Do INTPs ever "find happiness" :(

[LAM]

How do INTPs achieve contentment and happiness with their lives? Isn't the thing that makes INTP's happy the gaining of knowledge. Because that for me only brings about short-term happiness and satisfaction. But then in a couple of weeks later or in some cases days, I understand all I wanted to understand and will eventually something else for me to obsess over. Like a drug addict, I seem to almost HAVE to continue this ritual to remain in some semblance of contentment.

Music and my achievements are the only long-lasting ways I can become a happy person. It seems that with my completely ridiculous ambitions in life I seek a state of contentment yet it is likely that no matter how amazing my achievements might be I will not be fulfilled (one of my ambitions for example is to stop aging. There are actually so many ways to do this but no-one tried them out yet...)

I have read on some of the other threads about the large numbers of NTs going into relationships with NFs. Perhaps developing our Fe enough to be able for us to be a happier person iws the only way.

I think that people like Albert Einstein, Rene D'escartes, Socrates, Charles Darwin, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, etc weren't fulfilled.

But maybe they were happy with what they had done, perhaps INTPs will never be fulfilled because it is not in our nature but that doesn't mean we can't be happy?

 

[RubberDucky451]

I don't think creative people find contentment very easily. We're always looking for something new to think on or something interesting to learn.

Personally i find contentment in short bursts, usually when listening to a good jazz song or creating a piece of art.

 

[ohrtonz]

I feel pretty content. I usually start to feel sad or stressed when trying to get something that creates happiness. Example: I'm content without a girlfriend, I only feel sad and lonely when I start looking and find someone I think I might be interested in. When it doesn't work out I don't get sad, I become content again and don't think about it anymore.

 

[LAM]

I don't think creative people find contentment very easily. We're always looking for something new to think on or something interesting to learn.

Personally i find contentment in short bursts, usually when listening to a good jazz song or creating a piece of art.

Same thing for me when I learn or understand something exciting/interesting (I just think of the things I could do with this knowledge )

But thats kind of the problem. There doesn't seem to be much to this thats long-term.

 

[ckm]

This depends on your idea of "happiness". We are prone to challenging ourselves, and we may not feel content for some time as a result while we get overwhelmed by said challenges. Without said challenges, chances are we're not going to feel content at all, however.

Be careful not to let others' ideas of this happiness influence you. In our SJ-dominated society, happiness for us beside happiness for our peers is rather different.

As for what you said about NFs and Fe, coming to terms with and even developing the shadow of our personalities is key to finding satisfaction.

 

[Ermine]

I don't think happiness is an end goal. It's something you have to achieve and keep up over time. So no, people (INTPs included) can't find happiness. They achieve it.

 

[bananaphallus]

Honestly I'd much prefer the peaks and valleys/insatiable curiosity to a mild, but enduring contentedness.

 

[bluesquid]

I believe most people determine, and then play role in life. At times they do things that dont make happy while playing their personal role. They dress the part. The work really hard at their job. They wash their car. They are miserable. They like routine. When something is absent or changes, they become really unhappy. They live lives of quiet desperation.

I can find something that inspires me for hours at will. I "lose" those hours completely immersed in whatever it is Im doing.

I think that is true happiness. Other than that im pretty happy go lucky.

 

[Trebuchet]

Honestly I'd much prefer the peaks and valleys/insatiable curiosity to a mild, but enduring contentedness.

If it were a choice between those two, I would agree, but I can honestly say it is possible to have both.

I haven't met any INTPs (or INTJs) who were really contentedly happy until they were in their mid-30s, though. Before that, there seems to be a restless, hungry drive to grow in every way possible, combined with frustration that the world doesn't understand us.

As much as I enjoy my life now, I would not have missed the earlier years for anything. They were a different form of happiness that I sometimes didn't recognize for what they were. (The drive is still there, but it fits more comfortably in my life now.)

To be sure, I am not happy all the time. But I would say I am mostly happy, and I am absolutely an INTP.

 

[Starfruit M.E.]

I am happy when I am outside. When I see beauty. When I am with people I love. When I am off in my own little world. When I discover something amazing...
the point is to fill my life with the things that really matter, and over time, I will be happy.

Even if the bulk of my life tends to be going down the drain, there is always something going on that you can be thankful for, or good memories to reflect on. So I concentrate on them, instead of what is going wrong.

I don't mean to sound too positive. Here's an angry guy to counteract it -->

 

[LAM]

Okay so after spending some time thinking about this, I came up with this;

If most people are only happy when they delude themselves that the world is like they think it is, like for example what the government tells them, then what of INTPs whom that just wouldn't work.

Most of us know the "reality" or at least are much closer to the reality than most people. although some do delude themselves (aka: most conspiracy theories.)

If an INTP cares about this to at least some extent, like me, then wouldn't this knowledge tarnish their contentment/happiness. I do care about the problems in the world and I know that I will always try to better it, but I know that it will never be enough. And then, like so many people before me, I will stop caring (I care only a little in any case. but still...)

 

[Starfruit M.E.]

I also live in reality, and I deal with it. But not every part of reality is a cause for remorse. Reality has both the good and the bad. If you want to be depressed, look at the bad. But if you want to have any hope for the whole thing, you'd do best to look at both.

 

[LAM]

I also live in reality, and I deal with it. But not every part of reality is a cause for remorse. Reality has both the good and the bad. If you want to be depressed, look at the bad. But if you want to have any hope for the whole thing, you'd do best to look at both.

Such a simple answer, yet so brilliant.

 

[ohrtonz]

This guy has been posted on the forums before, but this is his new video about happiness.
YouTube- Why we can't find lasting happiness

 

[bluesquid]

If it were a choice between those two, I would agree, but I can honestly say it is possible to have both.

I haven't met any INTPs (or INTJs) who were really contentedly happy until they were in their mid-30s, though. Before that, there seems to be a restless, hungry drive to grow in every way possible, combined with frustration that the world doesn't understand us.

As much as I enjoy my life now, I would not have missed the earlier years for anything. They were a different form of happiness that I sometimes didn't recognize for what they were. (The drive is still there, but it fits more comfortably in my life now.)

To be sure, I am not happy all the time. But I would say I am mostly happy, and I am absolutely an INTP.

I would say thats spot on. Im 35 and I am pretty happy. But i was tormented for most my life, for the better methinks.

 

[Ashenstar]

Hmmm, my happiness comes and goes, quite violently I might add.

That true life contentedness that I believe exist has not come to me yet. I still have some maturing and growing up to do before i will be able to have that in my life. I look forward to it.

 

[Jesin]

Eventually there was a point when I dropped the pursuit and began being. With no thing to change, no thing to search for, no thing to compare with.. it's this surprising realization that Who I Am is already perfect.

Apparently some do.

 

[citrusbreath95]

Hey I'm new, and my source of happiness comes when I make an awesome discoverey or have an unthought of idea.... of course this comes and goes as usually I will be the first one to criticize my idea as being illogical or unplanned.

 

[Words]

It, on the extreme whole, always differs.

 

[Beat Mango]

I've been feeling quite happy recently... and not a physical happiness, an actual life happiness. It's nice

Look it comes and goes but I'm certainly going to enjoy it while it's here, and live like it's going to be here forever. I think that's the best way to deal: treat your happiness as if it will last forever, and your despair as if it will pass.

 

[Gather_Wanderer]

i hope we do. i mean i really hope so.
i'm young and not particularly happy right now. not as if my life is depressing or anything; i have a good family for the most part and can control my environment to an extent. but intps are always searching for truth and maybe i'm in a stage of life where it is highlighted more so than others? it bothers me to no end that life is so uncertain and i have to know what i'm supposed to do or what i should do.
my father told me the other day that the kind of truth and answers i'm looking for i may not find in this lifetime. maybe if i don't know or can't know what is absolute, i can find some principles to live by, things i know to be true.
maybe that can be a start?
it could be that i may have to learn to give in to someone else in order to be happy. learn to live outside of myself (to a degree) and to share with others. of course i'm talking about a family.
i've always kind of thought of that process as me neutering myself (haha) but it could be the only way to be happy. otherwise i'll forever be searching for the answers to life's bigger questions....

 

[Geminii]

I've had long-term happiness. It slows me down. There's less reason to get out of bed, or do anything else, because it's all good. It gets a little lotus-eatery.

Still, it's also possible to have days full of win and awesome, which can be more memorable in the end.

 

[White Rabbit]

Bla bla, yeah you can.

I don't experience much "short term happiness". That's not even real, just a product of the moment. The world is beautiful in its own, fucked up way. I'm happy because I'm alive. You should be too.
Maybe a near death experience would put you back onto the track, if nothing else works.
muhaha.
:3

 

[Chronomar]

I think it is human nature to never find complete happiness/contentment. It is just a matter of whether you realize you can never be completely happy, and then it becomes a matter of what you do about that.

I think INTPs are more likely (but perhaps not most likely) to notice this characteristic of the human condition.

After realizing this, people tend to either detach themselves from that fact, embrace that fact in a positive manner, run away from the fact, or go insane because of it.

 

[ShrineofmadLaughter]

I think INTP's are the least likely to find conventional happiness as we are much more self-aware than others. I mean, the media portrays people as being "happy", but it is human instinct to always want something more (more money, better job, more beautiful wife, faster car, etc). I think we as INTP's are more likely to observe this and assume that happiness can never be achieved in this way. Happiness is contingent upon the individual however; for some people, I suppose it is possible to be perfectly happy with nothing at all, other less self-aware people need giant mansions and model wives to fulfill their need for purpose and content I guess.

 

[Polaris]

I've been feeling quite happy recently... and not a physical happiness, an actual life happiness. It's nice

Look it comes and goes but I'm certainly going to enjoy it while it's here, and live like it's going to be here forever. I think that's the best way to deal: treat your happiness as if it will last forever, and your despair as if it will pass.

You seem a lot happier, having read your recent posts

And what you said is true.

 

[Gorgrim]

But happiness does pass, and the longer you're happy, the less it feels significant. We need to suffer in order to feel happy. The only way involves transcend both suffering and happiness with wisdom....

The couples that never fight are mentally slayed and dead, they barely feel happiness let alone suffering. They have in no way found 'true happiness' because, such a thing does not exist. Happiness is relative to the Suffering.

Nnormal friends and family, and couples, fight occasionally, it brings them closer together, as opposed to the stranger that you wouldn't start a fight with nor tease, because you don't want to be involved with said stranger. Hence it is said: those you tease you love.

 

[pjoa09]

Ok i am gonna sound very naive..

I thought if I got a girl I'd be happy.
Still gotta know.
Shouldn't it?
Because it gives me temporary freedom from my constantly wandering brain to talk to one.(sometimes it gets to them, and i get a big huh?)

 

[Enne]

That will obviously depend on the girl. : /

 

[pjoa09]

Well who ever she is, if I am infatuated with her, she must've been well overlooked Or if she admires me, then thats gotta be the one. holy i feel so INFP

 

[Quiet&Nerdy]

if anyone figures out the happiness thing gimme a pm in the mean time i will go get high

 

[Enne]

HAHAHAHAHA! DONE!

 

[LAM]

HAHAHAHAHA! DONE!

.......

 

[WorkInProgress]

I'm new so hi everyone.

I've been putting a lot of effort in lately to find some sort of happiness. Recently I decided to start writing down one thing everyday that made me happy, as well as making sure to do one good deed everyday. I'm insanely busy between work and school and though I'm still trying, I'm having a really hard time doing either of these. My plan B actually came to me while I was at work today, and definitely improved my mood. I decided to make a game out of life.

In the game I set daily goals for myself. They can be making a set amount of people smile (or laugh in hard mode), improve myself in some way, talk to at least two pretty girls, etc. If I pass the game that day I can treat myself to whatever I want, and I have to withhold things from myself if I don't. I haven't worked out exactly what my prizes will be, or if I should expand it to weekly or monthly goals, but it's a start. How I see it, if I don't find any fulfillment doing this I'll at least be twice the guy I am now by the time I'm done

 

[Trebuchet]

I've been putting a lot of effort in lately to find some sort of happiness. Recently I decided to start writing down one thing everyday that made me happy, as well as making sure to do one good deed everyday.

This is a really good point. "Counting my blessings" does a great deal for my mood, too. In my case, it is separate from religion, and more of a simple appreciation for the good things in my life. I'm glad this got brought up.

 

[Lobstrich]

The term "Happiness" is very subjective.. For some people hapiness is living and dying alone, eating a pound of tuna each day. For some people hapiness is burning down houses. Or if you are feeling unoriginal hapiness is just having a family, a spouse, and kids.

So if you ask me I think, it's a stupid question.

 

[Moocow]

The first step to finding happiness is to stop listening to what everyone else believes will lead you to it.

 

[Saeros]

There's a theory that happiness is a sign that all of our basic needs a met, ie food, shelter, family/friends (socialization...).

I think that people tend to overestimate how much affect day-to-day events will have on our happiness (lack of affective forcasting). And, as people have mentioned earlier, we tend to "habituate" to the events in our lives (with some exceptions), so when something really good (or bad) happens, it might make us happy (or sad) for a while, but it never lasts (hedonic treadmill.)

"There is some evidence to support that we are all born with a certain 'set-point' of happiness determined by our genes. This is supposed to change only slightly, if at all, as we get older. This contributes towards around 50% of our level of happiness. So if something dramatic happens, for example, you win the lottery or break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, within a year or so (depending on the situation) your happiness level will return to its set point." - http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/what-is-happiness


How should someone seek happiness when we can't accurately caculate how much something will affect our happiness, and if it never lasts very long? should we just abandon our "attempts" at finding happiness and accept that some things are just beyond our control? is there any value in jumping from one happiness inducing stimulus to the next, trying to find the next best thing? the next highest mountain to climb? the next *-st X (to Y)?

 

[WorkInProgress]

is there any value in jumping from one happiness inducing stimulus to the next, trying to find the next best thing? the next highest mountain to climb? the next *-st X (to Y)?

Damn it, I'm gonna try!

 

[Robbaz]

I don't think creative people find contentment very easily. We're always looking for something new to think on or something interesting to learn.

Personally i find contentment in short bursts, usually when listening to a good jazz song or creating a piece of art.

Hi all, I'm new to the forum here. I would have to agree that contentment comes in short, SHORT, bursts for me. I find that the good endorphins are released for me when I come up with good ideas or solutions to problems. But disappointment always comes because I am rarely able to finish projects when I start them. It's when my stupid A.D.D. kicks in, (or at least I call it that), and I move my focus to something else. I rarely feel a sense of accomplishment which adds to a feeling of incompleteness, adding to unhappiness.

My solution that I've found is to have multiple things, (ideas, concepts), that I work on that I can bounce back and forth to. Then I get the freedom of bouncing from one idea to the other while keeping the goal of finishing projects, eventually, and being ok with that "eventually". I just can't let myself get all bummed out when I don't finish a project right away. I just make sure that I jump back into that project eventually. I don't know if that makes sense, but it works for me.

Oh, and music must be added to EVERYTHING. Household/yard stuff, work, school, working on ideas- music pretty much adds happiness or contentment for just about anything. Funny how that works.

 

[intuitivet]

I feel quite happy occasionally, usually around late morning to early afternoon. The evenings always seem to have me feeling down or anxious for some reason and night times are worse.
I don't usually feel contented, only 'quite happy' for short periods of time. I have been very happy a couple of times, but not for long and they were rare moments.
I think to be contented to have to be very accepting and I know I'm not accepting, I want to understand and know and experience, I find it hard to accept not being able to do that.

 

[spoirier]

My main source of happiness is in developing theories, as I could indeed develop a great deal of them: understaning mathematical physics (general relativity since age 16; quantum physics; the tensor algebraic tool in which most physics is expressed, once understood in the right way), the foundations of mathematics (set theory, model theory, universal algebra), philosophical reflections on many subjects, and finding the right way to express a number of things.
However, I'm globally quite depressed, as this world is such a hell for me.
First, I felt very bad long ago because of school: stupid lessons, stupid schoolmates making fun of me. Then, stupid harrassing homework even in mathematics (it seems the imagination of math teachers in the higher math education system I was following in France "classes préparatoires", which officially is for the most talented students, is oriented to how to bother students with the most boring stuff, rather than to anything interesting).

But then what actually made me a depressive zombie in the last 10 years, was that I could still never find love, while I needed it so much.
Long ago, everybody around repeated that I "needed" to follow this stupid school system, as the only way to fulfill my "ambition" to "become" a mathematician, or more precisely to make my living of it (for rawly stupidly financial and administrative obstacles); I would have been the most stupid undefensible person in the world if I dared contradicting this necessary requirement to fulfill my ambition to become what I already was. But this is what destroyed me. All this time I was busy with those troubles (hunting for diplomas, and dedicating my little free time fulfilling my dire need of higher knowledge) and I did not properly socialize with this herd of people around, I missed my chances to find love.

Then, people kept lying to me pretending I'm still "young" as it is the way for them to feel good in front of my suffering. But I knew my situation was quite desperate, and it still is. Then, people pretend it's all my fault (in softer words but it's what they logically mean): I think too much and I'm bad at socializing; it was my choice to follow this school system and have this "ambition" to get such high diplomas; girls don't like "complicated" guys... neither do Christian girls like non-christian guys who dare have "reasons" to not be Christian (how nasty, proud and foolish it is to dare having "reasons" to think another way)...

The truth is that now it's very late, as most of the very few times I find a beautiful girl in my taste (which is only a few times per year, and it's because I often travel and go around universities, otherwise most girls seem not beautiful to me) she is already taken. A few other times she may take my contact and promise to write back but then I get no more news ever. Globally, I'd say my life is so hard it would have been many times worth killing myself, except that I have discovered such a lot of great things to do for the world that I have the duty to keep trying.

But I usually face this dilemma: should I stay at home to work, developing ideas and projects, or should I travel, to try my chance ? Staying at home, I turn out to become more depressive and I can't stay; but theories projects are something constructive, where a progression clearly happens.
Travelling makes me feel a bit better, especially if I can meet and talk with girls, even if they are not the right ones for me; but it turns out to be a waste of time, no progress remain at the end as long as I still did not find the right one.

Sure, my life and my mathematical production could have been much greater, if instead of assisting my learning of maths, the world had helped me find love.

 

[alepov]

NTs going into relationships with NFs

I actually had a very extraverted girlfriend for two years, and even though I always knew we totally don't match whatsoever, she just made me happy.


Also, like others said, I think INTP's generally just get peaks of happiness, never true, "full" happiness.

 

[Double-Think]

I would agree about INTPs getting peaks of happiness instead of the full thing, lol it's the universe fucking with us. It's like "Here you can have this for a second but I'll be bored without it so i'm taking it back" ... like wtf?! *sigh*

 

[asmit127]

This thread is so depressing, is life really this bad? I'm still happy, so it's not impossible even when my theories are still very much in development (that is to say they disprove themselves on a near daily basis) but that just means they need more work.

I think to be contented to have to be very accepting and I know I'm not accepting, I want to understand and know and experience, I find it hard to accept not being able to do that.

This is definitely true. Accept that it's hard and embrace the challenge rather than wasting time and energy thinking about what you'd rather be doing (experiencing) or understanding and instead use it to do/understand. When you're focusing on something that matters there is no time to feel happy or sad, you just are. Then when you meet a happy person you instantly tilt that way rather than dragging them down - unhappiness is a self sustaining downward spiral that's all in your head, if you don't want to be unhappy you don't have to. But then, what would you have to write about...

Sure, my life and my mathematical production could have been much greater, if instead of assisting my learning of maths, the world had helped me find love.

I can relate to everything you said spoirier, except the above quote. Following the academic route because that's what clever people should do isn't great (I did, but not for as long as you have) but it seems you get happiness from it as it's something definite to understand, infact you must to have kept with it so long.

If you are off spending time with a girl how could your maths be better though? As it is you are distracted by your wanting of a lovely lady, but if you had one surely you'd be distracted by wanting to be with her instead of being productive?

Most of what your family says of girls is probably true for most girls but if they don't like who you are they aren't the one for you. We are a strange bunch and I'm impressed that you can find a couple of girls a year who are your type - I've only found 1 possible in the past 9 years so you must be doing something right . When you finish studying and head off into the world of work you'll find people like you who studied "too much" for love and surely in this time of equality some of them will be female? If you're still young enough to be in education you are still young enough to find love, and I'm sure you will. Just be sure that's what you want...

 

[Marbas]

But I usually face this dilemma: should I stay at home to work, developing ideas and projects, or should I travel, to try my chance ? Staying at home, I turn out to become more depressive and I can't stay; but theories projects are something constructive, where a progression clearly happens.
Travelling makes me feel a bit better, especially if I can meet and talk with girls, even if they are not the right ones for me; but it turns out to be a waste of time, no progress remain at the end as long as I still did not find the right one.

Sure, my life and my mathematical production could have been much greater, if instead of assisting my learning of maths, the world had helped me find love.

This was particularly relevant, since as of late I have been absolutely dreading that the scenario Sporier described will come to pass in my life.

Note to self: Socialize on weekends.