What 'hurts' you?

[BronzeBlue]

Hi! This is my first post here and I'm not exactly sure if this is where it's supposed to go. Let me know if it needs to be moved or deleted/ you can move or delete it (since I don't know who is in charge or if I need to do it myself).

I was reading some things about inferior functions and how these can be pinpointed by seeing what your sensitive spots are. For example, an inferior Se type may feel hurt by being called lazy. In the same bit of writing, it said that inferior Feeling types become hurt or defensive when accused of having no feeings/emotions. Is this true for you? What does hurt you/makes you defensive?

 

[GreenMan]

It hurts me that people don't seem to 'know me', and even worse, they think they do and seem like they misunderstand who I am on a monstrous level.

This is a ninja.

It really hurts to realize that 'who I am' is monumental to 'me', but of no importance to others.

 

[Rixus]

There is only one way I know to actually hurt my feelings. I have to care what you think. I know people say this - and I don't know how true it is for them, but it's true for me. If you are not in that small and elite circle of people I care about, I don't value your opinion enough for you to be able to. However, if I grant that ability, I become much more sensitive to your opinions. Break that trust and prove me wrong for giving you that power - and I'll tear that oxytocin bond out.

 

[HDINTP]

There is only one way I know to actually hurt my feelings. I have to care what you think. I know people say this - and I don't know how true it is for them, but it's true for me. If you are not in that small and elite circle of people I care about, I don't value your opinion enough for you to be able to. However, if I grant that ability, I become much more sensitive to your opinions. Break that trust and prove me wrong for giving you that power - and I'll tear that oxytocin bond out.

Have you ever considered you are an INTJ?

 

[Rixus]

Have you ever considered you are an INTJ?

Not really. I realise that might be construed as a typically INTJ thing to say, but I think it's one of the few of their traits I have. Other than that, I'm pretty sure I'm either INTP or a repressed ENTP. INTP seems far more likely to me. Anyway, I don't think anybody fits entirely into one box and everyone seems to have a few traits of their adjacent types.

 

[HDINTP]

Not really. I realise that might be construed as a typically INTJ thing to say, but I think it's one of the few of their traits I have. Other than that, I'm pretty sure I'm either INTP or a repressed ENTP. INTP seems far more likely to me. Anyway, I don't think anybody fits entirely into one box and everyone seems to have a few traits of their adjacent types.

Yes you are right nobody fits entirely it's just that you really strike me as one... And I have to admit I find it "funilly exciting"

 

[Jennywocky]

I usually get hurt most when someone accuses me of being something [negative] that I am not. It's like (1) they thought the worst of me and (2) they don't actually know me although I might have thought they did and (3) so much for trying to engage further. It's probably some baggage from childhood too -- my dad used to do that shit to me (accuse me of trying to lie or scam him when I wasn't lying and was being honest), so it still can be a sore spot.

I don't like being called stupid or uncreative either, but in general I've enough healthy ego by now to have a fair sense of myself, so it's more a matter of whether I agree with the assessment.

 

[TheManBeyond]

people trying to stop me in my artistic interests because of my age

 

[Reluctantly]

Being misrepresented.

 

[crippli]

The state of being rejected.

 

[nanook]

Being closed out is the second most deadly injury for any social animal. The first is execution.

Yeah, so what accusation makes us feel like we have the least chance to defend against?

What activates fight or flight mode most efficiently?

 

[Shieru]

@nanook - the pain of rejection makes sense in an evolutionary context, doesn't it? i think fear of being outcast or not having a place in 'the tribe' underlies so many neurotic fixations. anxiety and depression are at record highs, it's no wonder in this society of purpose where children must earn their parent's/teacher's approval through deeds. grades are often considered a statement about worth of character, and we are ranked in comparison to each other.

as for what hurts - i think, there's one thing that still gets to me to some extent. if someone i look up to and trust rejects me, especially by comparing me to others and/or replacing me with someone else who they see as 'better', that hurts. there's something especially vexing about being considered disposable/replaceable. like Jenny mentioned, i think it may bother me as it does because of childhood trauma.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

In the same bit of writing, it said that inferior Feeling types become hurt or defensive when accused of having no feeings/emotions. Is this true for you? What does hurt you/makes you defensive?

i think it's funny when people claim i'm emotionless.

it hurts me if i realize that someone i care about doesn't care about or like me as much as i do for them.
it hurts when people think i'm being selfish in scenarios where i genuinely am trying to help others but just am doing it poorly.
it hurts when i stub my toe.

 

[BronzeBlue]

Interesting. I wasn't sure how valid the mini explanations were when I read them. They made sense in a way, but I wanted to test the assumptions by asking directly and comparing.

Would you say inferior Fe can make you (appear) more sensitive sometimes? For example, mis- or over-interpreting certain behaviours/face expressions etc.? And in turn overreacting or reacting inappropriately to a perceived slight?

 

[Minuend]

A bit of a tricky question, I'd say. I think I need to respect the person in question, and hold it in high esteem. But even then I wont automatically trust its judgment of me and I can lose respect for someone an instant where I'm not really that hurt either.

I guess one of the things would be, if I have a genuine and honest connection with someone, and they interpret my actions or what I say extremely negative when I had positive intentions. It shows they don't know me and assume the worst of me, when I've been trying to understand them and do or say things because I wanted good things for them. And even if I actually mess up along the way, not being given the benefit of the doubt sucks.

 

[Rixus]

@nanook - the pain of rejection makes sense in an evolutionary context, doesn't it? i think fear of being outcast or not having a place in 'the tribe' underlies so many neurotic fixations. anxiety and depression are at record highs, it's no wonder in this society of purpose where children must earn their parent's/teacher's approval through deeds. grades are often considered a statement about worth of character, and we are ranked in comparison to each other.

as for what hurts - i think, there's one thing that still gets to me to some extent. if someone i look up to and trust rejects me, especially by comparing me to others and/or replacing me with someone else who they see as 'better', that hurts. there's something especially vexing about being considered disposable/replaceable. like Jenny mentioned, i think it may bother me as it does because of childhood trauma.

I think most of the sensitivities mentioned here can come down to that principle. Humans are essentially pack animals - and the image of the lone wolf, however inspiring and romantic, isn't real. We are strongest in the pack and in the wild would stand little chance of survival alone.

Most people here seem to have experienced rejection from social packs, so this insecurity is accentuated in a different way to most. Most people will follow fashion, trends and common attitudes to fit in but most of us are different enough that we can't seem to get away with this.

For you, it's when you try to establish your purpose within the group using the skills you feel people appreciate most and the insecurity is that this purpose will be surpassed by another more qualified. For me, it's that I'm so used to it I don't bother to try for acceptance and automatically expect rejection. And what actually hurts is when acceptance is found and subsequently taken (or rather, I find out it wasn't real and I was just being used for a purpose and discarded - so I suppose it isn't any different to you).

For Jenny, and some of the others, the fear of being misunderstood and facing rejection because of it. It all comes down to us feeling different to other people - and not automatically being accepted as part of the pack like we see other people.

(Also - it's a lot easier to enter the circle of people who's opinion matters, as I put I, than I make out.)

 

[Happy]

The only thing that really hurts me is my anguish over my own (perceived) failures. I'm never good enough in my own eyes, despite what others see - it keeps me striving though. Outside that, I'm virtually invincible - oh, apart from bullets.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I tend to hurt myself more than anything or anyone else could. Close to what Happy says, but not exact.

 

[redbaron]

religion is gross and its existence is cancer

dat hurts

 

[JR_IsP]

It's funny when someone calls you too quiet or emotionless (in fact, I rater prefer to not be seen and being cold... that's how you can get away from "bad" friends (sensors-feelers-judgers-everyone else))...

But...

It actually hurts when your inferior Fe makes you "love" your friends too much than them, so being refected, maybe for a stupid reason, by a person you depply cared about it's... awkward. But anyway, that only forges more the iron of my social armour, so I may end with one or two deep friends and unable to being socially hurt if I get used to rejection.

Yeah, cold, right?

 

[zerkalo]

rejection and ridicule

 

[kora]

Being a disappointment.

 

[40winks]

Baseless arguments stemming from emotion, rather than facts.
Anyone who impedes my introvert time.

 

[40winks]

religion is gross and its existence is cancer

dat hurts

not so fast, it keeps a lot of the layman civilized.

 

[pjoa09]

getting old and morals.

 

[washti]

when my father was on respirator unconcious for two weeks and fought for live, religious group he love and belong (and I hated and left) came to my home and yelled on me - that me being atheist is cause of my father state. Because I should went to their religius gathering and watched out for my father if he doesn't overeat, so he didnt get such a severe diabetic complications.

when my art history teacher ordered classmates to vote the grade i should receive in third year of high school.
This lady was my favourite person.I had great time on this class. Somehow its still hurts even after nine years. So sentimental.
people.

 

[Reluctantly]

Being a consumer, a functional member of society, another person molding themselves to its vision in order to succeed. It *does* hurt. And it feels sick.

 

[zerkalo]

Being a consumer, a functional member of society, another person molding themselves to its vision in order to succeed. It *does* hurt. And it feels sick.

same

 

[redbaron]

Being a consumer, a functional member of society, another person molding themselves to its vision in order to succeed. It *does* hurt. And it feels sick.

ye

but the only way to change the system is from within. being born in the system makes you dead inside, and the only way to not feel dead inside is to carve out an anti-system system inside the dead inside system to make yourself not dead inside

ooooOOoooOoOoOoOooo

 

[TheManBeyond]

Summer hurts
When a person who used to be close to you. Like really close dissapears suddenly from ur life without an explanation
My salary hurts

 

[Reluctantly]

ye

but the only way to change the system is from within. being born in the system makes you dead inside, and the only way to not feel dead inside is to carve out an anti-system system inside the dead inside system to make yourself not dead inside

ooooOOoooOoOoOoOooo

sounds like a paradox.

 

[washti]

only when you impose your shit on others.

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

It hurts me when women reject me. It's like someone stabs me with a little knife. I cannot take it anymore. My ego.. it bleeds...

That's why I went MGTOW.

Spoiler

I'm joking

 

[Cognisant]

When people intentionally lie to me, hurt me or make false accusations, I'm pretty thick skinned and everybody makes mistakes but when someone's intentionally out to get me the forgiving & understanding side of me switches off.

For example if someone annoys me (irl) I will be very patient with them, but the moment I realise they're intentionally annoying me I take offence and I will not tolerate them on principle.

Interestingly this means I often get along with complete assholes as long as they're assholes to everyone whereas I have little tolerance for nice people who I can tell are only being nice because they want something.

 

[Reluctantly]

It hurts me when women reject me. It's like someone stabs me with a little knife. I cannot take it anymore. My ego.. it bleeds...

That's why I went MGTOW.

Spoiler

I'm joking

$$$

Would you like to pay credit or cash?

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

$$$

Would you like to pay credit or cash?

I would never

Spoiler

...use a credit card for that

 

[Minute Squirrel]

The weight of my mediocrity and lost potential.
The fact that I'm uninteresting and seem to piss people off as a consequence of being.
Hangnails.

 

[0neKiwi]

I'm not quite sure how to define hurt. Therefore, I cannot give a good answer.
If you define it as a feeling of sadness in reaction to something, then just about everything hurts me to some degree in some span of time. Also, as a feeling of sadness, does this not depend on how acutely you can detect it? Is it not possible to be subconsciously hurt?

This is confusing. This is hurting my brain.

______
Also, what's the point of this? I cannot comprehend why you would want to know what hurts certain people who are incognito. Are you trying to use this as a sample size to see what hurts INTPs the most? In that case, this would not work because the "survey" would be largely biased and therefore unusable.

 

[cppcoder]

I don't really care when I am accused of having no emotions. I hate being called lazy, but I feel more pissed off than hurt when that happens. I think the only time I really feel hurt is when I discover that someone who I thought was a good person has negative traits. I don't care if it's a small thing, I don't expect them to be perfect, but if it isn't, like if that person has been having an affair with his wife's sister or something, it really gets to me.

 

[QuickTwist]

@nanook - the pain of rejection makes sense in an evolutionary context, doesn't it? i think fear of being outcast or not having a place in 'the tribe' underlies so many neurotic fixations. anxiety and depression are at record highs, it's no wonder in this society of purpose where children must earn their parent's/teacher's approval through deeds. grades are often considered a statement about worth of character, and we are ranked in comparison to each other.

as for what hurts - i think, there's one thing that still gets to me to some extent. if someone i look up to and trust rejects me, especially by comparing me to others and/or replacing me with someone else who they see as 'better', that hurts. there's something especially vexing about being considered disposable/replaceable. like Jenny mentioned, i think it may bother me as it does because of childhood trauma.

E1 confirmed.

On topic.

I don't really get "hurt"??? Not very often at least. I kinda fried my trust sensor so its hard to actually hurt me. That said, I do get upset if I feel someone is being an asshole to me on purpose. Generally when people think they are better than me that doesn't sit well with me.


https://youtu.be/KR4DjYczINM

 

[cezette]

I am hurt when I am disrespected. This hurt, of course, turns into anger & a mocking superiority.

 

[YOLOisonlyprinciple]

Weekends. And Evenings.

I hate time which is not distracted by work..


Basically, i feel hurt cos other people have a life (which they like) to go back to...

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

It hurts me to interact with all the stupidity out there.

Does this mean I consider myself to be a genius or something? Well, yes, but I think being a genius just comes down to valuing the right ideas.

 

[DoIMustHaveAnUsername?]

Nothing, anymore.

 

[Green]

I was in a car with a group of people I had just met once. I was doing what I typically do which is listen and stare out of the window. One of the guys said to me "hey man, is something wrong?" and I reply, "no im fine, why?" and he responded "you just so sad right now."

I think about this story sometimes and then think about why it would matter so much to me. Should bend my face to be more socially acceptable? Is it detrimental to my social life to just be quiet? I think to a degree, contributing is helpful. I think im just a quiet person but that doesnt mean I want to be isolated.

I was listening to bill burr's MMPC and he really, really lost his temper telling a story with an inconvenience he had to suffer. I think hes an NF because so many of his narratives are about justice in some way. "it should be this way" maybe even Si since he talks about the past a looot.

Anyhow, i felt discomfort listening to that podcast. I dont think thats a specific intp thing, but I generally get discomfort around angry people because they just seem like short fuses to me and those can result in an explosion. I dont wanna get blasted man.


lol i dont like being made to feel like an outcast but i also dont like being concerned about whether or not im an outcast. super fun.

 

[Green]

It hurts me to interact with all the stupidity out there.

Does this mean I consider myself to be a genius or something? Well, yes, but I think being a genius just comes down to valuing the right ideas.

"when i was young, i used to think i was the smartest person around. Then I grew up and realized I was right"

 

[des]

I am hurt when my effort is rejected when people judge my competency based on my scatter-brained way of speaking, my idea is considered dumb when I don't explain very well, and my concern for learning and doing some random stuffs is considered unimportant because people don't get how it's connected in my mind.

Oh, I also feel hurt and disrespected when my job that requires a certain kind of expertise is given to someone else.

 

[Aviator8]

Being a consumer, a functional member of society, another person molding themselves to its vision in order to succeed. It *does* hurt. And it feels sick.

But what hurts more is to realize that you've just wasted your quiet voice trying to fit in, and now, not only did no one hear you, but your throat burns, you fell sick and rejected, and you have no more social energy to use when its still 9 am. Fuge. You're now more worthless than ever. Good job idiot. (My voice gets so little use that ten minutes of yelling, or an hour of conversation is all it can take befor my throat gets scratchy and inflamed and whatnot.)

 

[RunForWord]

Hi! This is my first post here and I'm not exactly sure if this is where it's supposed to go. Let me know if it needs to be moved or deleted/ you can move or delete it (since I don't know who is in charge or if I need to do it myself).

I was reading some things about inferior functions and how these can be pinpointed by seeing what your sensitive spots are. For example, an inferior Se type may feel hurt by being called lazy. In the same bit of writing, it said that inferior Feeling types become hurt or defensive when accused of having no feeings/emotions. Is this true for you? What does hurt you/makes you defensive?

not ever having a real girlfriend so I'm working on that

 

[Cleopatra Selene II]

I feel hurt when:
-family dies (mom, grandmother, aunts and uncles, pets)
-friends move away or start ignoring me
-lately I lost close friends because I found out they were just acting like my friend because they had a crush on me and they were thinking I would eventually date them
-am rejected
-no one listens to me
-I am considered to be stupid
-am misunderstood

I am an INTP so my inferior function is Fe. I never had a problem though with being hurt from being called heartless (I really never cared). I actually think INTPs have more of a problem with/fear of rejection.