I don't know why, but I don't understand how people can seem so... fake...
like, people rarely make eye contact with me. They might glance at me for a second but then go off and do whatever... or they kinda look towards me...
is it how my eyes look? I do have one eye slightly higher than the other, but i hear that most people do, or was it that people who are abstract thinkers have one eye higher than the other...
I can see how uninterested most people are, and that's why I rarely talk to people or socialize.
but yeah, people don't want to make connections with other people and connect or something... that's why most of us don't even know our own neighbors...
ok i'm getting off track...
Always using eye-contact if I want to engage the person and using none if I want them to leave me alone
Possibly this is what everybody does?
I know when I want to get laid I have to use eye-contact all the time, that's probably some evolutionary trait to show I'm healthy or something.
When I play poker I look into everybodies eyes and often can tell I'm making them feel uncomfortable. I enjoy it because it means I'm making them nervous and they'll react with fear to bets I make and will fold to my bluffs more often. I enjoy looking in everybodies eyes actually, anyone who I'm talking to will have to face me looking into their eyes, and depending on my mood and what they're saying and how I feel about them, I'll make them feel comfort or discomfort with my glare. I don't know what that means.
I generally look at an object in the room or stare off into space when talking because I'm usually elaborating a thought while at the same time thinking different thought. This makes me seem a little spacey. In order to combat this I will make pointed intentional eye contact every once in a while.
I've noticed that many people have issues with eye contact. If I'm in a situation where I'm supposed to make lots of eye contact (such as being introduced to somebody) I will smile and make eye contact for 3 seconds. Then if they are telling me about themselves or talking for an extended period of time I'll make eye contact for 5 or 6 seconds then let my eyes wander around their face a little while making quick glances at their eyes again. Usually this is enough to avoid the shifty doesn't want to make eye contact feeling that people get from me.
Yeah, all the planning that goes with making eye contact makes it hard for me to think. I don't like it. Actually, I could identify perfectly with what Adymus was describing in this thread.
I really can't stand looking at people I don't like. Not sure why. Maybe because eye contact is draining, and I'll only make that effort for people I find ok.
If you are an INTP, you are making far less eye contact than you let on. The only way I can see what you are saying being true is if you are only referring to maintaining eye contact while listening to the other person talk, and not actually talking yourself. For an INTP gather the energy and momentum to actually articulate ourselves, it is essential that we break eye contact at alternate intervals during the encounter. It is far too draining on our Fe to maintain eye contact the whole time. We could technically pull it off, but it would be extremely uncomfortable and we would just end up talking really slow and freezing up a lot because of how much Fe modulation we would be using.
The same goes for any introvert, even the ones that are more articulate like the IxxJs. For instance the INxJ will look in the direction that is the least stimulating to their Se, so they can use their Ni more effectively.
It has nothing to do with you personally, it is just how we are built.
EDIT: It is also cultural, we are never really sure how much eye contact it is appropriate to make.
EDIT2: A good trick I use is to introvert while articulating is to unfocus my eyes, so I look like I am making eye contact, but I am actually staring through them, or over them.
Eye contact is a respectful action, and as such I don't think people deserve that respect right from the get go. Prove you deserve it and I'll give it to ya.
Not to mention I think I look twice as profound when I speak while staring into space.
Totally, I actually do really long eye drifts to the up-right corner to non-verbally communicate to people, basically saying "That is a complex question and you are about to hear a really complex answer."
If you are an INTP, you are making far less eye contact than you let on. The only way I can see what you are saying being true is if you are only referring to maintaining eye contact while listening to the other person talk, and not actually talking yourself. For an INTP gather the energy and momentum to actually articulate ourselves, it is essential that we break eye contact at alternate intervals during the encounter. It is far too draining on our Fe to maintain eye contact the whole time. We could technically pull it off, but it would be extremely uncomfortable and we would just end up talking really slow and freezing up a lot because of how much Fe modulation we would be using.
The same goes for any introvert, even the ones that are more articulate like the IxxJs. For instance the INxJ will look in the direction that is the least stimulating to their Se, so they can use their Ni more effectively.
It has nothing to do with you personally, it is just how we are built.
EDIT: It is also cultural, we are never really sure how much eye contact it is appropriate to make.
EDIT2: A good trick I use is to introvert while articulating is to unfocus my eyes, so I look like I am making eye contact, but I am actually staring through them, or over them.
I know it might sound strange, but it's the truth. I remember as a child always making eye-contact, (my brother was autistic and probably didn't, so my family might've 'encouraged' me to do so? I don't know, just a theory.)
Anyway I don't remember having any problem looking in peoples eyes until about 14 when I started having acne. I felt people were looking at the acne and not my eyes, or maybe I knew they were because I could see their eyes dart there. Anyway I'd make less and less eye-contact with people because I was embarrassed about how I looked. This lasted for a few years, until I was about 17. I was still shy but after going to some parties and drinking abit I began to just fake it and look at people in the eyes again as often as I could.
After a while I began to have good things happen when I'd look people in the eyes, like they'd smile or tell me I had nice eyes, whatever, but it meant I wanted to do it more.
So now I look people in the eyes all the time, because I'm not embarrassed or ashamed about anything really. Animals are especially good to look at in the eye, I don't know why but from dog to man, there's something there.
I think I should add I don't always want to talk to somebody, so I don't always look them in the eye when they're talking to me. And I don't go out searching for eyes to look at, it's just if someone's speaking to me I can focus on their eyes and when I'm speaking to them I can do the same.
And my parents made me do debating and public speaking when I was like 10 and my legs would shake like hell and I'd be nervous as all hell but after a few times you grow immune to it.
I think you are missing what I am saying though, I am not talking about looking into people's eyes in general, I am specifically referring to doing it while speaking. Because while listening to people speak I almost always maintain eye contact as well.
It is extremely inefficient to maintain eye contact the whole time while speaking, and as an introvert, I highly doubt you do, because none of us do, not even the introverted feelers which are far more concerned with making a connection than we are. And when we actually try to make eye contact the whole time, we have trouble focusing our thoughts and gaining the energy to continue articulating. Hence the freezing up and slow speaking.
Believe it or not, it actually looks better in general if you allow yourself to break eye contact at alternate intervals to allow yourself enough time to gain momentum to make a connection again.
If you want to learn some neat trick to introverting in mid conversation while not letting the other person see it, watch how INFJ women interact and take notes. They have all kinds of crazy ninja moves that allow them to break engagement but not let the other person know that they are. Like a flutter of blinking eyes, or they will look in a different direction but keep their Fe expression on the face, so you only notice the Fe and not where they are looking.
I think you are missing what I am saying though, I am not talking about looking into people's eyes in general, I am specifically referring to doing it while speaking. Because while listening to people speak I almost always maintain eye contact as well.
It is extremely inefficient to maintain eye contact the whole time while speaking, and as an introvert, I highly doubt you do, because none of us do, not even the introverted feelers which are far more concerned with making a connection than we are. And when we actually try to make eye contact the whole time, we have trouble focusing our thoughts and gaining the energy to continue articulating. Hence the freezing up and slow speaking.
Believe it or not, it actually looks better in general if you allow yourself to break eye contact at alternate intervals to allow yourself enough time to gain momentum to make a connection again.
If you want to learn some neat trick to introverting in mid conversation while not letting the other person see it, watch how INFJ women interact and take notes. They have all kinds of crazy ninja moves that allow them to break engagement but not let the other person know that they are. Like a flutter of blinking eyes, or they will look in a different direction but keep their Fe expression on the face, so you only notice the Fe and not where they are looking.
That's amazing about the INFJ women, how can I see that? I've never thought about categorising people in the jungan types because I only heard of it a few days ago. I better go research...
I thought you were right, because when speaking I sometimes slowly trail my gaze sideways to the left, but not often and I think it's mostly when I don't want to talk to the person. When I'm talking to anybody from morning to night I look them in the eye. I know what everybodies eyes look like, it makes me feel kind of nervous but kind of powerful at the same time. I'd never realised that because when I'm looking in their eyes I'm not thinking about how it feels to look in their eyes.
It's a feeling of fighting my fear, whatever that feeling is. It's a good feeling, and it's not massive but it's always there. It feels like a defence mechanism to people who would stare me down to make me feel afraid. I've encountered maybe 1% of people do this aswell and when we meet it's always kinda uncomfortable because I think they feel the same way I do.
That just reminded me: I used to always play staring contests as a kid. I still play staring contests with my sister for no reason, but because I'm competitive I always wanted to win. I can keep my eyes open for ages without blinking.
This is the first thing about INTP's that hasn't basically matched me to a tee. So that means something, which is cool, but I'm tired and I can't be bothered understanding it.
Edit: My brain reminded me the first time I felt uncomfortable looking someone in the eye was my Mum when I was like 5, if she thought I was lying she'd make me look her in the eyes and say something. I think she caught me lying the first one or two times but after that if I had to lie, I kept my focus and lied. This forum's so weird it just makes me remember shit.
I think that gave me the ability to look people in the eye to indicate self-belief.
ProbablyanINTP, you should take video of yourself interacting with other people and see if what your saying is true, because like everyone else in the world, we have no idea what we actually look like and what we do when interacting with the world. Some of us have a better idea than others, but since Fe is your lowest function, I think your body is doing something much different than what your conscious mind thinks it is doing.
Prolonged eye contact is a good indication that I have little that I really care to say. When I'm really explaining something or in a conversation that requires thinking, I definitely look upward and maybe slightly to the right or left. I can't even help it usually.
I call it searching the heavens to find the right words.
Dude I can't imagine talking to someone without looking them in their eyes. I'm not trying to fuck with you, it's how I communicate with people.
If I don't look in their eyes, they won't hear me as effectively as when I don't. My brother wouldn't look people in the eyes, and basically has not for his entire 23 years alive. He's begun talking to this girl lately and she's been telling him to stop "talking to his crotch" and he now looks me straight in the eye when we talk.
Guys just need a little bit of the right motivation (sex)
When you were in school would you raise your hand to ask a question, and ask it while you looked the teacher in the eye? I know I did, I remember doing it. How did you handle the interaction?
Edit: I think I know why I do it. I can quickly explain: What is a lie? They can be absolute lies for no reason, or a lie to protect something you dont want or need to reveal to somebody.
Looking people in the eyes is a positive expectation move because it will make people think you believe what you're saying when you lie, and it will make them question what they think to be true if you are lying.
But if you ONLY look people in the eys when you DONT want people to think you're lying, you'll become easy to read, so i ALWAYS look people in the eyes when talking to them, so when I am forced to (or choose to) lie, I can.
this is all revelation from introspection, I obviously had no idea I did any of this consciously a few hours ago. I just read a poll and clicked a button and people began disagreeing with my reality
For an INTP gather the energy and momentum to actually articulate ourselves, it is essential that we break eye contact at alternate intervals during the encounter. It is far too draining on our Fe to maintain eye contact the whole time. We could technically pull it off, but it would be extremely uncomfortable and we would just end up talking really slow and freezing up a lot because of how much Fe modulation we would be using.
Fe seeks social connections and creates harmonious interactions through polite, considerate, and appropriate behavior. Fe responds to the explicit (and implicit) wants of others, and may even create an internal conflict between the subject’s own needs and the desire to meet the needs of others.[18] Fe drives the INTP to desire harmony in community. At their most relaxed, INTPs can be charming and outgoing among friends, or when they have a clearly defined role in the group. When under stress, however, INTPs can feel disconnected from the people around them, unable to use their extraverted Feeling to reach out to others. As their inferior function, Feeling can be a weak point; when threatened they will hide behind a wall of stoic logic. This can lead them to bottle up their emotions to preserve reason and harmony; but a failure to deal with these concealed emotions can lead to childish outbursts.
Yeah that's me, except when under stress I don't disconnect, I get really angry and firey. It's something I've had to learn to control actually.
Fuck I'm an idiot, I just looked at my sig and my FE is 47% so I'm basically INxP that explains that!
This post sums up how my decision making is based:
It's not that one is used or the other, it's that both are consulted before a decision is made. Sometimes logic and feeling agree, resulting in a very strong decision with a great deal of conviction behind it, and sometimes they disagree, resulting in a weaker decision which is more regrettable, or can be seen as a choice of the lesser of several evil
and I try to (but sometimes emotion takes over) err to the side of the thinking feeling in my life. When I don't it causes me to make mistakes that I later regret for being emotional decisions.
This thread has been surprisingly insightful.
Further I now understand thinking/feeling control Internal Subjective discernment, which made me think that I analyse animals with F and the rest of the universe with T. I think this is because animals make decisions based on emotion, so I need to make decisions based off their emotion.
ha-ha, I can kinda relate... I have AS, and I often forget when you should look at someone when talking. It can get awkward sometimes... from gazing this way and that to staring at you for 10 seconds...
but I guess this post is because I notice this mostly at work, because I'm a cashier.. and there are a ton of people everyday, and it's just this common pattern I pick up.
I guess for me when people look at me in the eyes their genuine, or trying to be... and when their like looking away from you, they don't give two shits...
Ockhams Razor: Or you are only focusing on when you are making eye contact and are not aware of when you are breaking engagement.
Everybody thinks they are the anomaly, why should I believe you are when no one else is?
even if you were an INFP or an INFJ , you would still need to break eye contact at alternate intervals. Sorry dude, but you are completely full of it if you are going to tell me you maintain eye contact through out the entire encounter without it effecting you.
I look into the speaker's eyes...but when I talk, I cannot look into the audience's eyes...It's very, very draining and consumes too much energy. I don't even know why. I just tend to stare "through them" and speak or my eyes will be wandering, focusing on some random object.
Now that I think about it, I can look I can look at people's eyes if they aren't looking back, but when they are looking at my eyes it's difficult to maintain.
I'm mostly the same, whenever I'm talking to someone I would rather not I get unnerved by looking them in the eyes, hoping that they will get the hint and go away.
It's most likely something to do with the fact that I feel when I look someone in the eyes I should be getting a better feeling about them and looking further into their person. Around people that I would rather talk to I usually do look them in the eye but often get distracted and stare at other things while I am talking to them, so really I'm a mix and match of all of these.
Can you not pick up a lot of information from the eyes? I would be interested in hearing the views of others about the information that they read from the eyes (beyond just trying to tell if someone is lying).
Can you not pick up a lot of information from the eyes? I would be interested in hearing the views of others about the information that they read from the eyes (beyond just trying to tell if someone is lying).
Tons, but it is not just the eyes, it is the whole body. So I actually would not recommend focusing solely on a person's eyes if you are trying to read them.
You can read all kinds of information about a person by watching their eyes, their mouth, how they express themselves, their posture, their fidgetiness, body language, the timbre of their voice and how it is changing throughout the encounter, their overall levels of energy, their hand gesturing, how they are sitting or standing, the rate of their speech, etc.
My strongest and most reliable method of personality typing people is actually be reading them.
Eye contact isn't very good for introverts, it takes a lot of mental energy to process other peoples facial features. I make eye contact every.... 7 seconds or so, so i don't look like i'm non-interested. If you can successfully make constant eye contact, more power to ya
When I was younger I got into the habit of trying to see people's souls through their eyes, so now I sometimes freak people out with prolonged eye contact/ staring/ creepy head tilts.
When I was younger I got into the habit of trying to see people's souls through their eyes, so now I sometimes freak people out with prolonged eye contact/ staring/ creepy head tilts.
i make direct eye contact and rarely break it when i'm listening to someone speak.
when i'm talking however, my eyes are all over the place. i think i occasionally glance back to see if they're even paying attention to me anymore, and that's when i make eye contact while talking, but otherwise, the majority of the time i'm looking off in a million different directions, trying to piece my thoughts together.
i also flail my hands wildly when i speak and apparently i make strange facial expressions. who knew.
Ockhams Razor: Or you are only focusing on when you are making eye contact and are not aware of when you are breaking engagement.
Everybody thinks they are the anomaly, why should I believe you are when no one else is?
even if you were an INFP or an INFJ , you would still need to break eye contact at alternate intervals. Sorry dude, but you are completely full of it if you are going to tell me you maintain eye contact through out the entire encounter without it effecting you.
I do break engagement, often, but when they are speaking and I want to appear interested I look them in the eyes, and when I'm speaking to them and I want them to listen to me I look them in the eyes
If they're talking to me and I don't really care I won't look them in the eyes until I have to respond to them, and I'll probably look at their eyes, say something short, then look away.
These MB-type things aren't concrete. Why couldn't a person be an XXXX for example? I could be an INFP with T tendancies or an INTP with F tendancies, but it doesn't matter because these the same arbitrary labels as "man" and "woman", just an easy identification tag that tries to apply to all people but ignores all the outliers like hermaphrodites, etc. (Not that I am one, I'm entirely male but I feel like I've got a bit of a womans emotions sometimes)
I do break engagement, often, but when they are speaking and I want to appear interested I look them in the eyes, and when I'm speaking to them and I want them to listen to me I look them in the eyes
If they're talking to me and I don't really care I won't look them in the eyes until I have to respond to them, and I'll probably look at their eyes, say something short, then look away.
These MB-type things aren't concrete. Why couldn't a person be an XXXX for example? I could be an INFP with T tendancies or an INTP with F tendancies, but it doesn't matter because these the same arbitrary labels as "man" and "woman", just an easy identification tag that tries to apply to all people but ignores all the outliers like hermaphrodites, etc. (Not that I am one, I'm entirely male but I feel like I've got a bit of a womans emotions sometimes)
The test results are not concrete, but what the results are based on and trying to guess at, are.
Every type has tendencies of Sensing, Thinking, Intuition, and Feeling, what kind of tendencies depend on what cognitive function is giving you that tendency, and how often it is expressed depends on it's level of development and how high it is on the hierarchy.
There is actually no one on this planet that cannot be typed, even if you are insane or have a personality disorder, you still have cognitive functions, wired the same way as everyone else. A personality type is ultimately defined by where a person get's their energy. Everything else about the personality stems from this. What two functions are providing stimulation for the person defines what two function they are going to be sensitive to and what will be the most exhausting to use. This balance between the 4 functions is not just a fluke, it is actually a necessary mechanism for adaptability and survival. If we did not have Fe tugging on our Ti, our Ti would just continue moving forward and we would have no reason to come out of it every once and awhile.
So to answer your question, no an XXXX type does not exist. Even when really really really well developed, you are still being stimulated by your dominant functions and drained by your lower ones, even if you are really good at using your lower ones.
Although, on a different note, you might be right that it might not be Fe that is draining you. What I mean by that is, I'm not entirely sure you are an INTP after all, just by the way you are rubbing me in this thread.
Especially with the way that you were so quick to conclude that you were a magical INTP who "hacked" his Fe.
even if you were an INFP or an INFJ , you would still need to break eye contact at alternate intervals. Sorry dude, but you are completely full of it if you are going to tell me you maintain eye contact through out the entire encounter without it effecting you.
Although, on a different note, you might be right that it might not be Fe that is draining you. What I mean by that is, I'm not entirely sure you are an INTP after all, just by the way you are rubbing me in this thread.
Especially with the way that you were so quick to conclude that you were a magical INTP who "hacked" his Fe.
Haha, that was a joke more than anything. I've got a pretty big amount of nonsense humour I throw into discussions, I guess I should articulate when I'm being sarcastic better.
By saying I hacked my Fe I really just meant I had an overdeveloped Fe, obviously not by my decision, just circumstance.
Efficiently, walfin, it is not a matter of whether you can or cannot, it is a matter of whether you can do it efficiently.
And as I have said again and again, looking someone in the eye while not talking, and doing it while articulating is an entirely different experience and use of energy. So of course you can look a person in the eye and think clearly, but doing it while maintaining articulation causes us to use even more Fe, which is why we have to look away just to maintain an efficient use of energy, and then usually looking the person back in the eye when closing off our statement.
The theory can and does explain this, and I have physically seen it work this way with literally every introvert I have ever seen, especially IxTPs considering connecting with a person is an even bigger drain for us.
Do me a favor and read the other things I have said before making me repeat myself.
No he technically did. My claim was that as introverts we are going to have to break eye contact at alternate intervals, he disagreed with this. So yeah, he kind of did claim he never broke eye contact.
No he technically did. My claim was that as introverts we are going to have to break eye contact at alternate intervals, he claimed this was not true. So yeah, he kind of did claim he never broke eye contact.
Also, I don't appreciate having it inferred that not only am i a liar, but that I'm unable to objectively judge myself in regards to how I interact with others.
No I never technically did, I literally said in the first sentence I often don't look at people, but often do:
Also, I don't appreciate having it inferred that not only am i a liar, but that I'm unable to objectively judge myself in regards to how I interact with others.
I'm not calling you a liar, but I am saying that you are unable to objectively judge exactly what your body is doing when interacting with others. The act of judging the oneself is in itself, subjective. Nobody is perceptive enough to know precisely every movement their body is making all of the time, especially when you are concentrating on what people are saying and what you are going to say.
I don't doubt you put a lot of effort into making eye contact with people as often as possible, I'm sure you do. I just highly doubt your eyes are completely glued to the person while engaging with them all the time. You even said yourself that your eyes tend to drift to the left while talking. Which makes sense because that is where our eyes drift when accessing our worldview function, so you are just going in to get more information.
Nobody is perceptive enough to know precisely every movement their body is making all of the time, especially when you are concentrating on what people are saying and what you are going to say.
Certainly but it doesn't need to be a conscious decision after 22 years of it.
If you'd ever played a game of poker with very intelligent, competitive opponents, you'll be aware of how much they will scrutinize your movements, your words, anything about you. So the most profitable action to take when you're at the table is to be conscious of how I'm being percieved by others, so I am very conscious of what I'm saying or doing. I try to keep what I'm thinking as far removed from my physical as possible. It's why most people think I'm an idiot, and why I googled "dumbing yourself down in conversations" and ended up here. It's acting.
Away from the poker table I also recognise the actions I choose determine how others react to me. Very specific things I do can result in the same specific responses from people. I've noticed this over time, and I know how I wish to present myself to the world when I'm involving myself with it.
This is anything from proper eloquence, colloquialism, dressing down, dressing up (loathe), eye-contact, "Fake it till you make it", etc. i fucking HATE going clubbing but when I'm there I can fake it till the end of the night. Effectively I put on a costume when I wake up and it's there till I fall asleep.
I hope that explains things better
Also I'm not this forthcoming and honest with anybody and never have been in my life. I think it's the anonymity and the fact there's some like-minded people here who don't instantly hate.
Why can't it be that I am just as perceptive of the exterior as the interior?
I am officially too drained of energy to continue arguing, that INTJ thread just sapped my last drop of Si-Fe for the night. So, Well met ImProbablyAnINTP. Well met.
However, about what I said before, I am still not sure if I am getting INTP vibes off of you... It is not terribly distinct, so I am not quite sure of myself just yet. You said before that you would like me to analyze your type, so I hope you don't mind if I keep an eye out for you, and eventually give you a report in the near future.
haha yeah dude go for it, it's fun, I asked you initially because I couldn't do it myself but I've been doing reading and I realise I am an INTP as much as I am an INFP.
Both archetypes fit me, exactly, at the same time. The INFP apparently is governed by their emotion, whereas the INTP is meant to not be. I suppose this then comes down to what emotions are.
Edit: After cataloging myself I catalogued my old best-mate who I don't talk to anymore because I began to dislike him more and more. He is ENFJ and I think he did mentor me when I was younger, when I was sick and frail. As I became stronger and more accomplished and more confident he would lash out at me, the final straw was when he drove his car into me infront of our friends (I booted his car as revenge) and he said it was an accident and I needed to get my head checked.
This is sweet cause I could never understand why he started being a dick to me as soon as girls started realising I existed. He has more than enough girls and doesn't need to try and compete with me, I don't want to compete, I just want to be.
He never got that, when I'd want to sit and play chess he'd say life is more than this and how can I enjoy this etc, "Let's go clubbing! Pick-up, I need to get my ego stroked!" and I thought that was basically pathetic, and I didn't need my ego stroked, so I'd always decline. I just stopped answering his calls after a while cause I realised I didn't enjoy his company anymore.
I realise now he wanted me to go clubbing because he enjoyed 'beating me' at 'clubbing'. I'd tell him how easy it is to meet girls at uni, work, street, cafe, and how I didn't like clubs because the music sucks the people sucks the vibe sucks and I won't be able to meet an intelligent person and recognise it, you can barely even speak to people.
"But what if you know, just once, that ONE night, she was there! Smart girls go clubbing too bro..."
Editeditedit: I was thinking if INTP is 1-5% and INFP are 1-5% that would make me something like (2.5/100 x 2.5/100) = 0.0000000000000000000000000025% (and now cause I like to think in fractions, I'm trying to find out what that makes me: Finally found it, 1 in nonillion. Talk about always thinking you're an anomoly, am i rite?)
I'm probably an outlier. Physically I'm an outlier, I have a genetic disorder which puts me there called Marfan Syndrome, (so does my INTP dad and brother, possibly connected, my sister's very smart but she doesn't seem to have marfan, and she's very good at understanding her emotions like me, my Mums mostly an irrational emotional person but sometimes not.) Anyway my dad doesn't deal or understand emotions and my brother is the same. Infact it's the only reason people identify them as autistic and not me, I'm sure I'm 'autistic' in the sense that I think in a very specific way - but I don't have the emotional detachment that's expected of autism for one reason or another.
I now realise I learnt how to fake it from my Dad. He's a prominent barrister and completely introverted. Infront of a courtroom he's a god, in a group of people he is often the smartest person, and he can recognise other smart people and point them out. But he hates social things, absolutely loathes them. He prefers hanging out at home or at work. He taught me how to speak. My debating teachers would also make me practice speaking infront of mirrors as I read my speeches. And I had to learn how to remember the palm card information and relay it to the audience while looking them in the eye. I remember the teacher being firm about that. She also said I'd talk really fast without noticing so I made a conscious effort to speak slower.
My dad speaks slowly all the time, and always corrects my autistic brother who doesn't. This all kinda connects.
I worry about seeming overly aggressive, or somehow putting the other person on the spot, if I hold eye contact while speaking. Nevermind the difficulty in actually thinking and speaking while maintaining eye contact.
I always try to make direct eye contact when talking to someone. It helps me to pay attention to what they are saying. Or at least make them think I'm paying attention...
I make some eye contact, but it breaks alot. When it breaks I often look up off into the distance, as if I'm watching a plane fly by. I still try to smile/appropriate face, unless I happen to start laughing. Oh dear.
I hardly see any reason to look into the eyes and for some reason, I feel very uncomfortable when I found out someone is looking at me. I also feel a bit uncomfortable talking to other people using eye contact for the reason that I feel that I'm not using proper emotional responses and I feel the urges once I get near the stage of being completely bothered. Rarely, I feel comfortable with people and I get uncomfortable the next few days of meeting a new person.
I make a point to look someone in the eye when they are speaking to me, and while in a group I make sure to connect with the speaker from time to time--as if to say that yes, I am listening. I say make a point because I do have to remind myself to do it sometimes. When explaining something, or answering a question, I tend to look elsewhere. I try not to look down, but I'll often catch myself looking off to the right side and up. I'm better at maintaining eye contact with others when I'm telling a joke, or if I happen to be yelling at them.
I presume this discussion will get around to talking about the pupils; but even beyond this, does anyone have anything more in-depth about the information conveyed by the eyes?
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