INTPs and Stress

[Nicola Jane]

How do INTPs deal with stress? My SO is an INTP and I find he becomes massively withdrawn. As an INFJ I do this myself but INTPs just seem to stop caring about anything other than the thing they are stressed about. WIth my boyfriend it is usualyl something academic, or understanding something. The level of detachment can be quite difficult to deal with for me actually! How would you say you would prefer it to be dealt with/ I just tend to not talk to him until he comes to me....

 

[merzbau]

generally i try to isolate myself from the issue until i can force myself to mentally work through it. emotions take the longest to get over, and if there's a person causing those emotions i'll want to limit my input from them, until i have settled it, usually by reminding myself of the bigger picture.

 

[Miss Led]

My Husband is an INTJ and I also retreat when feeling stressed about something. I think the best thing to do is to acknowledge that they seem stressed.

"Is something bothering you?"

They will say yes or no...depending on their type..I am very straightfoward and say yes, but I don't want to talk. I say there is a lot on my mind.

Ask if there is anything you can do to help, and if they say no, just let them know that if they need anything to let you know. Then just get out of the way and try not to take it the stressful brooding too personally

 

[uth]

I try either withdraw and ignore the problem, or if a deadline is approaching, tackle it head on. But I don't let too many things stress me out, which drives the people around me nuts "how can you stay so calm?"

 

[Trebuchet]

I withdraw and obsess about it. I really do have a hard time thinking about anything else. Mind you, I don't think this is a good way to deal with stress. How nice it would be to be able to let things go!

My INTJ husband is really good at helping, since he is a great listener and usually has wise insights to share. I just have to let him know when I don't want advice, since he wants to solve all problems.

 

[Minuend]

I withdraw as well. It's difficult to concentrate when there is a problem that needs to be solved. I try to think of ways to reduce the stress, or figure out what's actually causing it. Sometimes I feel bad and don't even know why. It can take weeks before I know what's bothering me. So, yes, emotions can be tricky.

My friends notice that I talk less (or not at all), but they don't see that I'm anxious. Apparently I seem quite relaxed. But then again, I try to hide my discomfort.

If the person are able to understand me, talking helps. But some of my traits are .. different.. from my friends' and they can't relate. Making it difficult to share. Sometimes I prefer to think about ways to solve it myself. My friend with whom I usually share my thoughts is a feeling sensor. She is intelligent and her introverted nature makes us good friends. But there is also some things she doesn't seem to understand.

 

[stcecilia]

When I'm feeling anxious or stressed, I go to great lengths to get away from people. Part of the reason is that talking about it doesn't help, and the other part is that emotions are a private thing for me and I don't want them on display to the world. But it does help to know someone cares, so long as they're respectful of the distance I need. For me personally, there's nothing anyone can do except wait it out. I like to sort things out on my own, even if I'm totally overwhelmed.

 

[mfratt]

I'm not one who is quick to stress, but when something does manage to stress me out, I usually try to think about it logically. What is the problem? How do I deal with it? Whats the worst that can happen? How would I deal with that? So on..

Generally, stress doesn't make much sense to me. I try my hardest to live with the attitude that "it is what it is" and go from there.

 

[Causeless]

The "littleness" or "bigness" of situations is often not what stresses me out at all I find. One of my biggest troubles is when I can't quite figure out how I should feel or respond in the wake of a stimulus, regardless of the magnitude of the situation.

Sometimes, I can deal with a very large issue completely and effectively, with others wondering how the hell I did it. Then, other times, I can sit for days on end conflicted sick over how could have better reacted to a situation I literally had NO control over, or spend a week every so often hating myself because I can remember every legal card in the MTG database, but couldn't remember the promise I made to take my (Now ex) girlfriend to the park.

 

[Ermine]

I tend to withdraw more than usual and obsess over whatever is causing my stress. I also tend to exaggerate things and accidentally blow up/break down on people if I'm not careful. Nothing personal. They were just unlucky enough to be nearby.

 

[EditorOne]

Sometimes the best thing for an INTP to do is simply drop it and wait. I've learned some things solve themselves and other things cease to matter. Patience is difficult, but a valuable thing to cultivate.

What I have to do to put stressful things out of my mind in order to sleep: Read. Physical exhaustion is also good. But reading is best. If I clutter my mind with a billion other ideas for the ones nagging me like buzzing bluebottle flies I can usually drift off. True despair for me is a stressful situation and not a book in the house I haven't already read, and the library is closed.

 

[Anling]

I'm another withdraw and brood type. I do try to leave problems alone for a bit so that I can gain some perspective on them. But I usually cannot leave sources of stress alone for very long. For somethings I still haven't managed to figure out I have gone through several cycles of dropping it and picking it back up. My solutions often involve taking a nap and dealing with it once I've gotten the anxiety/frustration out of my system.

Emotional problems require brooding untill I figure it out or at least get a handle on it. Then and only then will I share if I feel it necessary.

I don't usually get stressed by things. I can usually take things in stride. But when it does happen I need alone time to work through it. Nothing is more frustrating than well meaning people who insist on trying to help or cheer me up when all I need is for them to go away for a while and then I'll be fine. It's like that boss who comes to check on your progress every half hour preventing you from actually getting anything done.

 

[anonymous]

I yell at people

 

[Vrecknidj]

Sometimes the best thing for an INTP to do is simply drop it and wait. I've learned some things solve themselves and other things cease to matter. Patience is difficult, but a valuable thing to cultivate.

I agree. I keep books of crossword puzzles, Sudoku puzzles, things to read, etc., next to my bed. Failing that, my wife is a night owl and I can usually impose upon her to listen to me talk though things for a little while. But, patience is tremendously useful (when it's possible to implement).

What I have to do to put stressful things out of my mind in order to sleep: Read. Physical exhaustion is also good. But reading is best. If I clutter my mind with a billion other ideas for the ones nagging me like buzzing bluebottle flies I can usually drift off. True despair for me is a stressful situation and not a book in the house I haven't already read, and the library is closed.

I have found this about myself. I am a problem solver, I think most INTPs are. I tend to try to find solutions, even when there aren't any. Sometimes, of course, the problem is a feeling issue and not a thinking issue, and no amount of thinking will solve the problem. For the most part, I've learned to tell the difference. I find that feeling issues to be akin to digestive issues--if you mess with them, things get worse, if you leave them alone, even if they give you pain, they pass.

So, see if your SO is having trouble separating solvable from unsolvable problems. I have learned that when I'm over-thinking an unsolvable problem, I can solve a crossword or something and I get the sense of accomplishing something and that sense acts as a surrogate for the need to solve a problem, and then I can get to sleep. And, like a computer, sleep seems to serve as a reboot for me, and I wake up with my operating system afresh. (Usually.)

Dave