Uh. Hi. New Here. Long Time Reader, First Time Poster.

[NoID10ts]

Hi.

This website looks vaguely familiar, but I don't think I've ever posted here before. Anyway, this will probably be my only post because it's hard to type and masturbate at the same time. I'm masturbating right now. I'm at work, too. I work at the snack bar at the movie theater. My boss is giving me the strangest look. I think it's because I'm not supposed to be on the internet at work.

Anyway, I like long walks in the sewer and puppies with hot sauce and relish on them and I used to sell pocket lint part time before I changed over to pubic pillows.

I love Jesus. I'm looking at his holy and miraculous visage right now, swirling in butter at the bottom of my popcorn/jizz bucket.

My boss is coming over here, so I have to go now. He's waving his arms and saying this isn't that kind of theater, whatever that means.

Oh man ... I need some paper towels.

Anyway. Hi. Bye.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

May you find interesting and enlightening >.> discussion here.

Or at least helpful material

 

[NoID10ts]

Thanks.

And Damn. I just got fired. For the record, they never gave me a list of appropriate/inappropriate uses for movie theater pickles.

 

[Cognisant]

Yaaay.

*dances in the noddyocalypse*

 

[Minuend]

How odd, I suddenly got this chilling feeling down my spine ending in a loud, long shriek.

 

[NoID10ts]

Have I met you people before? This feels like that time, when I was twenty three, and I woke up with some woman's breast in my mouth. I didn't know who she was and I was confused until I realized it was just my mom breast feeding me. That was weird.

Saaaaay ... which one of you would like to put a breast in my mouth?

 

[Roran]

Welcome back.

 

[Minuend]

Have I met you people before?

I don't think so as such terrible encounter would leave us no other choice but to rip our nails out and cut our wrists with them.

 

[NoID10ts]

I understand. There are some encounters that are just too unbearable to sit through.

I once chewed through my tongue to put a stop to a rather bizarre cunnilingus incident. I went down on a woman who was with child, the anti-Christ to be exact, and that little fucker bit me from within the womb and wouldn't let go.

 

[Fukyo]

 

[NoID10ts]

^ Ooooh, that's lovely! ^

But where's the dildo?

 

[Cognisant]

The expression doesn't give it away?

 

[The Gopher]

How odd, I suddenly got this chilling feeling down my spine ending in a loud, long shriek.

Terribly sorry about that, I'll make sure it doesn't happen again.

 

[Kuu]

Saaaaay ... which one of you would like to put a breast in my mouth?

*goes ahead*

 

[Da Blob]

Pfft!

 

[NoID10ts]

*goes ahead*

Om, nom nom.

Pfft!

I've decided that this is the sound of your zipper going down as you prepare to masturbate. From now on, when I see this, I will know you are masturbating.

(and "Bah Humbug!" is what you say when you can't complete the task)

 

[Jennywocky]

Wow, what a perv.

...You'll fit right in here.

 

[Melkor]

I'm not even going to bother replying!

 

[NoID10ts]

I'm not even going to bother replying!

You must be referring to the PM I sent you. You know, once you get used to it, it doesn't hurt as much as you might think. The shoe horn and local anesthetic are the key.

 

[Agent Intellect]

As a forum elder, it's customary for new people to allow themselves to be molested and fondled by me. I require that you dress up like a sexy Santa Claus and have your scrotum pierced 6 times (I'm very anal about this exact number of piercings, pun intended). Also, as a forum elder, I have the skin, body hair, and saggy breasts of a neglected elderly woman.

 

[NoID10ts]

As a forum elder, it's customary for new people to allow themselves to be molested and fondled by me. I require that you dress up like a sexy Santa Claus and have your scrotum pierced 6 times (I'm very anal about this exact number of piercings, pun intended). Also, as a forum elder, I have the skin, body hair, and saggy breasts of a neglected elderly woman.

Wait ... a ... minute ...

Mom? Is that you?

 

[Agent Intellect]

Wait ... a ... minute ...

Mom? Is that you?

Yes, it's me. Now grab me a smoke and come breast feed, these things are getting sore.

 

[Puffy]

*observes*

pfft!

 

[NoID10ts]

Yes, it's me. Now grab me a smoke and come breast feed, these things are getting sore.

Oh no! I choked on those garden hoses you call nipples last time. I mean really ... I can floss my bowels with them by pulling the end of one out of my ass and wiggling my head back and forth.

*observes*

pfft!

Put that thing away!

BTW, I think Blob masturbation goes like this ...

pfft!

Hmmmm.

Bah Humbug!

So it Goes.

pfft!

(rinse and repeat)

(My keen knowledge of Blobisms betrays my claim that I'm new here, doesn't it?)

 

[Agent Intellect]

Oh no! I choked on those garden hoses you call nipples last time. I mean really ... I can floss my bowels with them by pulling the end of one out of my ass and wiggling my head back and forth.

We can try inserting it through the other end so that the tip is in the oral cavity and the "milk" can drain into your mouth.

Put that thing away!

BTW, I think Blob masturbation goes like this ...

pfft!

Hmmmm.

Bah Humbug!

So it Goes.

pfft!

(rinse and repeat)

The rinse part only happens if the Bah Humbug part doesn't.

(My keen knowledge of Blobisms betrays my claim that I'm new here, doesn't it?)

I thought Blobisms were as widespread as American obesity, and equally as sexy.

 

[NoID10ts]

We can try inserting it through the other end so that the tip is in the oral cavity and the "milk" can drain into your mouth.

Ok. Okay. As long as the milk isn't lumpy this time.

The rinse part only happens if the Bah Humbug part doesn't.

Oh yeah.

 

[Puffy]

Bah humbug.

I can't masturbate to this!

 

[Agent Intellect]

Ok. Okay. As long as the milk isn't lumpy this time.

You used to love the lumps. What's wrong with my lumps?

Bah humbug.

I can't masturbate to this!

That's your problem, because I'm hard as long division right now.

 

[NoID10ts]

You used to love the lumps. What's wrong with my lumps?

It's cancer. I don't want to catch your cancer.

 

[Agent Intellect]

It's cancer. I don't want to catch your cancer.

My cancer milk has 12 essential vitamins and minerals including antioxidants vitamin Q, Y, and &. The FDA told me those things aren't things so they can't regulate it, which is as good as their approval to me.

 

[Da Blob]

Well, I was about to say, I'm glad to see you A. I., but in this context that could be misinterpreted - speaking of which...

... ummmm
... (?)
... !
...!!!
... lol