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Dealing with a sociopath

LifeLine

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I have a sociopathic bully on my hands. I've been harassed the entire year and have been too shy to do anything about it. This bully is not physically imposing at all, but says very hurtful things. He lies and talks about teachers behind their backs. Anytime I try to defend myself, it just makes the problem even worse.

He teases the autistic kids and even makes people cry. He never feels any guilt about what he does and has no shame (flashing girls). The only time he ever tries to contain himself is when a potential call to his parents (I'm guessing abusive parents) is made.

I have no friends since i'm to shy to defend myself and I'm at the bottom in popularity. As an INTP, how can I stop this guy and his flunkies from harassing me?
 

s0nystyle

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odd that guy sounds alot like me back in highschool :confused: (without the whole flashing part)

and uh... just defend yourself? A nice shove, and a little "FUCK OFF" should be more than enough if the guy doesn't want to get physical. Make the first move, surprise is always a must ;)
 

LifeLine

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I'm often ganged up on and I stutter whenever I speak, making the problem worse for me.
 

s0nystyle

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guess you're out of luck then :(

Try joining the wrestling team to get some badass bodyguards?
 

EditorOne

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Drop an anonymous note to whoever is in charge noting that he's exposing himself to girls. CC it to whoever that person's boss is. If it's to a school principal, copy the school board. The combination pretty much makes it impossible to ignore. Make it specific: On such and such a date he exposed himself to Nancy Brown, Sally Blue and Hortense Green while in the schoolyard/hallway/chemistry laboratory. The more details, the better. Mail it the snail mail way.

That sexual impropriety stuff gets faster attention than bullying in many cases.

You could also surreptiously tape record him bullying the autistic kids and send the tape, again, anonymously, to whoever is in charge. Or however you guys record things these days. Tape is so 1970s, I know.

Use your brain, not your muscles, whenever possible. But really, a self defense course is not out of the question. You don't need to have much in the way of muscles, merely knowing what to do and how to do it will get the job done unless you're going up against a Navy Seal or Royal Marine or something.
 

LifeLine

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Drop an anonymous note to whoever is in charge noting that he's exposing himself to girls. CC it to whoever that person's boss is. If it's to a school principal, copy the school board. The combination pretty much makes it impossible to ignore. Make it specific: On such and such a date he exposed himself to Nancy Brown, Sally Blue and Hortense Green while in the schoolyard/hallway/chemistry laboratory. The more details, the better. Mail it the snail mail way.

That sexual impropriety stuff gets faster attention than bullying in many cases.

You could also surreptiously tape record him bullying the autistic kids and send the tape, again, anonymously, to whoever is in charge. Or however you guys record things these days. Tape is so 1970s, I know.

Use your brain, not your muscles, whenever possible. But really, a self defense course is not out of the question. You don't need to have much in the way of muscles, merely knowing what to do and how to do it will get the job done unless you're going up against a Navy Seal or Royal Marine or something.

Good idea, but that's illegal. ^

What's funny is that I've been sexually harassed too. I'm asked about penis size, how far I can ***** my (you know) and I've had things poked in my butt and been smacked in the butt.

What really upsets me is how he makes an autistic boy's life miserable. Why must people do this?
 

ProxyAmenRa

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Ohh god. You remind me of me when I was 14 years old; shy, stuttering when nervous, no friends (did not feel the need). At the first high school I attended I was harassed verbally about a wide range of topics it had varying detrimental effects.

My family moved from a large city to small country town. First day a new school I had my ass handed to me and pretty much after that for 6 months I was regularly beaten. On a magical day I snapped and had a subsequent personality change. I became confident and quite charismatic. This created a power shift in the school environment.

One thing which probably has more detrimental effects than any amount of harassment was that my best friend was a psychopath. He was misery epitomized. The guilt of what I saw him do to people never fades. However, I have learned much about people by studying him.

What you must do is not take shit from people. Even if it is an act and even if you fail, people will respect you for it. Or you could just change schools.

Sociopaths have the fetish of power and control because they believe that is how you survive in this world. It determines their identity and self worth. To do this most efficiently they choose the weakest targets such as the autistic boy and the stuttering loner. In order to mitigate the situation you must assert power and control over yourself and thus, project this to the external environment. An interesting way to go about it is for you to subject him to acts which would prove you power, control and assertiveness but I don't recommend it.

Just somehow project that your in control or his actions do not effect you. If they don't affect you he does not control you.
 

Jaico

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I think what EditorOne suggested is a good idea - try and bring it to people higher up if he won't listen to reason. I've had to put up with someone like that (although admittedly, not as bad) before, and it was a pain in the ass. The only other thing that I could say is to either just ignore him, or talk with the other people that he's bullying, and try to persuade them to do something about it - if there's enough complaints, your teacher/principal has to do something about it. And, really...although it sounds like being a coward, sometimes the best thing to do is to just ignore their behaviour. If you keep reacting/get phased by it, it'll encourage him to be even more of a douchebag...so just ignore him to the best of your abilities. Hope your situation gets better, Lifeline.
 

EditorOne

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Taping a conversation without the other person's knowledge is illegal in Pennsylvania. It's quite legal in most other states, don't know about other countries. But that's not what's going on here. Tape it in a public place like the hallway of the school. Heck, record it on your phone camera or something.

You are, in any event, attempting to anonymously provide information to the proper authorities that they've got a problem. It's not like they're going to confront him with the tape and he's going to say "Aha! That's Illegal!" They're going to haul his sorry butt into an office and tell him they have reason to believe he's been bullying autistic kids and what does he have to say about it.... they're on notice he's trouble, he's on notice he's been noticed, he'll either stop or he'll find himself caught because of the increase in awareness among the responsible adults or whatever.

I'm a little behind the times. Isn't everyone told these days to respond to bullies by shouting very loudly stuff like "I saw what you did and I don't like it. It's bullying." To draw attention to it? Or something along those lines? As opposed to the good old days where you caught the guy behind the football bleachers with a stout oak stick across his knees?

If he's been sexually harassing you, it's your choice to take it up the chain of command. A real hassle, nobody likes to be a snitch, but nobody is required to be a victim, either.

You either get the proper authorities clued in or you get yourself an oak stick and a couple of friends. Putting up with it forever is just not an option for an INTP, the clash between what you know is right and what you see happening every day will make your hair hurt and your brain explode.
 

Jah

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My little brother used to get bullied, (myself as well, though I never really handled it well, ended up roughing up one of the bullies, and getting subsequent death-threats from some Iranian friend of his. (who later hanged himself, but that's another story)) and his way of handling it was to always be willing to go two steps further, physically. Making those that teased him unwilling to actually do so at the threat of violence. Mind you it is not necessarily a good way to handle it.

Karate always helps.


On another note, the bully is clearly a troubled person, with little self-esteem and lots of uncertainty around himself. Which is always the case.
 

Vrecknidj

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EditorOne is giving good advice, I think. I would probably go with a letter myself, and not a tape recording, but that's me.

Dave
 

onthewindowstand

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If you use a baseball bat and beat him down he will never screw with u again. When I was in 8th grade my neighbor told me to just beat someone down so all fear you. It works.
 

Cognisant

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Nooo *facepalm of shame* don't attack people.
And if you do, don't use a weapon, it sets an awful precedent.

I really shouldn't be telling you this but, grab things, twist them.
Most people don't have a high pain tolerance, so if you grab a finger or two and start twisting them in ways they're not supposed to go the bully in question will do whatever he can to make the pain stop, and if you're clever about it you can transition from one joint to the next, effectively making him your puppet.

But this is a really vindictive way of fighting, you've got to have the mentality for it.
Also unless you’re talented, you’re going to take a few hits, be mentally prepared.
 

s0nystyle

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Step 1: Shove (make him lose his balance)
Step 2: throw a hook (hopefully when hes trying to get you back for shoving him)
Step 3: proceed to kick ass (he's unlikely to regain his balance fast so if he does go for you, his punches wont have the full weight of his body behind them)
Step 4: PROFIT

This way it wont look like you're a coward for throwing a cheap shot since he's already recoiling to punch you back (granted you still have the advantage ;)).

PS: Street justice is the only kind that bully's understand :slashnew:
 

EditorOne

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The oak club suggestion was figurative.

Don't ask me how I know this stuff, but:

1. Harden your heart. Banish the P for a minute and summon up all the J you can.
2. Throw something at his face, hard, a serious distraction. A book, a set of car keys, something that will hurt.
3. Close and go for his eyes or his crotch when he moves to avert the thrown object. A simultaneous move.
4. Grab ahold hard and don't let up until he stops moving.

Gunslinger Creed from The Dark Tower series:

"I do not aim with my eye;
He who aims with his eye has forgotten the face of his father.
I aim with my hand.
I do not shoot with my hand;
He who shoots with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.
I shoot with my mind.

I do not kill with my gun;
He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father.
I kill with my heart"

It is truth in the sense that success in these kinds of physical confrontations often goes to the one with the strongest resolve, the one who has made up his mind and, key thing, whose resolve is obvious.

But it's all so heavy and stupid and melodramatic that I can barely stand writing about it. Just use your mind and send a letter and let the people whose job it is to prevent this kind of thing do their job.
 

Anthile

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If you use a baseball bat and beat him down he will never screw with u again. When I was in 8th grade my neighbor told me to just beat someone down so all fear you. It works.



That's a horrible idea. Even a weak person can seriously harm someone. I don't think LifeLine wants to go to prison just because of a school bully.
 

Melkor

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This thread is an embarassment.
 

Red Devil

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I'm surprised at some of the suggestions. Trust me, beating or attacking them would be a BAD idea. It could get a whole lot worse. You should report them to the authorities like EditorOne has suggested.
 

bovinity

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Why does he interact with you to begin with? Try to limit your interaction with this person; if he's in class with you, try to switch into a different one. If you sit with him at lunch, move to another table. He can't bully you if you aren't there to bully.

If interaction with him is unavoidable, treat him coldly. Don't laugh at his jokes. When he asks you stupid questions, give him a disgusted look, look away, and don't answer. Don't initiate contact with him for any reason.

It might take a little while for him to back off, but if you do it right he'll get bored and move on to someone else because he's not getting what he wants out of you. If it persists and you still can't do anything about it, report him for stalking/harassment/whatever.
 

Jesin

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Drop an anonymous note to whoever is in charge noting that he's exposing himself to girls. CC it to whoever that person's boss is. If it's to a school principal, copy the school board. The combination pretty much makes it impossible to ignore. Make it specific: On such and such a date he exposed himself to Nancy Brown, Sally Blue and Hortense Green while in the schoolyard/hallway/chemistry laboratory. The more details, the better. Mail it the snail mail way.

That sexual impropriety stuff gets faster attention than bullying in many cases.

This ^ looks like the best idea on this thread, you should probably do this.
 

Philosophyking87

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If you use a baseball bat and beat him down he will never screw with u again. When I was in 8th grade my neighbor told me to just beat someone down so all fear you. It works.

hahaha you must have a terrifying presence. 6'1, athletic, with a bat? ouch
 

LifeLine

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Taping a conversation without the other person's knowledge is illegal in Pennsylvania. It's quite legal in most other states, don't know about other countries. But that's not what's going on here. Tape it in a public place like the hallway of the school. Heck, record it on your phone camera or something.

You are, in any event, attempting to anonymously provide information to the proper authorities that they've got a problem. It's not like they're going to confront him with the tape and he's going to say "Aha! That's Illegal!" They're going to haul his sorry butt into an office and tell him they have reason to believe he's been bullying autistic kids and what does he have to say about it.... they're on notice he's trouble, he's on notice he's been noticed, he'll either stop or he'll find himself caught because of the increase in awareness among the responsible adults or whatever.

I'm a little behind the times. Isn't everyone told these days to respond to bullies by shouting very loudly stuff like "I saw what you did and I don't like it. It's bullying." To draw attention to it? Or something along those lines? As opposed to the good old days where you caught the guy behind the football bleachers with a stout oak stick across his knees?

If he's been sexually harassing you, it's your choice to take it up the chain of command. A real hassle, nobody likes to be a snitch, but nobody is required to be a victim, either.

You either get the proper authorities clued in or you get yourself an oak stick and a couple of friends. Putting up with it forever is just not an option for an INTP, the clash between what you know is right and what you see happening every day will make your hair hurt and your brain explode.


I think I'm gonna take your advice. Thanks a bunch.

Oh. What kind of baseball bat should I use? Wood or aluminum?
 

onthewindowstand

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Aluminum all the way. The wooden one might leave splinters but it lacks the sheer force of the aluminum. haha
 

EditorOne

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The baseball bat was someone else's idea. What I had in mind was a four-foot whippy piece of oak about as big around as your thumb. Stings like the devil.

Baseball bats are made of ash, anyway. :)

Send the letter.

And please, we get enough loose ends around here, let us know How It All Turns Out.
 

Philosophyking87

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I like how the OP's avatar is a completely emo picture of Kurt Cobain.
It makes the situation of being bullied all the more hysterical, for me at least.
Like... it looks like Kurt's gonna cry with his puppy dog face.
 

RedLoki

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He attacks you because he knows you're weak. You don't defend yourself either because you don't care about yourself enough or you can't (but you can). He isn't physically harming you, all he uses is words as weapons. So use words to direct his fire back at him. You actually have the ability to control the situation and redirect it as an INTP, but you lack the willpower and direction to do so (the E and J). You MUST care about yourself, you MUST be confident in yourself. Don't look at him with fear, look at him knowing you are better than him because you KNOW you are. Whenever he says something that belittles you, redirect it at him, deflect it, change the topic, just do something. Force yourself to be present minded with self worth and you can find the best redirection or insults. If he makes fun of something you're wearing, what is he? the fashion police? He asks how big you dick is, why does he care? If he's interested in anal, maybe he should go out to the local jail sometime. He flashes girls, but do they like it? I doubt it, so make fun of him for it. Is he trying to impress them? Trying to impress girls for attention is being a tool.

Think of it as a game of attack and defend with words, but you aren't even defending. He's uses you as a punching bag, training himself for people that actually care about themselves. Don't let him do that.
 

Marbas

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If interaction with him is unavoidable, treat him coldly. Don't laugh at his jokes. When he asks you stupid questions, give him a disgusted look, look away, and don't answer. Don't initiate contact with him for any reason.

For the love of god, this. Do this. Seriously. Bullies get bored if you don't react.
 

drachenchen

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I think that Editor 1's ideas are the best thing to start with. They are, however, a little naive if the bully in question is truly a sociopath. Some bullies will look for paybacks if you out them, especially if it's to officials that want to just smooth things over and avoid the problem. If you do this, make DAMNED SURE that you follow through with the multiple, documented, multi-tier approach. That gives you the best chance to actually get some action on the problem.

I was bullied through most of my school years. In my junior year of high school, I started learning how to stick-fight in armor. As soon as that became known, the bullying stopped. It was not necessary for me to actually beat anybody like a harp seal; all that was needed was for them to know that I could. Do not take the advice to actually beat him with a club. That is far more legal trouble than you could possibly want. Do not confuse the All-American revenge fantasy with the truth. That being said...

When I was in my twenties, I had a roommate that had problems with an adult bully in our neighborhood. My roommate had a junk car. Before we called up the wrecker to tow it, we took turns shredding on it with medieval edged weapons. Word got around. The bully stopped even making eye contact with my roommate. When we moved to a different house, we did the same thing with a junk refrigerator. Months later, word got back to us that the local street gang feared us. I'll admit, street gangs back in my youth weren't half as serious as they are nowadays, but still... Let weirdness and tacit threats work in your favor. Bullies fear what they don't understand, or haven't experienced. Public displays that you maybe might be a dangerous monkey will grow in the telling. You shouldn't have to directly threaten anybody. Let their fearful imagination work on them.

Now, as to the verbal harassment, I understand that the stuttering would make the usual give and take really one-sided, so don't go verbal. Go written. Find some written outlet where word could get around. Study satire, humorous metaphor, dramatic irony; learn how to use words. See if poetry works for you, or rap. The journalist Hunter S. Thompson avoided a few complications with police simply by telling them who he was. That's because nobody wants someone with a sharp wit to pillory them in public. Nobody. As the slam poet Larry Francis once put it: DON'T MAKE ME WRITE A POEM ABOUT YOU!

Good luck to you. Again, start with Editor 1's suggestions. Just try to make sure you have a backup plan or three. Eschew revenge, and remember that your opponent is, in the final analysis, a pathetic creature. Defeat him and his allies as gently as you can. Either he will change his ways, or life will beat him to death, slowly. A few years ago I saw one of the demons of my youth, and he was then a fat wino, belly distended high from a hardening liver. It struck me then, how one hard punch to the belly would probably send him straight into hepatic failure, but he was failing just fine without me. All the demons of my youth had their own demons, and they have been eaten up. Concentrate on improving your own life, instead. Get past this and move on as quickly as you can, and don't look back. The best revenge really IS living well.;)
 

snafupants

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Posts sixteen to twenty inclusive had me in stitches. Patiently and soberly reading the thread word for word and then arriving at that one-two punch, too much. The listless Cobain picture adjacent to the comment was what killed me.
 

Agent of Chaos

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EditorOnes ideas are great and I would recommend them first and if all else fails do something totally unexpected and very creative (Photoshop is a wonderful tool, just think about the possibilities). :evil:
 

vash22

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Ohh god. You remind me of me when I was 14 years old; shy, stuttering when nervous, no friends (did not feel the need). At the first high school I attended I was harassed verbally about a wide range of topics it had varying detrimental effects.

My family moved from a large city to small country town. First day a new school I had my ass handed to me and pretty much after that for 6 months I was regularly beaten. On a magical day I snapped and had a subsequent personality change. I became confident and quite charismatic. This created a power shift in the school environment.

One thing which probably has more detrimental effects than any amount of harassment was that my best friend was a psychopath. He was misery epitomized. The guilt of what I saw him do to people never fades. However, I have learned much about people by studying him.

Odd. We both seem to have had the exact same experience. Everything from the moving to a small town from a big city, the excessive bullying, the psychopathic evil "friend", to finally snapping and changing dramatically into a stronger person. I figure that is what happens to most kids who are bullied. They are either "damaged", or overcome their situation and become a much stronger person. Unfortunetly, i think far to many end up damaged by the years of abuse, but such is life.
 

LAM

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Power of ego is final when dealing with bullies. Seriously, my outward ego is pretty damn strong and I didn't have a single person daring to do anything to me. Even when some tough guy/thug/lad accidentally misunderstood someone and thought I had said something bad about him, he didn't even try to speak about it with me... Its as if a strong ego stops them i their tracks, and even cools of anger. And having at least an outward ego helps socialising soooo much. Truly, it was one of my best ideas to develop my ego ;) .
 

DarkGreen

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>:} call out to the teacher in class what exactly he's doing when exactly he's doing it, no matter how many death glares you get. if he looks at you sideways, 'what are you looking at you little shit?' if you cause a big enough rumpus and swear to jeebus you won't stop till he does someone will HAVE to take notice. ahahahaha join the school paper and run articles on bullying or what a dick he is. become his personal paparazzi. snap a picture of his deviancy and post it everywhere in the school. stick jockstraps in his locker label them 'from your boyfriend'. get the jocks to beat him up by telling them that the bully was the one who stole the jockstraps. get friends, use them as a mob you associate with but especially make sure they back you up when you hate on dickface. email his parents about what he does every day. :beatyou:



all this was a joke which took a minute of your life away. think of it, one minute of your life, is now mine.
 
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