Mhm, I have some time today to ponder over my development again...
During the year of university in CS program, I did not delve into programming only. What I found is that in most cases, I did not tend to stick with one idea and explore it deeply. I went from one to another, satisfied with marginal understanding of it. In my opinion, that my signify that I am not Ti, but maybe Te. Not sure about that though. I tried to research everything about particular stuff I wanted but time pressures and other stuff to do forced me to leave the problem altogether.
Same stuff happened with programming languages. I explored many languages but did not become competent in any because I find learning new language very tedious. Except Haskell, that was new and interesting way to program.
I took up physical exercises for some time but did not stick wiht my goals as coursework and work ate most of the time. And I never missed that even though my current idea is to undertake something different like karate or something of this sort because I am very bored to pick up things and put them down(bodybuilding). I started this routine several times but never stuck with it for more than 2 months. I mostly want to undertake something new and thus I am considering some martial arts. I get very mentally tired without going out and in my opinion, training physically would help.
Now, I am interested in Sci-Fi but I see the other side of technology which will be used against human beings at some point. That makes me think hard about my role in technology. On the one hand, one has no excuse to not develop something new but on the other hand, I know that inventions will be used against me and others at some point. My biggest worry now is the issue of handling new technologies by people. Anyone with some research knows that there are classified projects going on and that people who run these things know that population would be able to handle new technologies and thus keep it under security. I see a need for spiritual evolution not technology. Because without it, we won't be able to handle tech. I certainly could but a lot crazies out there would not. This is one of the ideas I wrestled with for a long time because it applies to me and everyone on this planet.
I am not always happy with theory. I hate learning programming concepts without seeing why it's useful. If I can see applications, I will learn it. It's not that I don't like theory. It's because the time is limited for many things and I am trying to optimize as much as possible. You can't learn everything. I was in awe of software design patterns. They were so beautiful that I thought that I'd like to be software architect and not that much the implementer of logic. It seemed a lot more interesting to design stuff because one you have full design, implementation is a lot easier and only takes keyboard bashing.
I love music. Classical and instrument I play with - accordion. Here's an excerpt of a guy who is my role model for development of my abilities.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPnVEVnI9-U I could probably spend 6 months or so to be able to play some of these compositions. I really like playing for myself and don't liek performing on stage.
Unfortunately, I see my detachment from others as a handicap. I did not make many friends during first year because I was busy reading, learning and people just did not like me almost always being on the higher level of thinking and topics I wanted to talk about. Most people were interested in more concrete ideas while I wanted to discuss say technology and future of humanity and to brainstorm what could happen. I just find it very interesting and most people turns off after some time when you talk about that. I am not interested in parties too which makes me really unattractive person to invite anywhere. I am looking for people who would like to go for a run or do some training together in the mornings. My goal is to try to speak with more people because even though I am very independent, it gets increasingly harder to not engage with others. I think that's a sign that my development should now be directed towards people more instead of myself.
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