Signs that you're depressed

[Arbitrary Prototype]

I just need to know how other INTP's realize they're depressed. I assume ahead of time that everyone here as at least been depressed during their adolescence and have hopefully overcome it. I just want to know what kind of patterns there were.

I have noticed certain patterns in myself when comparing a happy self to a depressed.

Some examples are:

A1) When happy I'll study pure mathematics, cryptology, lock-picking, and quantum mechanics. All of these things would make me realize how complex and mystifying the world is. I'd see beauty in numbers and be satisfied that everything was so ordered yet chaotic at the same time.

A2) When depressed it's all about how the world is wrong. When I was in my adolescence, even knowing that Ted Kaczynski was crazy, I loved his manifesto. I did believe that technology was ruining the word and that we're looking at a very dark future. Five years later I now love technology and see flaws in it. However, now all I care about is the second law of thermodynamics. Right now it's all about entropy. What's the point. Maybe I'm just depressed from studying it so much, but I do think it's far more likely I'm studying it because it's how I feel. Nothing can be more depressing than entropy…

B1) When happy I want to do good. I want to volunteer at planned parenthood, I'll keep the door opened for an elderly couple and I feed the pigeons; I sometimes feed the sparrows too it gives me an enormous sense of well being. And then I'm happy for the rest of the day safe in the knowledge there will always be a bit of my heart devoted to it.

B2) When depressed I love power. I recently just started breaking in to websites again. I'd just email the admin the problem without doing anything, but it's still a satisfaction that I haven't yearned for in a long time. I'm also yearning to steal things again. I used to only steal a snickers bar, but it was knowing that I got away with it and outsmarted the system that made it worthwhile. A long time ago I realized it wasn't worth the risk, but now I'm second guessing this.

C1) When happy and lived with my girlfriend in Philly I would never sleep. I'd stay up for hours measuring the square footage of our apartment and then our furniture. This way I could create a to scale and accurate model so I can rearrange our furniture to the most efficient and aesthetically pleasing way without having to move everything. I'd take apart spare parts to locks and create jewelry from it. Amphetamines (prescribed) were my best friend. I wanted to stay up and be alive as long as possible.

C2) When depressed all I did was sleep. Right now my favorite time is right before I pass out contemplating how I'll spend my lucid dream. I steer towards downers. Opiates make you feel like everything is perfect without having to be productive. My favorite time is the day after opiates where you don't feel amazing, but you're just really tired. I'll sleep the whole day and not feel like it's wasted.

I go through swings of depression and happiness all the time. I just worry that maybe this is like five or so years ago when I wanted to kill myself. I'm sure I'm just analyzing things too much. I just want to know if other INTP's have similar patterns like this. If not then what patterns are there for you?

I'm sorry about the long post again. I'm new here and this is my first forum ever. I've noticed that most topics started are much shorter than mine, but I just can't shorten mine to the point that everyone else seems to.

 

[Vrecknidj]

Similar swings, yes.

Dave

 

[Latro]

If you're using opiates or similarly potent drugs recreationally, I don't personally think it will be very easy to determine if you are depressed or not, even compared with the normal process.

Regardless, those are textbook ups and downs, but I don't think that's necessarily a sign of depression as a disorder. If these are frequent one might give that the name of bipolar disorder, but I dislike that, as the method of treatment for bipolar disorder (typically antipsychotics) is far too potent for a minor-ish bipolar case, in my opinion.

 

[RubberDucky451]

You don't seemed depressed to me, the problems your describing are natural IMO. I do think we tend to over analyze things, this is a gift but we must use it properly.

 

[Cognisant]

Depression feels like something's slowly draining the life out of you while you're begging it to just finish you off and the worst of it is that there's no cure, once you've been depressed you either learn to overcome it or... you don't.

 

[Ashenstar]

I can pretty disconnected from myself so often I only realize my emotions or mental state until I get physical indicators.

Being depressed would be an example. I don't really realize I'm incredibly low until I find myself sleeping all day and I'm just SO tired. Sometimes this means I'm getting sick too though. lol

Another thing about recognizing my depression is I seem to physically hurt. Just......kinda ache.

Another one is stress. I don't notice I am stressed or that I'm wound up so tight I'm about to bust a cog and coil until I feel it physically. My stomach is upset and/or I can't breathe etc etc etc

 

[phantome]

you seem like an insanely interesting person....0.0
as for depression, I just cannot bring myself to do anything. I have a similar "ache" as Ashenstar described, and do not want talk to anyone...basically, I just want to stay in bed all day.
Oh, and I also cannot study anything/contemplate anything either. I have no desire or energy to.
Your original post would probably reflect me when I am happy and everything is going right ^.^

 

[Starfruit M.E.]

I isolate myself from other people, and all my thoughts turn somewhat selfish... they all directly or indirectly revolve around me. I'll stare off into space a lot, and I'm stressed.

If it's really bad, I feel like there is a hole in my chest or like I'm going to explode. My body will be really tense, and I'll listen to music really loud to try to match what I'm feeling. Expression of pain.

The worst kind is where I start thinking about more than loud music to express pain. I don't get suicidal, but I obsess about death and I do things... like leaving my hand under the tap when the water coming out is burning hot, or putting my fingers in hot candle wax. I want to make myself not feel the pain anymore by toughening up to it. One time when I was in this stage, I pierced my ear with a sewing needle without ice or anything, and then didn't bother telling anyone until two days later, when I was starting to come back to normal.

 

[lightspeed]

If you're using opiates or similarly potent drugs recreationally, I don't personally think it will be very easy to determine if you are depressed or not, even compared with the normal process.

Coming from an opiate user, here: When I use opiates, I realize I've been depressed most of my life. Only because I could never naturally feel as good I do on them. When I come down, I lay in bed and wish for death.

 

[lightspeed]

To the original OP: I've been depressed since age 7.

 

[CLARA_ASMARA]

it's only in the mind

 

[snafupants]

After hearing C1 in the thread head, I can only assume you now mean your ex girlfriend

 

[Latro]

Coming from an opiate user, here: When I use opiates, I realize I've been depressed most of my life. Only because I could never naturally feel as good I do on them. When I come down, I lay in bed and wish for death.

My two cents:
That's not really depression. That's a level of bliss that we're not supposed to be able to attain. Why, then, do the substances exist, if we aren't supposed to attain it? That question is ill-formed: the reason we aren't supposed to attain it is because attaining it causes more suffering further along, when our bodies react to the change and:
1. make the rest of our lives miserable
2. lessen the strength of those few moments of bliss that we get

 

[Tejwinder]

Depression can be curable, but it takes some time to flip the mindset of the person who are suffering form it, never let your hopes down.

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

you feel depressed

 

[Hawkeye]

Wait, wait wait... Are we talking about feeling depressed or depression?

There is a difference.

 

[Montresor]

Counterspell!! Counterspell!! The necromancer must fall.

[bimgx=400]http://aventure-mysterieuse.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Ghoul__Necromancer_by_butterfrog.jpg[/bimgx]

 

[Reluctantly]

*runs from counterspell*

 

[Mia]

Catastrophizing, ruminating, paranoia and complete lack of motivation.

 

[walfin]

When I have suicidal thoughts that impede my ability to get stuff that I need to do done.

 

[mohinder1989]

You are not happy of your present life and you are not in the good mood most of the time. You felt you are neglected by many.

 

[The Gopher]

When you search for really old threads on depression and take up necromancy.