I've never lost anybody close to me before. I lost my grandad when I was 16, and that really sucked at the time - but youknow, I was 16 and he was old (ish), and life goes on. I lost my dad when I was 19-20 (?) , that really really sucked. But we were slightly estranged - and he wasn't an integral part of my life. My mom has nearly died a handful of times, and that has sucked the life out of me - but alas she's here.
My aunty on the other hand has a very special place in my heart. My mom's an alcoholic, guilty of childhood neglect, and emotional abuse - my aunty bless her, always done her best to try asnd compensate, to fill the void.
Ever since I was little, she'd come and take me out on all sort's adventure's with my older cousin, who's only two months older than me... And ever since I've been of age, she's been the fun aunt who'd always want to smoke a joint, or take me out to the pub. She was he wild card, the black sheep of the family, the rebel Irish chick who had 5 kids to 3 different black men aha.
She called me up the other month and told me to get my arse into gear, put some slap on and meet her up Digbeth; she'd come into some money, and we were going to 'tear up the town'. We crawled through the majority of the pubs, by 3am she was really rather drunk and so I decided to take her to sub-way so that we could eat and try to soak up the booze. I ordered us coffee's and foot-longs, but by the time I had finished at the counter she was snoring on the table. I allowed her to catch some zzz's whilst I ate, you could never shut her up whilst she was awake, so I was taking advantage of the peace.
A workman walked in from his station on the road works outside, and in typical fashion she soon shot up - merry as ever, and quick with her banter and flirtation.
Ohh, the memories. I've been the most emotional out of the family, bar my cousin; her daughter, naturally (and her younger son's). None of the cousins had the same relationship with her as me, out of 25+ of them.
Most my aunts and uncle's managed to arrive in time to say goodbye, bar my uncle & aunt in Belfast. I don't think they understand how close me and my aunt were. We often met up separate to the rest of the family.
I'm really pissed off with myself for being so anti-social these last few months. I stood up all the family events over Christmas & New Year, and I ignored 70% of my aunts contact attempts. The only thing I take solace in is that fact that we did speak the other week, on the phone. She said she loved me, and I her. As we always did.
I feel robbed. and hurt. she was only 46, she's the baby of their generation. My mom has been and will be seriously ill. My aunt was my rock during these periods, and now I don't know what I'm going to do without her.
Needed to get that out.
