ISFJ vs. Me; Topic: Safe Driving

[Reverse Transcriptase]

My friend stephanie was driving on the highway, right-hand land, with an empty middle and left lane. And she was like tailgating another car in the righthand lane! She was following it way too close!

And I was like "stephanie don't tailgate!"

You know how you can count the seconds between their car and yours? Stephanie was like 1, maybe 1.5 seconds behind them. But stephanie is a little crazy, doesn't handle constructive criticism well, you know? So i tell her that and she tells me not to backseat drive and that she doesn't backseat drive when i drive.
And that I'm not driving, she can drive how she wants, and that she and brandon (her boyfriend) have been driving us and our friends a lot more often than I have (which i don't totally agree with).

So she's throwing this unrelated extroverted-Feeling arguments at me, and I'm like "i just want to be in a safe car!!"

I sent her a message on facebook today:

Stephanie,

You are a good friend, and I take the safety of my friends very seriously. I'm sorry if you took my advice as a personal attack- I didn't mean it as such, I wanted it to be taken as constructive criticism. And if I was driving dangerously, I EXPECT you to say something to me about it too. It's not a matter of being polite, it's a matter of safety.

Could you read these? As a favor to me?
http://www.thebostonchannel.com/traffic/13799447/detail.html
http://www.beaconmutual.com/Documents/SA.07.04.01.pdf
http://www.driversedguru.com/drivin...-extras/the-3-second-following-distance-rule/

Human reactions are just not fast enough to be faster than the 3-second rule. Paying attention to the driver infront of you is no excuse for only being one second behind them.

The other things you brought up are irrelevant to the fact that you were not driving safely. (Also, I was kind of hurt that you would bring up other things as a way to deflect attention. Even if I don't drive as much as you or Brandon- which I don't totally agree with- I also contribute to The Gang in other ways, such as hosting parties and whatnot.)

I don't think less of you for this! All of us have our flaws. I just want you to be safe!

Your friend,
Peter

Anyway, I am expecting a shitstorm to come of this anyway. I might get Brandon, her ENFP boyfriend, to get involved. Dunno.

I am kind of expecting Stephanie to say something like "well then you shouldn't be a passenger in my car from now on!" I'm almost okay with that: I wouldn't mind driving more, showing that I can do that, and it'd show my other friends just how absurd she's being.

Thoughts? War strategies? Comments? Concerns? How's my driving?

 

[flow]

Hahaha, I bet you get the silent treatment. Just wear your seatbelt and cringe a lot (that's what I do).

 

[Adymus]

and that she and brandon (her boyfriend) have been driving us and our friends a lot more often than I have (which i don't totally agree with).

That is such an Si move...

"I've been driving longer than you have, therefor I am allowed to be a shitty driver."


I feel bad for her boyfriend actually, just because he is an ENFP. Ne doms seem to get attracted to Si doms, and then they think they are providing them with stability, but it is more of a cage. They always look so... defeated.

But you have basically used Si-Te in your FB message to counter her Si-Fe so I am curious to see how she is going to respond to that.

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

That is such an Si move...

"I've been driving longer than you have, therefor I am allowed to be a shitty driver."

oh, just a clarification, Stephanie meant that she and Brandon have been giving rides to our 6-person group of friends more than I have.

I'll make sure to post whatever response she gives me.

 

[ckm]

That is such an Si move...

"I've been driving longer than you have, therefor I am allowed to be a shitty driver."


I feel bad for her boyfriend actually, just because he is an ENFP. Ne doms seem to get attracted to Si doms, and then they think they are providing them with stability, but it is more of a cage. They always look so... defeated.

But you have basically used Si-Te in your FB message to counter her Si-Fe so I am curious to see how she is going to respond to that.

Wait, if RT is INTP, wouldn't he have used Si-Fe?

War strategy? Pawn to e4. Keep a logical central attack and you'll have her; nothing fancy.

 

[Adymus]

Wait, if RT is INTP, wouldn't he have used Si-Fe?

War strategy? Pawn to e4. Keep a logical central attack and you'll have her; nothing fancy.

Our Si and Fe is really working for our Ti-Ne, so it is pretty much that which you will be hearing out of him.

 

[ckm]

Yes, I understand that. But why did you say Si-Te?

 

[Adymus]

Yes, I understand that. But why did you say Si-Te?

Ooohhhh, because the links that he posted was basically Si-Te. The known facts and methodology about how we are supposed to drive.

 

[flow]

I honestly think she won't look at a single one of those links, and she's just going to think "GODDAMN IT RT (well, she'll use his real name at this point), DROP IT. I DRIVE FINE." So yeah, this probably won't go anywhere. I recommend a cease and desistance. No one wants to be debated on their driving ability, it's too deeply personal.

Also, for the record, RT you totally drive like my mom.

 

[Starfruit M.E.]

^I drive more safely than my mom. But not as much as my grandma. It's just safer that way. Those two minutes aren't worth your life, and if you schedule your time well enough you can show up on time and be safe a the same time.

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

Also, for the record, RT you totally drive like my mom.

You better not drive to Portland because I will freaking run you off the road!!

 

[flow]

Well then, you drive like my sister! My mistake!

 

[echoplex]

I'd fear she may be the type of person who would actually have to get into an accident to stop feeling like this is an attack. I think your message to her was very considerate and reasonable. Quite impressive really. Sadly, this may have no bearing on her response, but I could also see this as just a case of someone needing a cool-down period after a perceived attack. Does she typically hold grudges, or does she get over things quickly?

 

[Mello]

ISFJ vs INTP. INTP wins.

 

[ashitaria]

ISFJ=

INTP=

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

The response!

Re: safety
Hi Peter
I will take your concerns into consideration and work on my following distance.

One of my big pet peeves is backseat driving. To me it feels like I'm being needled in each move I make. I know that is not your intention, it just grates on my nerves. This is especially annoying when I am being quizzed on what way I am going and am instructed to change my own direction. Which has nothing to do with safety. Plus, when Stevie or anyone else drives no one says anything if they decide to speed up or weave between traffic, etc.

I've noticed that recently nate has been doing backseat driving too. I am not angry about it, it just grates on my nerves, and it makes me less willing to drive everyone. I'm also wondering why the backseat driving has started up again since people stopped soon after I got a car and told people it annoyed me.

I do not mean to say that you do not contribute enough to the group. Because you do. I don't like to check and balance my relationships. The events I drive to probably don't always involve you. However, when I start feeling like I am always the DD or more often than not, I drive everyone to an event, I start to become reluctant of going out. I propose that we take turns (you, me, brandon, molly, nate, everyone) like we did when stevie was in town. So perhaps the drivers of a group can come to an agreement. So everyone can have turns drinking a little and having fun.

Thanks

Stephanie

Pretty reasonable, I do feel like it's kinda formal and firm, but then again the tone of my message was also pretty formal and firm.

I think this is the happy ending?

 

[Mello]

Yep. You won.

 

[Fukyo]

ISFJ=

INTP=

You'll marry a nice ISFJ girl one day.

 

[Adymus]

The response!


Pretty reasonable, I do feel like it's kinda formal and firm, but then again the tone of my message was also pretty formal and firm.

I think this is the happy ending?

In the future, if you need to criticize something she is doing, you should fake Fi.

What I mean by that is, focus more on how it effects you, rather than focusing on her error. For example "It makes me nervous when you drive so close to people like that."

 

[ashitaria]

You'll marry a nice ISFJ girl one day.

Ugh, no way. The thought makes me shudder.

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

Interacting with ISFJs can be weird. It's like we're from different planets. Stephanie and I enjoy eachother's company, but we each do very different things. We usually need a "buffer" of other people. Ya know. Like some INFPs, ENFPs, ISFPs, etc.

 

[flow]

Fake Fi? Or just mean it instead.

 

[Adymus]

Fake Fi? Or just mean it instead.

Well no, even if you mean it you are still not actually using Fi.

You can mean what you say, but approach it in the way an Fi user would.

 

[ckm]

Can you explain why fake Fi would be effective?

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

Can you remind me what acting-like-a-Fi would be like?

 

[ckm]

Puppy dog eyes + flowers in your hair.

 

[Cavallier]

In the future, if you need to criticize something she is doing, you should fake Fi.

What I mean by that is, focus more on how it effects you, rather than focusing on her error. For example "It makes me nervous when you drive so close to people like that."

Hmmm...I'm not sure this would work. I think she would still feel like RT is backseat driving. I would go more along the lines of, "Jesus these other drivers are being crazy! What the hell is wrong with them? [a nice J statement for a J to agree with] Maybe we should back off so they won't kill us all. [an appeal to reason] Stupid people. [a handy use of F]". This gives a valid reason for not tailgating while also clearly placing the blame on other drivers and not bringing your friend's driving into question.

 

[Spectrum]

ISFJ=

INTP=

I fuckin love Matrix!

 

[ckm]

Hmmm...I'm not sure this would work. I think she would still feel like RT is backseat driving. I would go more along the lines of, "Jesus these other drivers are being crazy! What the hell is wrong with them? [a nice J statement for a J to agree with] Maybe we should back off so they won't kill us all. [an appeal to reason] Stupid people. [a handy use of F]". This gives a valid reason for not tailgating while also clearly placing the blame on other drivers and not bringing your friend's driving into question.

I do this all the time without even realising.

 

[Cavallier]

I do this all the time without even realizing.

?

 

[Adymus]

Can you explain why fake Fi would be effective?

Because criticizing their driving head on Ti style can be interpreted as a personal attack by an Fe user. To get anywhere with them, you have to allow them to save face, and taking the focus off of their driving abilities and putting it on how you feel about it is a much better approach to this than the "You're doing it wrong" method.


Cavalier: You know, that might just be crazy enough to work. But I have a feeling she might just say "I can handle it" and go on her merry way.

 

[Cavallier]

Cavalier: You know, that might just be crazy enough to work. But I have a feeling she might just say "I can handle it" and go on her merry way.

I agree that she might go with the tough "I've got it under control" attitude. Perhaps more swearing is needed?


*sigh* It's Cavallier with two L's. I misspell it for a reason.

 

[amazingdatagirl]

INTP married to ISFJ. My husband is solid citizen, church deacon, scoutmaster. First person to volunteer for everything. Rules MUST be obeyed.

Here is weird part - he drives like a crazy person. Not in a coked up, driving 100 MPH kind of way. On interstate, he sets cruise control on 65 MPH because he "doesn't want to get a ticket". He does scary passive-aggressive stuff like tailgating, boxing in drivers, and (my favorite) refusing to speed up when semi-truck is behind us. He HATES motorcycle clubs - the guy is going to get crap beat out of him some day.

Is this type of behavior typical of ISFJs?

 

[ijustprotectedmyidentity]

cruise control on 65 ahahahha

 

[walfin]

Because criticizing their driving head on Ti style can be interpreted as a personal attack by an Fe user. To get anywhere with them, you have to allow them to save face, and taking the focus off of their driving abilities and putting it on how you feel about it is a much better approach to this than the "You're doing it wrong" method.

Not to mention that her Fe serves to placate your Fi.

 

[amazingdatagirl]

cruise control on 65 ahahahha

Yeah, I've living in ISFJ land for so long that this kind of stuff seems normal.

Stephanie shows some maturity in her ability to accept (partial) responsibility for her behavior. Good sign that she will be able to avoid extremes of this personality type. Sounds like she may have felt overwhelmed by SF helpfulness and needed some alone time.