On disliking the question " What are you thinking"

[WitandReason]

I just dislike the question when it is asked casually and seemingly out of the blue. I remember one instance when I was with my family, and my dad just asked the question out of nowhere. I remember just not answering him, and thinking how that question usually comes up when the amour of small talk in conversation has decreased to zero. Those are my thoughts, I'm just curious as to what others think about this one question.

 

[Happy]

The first time I got dumped:
Her: "What are you thinking?"
Me: "[can't remember what I said, something mundane probably], what are you thinking?"
Her: "That we shouldn't see each other anymore"
Me "Oh..."


But yeah, that question is the last bastion of small talk before it becomes about the weather.

 

[Sinny91]

I'm forever getting caught 'monging' out..
Staring into an invisible abyss.

I either brush people off when they ask me, or give them unnecessary detail.
Depending on who's asking.

 

[Yellow]

I'm not fond of the question because it never works out well for me.

If I'm zoning out, then the question itself usually breaks the spell, and I have no idea what I was thinking about before being rudely interrupted.

If I'm just sitting quietly and someone asks me what I'm thinking, it is usually meant as "entertain me", and I don't do requests.

If I'm in a supposedly emotional situation, or I've got a "look" on my face, there's a good chance that you don't want to know what I'm thinking, and even if you did, I'm unlikely want to share.

If I'm in the middle of working on something, and you're interrupting me to ask me what I'm working on/thinking/having an issue with (which amounts to the same thing as asking "what are you thinking", so I'm lumping it in here), I can't tell you. I cannot share my stop in the middle of a process to explain it. That's not how it works. If I have everything figured out, then I can articulate it. If I'm still working on it, then it's not very likely that I've formed, trimmed, and polished an explanation to blurt out into the speaking world.

I've never asked anyone what they are thinking. I've never thought to.

 

[Black Rose]

I think that every time someone has asked me that question "what are you thinking" my mind was blank. Usually I am observing a situation for what it is. And when I am trying to solve a problem my mind is blank and I am just waiting for ideas to pop into my consciousness. Sometimes I wait maybe 5 minutes with my mind blank because I just don't know what to do. So even when I am talking if I don't know what to say next I just pause and try to be as quiet as possible with the focus being on my empty head until I know what to say. I don't really zone out, I just focus on what is in my empty head. It is because I am INTJ and I get everything from my subconscious.

 

[Tannhauser]

It's all about improvisation for me – coming up with some line to say when they ask that. As every INTP probably knows, one doesn't simply explain what one is thinking. Usually that is impossible without introducing a large list of references and various pieces of theory completely foreign to the average normal person out there.

 

[Brontosaurie]

The first time I got dumped:
Her: "What are you thinking?"
Me: "[can't remember what I said, something mundane probably], what are you thinking?"
Her: "That we shouldn't see each other anymore"
Me "Oh..."


But yeah, that question is the last bastion of small talk before it becomes about the weather.

What bitch

I agree about the small talk... Wow, me and my ex asked each other that so many times it was painful. Thing is, she was cute and wonderful enough... but i'm not sure what i ever meant to her. Probably some fucked up attachment pattern placeholder dummy shit. =(

 

[PaulMaster]

People probably mean well when they ask this. But I usually find myself making something up on the spot to avoid having to explain something to someone who I dont expect to understand.

 

[Sinny91]

Sometimes I accept the question as a challenge to actually pin point and be aware of my own thoughts. I think about some ridiculous things.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the past, or the future.

Many people I know make a point of asking me what I'm thinking. I'm forever berated in regards to the notion of being anti social.

 

[Grayman]

I think they think there is some emotional reason as to why I am withdrawn. Perhaps it is an act of concern... Really I am solving things as mundane as math problems or at least mundane to them. They rarely have the background to have enough knowlege in order to discuss my thoughts.

 

[George]

It's amazing to see that even something as specific as the way your brain's processing information while you're lost in thought can be similar between a group of people. Most of the time, I have trouble telling "what" I am thinking about- I have to write my thoughts down in order for them to have a defined subject and syllogism. Otherwise, it's more like a very fast-paced process of abstract connections of information: images, memories, previous thoughts etc. It's often exhausting to be so absent minded, and I'm sure that, after a certain age, it can get overwhelming.

 

[Happy]

What bitch

I agree about the small talk... Wow, me and my ex asked each other that so many times it was painful. Thing is, she was cute and wonderful enough... but i'm not sure what i ever meant to her. Probably some fucked up attachment pattern placeholder dummy shit. =(

Yeah a bit bitchy, but it was fine, because I truly dodged a bullet with that one... Possibly even an actual bullet. Long story.

Oof, that's unfortunate if you had that conversation that many times. Probably good it ended.

People probably mean well when they ask this. But I usually find myself making something up on the spot to avoid having to explain something to someone who I dont expect to understand.

I do the opposite. The more surreal my thoughts, the more fun I have with people's reactions when I give them an answer

It's amazing to see that even something as specific as the way your brain's processing information while you're lost in thought can be similar between a group of people. Most of the time, I have trouble telling "what" I am thinking about- I have to write my thoughts down in order for them to have a defined subject and syllogism. Otherwise, it's more like a very fast-paced process of abstract connections of information: images, memories, previous thoughts etc. It's often exhausting to be so absent minded, and I'm sure that, after a certain age, it can get overwhelming.

Sometimes I accept the question as a challenge to actually pin point and be aware of my own thoughts. I think about some ridiculous things.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the past, or the future.

Many people I know make a point of asking me what I'm thinking. I'm forever berated in regards to the notion of being anti social.

George, it sounds like sinny's approach of taking up the gauntlet could be useful for you to adopt. I had a similar problem with expressing such thoughts and just constantly trying to articulate them helped a lot to develop those skills.
In saying that, I know absolutely nothing about you, so that should be taken with a grain of salt.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[PaulMaster]

I do the opposite. The more surreal my thoughts, the more fun I have with people's reactions when I give them an answer

I like this answer tremendously. Its an optimistic answer.

 

[Grayman]

It's amazing to see that even something as specific as the way your brain's processing information while you're lost in thought can be similar between a group of people. Most of the time, I have trouble telling "what" I am thinking about- I have to write my thoughts down in order for them to have a defined subject and syllogism. Otherwise, it's more like a very fast-paced process of abstract connections of information: images, memories, previous thoughts etc. It's often exhausting to be so absent minded, and I'm sure that, after a certain age, it can get overwhelming.

This would be an interesting topic. My experiences are vastly different. Writing my thoughts down only distracts me from understanding. I rarely write anything down. My internal thoughts are often more solid and easier to recall than external reality.

 

[Happy]

I like this answer tremendously. Its an optimistic answer.

Well, thank you

 

[George]

Writing my thoughts down only distracts me from understanding. I rarely write anything down. My internal thoughts are often more solid and easier to recall than external reality.

Almost everyone I've met who was clearer speaking than writing is extroverted, and I don't think it's simply because introverted people tend to be shy while speaking.

 

[PaulMaster]

Almost everyone I've met who was clearer speaking than writing is extroverted, and I don't think it's simply because introverted people tend to be shy while speaking.

To me, speaking and writing are sort of the same thing. They are both methods of expression (while one offers substantially more opportunity for refinement). The art, in my mind, is in formulating what to express.

 

[John61]

The art, in my mind, is in formulating what to express.

So true! Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler

 

[Grayman]

Almost everyone I've met who was clearer speaking than writing is extroverted, and I don't think it's simply because introverted people tend to be shy while speaking.

I had trouble understanding how you went from writing to speaking until I suddenly realized that you think language is a requirement for comprehension.

 

[George]

I had trouble understanding how you went from writing to speaking until I suddenly realized that you think language is a requirement for comprehension.

Yes, that's how I imagined it. I supposed that, if writing your thoughts down distracts you, then you'd be more comfortable speaking, since it's faster and doesn't require much structure.

 

[Grayman]

Yes, that's how I imagined it. I supposed that, if writing your thoughts down distracts you, then you'd be more comfortable speaking, since it's faster and doesn't require much structure.

I prefer to draw pictures and maybe diagrams but my pen agility is low so I just picture it in my head and feel it until I need to communicate it. So what am I thinking... A picture is worth a thousand words an a movie is made of several frames of pictures. With a proper GPU that's 40 frames a second which is then 40000 words a second. I don't think I can talk that fast.

Edit: I was picturing myself picking my nose.

 

[Brontosaurie]

The business corporation has developed a new and astounding equipment that is also a classic luxury product. Hello and welcome to the perfect mystery, the extravagant and desirable customer service, the new IGDEPSTRYGT AKBEKDOT

 

[IndigoViolet11]

Good thread. If i concerntrate usually it is very obvious to spot, eg when I am playing games, or in a train of writing thoughts down, and I doubt they don't know. But some infamous bad-timers do interfere. Otherwise I would try to do it somewhere private, if, I can. Still, they have occasions that they pop in just somewhere else or like an impulse.

And I especially hate phone calls that aren't important, and I dislike whatsapp. If you call got cut, usually it's for that reason. After im done I call back.

Still its not all that kind of good solution. I probably need to open an occult/general theory/philosophy classroom if someone ask me what im thinking. Thats already annoying enough. They won't believe nor take it anyways....

 

[Sinny91]

I spend a lot of the time thinking about what I have said or wrote, in the past.
Must be an extension of the form of OCD I have which makes me repeat myself under my breath.
I can remember some of the most mundane things with accurate precision..

A cruel twist of fate is that that accurate precision often fails me when I need it most.

 

[nthmost]

I went through a phase where I took it as a challenge to be able to answer "what are you thinking" at any particular time. I got good at it.

Here are the two most common archetypes of the responses:

* By sheer force of will of breaking out of the almost-nonlinguistic Ti process I was in, I said something like, "oh, I was thinking about how epistemologies are so easily affected by the statistic frequency of the appearance of their constituent symbols, and how corporate and political brand ubiquity manipulates people's belief systems."

* I put my honest feelings out there (whee Fe) either by forcing it through a disaffected Ti / Ne (or something like that) or by actually feeling the feeling (Fe... uh oh, skin turning green...)


In the former case, the result was often that the asker thought I made something complicated up to deliberately distance myself from the asker, and would file me away as arrogant and unapproachable. Unless they were xNTx and then they'd be all over it! Happytimes!

In the latter case, which is really two cases (Ti/Ne or Fe), I have never gotten what I consider to be a positive result unless I have paid someone to understand me (e.g. a therapist).

Expressions of emotions via Ti/Ne come off as "cold" (and therefore weird and possibly "contrived" -- earning me the response of "How is that supposed to make ME feel?!" -- jeez, hell if I know!) and true expressions of Fe come off as HULK MAD.

In conclusion, this experimenter has aborted the "say what you're really thinking" experiment in favor of the following response:

"Oh, nothing. What's up?"

 

[nthmost]

And if you WANT to become good at speaking your thoughts on command...

I advise doing the following exercise from time to time: visualize a conversation partner from time to time. Imagine they've asked what you're thinking. Play that out a couple of times with different conversation partners.

Sometimes you'll find that this overstimulates your Fe and suppresses the Ti, compromising your thought flow. That's the tradeoff.

However, if you can accept "taking the hit" to your thought process long enough to develop the skill, you'll find that the skill of articulating your thoughts gets easier and easier.

It's a good skill to have -- think technical job interviews where it's important to "think out loud", stuff like that.

Hi, btw! Newly signed up but have been reading this forum avidly for a few weeks.

 

[Sly-fy]

"How are you?" is BS and "What`s bothering/troubling you?" are the questions that I find to be the absolute essence of a nuisance. "What are you thinking?" is close, as I haven`t formulated my thoughts in a way that`s coherent, am half-way through the thought process in my head and didn`t expect to have to explain my own inner thoughts to somebody else on demand. I find all these questions most invasive into my privacy, and I don`t have a habit of asking them myself but it doesn`t stop the talkative, feeling types from being inquisitive about them...

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

Next time, just say:

"Why yes, INTP to be precise!"

 

[Silent Sage]

"What are you thinking?"
[20 second pause]

thinking...*question*...processing question...thinking about thinking...thinking about how to respond...*becomes aware of awkward pause*...loses track of thought...

*Shrugs*

 

[Rualani]

At first, I was annoyed with the question as no one really 'wanted' what I was thinking. They would sideline me as being 'deep' when I was just... doing what I do. It got kind of annoying. I don't even mind is as small talk, but the question, inherently, leads out of 'small talk' territory. I don't think people really understand that.

As I get older, I just become utterly frank and let them have it. One of us is going to learn a lesson. Let's find out who the teacher is xD. Honestly, I'm getting closer to the point where I can do this while having enough tact to get somewhere. There's many more failures than successes with this strategy.

Perhaps, just being annoyed is fine.

 

[charliepoo]

I usually reply with "nothing". It depends on who is doing the asking on how irritated I'll be.

 

[Happy]

Regardless, the best answer to any open ended question is always 'yes'.

 

[cheese]

I'm not bothered by the question at all. People want to socialise. Sometimes they're clumsy at it - so what.

I just turn it into a joke or make up some bullshit. Most people aren't looking to hear your thoughts; they just want to connect. Humour serves that purpose.

The ones who are truly interested call me on my BS and probe deeper, so I divulge.

Sometimes you get people who are interested in presenting the appearance of interest and 'being able to call people on their BS'. With those, I make up more BS and try to make it sound deep. I have a few sob stories handy for such occasions.

 

[Reluctantly]

Kind of a drag, if serious question. It's like they don't trust me or want my thoughts to be public. Neither is very pleasant. It almost always results in some kind of lie or avoiding the question, even if I end up giving a joke answer.