The INTPf High Court of Justice

[JimJambones]

Congratulations, JamJambones! You have been confirmed as a juror.

Most excellent. *ahem* ..."Upon extensive review of all irrelevant evidence, I, the juror(trial by juror), hereby finds the defendant(s) guilty on all accounts. The sentence is pending, following a brief recess of Scotch, dancing girls, and an intense session of hatha yoga. The defendant may petition a motion for the court to drink Brandy instead of Scotch, or for the court to do pilates instead of yoga, but the dancing girls are nonnegotiable. Keep in mind these motions will have no effect on the outcome of your sentence, but will have an exaggerated effect on our ability to form complete ones. "

 

[Jennywocky]

Ah, the solution dawns on me.

suicide/genocide=sui/geno
=>ius/nego

This symbolises that the law is over all negotiations.

From now on, all settlements, including those involving attempted suicide and/or genocide, are punishable for contempt.

QED.

But anyway, whatever you say is right in my eyes, darling girl.

Hmmm. Contempt is good.
Especially after we kill them.

... might I ask when dancing girls began to be employed by the court?
I hope we have considered to employ a troupe that is diverse, ethnically and otherwise.

 

[TimeAsylums]

Hmmm. might I ask when dancing girls began to be employed by the court?
.

You may not. However, since it is out there, we have always had them, we just had to temporarily suspend them because of budget cuts, however we now have much more funding from tax payers and what not!

 

[JimJambones]

Hmmm. Contempt is good.


... might I ask when dancing girls began to be employed by the court?
I hope we have considered to employ a troupe that is diverse, ethnically and otherwise.

Inmates! Work for cheap, very diverse.

 

[QuickTwist]

If you believe life isn't worth living you can go kill yourself and that is fine with me, however, if you are under the impression that YOUR life in particular is just to painful for you to continue on, I will gladly assist you in your demise to further this line of thinking. After all no one cares more about your life than you. Either that or I will try to cheer you up with negative thoughts of the afterlife and how much better your life is now that what it will be if you commit suicide.

P.S. Coors light goes down fast. (Oh good I still got some left.)

 

[TheScornedReflex]

If you believe life isn't worth living you can go kill yourself and that is fine with me, however, if you are under the impression that YOUR life in particular is just to painful for you to continue on, I will gladly assist you in your demise to further this line of thinking. After all no one cares more about your life than you. Either that or I will try to cheer you up with negative thoughts of the afterlife and how much better your life is now that what it will be if you commit suicide.

P.S. Coors light goes down fast. (Oh good I still got some left.)

OBJECTION!!!

*Kicks QT in the nuts, muttering something about a peertie mouth*

 

[TimeAsylums]

OBJECTION!!!

*Kicks QT in the nuts

He's going to need the Coors after that one.
*mutters something about "Twelve Angry Men" to the other jurors.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

P.S. Coors light goes down fast. (Oh good I still got some left.)

I hereby file suit against QuickTwist for having terrible taste in beer, which is a blatant affront to all of humanity.

 

[Jennywocky]

I hereby file suit against QuickTwist for having terrible taste in beer, which is a blatant affront to all of humanity.

Guilty! And the sentence is
DEATH!!!!

I mean... uh.... CONTEMPT!!!!!


--------------------------

EDIT: Wait, that's just for assisted suicide/genocide.

THE DEATH SENTENCE IS REINSTATED!!!! Yeah baby.

 

[QuickTwist]

what is the court's opinion on assisted suicide/genocide?

OBJECTION!!!

*Kicks QT in the nuts, muttering something about a peertie mouth*

*Blocks kick with shin says "I hope you know how to fall" steps in and does Ippon Seio Nage just because I can.*

In my defense I would have gotten Grey Goose if it was up to me. The person who wanted to get the beer originally wanted Bud Light (they were paying for it). While I agree Coors is no where near the top shelf, I made a true statement saying it goes down fast. If I am going to choose the beer I drink I would get something like Blue Moon or Summit.

 

[TimeAsylums]

no no no let him keep drinking the cheap stuff,

don't we need another test subject for the death chamber?

I mean you can't assume it works just because it worked once...

 

[Jennywocky]

The Court kindly requests that you enter the Grey Goose into the evidence locker.

For safe-keeping 'n all.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

*Blocks kick with shin says "I hope you know how to fall" steps in and does Ippon Seio Nage just because I can.*

*Steps in and counters with Tani Otoshi, then grounds and pounds away *

Never assume you are the only one that knows how to fight, yo. Else you get Ninja'd .

*Glances at the twitching mush of QT's head*

My bad...

 

[QuickTwist]

*While opponent tries to counter with Tani Otoshi (Ooo, fancy, could back fire) steps back, steps forward, pull-push while taking a couple hops and lands in side mount*

We could do this forever but why would we want to.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

*While opponent tries to counter with Tani Otoshi (Ooo, fancy, could back fire) steps back, steps forward, pull-push while taking a couple hops and lands in side mount*

We could do this forever but why would we want to.

Nope, you got beat. By a ninja . You never saw it coming .

Aaand I think you have been sentenced..

 

[walfin]

I hereby file suit against QuickTwist for having terrible taste in beer, which is a blatant affront to all of humanity.

Congratulations! By filing this suit, you have become the third poster who's not in the previous suit, and the last juror!

TheScornedReflex v QuickTwist

Now, one juror has already given his verdict without hearing the evidence (but never mind that). So let's hear all the evidence and all the verdicts at the same time!

Guilty! And the sentence is
DEATH!!!!

I mean... uh.... CONTEMPT!!!!!


--------------------------

EDIT: Wait, that's just for assisted suicide/genocide.

THE DEATH SENTENCE IS REINSTATED!!!! Yeah baby.

Death to which one? Or both? Or more?

 

[QuickTwist]

I refuse to be put on the defensive. While our attitudes are similar, you could sum up all TSR's arguments to be "I am better than you," without any explanation as to why that is true. My arguments have depth and sophistication and to fully understand my reasoning, it takes much more understanding into why I am saying what I am saying.

TSR generally talks on a superficial level. They don't care what is at stake and have no regard for the consequences. I believe I don't misrepresent what I say by giving an explanation (however brief it may be) but instead use my communication to be taken into context and that the people involved in the communication should be aware what I say is open to interpretation so as to not hinder the meaning or idea that I am trying to communicate.

This communication style of TSR's is quite distant from the desired depth and character that this court deserves. They are non-explanatory and simple in appearance at best. I understand that this approach is a bit simplified but in essence it is true and true.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

I refuse to be put on the defensive. While our attitudes are similar, you could sum up all TSR's arguments to be "I am better than you," without any explanation as to why that is true. My arguments have depth and sophistication and to fully understand my reasoning, it takes much more understanding into why I am saying what I am saying.

TSR generally talks on a superficial level. They don't care what is at stake and have no regard for the consequences. I believe I don't misrepresent what I say by giving an explanation (however brief it may be) but instead use my communication to be taken into context and that the people involved in the communication should be aware what I say is open to interpretation so as to not hinder the meaning or idea that I am trying to communicate.

This communication style of TSR's is quite distant from the desired depth and character that this court deserves. They are non-explanatory and simple in appearance at best. I understand that this approach is a bit simplified but in essence it is true and true.

.... But I am better. And your argument is stupid.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

TheScornedReflex v QuickTwist

In the case of QuickTwist vs cats (represented by Animekitty who has in turn been supplanted by TSR) we find the defendant innocent on the grounds that the plaintiff failed to differentiate between domesticated and feral felines, which violates the anti-discrimination section of the Animal Welfare Act of 1966. The plaintiff also failed to provide justification or reasoning for the prohibition of "excessive" pussy. Additionally, we find the feline's countersuit justified, having discovered that accusations of the plaintiff running an illegal cat pelt underwear smuggling ring are true. In fact, I'm wearing a pair purchased from the plaintiff right now.

QuickTwist, your dreams of legalizing pussy persecution and capitalizing on the profits through your infrastructural headstart have been dashed.



The jury recommends sentencing to the chokey with 3 cats more than 3 kittenkaboodles locked inside as well, so that they might gnaw upon his flesh and pursue divine redemption.




Now, while I'm at it, I might as well present my case regarding the suit alleging unlawful taste in beer (I'm pre-recording it ):

While the defendant may attempt to skirt proceedings based on the perceived context of his statement, the fact of the matter remains that not only has he consumed an inferior product, he admittedly and shamelessly cavorts with others who do the same, and attempts to pass the blame on to financial hardship. The problem is that we know his tale of financial hardship to be a myth, having been found guilty of laundering millions of dollars obtained by selling cat fur underwear on the black market.

The truth is that the defendant, in addition to running an illegal pussycat underwear ring, is also part of an elite cabaal selling poorly dyed carbonated water under the guise of a Rocky Mountain brewed beverage with 4.2% alcohol content. The phrase "Oh good I still got some left," albeit made with poor grammatical correctness, was made to serve as a sublimnal advertisement for this foul-tasting, yellow, watery liquid in a can. In fact, upon investigation by the forum gestapo, it was discovered that the defendant was in fact drinking a Guinness Extra Stout from a Coors Light can (the only way one could possibly survive drinking from such a container), thus perpetuating his disingenuous monetary scheme. It's high time the defendant be held responsible for his nefarious ways!

 

[Jennywocky]

Death to which one? Or both? Or more?

YES!


I mean, if a little death is a good thing, isn't more death even better? Why limit things unnecessarily, as the pertinent case studies show? (RE: Hitler vs Rest of World, 1945)

 

[TheScornedReflex]

YES!


I mean, if a little death is a good thing, isn't more death even better? Why limit things unnecessarily, as the pertinent case studies show? (RE: Hitler vs Rest of World, 1945)

Wooooooooo! We must both be killed! Hahahahahahahahaha, look at you suckers still forced to live. Life is too long to live. We may as well die now.

 

[QuickTwist]

In the case of QuickTwist vs cats (represented by Animekitty who has in turn been supplanted by TSR) we find the defendant innocent on the grounds that the plaintiff failed to differentiate between domesticated and feral felines, which violates the anti-discrimination section of the Animal Welfare Act of 1966. The plaintiff also failed to provide justification or reasoning for the prohibition of "excessive" pussy. Additionally, we find the feline's countersuit justified, having discovered that accusations of the plaintiff running an illegal cat pelt underwear smuggling ring are true. In fact, I'm wearing a pair purchased from the plaintiff right now.

QuickTwist, your dreams of legalizing pussy persecution and capitalizing on the profits through your infrastructural headstart have been dashed.



The jury recommends sentencing to the chokey with 3 cats more than 3 kittenkaboodles locked inside as well, so that they might gnaw upon his flesh and pursue divine redemption.




Now, while I'm at it, I might as well present my case regarding the suit alleging unlawful taste in beer (I'm pre-recording it ):

First off I see no evidence that there is a law that you have to get drunk a certain way only that it is suggested to get intoxicated when looking at the human perspective.

If you are going to lock me in a room with a bunch of cats you will end up with a bunch of dead cats. Either that or they will see me as the dominant male and will be unwilling to challenge me. You make it seem as though I don't know how to deal with animals, well let me tell you, I know how to deal with cats . The trick is to show no fear. Being aware of their curiosity and predator like instincts in the way they use hierarchy doesn't hurt either.

Also I believe that you are just making up a fictional depiction of me being a smuggler of felines and making them into underwear. Such an idea repulses me and I think you are also making up the story that you got your feline underwear from me or my people. You probably got them from some Russian not me. The truth is, the only use cats have is for the entertainment of watching them suffer because they have such a lazy attitude toward life in general. I will show them the meaning of indiscretion and make them wish they had understood the foundation of what it means to show no fear.

YES!


I mean, if a little death is a good thing, isn't more death even better? Why limit things unnecessarily, as the pertinent case studies show? (RE: Hitler vs Rest of World, 1945)

You cannot kill what you do not know. In this case it is the idea that killing is known to you and that you have an understanding of what it means to bring destruction. Simply relying on another thing to bring the demise of what you consider to be non-essential is not understanding what it means to destroy something. I only kill what is meant to be dead because I understand that killing something peruses a purpose in the nature of what is justifiable and what is non-essential.

 

[QuickTwist]

Why do people love drama so much?

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

First off I see no evidence that there is a law that you have to get drunk a certain way only that it is suggested to get intoxicated when looking at the human perspective.

Here, we have irrefutable proof that the defendant is not human. Humans simply cannot become intoxicated by drinking yellow carbonated water. But he does...

If you are going to lock me in a room with a bunch of cats you will end up with a bunch of dead cats.

See! He further reveals his pussy persecuting ways! It uh.. would sure be a shame if... those cats were infested with say... toxoplasmosis.

Either that or they will see me as the dominant male and will be unwilling to challenge me. You make it seem as though I don't know how to deal with animals, well let me tell you, I know how to deal with cats . The trick is to show no fear. Being aware of their curiosity and predator like instincts in the way they use hierarchy doesn't hurt either.

Cats. Psychologically manipulated; living in fear under the guise of "submitting to dominance." Cats. Waiting for that dreadful day when they too, will be thrown into a burlap sack and taken to the dark backyard storage shed, like tens of thousands of their brothers, sisters, cousins... where... the only thing that leaves... in the dark of night... are garbage bags of furry underwear that smell of the tortured souls of what were once living, purring creatures.

​

Also I believe that you are just making up a fictional depiction of me being a smuggler of felines and making them into underwear. Such an idea repulses me and I think you are also making up the story that you got your feline underwear from me or my people. You probably got them from some Russian not me.

Making it up? Laughable. If the statement in red were true, you wouldn't think so, you'd know so. I present as evidence to the rest of the jury, my receipt:

as well as a photo of me wearing the illicit merchandise:

The truth is, the only use cats have is for the entertainment of watching them suffer because they have such a lazy attitude toward life in general. I will show them the meaning of indiscretion and make them wish they had understood the foundation of what it means to show no fear.

Such vicious hatred for the pussycats! Please detain this monster!

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Why do people love drama so much?

Killing cats and drinking terrible beer sort of invites it, dontcha think?

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Where is the judge to stop this deplorable being from his crimes against all pussydom?!?

 

[BigApplePi]

Wait a minute. I just passed by this thread again and want to know if this treatment of cats is legal. If you are going to deal in cat fur, no sense in wasting the meow? Looks like there is a black market in this thing?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSMCRD35ch4

 

[walfin]

TimeAsylums, your verdict? The jury is split. One finds for the plaintiff, the other for the defendant. Which will it be?

*cue ominous music*

*no actually I like the meow rap better*

 

[walfin]

It's been a few days with no decision, and so:

*drum roll*

let's live it up for our very first....

Congratulations to all our jurors!



Well hung, I say, well hung.

 

[Jennywocky]

He doesn't look that well hung to me.

(And I've seen my share of hung juries before.)

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Wait for me!!!

*Hangs himself, but the rope snaps*

Why do I fail at death? WHY??!

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

I once tried to hang a jury but the judge made me cut them down and apologize.

I hate judges.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Well hung, I say, well hung.

He doesn't look that well hung to me.

 

[Jennywocky]

It's not my fault! You should have let that argument dangle longer so that I could cross-examine it properly, and then maybe I would have been convinced!

 

[walfin]

*beams beatifically around at the audience*

Such vibrancy! The verdict must've been a good one.

And oh, I've got a funky new operating system icon! It's a blue '?' in a circle.

*GASP*

You, sir, are guilty of a deplorable lack of imagination.

Lock him up with Storyteller Tom, the Cat of Nine Tales.

And this arose in the previous proceedings.

Have we got a case here?

I hate judges.

Else, we can always have a good ol' contempt case.