like music likers, or the music that they like.

 

[Starfruit M.E.]

Person to person, I have maybe 5 who I hang out with regularly. Maybe not weekly just because we're all pretty busy in work and college and stuff. But we do our best. We don't all hang out together, fyi. It's all one on one.
We study or go try new foods or stuff like that. I've cooked for one of my friends just because she never tried artichoke. lol But you can find friends anywhere you spend a lot of time. Just start talking to them and then if you like them after a while offer to go do something together. Like study for a test (if you're in college or whatever) or if you were going out to eat, invite them. And if you have something in common, you could say hey lets do that. Like some of my friends write, so we read and comment on each others writing.
With friends though (at least for me), you always want to make sure you have at least one friend you can really talk to openly about anything. Otherwise you start feeling like nobody even knows you and everyone is a fake. And usually following that comes looking for new friends.

 

[DrSLudge]

that's the only one I have left, I have one friend, a long long way away, but we almost share a brain so I can say anything and visa versa

I had 5 friends I saw 1 on 1 about 3 years ago, steadily declining untill a couple months ago

 

[Reptillian]

I don't have any people to be considered real friends, but I do have tons of fake friends simply because of the fact that I naturally attract people. As someone who's introverted, it does get pretty annoying fast when fake friends just comes up and I have to pretend to be part of them when I'm really am not. The only real friend I had before have left somewhere else, but I'm fine with that as I dealt with rejections tons of time.

If you count as online contacts as friend, I'd say I have at least 3 or 4 that I respect well enough to be considered a friend.
If you count as many random people to talk to as friend, I'd say I have at least around 10-20. I try not to talk to them, but they just come to me due to my personality.

Anyone who's introverted while being anti-society is probably is in the same boat.

 

[Spectrum]

Deterring the conversation to random topics by manipulating what they say works well for me^ It's passive and leaves their simple minds confused.

 

[Reptillian]

That's an interesting idea to try. I'll try that when I get back to high school after weekend.

 

[Keary]

Depends what your definition of a friend is. My personal definition would dictate that I have no more than one friend, this person I have known for nearly five years (since high school) and apart from him being more socially successful (he's managed to have multiple girlfriends in comparison to my 0) we are mostly similar. Along with him I would say I have a handful of other colleagues that I talk to during lunch breaks and in class, but I would never dare go to their house even on invitation nor would I bother inviting them. So really I would say one friend and about six or seven acquaintances.

 

[kantor1003]

I want their amps! Obvious meshuggah influence on the guitarists' part. I'm liking it so far.

I bought the engl invader one year ago pretty much only because of bulb/misha

Indeed. the "sex thing" is very true.. But then again. All we do, we do to gain something beneficial.
Even in if we are helping in Africa we might not gain what the majority sees as something beneficial. But WE the person that is in Africa, gains satisfaction, maybe atonement? What do I know? But the fact remains that no matter what we do we do it to GAIN something.


On a little side note: Yes, I believe games, books and movies are best watched alone. Obviously books.. videogames as well, I don't mind playing with a couple of friends once in a while
Same goes for movies "Wow! It's so sad when people watch movies alone"
How is it sad? I get to watch it, and not listen to you go like "I think I figured it out!" That is not to say, that I don't mind watching a movie with a friend or a girl once in a while, it's always nice to theorize together.

Sure, I only find it odd that sex is the number one motivation. Surely there are other beneficial aspects to socializing.. but it all bows to the mighty, primitive reproduction instinct.

Watching movies with others can be a real bitch. If I see "life of brian" with someone that doesn't like it; just sitting there with a bored look in his face, I immediately loose respect for them. Also, I can never allow myself to fully absorb a movie in the company of others... it just don't work.

 

[Dormouse]

^ Hmm, funny thing, when I'm watching movies with people I spend more time watching they're reactions than actually watching the film, or formulating my reactions to match their expectations of what they should be.

Or, trying to tell them how I think it's going to end to prove how brilliant I am.
(Yes, I'm one of those people you would never want to rent a video with.)

 

[Juno]

Try something new every day for a month. IE: something that would normally make you think "no way would I do that". Then go and do it.

Change how you think, spice things up a bit. See what happens.

 

[reprographist]

1 I hang with occasionally.
But real friends? Zero.

 

[Beat Mango]

"INTP 'The Whiner'
Everyone has problems. Most people attempt to rid themselves of those problems at some point. Not the INTP! That would remove the greatest pleasure the INTP has: bitching about their problems on the internet. God forbid the INTP ever actually does anything, just the mere fact they think they could do something is good enough."

I'd like to punch the person who said that in the face - is that a form of whining??