I'm weird

[jsibley1]

I suppose that I could make this an introduction as a new member but I'll save that thread for later. It's 3:15 AM, I cannot sleep, and I feel like rattling off some thoughts about me as an INTP.

I'm the oddball in all of my family. They are all anything but INTP and so I tend to get looked at as a weirdo. They all want big houses, lots of money, flashy cars, and a comfortable leisure life. Few of them read or do anything intellectually stimulating. They don't know anything about personal downtime and the joy that comes from creating in the mind. I can't hold conversations with them because all they want to talk about is pop culture crap.

Actually, that can be said about most of Western culture.

Me... I have no direction in my life. I hold a degree in mathematics and I haven't got a clue as to what I want to do with it or any of my other talents. I hate talking about it with people I know because they treat me like I am a failure at life, even at 25. You know, I'm happy for you that you can find enjoyment in whatever it is you do everyday for years. I can only find enjoyment for a short while before it's time to move on to something else.

Some told me to be a teacher because I get excited when I am talking about things I know very well. True... but let's not forget that I am terrible at actually teaching anything. I'd be much better off being a professor. Perhaps I'll do that in ten years.

I drive... a lot. Get tons of thinking done. I keep a journal in my truck so that when I have ideas, I can write them down.



Is it weird to drive to a mall just to walk around and watch people and get away from the usual scenery? I once brought a math book and some paper with me into the mall so that I could study in the food court. Odd, I know...

I love going to bookstores for HOURS (at least 3... usually at least 4) to read books. Maybe once in every 20 visits I'll buy a book... I have enough books on my shelf that need reading. Most of them deal with mathematics or science. Some books on psychology. One on marketing because for about 5 days I thought I wanted to be a marketer.

I can't figure out what is up with my love/hate relationship with mathematics. Loved it in high school... then the tug-of-war began in college when I got tired of the GRIND of doing mathematics. I think it's the precision of subject and the beauty we can derive that I love about it. It's the rigid formality of it all that I just fucking hate.... I think. Not sure. One thing I love about physicists is their generally sloppy handling of mathematics.

When I would do proofs, I'd usually just stare at a blank sheet of paper until an outline of a proof came out. I HATED fiddling around with half baked ideas and toying with possibilities when I had no clue if they might lead to something bigger. Once I got the outline done and the tiresome details in... proof done for most people. But ohhhhh no.. not for me. The real fun came with making it better! Tinker with the language and the flow of the proof to make it perfect.

I love gadgets and electronics. I bought a handheld GPS unit a few months ago and I still can't stop playing with it. Add in Google Earth and these two get me all excited.

Television isn't important in my life. If I do watch TV, it's generally limited to 24, Mythbusters, Dirty Jobs, Jackass, or Family Guy.

Gossip is a waste of time and energy. Live and let live.

Like most INTPs, my taste is music depends on my current mood. I cannot listen to rock music if I am depressed and I cannot listen to soft music when I am excited. Really, the only music that changes my mood is rap/hip hop. Those (and related music) really piss me off... and it's probably just a trained reaction, too.

 

[JUN]

Yep, sounds like me alright.
And everyone in here.
Hahahahahah.
Enjoy.

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

Do you have a job? Find it satisfying?

 

[Melkor]

Ah...The rattling numbness of the unfulfilled existence.


Let me tell you a little secret...

INTP's are only satisfied once they consider themselves Gods.

Until then. You must trail the lonely path of dissatisfaction.


Of course, if you don't like my rhetoric, you can always become a serial killer.

Very fashionable thing these days, and I could give you a few newbie’s tips.

 

[Toad]

U seem perfectly normal to me.

Trust me, we all do "weird" things around here lol.

 

[Taprobane]

Aye, from what I can gather that is a perfectly normal post for around these parts. I know exactly what you're talking about...

 

[Carnap]

I envy you a bit. I suck at math for some reason. Languages, I can play with them, they go right into my brain and I can do lots of fun things with languages. But math...I am a total retard.

 

[warryer]

Ah...The rattling numbness of the unfulfilled existence.


Let me tell you a little secret...

INTP's are only satisfied once they consider themselves Gods.

Until then. You must trail the lonely path of dissatisfaction.

Haha so true! I don't know if you're joking or not but, I generally feel that I am "better" than most of the people I deal with. I have few equals.

@OP

Who gets to decide whats normal anyways?

One time, I was dropped off at the mall while I waited for my dad to get off work so we could go to the ball game. I parked myself in the food court with a cup of coffee and just read for an hour. I felt so awkward there. The mall to me just seems like one of those places where the superficial people of the world converge. I always feel as though every action I do is being judged. In hindsight they probably aren't but, I'm a God though aren't I?

 

[jsibley1]

Do you have a job? Find it satisfying?

A job? As opposed to a career or a calling? Yes. A year past graduation, I am delivering pizza. While I hate my job, I stay because it satisfies many things in me. For one, I spend 1/3 to 1/2 my time driving... I can listen to music, audiobooks, etc. Tons of time to think. If the store is busy, another part of my personality is satisfied... which I don't know how to articulate correctly. Basically, when I get good at a number of tasks, I am able to multitask like a madman and make all the correct decisions to satisfy the big picture. My attention span encompasses both the details and the big picture at the same time. It all becomes an intellectual challenge to me and I enter flow. I don't know anyone else that can do what I do. Not claiming I am special or better than everyone else... everyone has their own talents. They are great with dealing with people and they suck at dealing with systems (like the flow of the operation). I am great with systems and suck with people.

I went on a solo road trip this past month that lasted a whole month. Part of it was to see new things I never saw before and another part was to declutter my brain and figure out what I need to do and what I want to do. About two weeks ago it "hit" me: join the Air Force as an officer, pay off debts, learn cool new skills, go BACK to college for a masters in physics, get out and find a way to make money freelancing or consulting, and perhaps become a college professor...

I'm not sure how it could all play out... goals and interests can change, but right now.. every time I think about that course of action, I get fired up to do something... like pick up a book and learn all I can about any of those things.

Too smart to deliver pizza but right now I'm too lazy to make use of myself. Everyone tells me to become a manager at my place of work. Why? I'd hate it... being trapped in a store for 8+ hours, making less money, and it takes me nowhere closer to where I want to be. I mean, I could do it just to demonstrate to the AF that I have leadership qualities. But, I have tons of people that can vouch for my leadership qualities as a fucking DRIVER.

Did I bore you? Sorry...

Ah...The rattling numbness of the unfulfilled existence.


Let me tell you a little secret...

INTP's are only satisfied once they consider themselves Gods.

Until then. You must trail the lonely path of dissatisfaction.


Of course, if you don't like my rhetoric, you can always become a serial killer.

Very fashionable thing these days, and I could give you a few newbie’s tips.

Heh. Instead of being a serial killer, I'd rather rob government installations or casinos. Now THAT would be intellectually challenging!

As far as being God... I've tried that. It ended in major disappointment when I learned that people don't listen to me and for every fact that I learn, I discover there are 100 more that I don't know. It's an endless chase that a mere mortal can't win.

Right now I am reading a book titled "The Wisdom of Insecurity" by Alan Watts. Basically it's about how seperating ourselves from the universe and thinking that experience is something separate from ourselves is the root cause of all our anxiety and feels of pain. Basically, it all boils down to stop thinking you're God and that you can somehow escape pain or always feel pleasure on a 24/7 basis.

Awesome book.

I envy you a bit. I suck at math for some reason. Languages, I can play with them, they go right into my brain and I can do lots of fun things with languages. But math...I am a total retard.

We are polar opposites then. Heh. Back in High School I scored (on the old SAT) an 800 on the math section and a mere 500 on the Verbal. On the AP Calculus exam I scored a 5 like it was nothing. But when I was told to read Shakespeare or learn Spanish... it was torture for me. I didn't get it. I got through Spanish by memorizing stock phrases. The best I can do is barely speak Spanglish.

Though, if my school taught German I would have been more interested. I keep meaning to teach myself German but I keep losing interest just as quick as I gain it back.

I don't know why but I don't like novels or short stories. Perhaps it's because I want to learn useful things. For example, I'd rather read a book on differential equations than 1984.

 

[jsibley1]

Haha so true! I don't know if you're joking or not but, I generally feel that I am "better" than most of the people I deal with. I have few equals.

I get this feeling too but I'm trying to learn to see myself more as an equal when I'm in social settings because my superiority complex makes it hard for me to open up to people and relate.

@OP

@warryer

Who gets to decide whats normal anyways?

Great question. Because I'm a mathematician, I'd say it's simply the expected value over all the random values. The mean.

It depends one who I am around. Around family, I am abnormal to say the least. The best I can tell, all of them are sensors. Especially an uncle I used to do a lot of manual labor work with. I think he's an ESTP. He's fun to be around in short doses, but he's also a self-proclaimed "asshole uncle." Both of us cannot sit still but he never gives me the time to learn why I'm doing what I am doing and to figure out the system. He's impatient, like me, but he seems to pick up on mechanical work quick. Of course, if he worked for me, then things would be different. I'd probably call him an idiot for not understanding Einstein's Theory of Relativity.

At work, I've established myself as above normal because of how well I work.

I never had many friends in school (high school or university) because I have a hard time relating to others. The people I kept running into were party folks. The smart people I knew had different interests than me. Plus, I got addicted to my computer my freshman year so I found more comfort in Counter-Strike than people. I got to say, this didn't help my sex life at all. Total hottie hit on me my freshman year and wanted to get into my pants, but all I could think about was Counter-Strike. :-/

One time, I was dropped off at the mall while I waited for my dad to get off work so we could go to the ball game. I parked myself in the food court with a cup of coffee and just read for an hour. I felt so awkward there. The mall to me just seems like one of those places where the superficial people of the world converge. I always feel as though every action I do is being judged. In hindsight they probably aren't but, I'm a God though aren't I?

God wouldn't be visiting a mall

I agree, it's the meeting place for superficial people. It amazes me that people really shop at A&F and 30 year old guys look down from the top floor trying to spot a girl to hit on. The mall, for me, is a place to people watch and to see the sights, as it were. I like to see the kinds of things they sell at Hot Topic, for example. Plus, it's a GREAT testing ground when trying to improve your confidence.

A few months ago I was sitting in the food court just relaxing when this random hottie sat down at my table and started talking to me. I was thrown completely off and needless to say, fucked it all up. But, this stuff cannot happen when you're at home.

I guess if I had friends outside of work I'd be doing something else, like play tennis or visit theme parks. But, you know, you got to learn to entertain yourself. In all actuality, as I learned on my solo road trip, I don't need someone to hold my hand if I want to do something.

Most people thought it was weird as hell for me to go on a road trip ALONE. They asked why, who was I meeting, etc. I did it for me and I wasn't meeting anyone.

 

[preilemus]

yes. you are weird.

 

[warryer]

I get this feeling too but I'm trying to learn to see myself more as an equal when I'm in social settings because my superiority complex makes it hard for me to open up to people and relate.

Agreed. I don't hold others to the same standards that I hold myself, that is not really fair. I am currently working on ways to minimize the effects my ego has on my interaction with people. So far not much luck but I'm gonna keep trying. It's just too easy to throw out the new stuff in favor of whats known and predictable.

I never had many friends in school (high school or university) because I have a hard time relating to others. The people I kept running into were party folks. The smart people I knew had different interests than me. Plus, I got addicted to my computer my freshman year so I found more comfort in Counter-Strike than people. I got to say, this didn't help my sex life at all. Total hottie hit on me my freshman year and wanted to get into my pants, but all I could think about was Counter-Strike. :-/

Are you my long lost twin? That's totally me except replace Counter Strike with the first Call of Duty and I didn't have any hot girls hitting on me either lol. Well if they were I was too oblivious to notice.

I agree, it's the meeting place for superficial people. It amazes me that people really shop at A&F and 30 year old guys look down from the top floor trying to spot a girl to hit on. The mall, for me, is a place to people watch and to see the sights, as it were. I like to see the kinds of things they sell at Hot Topic, for example. Plus, it's a GREAT testing ground when trying to improve your confidence.

Yea people are pretty fascinating. I am very much into figuring out what makes people tick. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to go to a place like that and conduct my own personal social experiments. You'd think the anonymity of it all would be enough but, it's not.

I guess if I had friends outside of work I'd be doing something else, like play tennis or visit theme parks. But, you know, you got to learn to entertain yourself. In all actuality, as I learned on my solo road trip, I don't need someone to hold my hand if I want to do something.

Most people thought it was weird as hell for me to go on a road trip ALONE. They asked why, who was I meeting, etc. I did it for me and I wasn't meeting anyone.

Truth. I too actually went on a solo road trip. Wow, what an experience. It was only over a few days but that was enough. Not only did I learn things about myself but the States (and the world) feel like a smaller place, we really are all in this together!

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be a part of a group of people that meet and discuss intellectual matters, not just the weather etc. I find that this place is nearly as good as face to face.

Anyhow welcome! I can see you'll fit right in, I hope you enjoy your stay.

 

[RubberDucky451]

When an INTP calls himself weird he's essentially compliment himself. Calling yourself normal would be suicide-- at least for me.

The only thing better then people watching in the mall is being all alone in a mall with an ipod and a notepad.

 

[transformers]

You're an interesting guy. Definitely weird, but not in a bad way. Welcome to the forums. By the way, it's ironic you refer to girls as "hotties" and then flip 180 and express disdain for superficial people. Wanting to fuck a random stranger because they look good is as superficial as it gets.

 

[Aiss]

When I would do proofs, I'd usually just stare at a blank sheet of paper until an outline of a proof came out. I HATED fiddling around with half baked ideas and toying with possibilities when I had no clue if they might lead to something bigger. Once I got the outline done and the tiresome details in... proof done for most people. But ohhhhh no.. not for me. The real fun came with making it better! Tinker with the language and the flow of the proof to make it perfect.

Toying with possibilities is great! Does it matter if they lead to something bigger, if the possibility itself is interesting? You sound like some INTJ .

... on the second thought, your Pness is hardly disputable. No direction in life seems to be a trend here.

INTP's are only satisfied once they consider themselves Gods.

Actually I think it goes for ENTPs as well, only they seem to actually believe to have reached the state much more often.

 

[jsibley1]

Are you my long lost twin? That's totally me except replace Counter Strike with the first Call of Duty and I didn't have any hot girls hitting on me either lol. Well if they were I was too oblivious to notice.

I generally stuck to CS and Quake III CPMA. I'd play them 40+ hours a week but I wasn't big on trying new games. My goal was to become a very good player in both games... which I managed to do. I have XBox and I have played Halo 3 and Call of Duty a few times, but not much.

Yea people are pretty fascinating. I am very much into figuring out what makes people tick. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to go to a place like that and conduct my own personal social experiments. You'd think the anonymity of it all would be enough but, it's not.

Just walk up to someone and say "I like your face" and see what happens.

Truth. I too actually went on a solo road trip. Wow, what an experience. It was only over a few days but that was enough. Not only did I learn things about myself but the States (and the world) feel like a smaller place, we really are all in this together!

Where did you go? I've talked way too much about my trip since coming back I don't feel like going into details, but I went to places like White Sands, Grand Canyon, Death Valley, Vegas, Great Basin NP, Canyonlands/Arches, Denver, etc. What an amazing experience. I come back realizing just how much smaller the world is than I thought and how little time I have in this universe.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be a part of a group of people that meet and discuss intellectual matters, not just the weather etc. I find that this place is nearly as good as face to face.

The closest I had to this was back in high school. My lunch table consisted of about 4 or 5 other people and we'd just talk about random things.. not in a way most people do but in a more intellectually stimulating way. Thinking back on it, we were all probably INTPs... the only 5 in a school of 2,000 people.

Most of the smart people in my HS I couldn't relate to. I don't know why. We just didn't "click." For example, I knew this one guy that was in my math classes... we were both looked at as very smart and the most capable.. but we just couldn't relate. We both took programming a few years later but in different periods. I knew which computer he used so I'd log in, review his code, critique it, offer my suggestions, etc. But that was the extent of it. Never hung out.

When an INTP calls himself weird he's essentially compliment himself. Calling yourself normal would be suicide-- at least for me.

Please don't kill yourself

The only thing better then people watching in the mall is being all alone in a mall with an ipod and a notepad.

I don't know.. I couldn't walk around the mall with an MP3 player. But thank you for reminding me about the notebook... I keep meaning to buy a small notebook to carry around with me.

You're an interesting guy. Definitely weird, but not in a bad way. Welcome to the forums. By the way, it's ironic you refer to girls as "hotties" and then flip 180 and express disdain for superficial people. Wanting to fuck a random stranger because they look good is as superficial as it gets.

Well, it does sound superficial. I cannot really defy my genes and raging testosterone. However, I do take into account how intelligent or interesting I perceive her to be. "Ditsiness" and stupidity really turn me off. I believe that I prize intelligence over physical features enough to not be superficial myself. If I cannot hold a conversation with her, I cannot muster up the needed effort to hang around her.

Toying with possibilities is great! Does it matter if they lead to something bigger, if the possibility itself is interesting? You sound like some INTJ .

I tested as an INTJ a few times, but 90% of the time it's INTP. Anyway, the INTP description fits me better than anything else. I sometimes flip between S and N but I am mostly N.

Now that I think about it, I failed to explain what I meant by toying with possibilities. I love doing this... if an idea hits me, I love to play with it. But if I am confined to a single problem, I'm not looking for all the possibilities that branch off the problem... I'm looking for the answer. Trust me, when I was in class I spent more time playing with ideas that the professor sparked in my mind than actually listening to the lecture. If you were to see my "notes," they are full of side-tracked ideas.

... on the second thought, your Pness is hardly disputable. No direction in life seems to be a trend here.

Yea, I got hundreds of unfinished projects and tons of half read books. Jack of all trades, master of none.

Actually I think it goes for ENTPs as well, only they seem to actually believe to have reached the state much more often.

Wasn't Richard Feynman an ENTP?

 

[Aiss]

I tested as an INTJ a few times, but 90% of the time it's INTP. Anyway, the INTP description fits me better than anything else. I sometimes flip between S and N but I am mostly N.

Now that I think about it, I failed to explain what I meant by toying with possibilities. I love doing this... if an idea hits me, I love to play with it. But if I am confined to a single problem, I'm not looking for all the possibilities that branch off the problem... I'm looking for the answer. Trust me, when I was in class I spent more time playing with ideas that the professor sparked in my mind than actually listening to the lecture. If you were to see my "notes," they are full of side-tracked ideas.

Yea, I got hundreds of unfinished projects and tons of half read books. Jack of all trades, master of none.

Wasn't Richard Feynman an ENTP?

I was joking about INTJness . Exams are one of the few occasions my shadow Ni wakes up and I get into INTJ-like mode, so I kind of relate to it. Usual exploring of possibilities takes way too much time then.

Feynman? As probable as Einstein having been an INTP, I suppose.