~The Melkor BIRTHDAY club~

[Melkor]

Now, today we stretch the definition of a club!

What is a club boys and girls?

Hands up now, and no pushing!

Yes, you there, little girl!

"a somewhat thick and hefty stick used primarily as a weapon!"


Well, thats right little girl! And quite true to the spirit of this *club*, but not, unfortunately, the answer we were looking for!

The Melkor club does not tolerate failure, please step inside the red circle and wait for the blades to fall.

Anyone else?

Aha! You! The woman with the butterfly hat, Australian accent and an assortment of Melkor merchandise!

"YAYAYYAYAYAYYAY! MELKOR! Ahemmm *curtises*
A club, in it's most simpliest terms, is essentially an association of people with a common interest, gathered together to further explore and enjoy that interest!"

Aha! Yes! Well done young lady!
You win some time in the *special* chamber (wink-wink), but later-later!

Of course! And what, you might ask, is the common interest of this club?
*someone nods*

YOU!

YES YOU!

The Melkor club does not tolerate intrusive behaviour and free thought! Please step into the red...oh...right...uh..it's being cleaned...the yellow square then, and wait for the acid.

Well!

The common interests are, Melkor, Chaos, subversion, violence, and raw sexuality, though not necessarily in that order, and no category is excluded from branching into another.

Yes!

The glorious Melkor club is now accepting members!

Lets see, we'll need a set of rules, a spare chairman to organise the chairs ,someone to organise the orgies meetings, a treasurer, to adore me of course, and we'll need someone strong and daring to run the *ahem* Gymnastic and sports divisions *cough*, and finally a gunrunner supplier to provide the Gymnastics and sports division with equipment.

Well, which one of ya fluffy gits is up to it?
(Also, we need a banner and theme song, any ideas?)

 

[Anthile]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

That seems like a sound idea, except for the parts that involve any kinds of Melkors.

 

[Cognisant]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

So if I join the Melkor club, the club about Melkor and nothing/nobody else, then when there's a orgy meeting, am I necessitated by the nature of the club to only fuck converse with the afore mentioned subject, Melkor.

Do we all fuck converse with the Melkor at once?

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Ahem, no, I told you, I am only one aspect (albeit the best aspect) of the this tragically wonderful club, and while we will have an occassional insult and maim Melkor Tuesday, you will not be required to approach my designated circle unless asked or forced to.

So Cognisant, do we have a place for you in this grand old establishment?

 

[Cognisant]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

I'll be the curator of ancient club-related history.

I.e. I'll do nothing and be pompous about it.

 

[Fukyo]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

A banner? I'm sorry, I had to do it.

Spoiler

 

[BigApplePi]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Since I am an unqualified excluded member of this so-called "club" I cleaned up this song just to annoy from the outside:

YouTube- Dorothy Collins - Tweedle-Dee - Feb. 26, 1955

Give it up Melkor or else.

 

[Cavallier]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Hey! I've been looking for this.

*stuffs a big apple in a boars mouth and roasts the boar gently over a bonfire*

I'll run the gutting gymnastics and mayhem sports division.

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*Beams in Cava's direction* Thats the spirit g'el! Now, we just need a self'disrespecting and mad character to do the runs, and a estranged O.C.D person to arrange the chairs. Where's Lor when you need her!?

*Gets Cog a badge saying Pompous Prickster*

 

[Crazythinker1]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Hot damn, A Melkor club!!!! May I respectfully request to be the official executioner. Or if that position is taken, the position of assistant curator of ancient club-related history?

*holds a battle axe over melkors head and grins*

Please?!?!

 

[BigApplePi]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Hot damn, A Melkor club!!!! May I respectfully request to be the official executioner. Or if that position is taken, the position of assistant curator of ancient club-related history?

*holds a battle axe over melkors head and grins*

Please?!?!

You can be the official executioner. It's a high honor. Almost as high as one of the less high-minded around here. Please carry out your duty on the first member who dares to defy the honored one. As for me I refuse to be a member of a club that will not have me. I resign in a fit of peak.

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Dearest Apple, while we reject you thoroughly, know that we love you entirely.

And er... Crazy, you can be the guy that stands next to me and beheads people when my general body langague suggests that I wish such a thing to happen

 

[Cognisant]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

And er... Crazy, you can be the guy that stands next to me and beheads people when my general body langague suggests that I wish such a thing to happen

Except for Melkor himself of course, despite however twitchy he may be.

 

[BigApplePi]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

And er... Crazy, you can be the guy that stands next to me and beheads people when my general body langague suggests that I wish such a thing to happen

It's always nice to know that when you stand next to Melkor it's that much easier to advance and get a-head. Therefore even if you can't stand Melkor, it pays to stand next to him whether or not you can stand up to him.

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Ah, Rev. Carroll would be so proud of you dear Apple, as I am, only he is very much a cherished historic figure and I am very much alive.

I suppose this should go in my signature

 

[Minuend]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

I want to be the creepy, silent girl in the corner who is willing to inflict violence and chaos on request.... and good pay. I could use some flowers in my torture chamber. I suppose I should feed my slaves occasionally as well. Sigh.

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Very well Minuend, but only if you answer to 'Minnie' and pay the occassional tribute to Melkor by being extroverted for half a minute or making a daisy-chain laced with anthrax.

Asides from that, you may eat what you like, read what you like, sing and or listen to what you like and do whosoever (though not what) you like.

 

[Minuend]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

I would prefer being called Ancient Queen of Sweet Torture and Pain Occasionally Inflicting Chaos (AQSTPOIC), but whatever. Fortunately, I make my own anthrax. My substance is blue, so that people will recognize my evil:


Also, I believe you need a recruiter. Someone who looks delicious enough to lure people in range so that they can be shot with hookshots. Oh, and you need hookshotshooters.

 

[Cognisant]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Suemi-masen.

*gets everyone's attention for a moment for the sake of being pompous and irrelevant*

Carry on.

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*Kicks Cog in the crotch and continues writing plans for feeding small children to lygers*

uh..., yes, whatever Minnie..wait!

HOOKSHOTS!?

HAWTDAMN! I'M IN!

 

[Cognisant]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

OOOooOOoOoOOOohhhh, that's the spot.

...

And to think this post will remain on the net until perhaps a hundered years from now when some historian writing my biography happens upon it, what a way to be remembered.

 

[loveofreason]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

I want to be OreSama's biographer - I don't know who this Melkor person is.

 

[Minuend]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*Shoots lor with hookshot*

Yes!! Got one!

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Hey!hey!

No maiming the ladies, puh-lease!

At least maim the snide and sarky curator of ancient club history!

Look at him!

Wriggling his buttocks in our direction!

After him!

Let us give something for the next curator of ancient club history to talk about!

 

[Cognisant]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

You can't stop me, I'm a Time Lord!

*runs off into the historical exhibits whilst humming the Dr Who theme*

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*Threatens to get a new actor to play Cogs role*

Ahem.

*sees no reponse*

VERY WELL THEN!

*Threatens to get a new actor to play Cogs role, *and* ensure that Cog has the most dreadful and camp script to die and then regenerate by*




Intimidated yet?

 

[Cognisant]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*the new actor shows*

Hi everybody, it is I, Cognisant from the future!
Wooooo fuuutuurrreee.

Oh and while I'm here, present Cog, don't do it, it may seem like a good idea at the time but trust me, Just. Don't. Do. It.
You'll know what I'm talking about when the time comes.

Present Cog ->

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*Runs over to Cog*

Cog!

I need you to sign this document supporting the transhumanist uprising!

Doing so will allow me to launch a full attack on all that is modern and ethical, thus paving the way forward!

You'd better do it soon!

 

[Cognisant]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*reads document carefully, then signs it*

Yes, we must make way for the amoral post-modern future.

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Haha!

Fool!

You did not listen to your future self!

Now I am able to destory everything!

To destroy all that is modern is to destroy the present, to destroy all that is ethical is destroy everything which is not modern, and thus, the past, the future is excluded as it has not occurred!

By destroying the past and the present, I decimate the future!

Nothing exists anymore!

All because of you!

Transhumanism? Try Transextinction!

 

[Cognisant]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Future Cog: I told you.

Present Cog: Oh shut up, you did exactly the same thing and gave me exactly the same warning as the Cog before you did just for the satisfaction of saying "I told you so".

Future Cog: Don't judge me, you're about to do just that yourself aren’t you?

Present Cog: ...Yeah

*present Cog hops into future Cog's time machine, promptly disappearing, so that only future Cog remains, effectively making him the Cognisant of the present*

Y'know, I have no idea where that time machine came from...

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Hrm, two Cogs are boring, but three Cogs, two drunk and the third drugged..Now that *would* be interesting!



Oh, and where is my chief executioner!?

 

[Minuend]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Hey!hey!

No maiming the ladies, puh-lease!

AWwwwwwww =(

*shoots ore with hookshot*

Damn! I missed! Oh well, at least I got his hat.



*tries to look pompous*

 

[Cognisant]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Everyone steals my hats

 

[BigApplePi]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

I refuse to listen to these sequiturs and non-sequiturs. Therefore I'm plugging my ears until Melkor allows me to become a member of this club so I can resign in disgrace.

 

[Crazythinker1]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*emerges from his corner office flanked by his glowing eyed rottweilers*

You rang my lord?

*bows slightly, never taking his eyes off melkor*

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*flinches*

Quit looking at me..it makes me squirmy..

Look!

*points at Bigapplepi*

He's a traitor!

Do something violent!

 

[Cognisant]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*steals hat back*

 

[BigApplePi]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Everyone steals my hats

By "everyone" you include Melkor? I knew he was guilty. He owns this club.
Thief! Stop thief!

 

[Crazythinker1]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*nods*

*snaps fingers and points at BAP. the dogs leap and tear him to little bloody shreds and eat his internal organs*

*continues to stare at melkor*

Anyone else?

 

[BigApplePi]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*flinches*

Quit looking at me..it makes me squirmy..

Look!

*points at Bigapplepi*

He's a traitor!

Do something violent!

That's a morality issue. There is nothing wrong with being a traitor. Anyone can take sides, but that's a side issue.

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

As a matter of fact, treachery to the local government is punishable by law in the majority of modern countries.
Punishments range from imprisonment to drive by shootings courtesy of someone NOT, I SAY NOT, in any form of contact with that government. NOT.

This is Intpforum> I am Melkor> Local government is under my control> I AM THE LAW.

So start running BITCH.

 

[BigApplePi]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

As a matter of fact, treachery to the local government is punishable by law in the majority of modern countries.
Punishments range from imprisonment to drive by shootings courtesy of someone NOT, I SAY NOT, in any form of contact with that government. NOT.

This is Intpforum> I am Melkor> Local government is under my control> I AM THE LAW.

So start running BITCH.

Punishments such as drive-by-shootings, trip wires, occasional blasts, quicksandings and random chokings imply grave responsibility. One of your crazythinking flock is hanging loose and out of control. What is being done to guide him? Has he been to church lately? I demand an accounting and a recount.

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

I am afraid you misunderstand the situation sir.

Regardless of where it is situated, I hold the responsibility, and dear Crazy.T, well, he's just a minion you see, a tool, and like all tools, he has no skills alone.

I assure you, while he may take little care when hacking you to peices and stuffing you down a drain, I will be responsible for any outcome that emerges other than negative ones.

I'm that sortof man.

 

[BigApplePi]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

I am afraid you misunderstand the situation sir.

Regardless of where it is situated, I hold the responsibility, and dear Crazy.T, well, he's just a minion you see, a tool, and like all tools, he has no skills alone.

I assure you, while he may take little care when hacking you to peices and stuffing you down a drain, I will be responsible for any outcome that emerges other than negative ones.

I'm that sortof man.

While I admire your general demeanor and the way you've handled the situation, why are you abandoning negativity in a positive environment? I thought we needed negativity to achieve harmoanius balance!

And sir. I implore you to keep your drains clear. Do you think those who lounge in your lounge wish to lounge around ankle deep in backed up ill-smelling coagulating liquids? Sniff. Sniff. I say keep the festering underground.

(Just my contribution hoping I will be allowed to join your fitful outfit.)

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Well, first off, I'd like to mention that the MELKOR CLUB is by no way a 'positive' enviroment, judging by the intentions:

The common interests are, Melkor, Chaos, subversion, violence, and raw sexuality, though not necessarily in that order, and no category is excluded from branching into another.

and the habits of it's members.

If you had read but a little of our short history you would know this sir.

Furthermore, you misjudge two things,
one, the efficiency of our drains and drain cleaners.

Our drains are fitted with specialised meat grinders and exquisite little perforations which were installed to deal with the gratuitous violence that oft occurs in this lofty place.

Two, by virtue of their unspeakable and vile nature, all members of the MELKOR CLUB have developed a sound and dignified taste for all things corpse.

If we are to be subject to the wafting of rotted bodies, all the better!

If they happen to be waftings brought about by the decomposition of one of our foulest and least tolerable rivals (that’s you) doubly so!

 

[Crazythinker1]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*silently glides up behind melkor and holds a knife to his throat, and whispers in his ear*

But one must take great care to respect the tools that they use or they can..... and will..... KILL YOU

*glances at BAP*

As for you, I do not do random killings, that is the hallmark of an amature and I am a professional who gets paid for his services.

I urge you both NOT to annoy me.

*glides back into the darkness from which he comes*

 

[BigApplePi]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

*silently glides up behind melkor and holds a knife to his throat, and whispers in his ear*

But one must take great care to respect the tools that they use or they can..... and will..... KILL YOU

*glances at BAP*

As for you, I do not do random killings, that is the hallmark of an amature and I am a professional who gets paid for his services.

I urge you both NOT to annoy me.

*glides back into the darkness from which he comes*

I don't know why but I'm beginning to commence to start to initiate thinking you are a loose cannon. I hire loose cannons. Are you available next Wednesday? I have an open slot.

 

[Crazythinker1]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

Ahhhhh. I am not a loose cannon, meerly a law unto himself. And what is the job?

 

[Melkor]

Re: ~The Melkor club~

I don't know, but if Bi is willing to hire *you* I can bet it doesn't involve grammar, intellect or finesse.

Frankly, I'm glad to see the back of you.

*snooty air slap*

Good-day ser!