The Anxiety Thread

[Happy]

... Because I couldn't find one... Not that I looked very hard...

Anyway, let this be a place to share anecdotes and advice about anxiety.

 

[Architect]

Quixotic for a user named "Happy" to post such a thread.

I naturally have higher than normal level of aggression and restlessness, which manifests as anxiety depending on other conditions. As I've gotten older it's worsened, becoming harder to channel and control. I've come to find that it's a genetic condition due to a completely miscoding MAOA SNP. Simply, MAOA is an enzyme created by the eponymously named gene which recycles several neurotransmitters. Too much and depression, too little and aggression which can border on anxiety. Fortunately there are simple nutritional treatments having to do with the methylation process (which I also miscode for).

And yes, this probably contributed to my success, such as it is.

 

[DrSketchpad]

I've already whined about this before, but now there's a thread dedicated to it so whatever.

Basically, my anxiety almost always comes in the form of "pure-o" OCD wherein I come across something that worries me, then I obsess about it to convince myself that I don't need to worry (it wouldn't be a disorder if it ended that easily though, right?). This doesn't end very easily though and it's usually accompanied by compulsive actions (mostly checking, asking for reassurance, etc.).

Other than that I'm usually *slightly* on the paranoid side.

 

[Grayman]

I am so distracted all the time. I don't remember things like if I brought the dog back in from outside or if I turned off the stove before I left the house. I spend the whole day worrying about it. Without thought I always bring the dog in and turn off the stove but I have absolutely no recollection. Thoughts go through my head the entire day I am working like I will come to a burned down house or my dog is missing and my wife never forgives me and then leaves me.... etc... The forgetfulness occurs all the time but the paranoia happens every so often and I am not certain of what the cause is.

 

[Pyropyro]

This thread makes me anxious.

Anyways, my anxiety is mostly performance oriented may it be at work, school or even ministry. I always had that feeling that I didn't do well enough and will compromise the interests of my charges.

Getting things done alleviate them somewhat.

 

[Happy]

My anxiety becomes problematic when I get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, I don't sleep. When I don't sleep, I get overwhelmed. This chicken and egg thing causes a downward spiral and things get chaotic.

I've just finished recovering from a breakdown. It was fucked. I drove myself to such levels of mental exhaustion that I was blacking out. I ended up with this perpetual, sickening vertigo that took about a week of rest to shake. I had no idea what day it was or what hour. When I'd try to read, I'd hallucinate the words dancing on the page in front of me. At one point, I hadn't had a wink of sleep in - I don't even know how many days. I even developed musculoskeletal chest pain due to those deep, fast anxiety breaths. I've also since developed a nervous response where I contort my mouth without intending to. I'm beginning to shake that. Then there's the hair loss in handfuls, which is starting to get better.

I give the whole experience a 0.5 / 10

Has anyone had similar experiences? I'd like to know if any advice can be offered. Haven't had a lot of luck from doctors. I got some melatonin, which is at least helping me sleep a bit more.

Quixotic for a user named "Happy" to post such a thread.

The username is all smoke and mirrors.

Actually, I wanted my username to be Architect, but alas, it was already taken

 

[Grayman]

My anxiety becomes problematic when I get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, I don't sleep. When I don't sleep, I get overwhelmed. This chicken and egg thing causes a downward spiral and things get chaotic.

What are you overwhelmed with?

School, job, kids, money, spouse etc... I suppose there is always plenty to worry about in life but what is so important to you that it would destroy your life if you didn't worry about it all the time?

 

[Happy]

Spoiler

Quixotic for a user named "Happy" to post such a thread.

I naturally have higher than normal level of aggression and restlessness, which manifests as anxiety depending on other conditions. As I've gotten older it's worsened, becoming harder to channel and control. I've come to find that it's a genetic condition due to a completely miscoding MAOA SNP. Simply, MAOA is an enzyme created by the eponymously named gene which recycles several neurotransmitters. Too much and depression, too little and aggression which can border on anxiety. Fortunately there are simple nutritional treatments having to do with the methylation process (which I also miscode for).

And yes, this probably contributed to my success, such as it is.

I'm curious - how does that aggression manifest itself?

Also, how do you test for these 'miscoding' issues? I've not heard of such pinpointed diagnosis.

Spoiler

I've already whined about this before, but now there's a thread dedicated to it so whatever.

Basically, my anxiety almost always comes in the form of "pure-o" OCD wherein I come across something that worries me, then I obsess about it to convince myself that I don't need to worry (it wouldn't be a disorder if it ended that easily though, right?). This doesn't end very easily though and it's usually accompanied by compulsive actions (mostly checking, asking for reassurance, etc.).

Other than that I'm usually *slightly* on the paranoid side.

I find it interesting that you obsess over convincing yourself not to worry about it. I'd have assumed obsessing over finding a solution to the problem would be more typical INTP behaviour...

Would you care to elaborate?

Spoiler

I am so distracted all the time. I don't remember things like if I brought the dog back in from outside or if I turned off the stove before I left the house. I spend the whole day worrying about it. Without thought I always bring the dog in and turn off the stove but I have absolutely no recollection. Thoughts go through my head the entire day I am working like I will come to a burned down house or my dog is missing and my wife never forgives me and then leaves me.... etc... The forgetfulness occurs all the time but the paranoia happens every so often and I am not certain of what the cause is.

I know exactly what you mean. I used to have the same issue. For some reason I don't anymore. I think I shook it when I began taking on too many commitments. Brain was no longer idle enough to think of those things.

Do you find you do those things less or more when you're under times of stress?

Spoiler

This thread makes me anxious.

Anyways, my anxiety is mostly performance oriented may it be at work, school or even ministry. I always had that feeling that I didn't do well enough and will compromise the interests of my charges.

Getting things done alleviate them somewhat.

I find it interesting that people are anxious over the past/things they've already done (as you describe). My anxiety experiences have always been focused on the present/future. Do you become anxious about the present/future? Or just the past?

I personally have never been anxious about the past. I might relive embarrassing experiences and get that kick of embarrassment feeling, but never anxiety. As soon as something is done, its checked off on the mental to do list and buried somewhere in my mind, scarcely to be brought up again...

 

[Happy]

What are you overwhelmed with?

School, job, kids, money, spouse etc... I suppose there is always plenty to worry about in life but what is so important to you that it would destroy your life if you didn't worry about it all the time?

It's pretty silly, but it was a combination of mostly work and study.

Spoiler

Work:
I was working 3 jobs: I was working between 20-40 hours a week (9-5) in an architecture firm. Also, 3 nights a week I was working in a restaurant as a waiter/bartender (about 20 hours a week). On weekends, I was working in a butcher shop (about 10 hours a week).

Study:
I have a full time study commitment - Master of Architecture - 6th and final year. Around 30-40 hours a week commitment on a good week. Up to 80+ on a bad week)

Other:
I was also moving house at the time.
I'm ADHD, so study more difficult than usual.
Plus other routine stuff.

I'm lucky I'm single and with no kids or anything.

So I was managing to keep everything under control, but the issue came when I had work clients making unreasonable deadlines, requiring overtime. At the same time, the geniuses in charge of due dates at my university put all 4 of my major project deadlines within a 24 hour period. So I was pushing the limits of plausible commitment at this point. But then I had a surprise family visit from the other side of the country and also some issues with group projects at university (where I was the only one doing anything). It all became too much.

I've since quit my night job and taken time off my day job. I'm only actually working my weekend job and getting ahead on all my study commitments so I don't face the same problem again. I've finished moving house and everything has calmed down a bit.

I need to develop strategies to cope with stress, and fast, because I'm going to be doing a dissertation and a keystone design project next semester. This combination is notorious for destroying people. Sometimes, students end up in hospital (theres been deaths in the past, but none that recently... usually car accidents caused by severe sleep deprivation) many students can't cope and drop out, and of the ones that do make it to the end, about 50% fail. It's pretty brutal. It's also pretty common in architecture schools.

tl:dr
overwork.

 

[Pyropyro]

I find it interesting that people are anxious over the past/things they've already done (as you describe). My anxiety experiences have always been focused on the present/future. Do you become anxious about the present/future? Or just the past?

I personally have never been anxious about the past. I might relive embarrassing experiences and get that kick of embarrassment feeling, but never anxiety. As soon as something is done, its checked off on the mental to do list and buried somewhere in my mind, scarcely to be brought up again...

I think it's more about predicting future scenarios based on past actions.

A light example: I think I didn't ironed my clothes well enough so I think my crush wasn't impressed enough to go for a second date. Therefore I'll be forever alone. (worry is stupid :P )

I do relive embarrassing or frustrating exp. randomly but those thoughts don't generate anxiety.

 

[Ocofan]

Thoughts go through my head the entire day I am working like I will come to a burned down house.

This. And this:

My anxiety experiences have always been focused on the present/future.

I'm always, ALWAYS anxious about something; no matter what time. Anxiety is also a trigger for me to pick my nails; I've never had the free margin/white bit on my nails extend more than 1mm (even since preschool; its never been given a chance to grow). But at the moment I'm about to enter into a heightened state due to impending exams. The nagging thought "I should be studying" is always there and I try my best to do it, but for some reason I feel it is absolutely impossible for me to study something whether interesting or not until the last possible moment that would see me gain a pass mark. It's been self-sabotage from day one and I have no idea how to fix it. There are things I should be learning for studies, and things I have an interest in knowing more about... but there's an invisible wall that prevents me from acting on any of it, and it only enhances my anxiety when it catches up to me. Not only has it caught up to me, but it's left me in the dust. Vicious negative feedback loop.

 

[Happy]

This. And this:



I'm always, ALWAYS anxious. But at the moment I'm about to enter into a heightened state due to impending exams. The nagging thought "I should be studying" is always there and I try my best to do it, but for some reason I feel it is absolutely impossible for me to study something whether interesting or not until the last possible moment that would see me gain a pass mark. It's been self-sabotage from day one and I have no idea how to fix it. There are things I should be learning for studies, and things I have an interest in knowing more about... but there's an invisible wall that prevents me from acting on any of it, and it only enhances my anxiety when it catches up to me. Not only has it caught up to me, but it's left me in the dust. Vicious negative feedback loop.

My experiences have been similar. I'll provide some advice.

I've found the key is to just sit down at a desk that is empty except for all the material you need to study in that session. Nothing else to distract. Just sit there with your only company being the course material. If theres nothing better to do, you'll study. Think of something you want to know more about? Or something you need to do? Write it down on a piece of paper and action it later. Now is study time. No phone, no internet, no tv, no music, no netflix, no social interaction (unless its a group study session, which is very very successful if done right btw). It takes about an hour or so to get in the groove, and once the ball is rolling, you absolutely must not do anything to slow it down.

Even better is to cut down the material you need to study. Figure out the primary things you NEED to know. Learn them. Then worry about the secondary stuff if theres time.

I'm no role model when it comes to exam prep, but I've had to figure out how to study efficiently and effectively, and the above advice about sums up my findings. I've never failed anything, or even come close.

The actual method is up to you though. Everyone learns differently. Just pick a method and stick to it.

 

[Architect]

I'm curious - how does that aggression manifest itself?

Getting in many fist fights when I was in school Many ways and as I said largely sublimated it later.

Also, how do you test for these 'miscoding' issues? I've not heard of such pinpointed diagnosis.

Just do a 23andme test, or you can do a MTHFR test at a local lab. Genes encode for enzymes, specific enzymes convert folate to methlfolate (MTHFR 677 and 1298) at the beginning of the methylation cycle, or for the MAOA enzyme (also involved in methylation) for recycling neurotransmitters.

 

[DrSketchpad]

I find it interesting that you obsess over convincing yourself not to worry about it. I'd have assumed obsessing over finding a solution to the problem would be more typical INTP behaviour...

Would you care to elaborate?

Sure, I may have phrased it weird. It's like something starts to worry me- it used to be intrusive thought stuff that got me, so I'll use that as an example.

'What would I do if I committed this horrible crime?' 'Whoa-whoa-what? Why did I think that? I must deep down want to do said crime! It's the only explanation' Then I analyze it until I find things that show that this thing isn't possible. Now, it's more like someone else mentioned. Like leaving gas on or forgetting to lock doors, etc. and then thinking about it until said thing becomes impossible to me.

You see, obsessing and compulsing over it in that way IS the solution to someone with OCD, nothing else suffices. With the Pure O OCD variety it's more obsessive than it is compulsive (there are compulsions, just smaller, less noticeable ones)

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

From November 2104 up until March 2015 I had crippling anxiety (panic attacks and feeling like I was going to hurl all of the time). It was not fun. I got over it which is nice.

 

[Bock]

Suffered from social phobia/anxiety, general anxiety and being hypersensitive in general my whole life. Manageable for the most part (i've always had friends, even the times when i was bullied) but i've not had much success with the ladies so to say, and around 20-21 it all just fell apart. Now i've been 90% isolated for like 4-5 years and i'm currently hyping myself up with caffeine, loud music and weightlifting - so i can get to the fucking store that is 100m from here.

 

[Ocofan]

Pretty much verbatim with me as well Bock. But I'm just starting to focus on my appearance to go to the store round the corner. Beginning to feel like I'm now on the extreme end of being introverted. When I tell myself at least I have my family, some reinforced thought kicks in along the lines that it isn't a 'true' attachment but an evolutionary process; if my consciousness had been replaced with another's throughout my development stage my family would have accepted them as their son regardless. Difficult to put in to words but my thought processes seem to be enabling a self-destructive behaviour at the moment heightening social phobia and general anxiety.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

There is a method to get over anxiety and that is a combination of identifying the root cause and doing something about. More importantly, confronting anxiety and not letting it control you, allows your mind to no longer to be condition in such a way that different situations won't make you feel like you are going to die. By god, talking to a shrink about it sure as hell does not help. Bad shrinks tend to perpetuate the problem.

 

[gjl]

Melatonin supplementation and a low-dosage of beta-blockers, in addition to mindfulness exercise and self-practiced exposure/CB therapy have helped me quite a bit.

Reduction of caffeine intake and other "self-congratulatory" dopamine spiking/sensitisation activities have also been effective.

 

[Colors_in_Math_and_Music]

Panic disorder is hard to live with.For me it started very abruptly.I had some panic attacks before age 23, maybe one a year, but after a night of drug abuse I suffered from a legendary panic attack, and I've had about 1000 more since that night which was 5 years ago.

Be careful with drugs, this has been a pretty traumatic experience for me.

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

So I was managing to keep everything under control, but the issue came when I had work clients making unreasonable deadlines, requiring overtime. At the same time, the geniuses in charge of due dates at my university put all 4 of my major project deadlines within a 24 hour period. So I was pushing the limits of plausible commitment at this point. But then I had a surprise family visit from the other side of the country and also some issues with group projects at university (where I was the only one doing anything). It all became too much.

having deadlines for all studio/design classes and all your finals on the same week...i know the struggle. currently, my record for sleep deprivation is at 55 hours, hopefully i wont have to exceed that this semester(finals coming up soon).
the exhaustion and sleep deprivation is rarely the source of my anxiety though, it is being constantly pushed out of my comfort zone that takes the cake. having to work in groups with people you completely clash with, having to do presentations on a weekly basis etc.
i have so much more to say but im really sleepy at the moment. i'll add more later, maybe.

 

[The Gopher]

Oooh we need a thread for sleep deprecation records. I think mine was in the 70's (but it was broken up with 12 hours of sleep {over three nights? I just remember the basic numbers} so it's kinda cheating)

I go all Te stress at end of finals but it made me pass everything.

 

[Happy]

having deadlines for all studio/design classes and all your finals on the same week...i know the struggle. currently, my record for sleep deprivation is at 55 hours, hopefully i wont have to exceed that this semester(finals coming up soon).
the exhaustion and sleep deprivation is rarely the source of my anxiety though, it is being constantly pushed out of my comfort zone that takes the cake. having to work in groups with people you completely clash with, having to do presentations on a weekly basis etc.
i have so much more to say but im really sleepy at the moment. i'll add more later, maybe.

Please do elaborate. I like to hear from people who know the studio struggle.

Oooh we need a thread for sleep deprecation records. I think mine was in the 70's (but it was broken up with 12 hours of sleep {over three nights? I just remember the basic numbers} so it's kinda cheating)

I go all Te stress at end of finals but it made me pass everything.

I'd be near or at the top of that list. My record was previously 90+ hours unbroken, but I think I broke it a month or so ago. I can't be sure though, I lost all notion of time. I think it was somewhere between 4-6 days and ended with collapsing on the floor and waking to vertigo that lasted for days.

I'm not proud of any of it though.

 

[Inquisitor]

My anxiety becomes problematic when I get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, I don't sleep. When I don't sleep, I get overwhelmed. This chicken and egg thing causes a downward spiral and things get chaotic.

I've just finished recovering from a breakdown. It was fucked. I drove myself to such levels of mental exhaustion that I was blacking out. I ended up with this perpetual, sickening vertigo that took about a week of rest to shake. I had no idea what day it was or what hour. When I'd try to read, I'd hallucinate the words dancing on the page in front of me. At one point, I hadn't had a wink of sleep in - I don't even know how many days. I even developed musculoskeletal chest pain due to those deep, fast anxiety breaths. I've also since developed a nervous response where I contort my mouth without intending to. I'm beginning to shake that. Then there's the hair loss in handfuls, which is starting to get better.

I give the whole experience a 0.5 / 10

Has anyone had similar experiences? I'd like to know if any advice can be offered. Haven't had a lot of luck from doctors. I got some melatonin, which is at least helping me sleep a bit more.

I had some of the same problems as you did.

I used to have bad anxiety and depression in high school and college, as well as into my mid-late twenties. For the past 3 years, I can honestly say I have been completely anxiety and depression free thanks to dietary and lifestyle changes. Like Architect, I too have obsessed over nutrition for about 5-6 years, and I tried nutrition science, Chinese medicine, and Ayurveda.

I agree with Architect, having read his other posts, that the McDougall, Fuhrman, Esselstyn, Ornish approach of eating a whole-foods plant-based diet is optimal. I disagree with him though that cutting down on carbs is good for everyone. These people have the basic gist of what the ideal human diet should look like, but unfortunately, it's not very well "fleshed-out" yet i.e. it's still fairly crude. Having been a forum member of various nutrition discussion boards for many years, I have observed that loads of people apparently still experience many problems with whole-foods plant-based vegan or quasi-vegan diets because of faulty implementation.

Long story short, I tried alternative medicine, namely Chinese medicine and Ayurveda. Both are excellent, but Ayurveda is better. Everyone has a different metabolic constitution, and nutrition science has not yet caught on to this yet. Food needs to be approached not as a binary "good" or "bad" but as "one man's nectar is another man's poison." if you know your constitution or "prakruti" and current imbalance "vikruti," then you can choose foods that have properties that rectify your imbalance. Sexual continence is also highly beneficial because your body is not forced to divert resources to building up new sexual fluids.

The bold items in your post are most likely associated with excess "vata" according to Ayurveda. There are many fairly simple and easy ways to rectify this with diet, herbs, and a few lifestyle adjustments. I used to have hair loss. Not anymore...and it's coming back!

Quixotic for a user named "Happy" to post such a thread.

I naturally have higher than normal level of aggression and restlessness, which manifests as anxiety depending on other conditions. As I've gotten older it's worsened, becoming harder to channel and control. I've come to find that it's a genetic condition due to a completely miscoding MAOA SNP. Simply, MAOA is an enzyme created by the eponymously named gene which recycles several neurotransmitters. Too much and depression, too little and aggression which can border on anxiety. Fortunately there are simple nutritional treatments having to do with the methylation process (which I also miscode for).

And yes, this probably contributed to my success, such as it is.

The reductionist approach is interesting, but misguided in my opinion. Have you read "Whole" by Campbell? He actually speaks highly of Chinese medicine in it...

 

[Happy]

@Inquisitor

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I must admit I don't know too much on the topic. Perhaps I'll look into it further.

My nutrition isn't great. Most of my food is cooked by a chef (in exchange for a few hours work on weekends), but contains far too much meat and dairy products. I've trialled a vegetarian and even vegan lifestyle for short periods, but I wasn't overly fond of it.

 

[Kuu]

My anxiety becomes problematic when I get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, I don't sleep. When I don't sleep, I get overwhelmed. This chicken and egg thing causes a downward spiral and things get chaotic.

I've just finished recovering from a breakdown. It was fucked. (...)

I give the whole experience a 0.5 / 10

Has anyone had similar experiences? I'd like to know if any advice can be offered. Haven't had a lot of luck from doctors. I got some melatonin, whigch is at least helping me sleep a bit more.

I had a breakdown like that once. Worst time of my life. I couldn't sleep for weeks, my senses at night were hyper-aware I was driven crazy by my own breathing, heartbeat, clocks... and my mind was full of intrusive thoughts full of self-loathing and suicide. I stopped eating for days at a time too, I must have lost over 10 kgs. I locked myself up in my room for a month. I lost a lot of hair too, my hair has been very thin since... took me almost a year to get back to my usual stable self.

The best I recommend for dealing with this is finding some secluded piece of nature, where you can be alone. Away from people and civilization, which are always stressful. Get some nice sunlight and movement. Recently I read that in Japan you can actually get prescribed to take forest walks (Shinrin-yoku), they're even making a science of it.

The username is all smoke and mirrors.

Actually, I wanted my username to be Architect, but alas, it was already taken

Well, Happy Architect would be rather oxymoronic

It's pretty silly, but it was a combination of mostly work and study.

Work:
I was working 3 jobs: I was working between 20-40 hours a week (9-5) in an architecture firm. Also, 3 nights a week I was working in a restaurant as a waiter/bartender (about 20 hours a week). On weekends, I was working in a butcher shop (about 10 hours a week).

Study:
I have a full time study commitment - Master of Architecture - 6th and final year. Around 30-40 hours a week commitment on a good week. Up to 80+ on a bad week)

3 jobs AND architecture school? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE??
Of course you are, you're an architect.
Most mortals can't even deal with "just" architecture school.
But you're no mere mortal. You're a god amongst men.

I need to develop strategies to cope with stress, and fast, because I'm going to be doing a dissertation and a keystone design project next semester. This combination is notorious for destroying people. Sometimes, students end up in hospital (theres been deaths in the past, but none that recently... usually car accidents caused by severe sleep deprivation) many students can't cope and drop out, and of the ones that do make it to the end, about 50% fail. It's pretty brutal. It's also pretty common in architecture schools.

If you ever need to vent about architorture school, you can always shoot me some PMs.

Most people have no idea of the brutal, inhuman things we go through, but I fully understand your plight. I've been there, I know the horrors. The 4 AM rush to hospitals to re-attach fingers. The half-sleeping under desks with carboard as blankets like some starving hobo. The horrible wrist and back aches after 8-10 hours of non-stop CAD, and the crying when said CAD goes fatal error on you and you didn't have autosave on. The despair and madman laughter when the plotter fucks up your plots minutes before delivery, or your computer crashes after hours of rendering. The soul-crushing crits. The incompetent teammates. The impossible deadlines. The endless sleepless weeks ambling like a half-living corpse...

Spoiler

[bimgx=400]http://ilmonella.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/death-is-not-an-excuse.jpeg[/bimgx]

I advice you strongly to dump caffeine (which is likely something you're abusing) and look into Modafinil. You will never look back. There's been some discussion of it several times in this forum. I can get it over the counter, but it's probably prescription-only where you're at, but there's always ways to circumvent that. Convince your doctor to prescribe it for you.

It ain't cheap, but it's super effective, so it's more than worth the price. It's almost miraculous, I wish I had discovered it earlier in my education and not on my final year... truly, I was unstoppable! 200 mg at 10 pm and I pumped out models and plans with machinelike precision all the way till 10 am while people around me were collapsing of exhaustion, and afterwards I lucidly and happily presented while everyone looked and acted like they were run over by a tank. Say goodbye to shitty sleep deprivation, say hello to glorious all-night productivity with no mid-morning crash!

You could also look into L-Theanine for calming/productivity if mod seems too much of a risk/expense for you.

Additionally, take some multivitamin supplements. Does not replace a good diet, but it will keep you from serious deficiencies if your eating is all messed up by work/school.


Of course, some people believing they know better would say you should "learn to time manage", but you and I know that's just not in the realm of the possible. Only superhuman willpower, substance-aided or otherwise, can overcome such challenge.


And heed the most divine commandment: "less is more". Such is its infinite wisdom that it takes several years to fully appreciate...

 

[Happy]

Thanks Kuu, really.

I had a breakdown like that once. Worst time of my life. I couldn't sleep for weeks, my senses at night were hyper-aware I was driven crazy by my own breathing, heartbeat, clocks... and my mind was full of intrusive thoughts full of self-loathing and suicide. I stopped eating for days at a time too, I must have lost over 10 kgs. I locked myself up in my room for a month. I lost a lot of hair too, my hair has been very thin since... took me almost a year to get back to my usual stable self.

I had the self loathing a couple of years back. I'm glad it's gone now. I think the turning point was last year when I got a real architecture job. Eliminating the stress of not having a foot in the door of a fairly closed off industry was really helpful.

I hope you're past it now, or at least the worst parts are over.

The best I recommend for dealing with this is finding some secluded piece of nature, where you can be alone. Away from people and civilization, which are always stressful. Get some nice sunlight and movement. Recently I read that in Japan you can actually get prescribed to take forest walks (Shinrin-yoku), they're even making a science of it.

This is what my psychiatrist recommended also. Perhaps I'll get off my ass and do it this week. There's so much natural beauty in my part of the world and so little I've actually experienced. Thanks for the little prod.

3 jobs AND architecture school? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE??
Of course you are, you're an architect.
Most mortals can't even deal with "just" architecture school.
But you're no mere mortal. You're a god amongst men.

Aw shucks
I'm down to two now. Screw hospitality work.

If you ever need to vent about architorture school, you can always shoot me some PMs.

Thanks, I may just do that.

The half-sleeping under desks with carboard as blankets like some starving hobo.

Got it covered. I've had this bad boy since first year:

Spoiler

The horrible wrist and back aches after 8-10 hours of non-stop CAD, and the crying when said CAD goes fatal error on you and you didn't have autosave on.

I work on a MacBook Pro, and the neck and back aches were excruciating after a while. Ended up using a second monitor at eye level, which eliminates the aches. Also bought a Logitech G700s gaming mouse a while ago solely for CAD use. It's eliminated the hand cramps. I also use a Wacom tablet for some softwares like Photoshop.

This may be helpful to you if you're still dealing with these issues. I'm guessing you're probably not though.

Also, I've developed a habit of hitting cmd+s every couple of minutes. Also my files are all stored directly on Dropbox, which is great because it saves all version histories. It's always amusing looking at my file histories. There's often .dwg files that have hundreds upon hundreds of versions.
Also, I'm a total xref whore, which helps as well.

I advice you strongly to dump caffeine (which is likely something you're abusing) and look into Modafinil. You will never look back. There's been some discussion of it several times in this forum. I can get it over the counter, but it's probably prescription-only where you're at, but there's always ways to circumvent that. Convince your doctor to prescribe it for you.

It ain't cheap, but it's super effective, so it's more than worth the price. It's almost miraculous, I wish I had discovered it earlier in my education and not on my final year... truly, I was unstoppable! 200 mg at 10 pm and I pumped out models and plans with machinelike precision all the way till 10 am while people around me were collapsing of exhaustion, and afterwards I lucidly and happily presented while everyone looked and acted like they were run over by a tank. Say goodbye to shitty sleep deprivation, say hello to glorious all-night productivity with no mid-morning crash!

I'll talk to my specialist about it. I've never heard of it. I'm currently on Dexamphetamine, which helps, but that might be an even better option.

I drink coffee because I love coffee, not for the caffeine. I live near one of the best roasting places in the country, and they always hook me up with good stuff. I have 2 french press and an aeropress, which all produce excellent coffee. I don't crave the caffeine fix, and I don't drink it to stay awake - don't need to.

Of course, some people believing they know better would say you should "learn to time manage", but you and I know that's just not in the realm of the possible. Only superhuman willpower, substance-aided or otherwise, can overcome such challenge.

They don't have a clue, do they? Time management doesn't work at all, because task duration is impossible to estimate.

And heed the most divine commandment: "less is more". Such is its infinite wisdom that it takes several years to fully appreciate...

I've definitely begun to understand this, especially on my current project. Do less, because the client WILL make you change it anyway. We've gone through a ridiculous number of entire scope changes.

 

[Brontosaurie]

is it ok to have anxiety over non-superhuman things like waking up, checking the e-mail, looking at a basic chemistry assignment and procrasting all of the above for months or is this actually the "we are the awesome hyper-ambitious people" thread?

 

[Happy]

It's more than okay. That's the purpose. Not at all the ambitious thread.

 

[Brontosaurie]

great just doin som represent yo

 

[Yellow]

I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder once, but I think I was just having sleep issues. Had tachycardia chalked down to panic by doctors in my early 20's, but I still have my doubts (considering the panic came after the sudden, rapid heartbeat). Though, I can admit to not always being in touch with my feelings.

I do feel anxiety when I'm preparing for interpersonal conflict, and I experience preoccupation when I am disappointed with my passivity during a socially dramatic event. I assume that's reasonably normal.

I think I've only ever experienced out-of-control panic/anxiety once in my adult life.

Spoiler

This was when I was about 12 miles from my destination moving to Maine. I had just left my very abusive ex-husband behind in Colorado, had all of my belongings in my car, and I was heading for an interview with a landlord who had posted an ad online. My ex had already come home to find me gone. He had already called a billion times with the threats, pleas, promises, and more threats. I handled it without a fucking blink. I knew he couldn't find me. The trip was almost over, and I was fine.

Then I started screaming. Like, out-loud screaming. Screaming at myself about how I didn't have a job, a place to live; how I knew no one within 500 miles; about how much it would suck to be homeless there; about how much I hated my parents for not once asking if I was okay (despite a week-long visit between the leaving and the drive); about how stupid I was for getting in that situation to start with. I should have pulled over and collected myself. I was shaking, swerving, and I almost went hoarse.

Luckily, it shut off like a faucet when I hit the city limits.

TL;DR - I went batshit crazy for about 10 minutes, and then it was over.

Anyway, I think anxiety often comes from feeling a lack of control. If you can locate the source of that feeling, you are better equipped to address it.

 

[SilentStorm]

I have a rather strange type of anxiety, it developed in a matter of minutes. And before it developed I had never had anxiety my entire life. I was actually pretty mellow. But anyways, It's kind of like hypochondria but different. Exactly one year ago I developed peripheral neuropathy. For the first week I was fine, didn't put much though into it. Then I started researching things about it online. I came across an article saying that people with nerve damage can sometimes go into sudden cardiac arrest without warning when their autonomic nervous system is affected. After I read that I was still fine for a few hours. Then it popped back into my head and I instantly started freaking out. I had my first panic attack. And i didn't even know what a panic attack was or how it made you feel at the time. So I was completely convinced I was having a heart attack.

Anyways, since then I had recurring panic attacks for a few months, almost always because I was worried about a health issue. Then it kind of settled down to a general anxiety. I also slowly started developing more health issues (stomach issues, tinnitus, visual snow). And ever since then I have been almost constantly concerned about my conditions getting worse. I focus on one thing for a couple weeks at a time then go on to a different one. Like I'll be worried that I'll end up going blind, or that the ringing in my ears will get bad enough to make me commit suicide or or something.

I even read online that people who smoked marijuana throughout their teen years are more prone to developing schizophrenia. And when I read that I went to full on freak out for a few weeks, because I smoked a pretty good amount when I was a teenager. And one of my biggest fears is going crazy. I'm actually still quite worried about it.

Sorry about the rambling. This is the first time I've ever actually talked to anyone about this.

 

[RunForWord]

Try lithium orotate. It decreased my anxiety of upcoming events a great amount. You can order them online and they're cheap too.

 

[Inquisitor]

Most of my food is cooked by a chef

You lucky bastard.

 

[Happy]

You lucky bastard.

Right time, right place + good negotiation skills

 

[Doktorin Zylinder]

I've had crippling anxiety in the past and I try to stay away from medications. I eventually found myself drawn to Taoism and Zen as life philosophies rather than religions. I can say that my practice of meditation has helped dissipate my anxiety. Not too long ago, I was extremely anxious to the extent of vomiting. After about twenty minutes of Zen meditation, I was just all of a sudden gone when I had come to a particular realization.

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

Also, I've developed a habit of hitting cmd+s every couple of minutes. Also my files are all stored directly on Dropbox, which is great because it saves all version histories. It's always amusing looking at my file histories. There's often .dwg files that have hundreds upon hundreds of versions.
Also, I'm a total xref whore, which helps as well.

me when a lil paranoid/during finals week:

Spoiler

I've been putting off a more elaborate reply to this thread because I'm going through hell and the last thing I want to do in what little free time I have is talk about it. today is an exception though, because I don't have anything due tomorrow *throws confetti in the air*

My anxiety becomes problematic when I get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, I don't sleep. When I don't sleep, I get overwhelmed. This chicken and egg thing causes a downward spiral and things get chaotic.

I've just finished recovering from a breakdown. It was fucked. I drove myself to such levels of mental exhaustion that I was blacking out. I ended up with this perpetual, sickening vertigo that took about a week of rest to shake. I had no idea what day it was or what hour. When I'd try to read, I'd hallucinate the words dancing on the page in front of me. At one point, I hadn't had a wink of sleep in - I don't even know how many days. I even developed musculoskeletal chest pain due to those deep, fast anxiety breaths. I've also since developed a nervous response where I contort my mouth without intending to. I'm beginning to shake that. Then there's the hair loss in handfuls, which is starting to get better.

I give the whole experience a 0.5 / 10

Has anyone had similar experiences? I'd like to know if any advice can be offered. Haven't had a lot of luck from doctors. I got some melatonin, which is at least helping me sleep a bit more.

This is not surprising, lack of sleep can lead to anxiety
http://www.mensfitness.com/nutrition/lack-of-sleep-may-trigger-anxiety

i have the same problem with chest pain, I think it is also tightly linked with lack of sleep. You should also make sure you drink enough water on a daily basis

I find it interesting that people are anxious over the past/things they've already done (as you describe). My anxiety experiences have always been focused on the present/future. Do you become anxious about the present/future? Or just the past?

I never feel anxious about the past, my anxiety is always about the future.

Spoiler

honestly, I see no future for myself. I'm comfortable with this thought most of the time but there are instances where I feel existential loneliness and fear. when this feeling kicks in, I can feel creatively paralysed for weeks.
I mentioned in my previous post that I feel more anxious in settings where I am forced out of my comfort zone, i think this is just an extension of the thoughts "do I really want to do this?" "am I wasting my time?" "Is this even worth the trouble?"

I am surrounded by extremely ambitious people, so my lack of ambition makes me stand out, and it is somewhat reflected in the quality of my work, I guess. My lack of ambition/motivation scares me. so far...ii think the key motivation for me to get work done has been the desire to graduate as soon as possible, I'm worried that when I do graduate, my lack of motivation will start gnawing at me and i'll let myself rot away.
there are times when I feel like I enjoy studying about architecture, there are also times when I feel like I'm interested in architecture the same way I am interested in a lot of other fields

I might relive embarrassing experiences and get that kick of embarrassment feeling, but never anxiety. As soon as something is done, its checked off on the mental to do list and buried somewhere in my mind, scarcely to be brought up again...

same.

Spoiler

Master of Architecture - 6th and final year. Around 30-40 hours a week commitment on a good week. Up to 80+ on a bad week)

why did you go far masters though? my impression on masters in architecture has been that they're quite useless. Unless it expands on the structural aspects of architecture design...I guess. I've had enough of that though, because I'm studying architecture engineering so about half of the courses we take are quite similar to the ones you can find in a civil engineering program.

My record was previously 90+ hours unbroken, but I think I broke it a month or so ago. I can't be sure though, I lost all notion of time. I think it was somewhere between 4-6 days and ended with collapsing on the floor and waking to vertigo that lasted for days.

I'm obviously not one to talk but please don't do this to yourself. 90+ hours unbroken? that's insane...
im curious though, how distorted did your sensory experience become? Whenever I cross the 40 hours mark, i start seeing shadows at the corners of my eyes and become very sensitive to sounds. 90+ hours must be a fucking parade

 

[Happy]

Spoiler

honestly, I see no future for myself. I'm comfortable with this thought most of the time but there are instances where I feel existential loneliness and fear. when this feeling kicks in, I can feel creatively paralysed for weeks.
I mentioned in my previous post that I feel more anxious in settings where I am forced out of my comfort zone, i think this is just an extension of the thoughts "do I really want to do this?" "am I wasting my time?" "Is this even worth the trouble?"

I am surrounded by extremely ambitious people, so my lack of ambition makes me stand out, and it is somewhat reflected in the quality of my work, I guess. My lack of ambition/motivation scares me. so far...ii think the key motivation for me to get work done has been the desire to graduate as soon as possible, I'm worried that when I do graduate, my lack of motivation will start gnawing at me and i'll let myself rot away.
there are times when I feel like I enjoy studying about architecture, there are also times when I feel like I'm interested in architecture the same way I am interested in a lot of other fields

I went through similar, although for me, it was more directed at my constant struggling with motivation to do crap tasks that I think are worthless, which I'm much better with now.

I think that self doubt is part of the journey.

why did you go far masters though? my impression on masters in architecture has been that they're quite useless. Unless it expands on the structural aspects of architecture design...I guess. I've had enough of that though, because I'm studying architecture engineering so about half of the courses we take are quite similar to the ones you can find in a civil engineering program.

I hate the education system. You need a M.Arch in order to become licensed in Australia. It's not by choice, I can assure you. Well, I guess it is, but you know what I mean.

I'm obviously not one to talk but please don't do this to yourself. 90+ hours unbroken? that's insane...
im curious though, how distorted did your sensory experience become? Whenever I cross the 40 hours mark, i start seeing shadows at the corners of my eyes and become very sensitive to sounds. 90+ hours must be a fucking parade

I'm really bad at time management. After this year, I sure as hell won't be doing it to myself again. Actually, after that experience I won't be doing it again. I'd rather fail than deal with health issues. My priorities were all wrong.

I think "parade" sums it up pretty well actually. I get the same sensations you've described at the 40h mark. It just gets crazier from thereon in. By the end, it's just a weird happy deliriousness where sleep just seems undesirable anymore. I don't even do it by choice most of the time, I just lose track of time. My body clock is weird and non functioning - apparently theres not enough medical knowledge on the condition as yet to cure it.