Romantic Relationships Versus the Evil Twins of the INTP Psyche

[Jason Evans]

Thanks to everyone, especially Architect, for all the links to my INTP articles and discussion about them here at INTP Forum! Because of you, they have been read much more widely than I ever hoped.

It has taken me longer than I expected, but FINALLY my new post is up. The subject is INTPs in Romantic Relationships. I trust that you'll find it more descriptive of the real issues that INTPs face and closer to the mark than the usual summary advice on general MBTI sites.

Thanks again!

http://clarityofnight.blogspot.com/2012/06/intp-experience-tonights-main-event.html

 

[MissQuote]

A guy asks his INTP girlfriend a series of amorphous, meandering questions, and as each one takes more energy to answer, she begins to feel drained. Having to stop and devote enough brain power to fully answer his questions just becomes too much. She maxes out. Especially if he has a habit of asking tortured questions (cue Persistent Reaction). She subtly locks down and withdraws. It's her defensive reaction to protect her energy and mental integrity.

When the guy perceives the change in her, he has his own reaction. Why is she refusing to answer his questions? She must be hiding something. He asks more questions in a more accusatory manner.

How does she then react? Her belief that he is intentionally violating her has just been confirmed. He has ignored her "clear" signals and intensified the attack. Now she's indignant, not just annoyed. Which he, in turn, interprets as further secret-keeping and a blossoming life-or-death battle of trust. He insinuates that she has done something wrong. He criticizes her reticence and evasions. She perceives a declaration of total war. Her anger detonates.

Jesus. You just described the beginning of every single fight I have ever had with my husband.

 

[MEDICaustik]

That was an excellent read. I love reading these insightful posts that help me understand myself.

I often wonder if two INTP's would work out in a relationship. On the surface it seems like it might be a nice fit, but sitting here thinking would I want to date a female version of myself.. I'd get tired of not having the logical high ground in every fight.

 

[psion]

Thank you for putting this into a concise read, it is very much the root of issues I am currently trying to work out.

I often wonder if two INTP's would work out in a relationship. On the surface it seems like it might be a nice fit, but sitting here thinking would I want to date a female version of myself.. I'd get tired of not having the logical high ground in every fight.

Yea I feel like I would too. Also it is nice to hear an opinion from a more emotional side of things, it helps towards considering other perspectives. More information to consider = more brain food.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Thanks for continuing to write these. They are quite helpful and rather interesting.

 

[drifting cloud]

Oh man, this series describes me and my relationship problems perfectly.

My friends actually do describe me as the "walking encyclopedia".

I am constantly looking for a "kindred spirit", thinking I've found one, realizing I've made a terrible mistake, and then causing the relationship to implode.

I am always trying to arrive at the truth in my interactions with others, and always annoyed and hurt when it turns out they are playing a different game entirely. Perhaps more tragically, I find I don't want to interact with them if they're not interested in gaining knowledge.

Thank you Jason for sharing these, please post more.

 

[Architect]

Thanks Jason, excellent work. I have an INTP son (what are the odds?) and so have taken up study of INTPism, so I can help him deal with his issues.

I really wish we had a WIKI here - where are the mods?

 

[MissQuote]

Thanks Jason, excellent work. I have an INTP son (what are the odds?) and so have taken up study of INTPism, so I can help him deal with his issues.

I really wish we had a WIKI here - where are the mods?

I am pretty sure one of my sons is an INTP as well, but he is too young to tell for certain yet. But my oldest son has recently retyped himself ISTP, after I explained differences between E and I, and he is very different is significant ways from the younger one I suspect is INTP, which help to confirm my suspicions a little more.

 

[MissQuote]

And I am about positive my middle son is INFP. We all have lots of fun, dynamic wise. I am sure you could guess.

 

[Fukyo]

I really wish we had a WIKI here - where are the mods?

Where is your initiative?

example

 

[Darby]

Wow, I really needed to read this.

 

[stopfollowingme]

That was an excellent read. I love reading these insightful posts that help me understand myself.

I often wonder if two INTP's would work out in a relationship. On the surface it seems like it might be a nice fit, but sitting here thinking would I want to date a female version of myself.. I'd get tired of not having the logical high ground in every fight.

the answer is that it does actually work out quite easily. im currently in a relationship with someone who is an intp (as am i) and we never really fight because we just go for the logical solution in every situation.

 

[Architect]

Where is your initiative?

example

Sticky posts are OK, I think we need a real WIKI though.

I am pretty sure one of my sons is an INTP as well, but he is too young to tell for certain yet. But my oldest son has recently retyped himself ISTP, after I explained differences between E and I, and he is very different is significant ways from the younger one I suspect is INTP, which help to confirm my suspicions a little more.

It can be hard to tell when they are young. I didn't believe my wife for a long time about ours, but over time it became obvious he's an INTP. Not what I expected or really wanted, I thought a different kid would be interesting and we'd probably get a sports heavy 'S', but it worked out perfectly. I'm able to help him out immensely figure himself and the world out.

 

[Jason Evans]

The feedback has been great! For those of you who have experienced the troubles that I described, I definitely feel your pain.

After posting, I was thinking about why we have trouble seeing these problems for what they are. Why aren't our INTP skills better at lasering in on the truth? It must be because of how potently the Persisten Reaction feel like TRUTH. If something annoys us, it must be because the objective truth is that it IS annoying (i.e, wrong/flawed). Wrong/flawed things take our energy away, and if that loss of energy becomes too large, the situation is best left behind. In the meatime, we get progressively more angry about it. The bottom line, then, is why would we question something that feels like truth? We need to step outside of our INTP nature to see that truth alone isn't making us happy.

Architect, I'd love having these articles be part of a wiki or some other list of helpful information!

 

[psion]

Yeah you need to keep writing these, even that brief paragraph was more insightful than a years worth of trying to understand different internal emotions. Trying to think about feelings is hard

Honestly though, thanks, and bookmarked for sure.