How do INTPs Love?

[HasteTheDay]

The question is simple...what do you think about love? And if you were in love with someone, or were very interested in them in a romantic way, how would you interact with them differently? Do INTP's love? (Not meant to be an insult...honest question.)


I ask this because I dearly love someone who I *think* is an INTP, which I'm assuming based on what I've read of the type. I've been trying to figure out for what feels like forever whether or not he loves me as I do him. And it's throwing my mind into chaos.

For example...I think I notice a slight change in character from when he's interacting with me to when he's interacting with other people. I think his eyes, voice, and touch are softer...I think he sits/stands closer to me than others and is 'drawn' to me...But I could be tricking myself. I don't know. I think I see a lot of things. Does that sound like an INTP in love? Or some other type?

He's literally my only real friend. So I do not want him to start distancing himself because I misperceived his behavior, and he isn't interested.

I don't even know how to approach it...I've never even been in a relationship before, which explains a lot. As an INTP and as a person, how would you prefer a girl to ask if you love her, if even at all.

If this information is relevant...which it probably is...I myself am an INFP. We are both teenagers, same age. So "how would you have gone about interacting with your love as a teen?" is probably a more accurate question. I know people change as they age.

Thanks, guys: greatly appreciated.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

That sound VERY much like an INTP in love.

The only way I am able to show a girl I really like her is by being much more of a 'soft' person, avoiding cruel jokes and such, trying to be a little helpful, and just trying to keep some conversations going. I'm too scared to touch her or anything. And I try to look her in the eyes a little more than I do with other people(which is almost never). Oh and I try to appear happier with her than I am with other people, so basically constantly having some sort of slight smile on my face.

I would just enjoy it if girls told me they liked me or not, I'm too shy to say anything about the matter, and I wouldn't be offended(if that's the right word for it) or creeped out or so if a girl told me she liked me and I didn't like her back.

 

[Bird]

INTPs don't love.

 

[Bird]

That sound VERY much like an INTP in love.

The only way I am able to show a girl I really like her is by being much more of a 'soft' person, avoiding cruel jokes and such, trying to be a little helpful, and just trying to keep some conversations going. I'm too scared to touch her or anything. And I try to look her in the eyes a little more than I do with other people(which is almost never). Oh and I try to appear happier with her than I am with other people, so basically constantly having some sort of slight smile on my face.

I would just enjoy it if girls told me they liked me or not, I'm too shy to say anything about the matter, and I wouldn't be offended(if that's the right word for it) or creeped out or so if a girl told me she liked me and I didn't like her back.

I like you.

 

[Redfire]

I am an INTP male teenager myself. I think I've been in love once, but I'm not even sure. And what I did was try to hide it in every possible way. We became really close friends and I used to think a lot about her but she never noticed it. But the people who knew me noticed it because I don't spend time with girls at all, this was really an exception.

I don't know, I guess love makes me feel kind of weak. But if this girl had approach me I don't think it "how" would've mattered much, I mean, I liked her. Actually I did things with her that I wouldn't do alone, just to spend time with her.

An advice: try to kiss him, but don't tell him what you feel. At least not at first. Some girls told me they loved me in the past and that just drove me away from them. Now: if he loves you then you may have a wonderful relationship, I wouldn't know because I never had one.

By the way, love is quit a big word for me. I mean, since that time when I think I loved that girl, I completely shutted down my feelings. I rather be alone, I felt really powerless when I was in love.

 

[Zionoxis]

Something I quickly discovered about myself is that my form of showing affection is extremely hard to detect. Since I have studied body language and psychology, I purposely will change my diction and body language around that person to match. What I did not know was that it is not as obvious to others as it is to me.

In my opinion, INTP's do have a way of showing affection, but it is very subtle and you have to look for it. We do feel deeply for the person, but understand that showing has and always will be a handicap. I am a bit controlling so because I know my partner is not INTP, I generally expect her to be a bit more expressive. I guess that she is not because I am not, or so I am told. I am not because it is who I am.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I like you.

<3

 

[HasteTheDay]

OK...So it sounds like I'm definitely not over-analyzing, then.

I'm not exactly the bold type, either, but I'd sweep him off his feet and carry him into the sunset if that's what it takes to get things moving. Well, I probably couldn't work up the courage to do that, but I've got to try...

Would he cease being subtle and withdrawn about displaying affection eventually? Or is that just the INTP way to stay?

And I don't want to say anything improper, but while I'm here I may as well ask, right? ... How do male INTPs feel about 'rough intercourse'? I'm sorry, I had to ask...

 

[xbox]

what is this "love" thing you speak of?

 

[cheese]

OK...So it sounds like I'm definitely not over-analyzing, then.

I'm not exactly the bold type, either, but I'd sweep him off his feet and carry him into the sunset if that's what it takes to get things moving. Well, I probably couldn't work up the courage to do that, but I've got to try...

Would he cease being subtle and withdrawn about displaying affection eventually? Or is that just the INTP way to stay?

And I don't want to say anything improper, but while I'm here I may as well ask, right? ... How do male INTPs feel about 'rough intercourse'? I'm sorry, I had to ask...

Woman, that's totally personal. o.o It varies by the individual. If you need to know that, ask him when the time's right.

 

[BigApplePi]

I will have to think about this because it's hard to generalize. Depends on the girl.

The question is simple...what do you think about love? And if you were in love with someone, or were very interested in them in a romantic way, how would you interact with them differently? Do INTP's love? (Not meant to be an insult...honest question.)

Love is different from desire. Love is a relationship. Certainly I would seek such a relationship. Starting out small, if I were interested, I'd look for a sign of reciprocation. Who is showing first here? Almost certainly if the woman shows something first I would back away. What does she mean? Suggestions are okay but it has to awaken something in me. Whatever she does or however she reacts I would have to think it over. What do I want and what does she mean? These things have to happen slowly. Fast moves on the female's part could threaten me with control or domination. I would back away from that very quickly.

I ask this because I dearly love someone who I *think* is an INTP, which I'm assuming based on what I've read of the type. I've been trying to figure out for what feels like forever whether or not he loves me as I do him. And it's throwing my mind into chaos.

If you think he's an INTP, what do you think you are? Later: you answered INFP. Good.

For example...I think I notice a slight change in character from when he's interacting with me to when he's interacting with other people. I think his eyes, voice, and touch are softer...I think he sits/stands closer to me than others and is 'drawn' to me...But I could be tricking myself. I don't know. I think I see a lot of things. Does that sound like an INTP in love? Or some other type?

He's literally my only real friend. So I do not want him to start distancing himself because I misperceived his behavior, and he isn't interested.

As I was saying, love is a relationship. What do you want? Do you want a full blown thing for you or do you want to check him out first? I would want some broad idea of where this thing might be going. Can you ask him small questions to feel him out? My responses would depend a lot on what I see in you. What am I looking for? A date? A relationship of unknown length? An experience? Sex? I'm not going to tell you that.

I don't even know how to approach it...I've never even been in a relationship before, which explains a lot. As an INTP and as a person, how would you prefer a girl to ask if you love her, if even at all.

Do I love her? I wouldn't want to answer that at all. I have to be sure my feelings are safe.

If this information is relevant...which it probably is...I myself am an INFP. We are both teenagers, same age. So "how would you have gone about interacting with your love as a teen?" is probably a more accurate question. I know people change as they age.

Thanks, guys: greatly appreciated.

I am far from a teenager ... and married. As a teen I was far too shy. I would want to go slooowly. I'm not sure whether you should take anything I say seriously, lol.

Edit: I read further down and saw this:

How do male INTPs feel about 'rough intercourse'?

Could you explain a little more about what you mean by that?

 

[HasteTheDay]

(Cheese) Yeah...You're probably right Scratch that.

 

[HasteTheDay]

@ BigApplePi...

As a teen I was far too shy. I would want to go slooowly.

Like...how slow? I don't want to seem threatening or anything. I actually prefer the male to make the first move...but he was being very subtle and I wasn't sure if it was anything at all. I just feel something there.

I want to be with him forever and ever if I can. I'm not psychotically possessive or anything, I just don't go for quick flings.

He was hard to get to know well, but we've virtually been each others' only friend for the last 2 years. So I think I know what I'm getting into as far as who he is, and I like who he is. He's fascinating. I admire him. I want to be just like him. So I guess I both love and desire him.

Could you explain a little more about what you mean by that?

Didn't see that at first. I mean as in rape fantasies and strangling and such. I know that would come a lot later, but it's still something I'd like to know if he's into at all...:/ But I dunno if INTPs differ dramatically on that matter or what.

...sorry if that seems a bit scary or something.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Didn't see that at first. I mean as in rape fantasies and strangling and such. I know that would come a lot later, but it's still something I'd like to know if he's into at all...:/ But I dunno if INTPs differ dramatically on that matter or what.

...sorry if that seems a bit scary or something.

huh

 

[BigApplePi]

@ BigApplePi...

Like...how slow? I don't want to seem threatening or anything. I actually prefer the male to make the first move...but he was being very subtle and I wasn't sure if it was anything at all. I just feel something there.

Can you describe that subtlety or did you already? For example, if he sits close to you, you can try moving closer to him and see what he does. If absolutely nothing, try closer yet and when he moves away, laugh as if it were a joke. Try an "accidental touch" and wait a day or so. He will remember.

I want to be with him forever and ever if I can. I'm not psychotically possessive or anything, I just don't go for quick flings.

He was hard to get to know well, but we've virtually been each others' only friend for the last 2 years. So I think I know what I'm getting into as far as who he is, and I like who he is. He's fascinating. I admire him. I want to be just like him. So I guess I both love and desire him.

When you let slip out 'rough intercourse' earlier, you meant passion, not violent sex, didn't you? You are looking for love, and are not a masochist. Do I have that right?

 

[Blue Dream]

(Cheese) Yeah...You're probably right Scratch that.

Why? You asked your question for a reason, don't change your mind now! I will now attempt to give you a reply that you can make use of. I personally STRONGLY DISLIKE being in a relationship with a girl who is very shy about their sexuality/sex in general or who doesn't... er... do anything/know what to do in the bedroom (my last girlfriend would just lie there in silence... not really a good time). As far as "rough" intercourse goes, that's just a matter of personal preference, as it depends on the person in question. But in this situation, the solution is simple. If you end up with this INTP you speak of, just ask him his preferences for pretty much anything you want to know, and tell him your preferences. Being an INTP myself, I really dislike having to guess what my partner likes in a relationship, since if I have to guess I could possibly be wrong, and is it really so much for then to just tell me? I mean, once I know, I can act with more confidence and put the knowledge to good use (this applies to any part of a relationship, btw, not just sex).

Anyways, I hope you can make sense of this in some way. You can ask me any sort of relationship question you desire and I'll give you the best response I can manage.

 

[Bird]

I want to be with him forever and ever if I can.

You don't even know if he's into you.


If I were you I would never utter the above words to him.
Nor would I say I love you unless we had been in a long
lasting exclusive relationship.

 

[Bird]

While we're at it, let's never say "please don't leave me", either.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

Didn't see that at first. I mean as in rape fantasies and strangling and such. I know that would come a lot later, but it's still something I'd like to know if he's into at all...:/ But I dunno if INTPs differ dramatically on that matter or what.

...sorry if that seems a bit scary or something.

I was about to say that I'd be fine with intercourse, even though I'm a virgin ahah. That doesn't sound bad, but then I read the stuff about strangling and rape and I got a little creeped out. I guess you could slowly try to get him into it, INTPs are generally pretty curious and open-minded. I just wouldn't start about it so suddenly. Begin with... I don't know... less uhh... 'intense' games, I guess.

But then again, I don't have any experience in this field.

 

[Blue Dream]

Also, wait a good couple of years before you ever say the word "marriage" in front of him. Unlike my ex, who wanted to start talking about marriage after a month or so. Really scares us away, ya' kno? We don't mind being in a relationship that we enjoy, but don't talk about commitment before the proper time has come. And that time may take quite a while to arrive...

 

[digital angel]

All I can say is take it slow.

 

[HasteTheDay]

@Bird...definitely. I'd never say that to his face, I know things like that scare a lot of people away. I think if I uttered half the words I think they'd send me to get my head checked out for something, actually...I'm incredibly socially defunct in case no one noticed.

Being an INTP myself, I really dislike having to guess what my partner likes in a relationship, since if I have to guess I could possibly be wrong, and is it really so much for then to just tell me?

I think everyone has this issue at some point...like how I'm hating feeling like he likes me because of the way he's acting, but can never know until I ask.

About the bondage stuff...I wouldn't try to make him like it if he didn't, not at all, I was just wondering. I do think I'd like the experience, but it isn't a must or anything. Really, it's not that important.

For example, if he sits close to you, you can try moving closer to him and see what he does. If absolutely nothing, try closer yet and when he moves away, laugh as if it were a joke. Try an "accidental touch" and wait a day or so. He will remember.

I like this idea.

But what do you mean by 'he will remember...'?

 

[Bird]

I don't mean this in any sort of negative or critical way
but I think you may be being a little naive about the
whole thing.

You said you've never been in a relationship, which means
that you don't know what you want/need, you think
you know, but sometimes it turns out entirely wrong.

I once thought I would be okay with someone choking
me fiercely during sex, I found out being gagged until
I nearly pass out is not my thing.


Also, you say that what you like sexually isn't a big deal.
You'll find out it is. If you're not sexually compatible with
someone it's hard to stay in a relationship with him.


I think you may be idealizing the situation. You say he's
your only real friend which makes you appear as though
you are lonely. It's natural you cling to him then, grow to
fancy him because you start viewing him as your saviour
(we're using the word symbolically here, not literally) so
you become attached and start letting your girly imagination
fantasize and run wild.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

I'm really creeped out by the idea that a lot of girls out there are walking around with masochistic sexual fantasies now.

My view of the world has once again changed quite a bit now.

I like this idea.

But what do you mean by 'he will remember...'?

As an INTP, I remember everything a girl does that might indicate she likes me. I think that's what 'the person you're quoting' meant.

 

[sammael]

Wow, popular thread. Everyone wants to get in on this one

As ApplePi said, it's hard to generalize. And there actually is often a significant difference between different individuals of the same type, which does make it hard. But perhaps INTPf will give you some clues. Here's my two cents.

There is a BIG difference between being interested in someone and being in love. From my perspective the falling love process takes place only in a relationship. It is possible to love someone, but not to fall in love with someone without the interaction that can happen only in a relationship. So I find it hard to believe you love him as you have described. Now this is not to say you do not, or are wrong, I say that only to give you an idea of an INTP-s perspective of love.

I think we are very wary of love. We do not want to be in a position where we are not in control or feel weak. And yes, we will want to go slowly, and work things out as we go. Everything needs to make sense. You might find that hard to understand, but if you want it to work you will have to try. Do not mention love until you are at the least well into the relationship. And as Bird said, never tell him you want to be with him forever and ever, that's scary, illogical, and very hard to understand.

If you want a lasting, meaningful relationship, you'll have to do it his way, that's just how we work. That means, as everyone has said, slooowwwly. Do not push anything on him, and do not pressure him, the automatic response would be to bail out. It will be hard for you, especially because he likely won't give you much notice as to what's going on. How open are you with each other? Start a conversation about relationships, just make sure you don't bring anything personal into it. Find out his stance, views and thoughts about being in a relationship (in general, not with you, do not make it personal).

If he does seem open to the idea of a relationship, then you're probably just going to have to ask him if he's interested in a relationship with you. The chances are he won't take the initiative, I can't really see any other way than asking him outright. The key to it would be the way you do it, I suggest the best way would be by being neutral, not bringing emotions or your feelings into it, just asking simply if he would be interested in a relationship with you. And then leaving it up to him, he may need time to think about it.

If he doesn't seem interested in the idea of a relationship, or doesn't want a relationship with you, you'll just have to let it go. Not get emotional about it, not take it personally, not mention it again and not let it affect the way you interact with him. That's the only way you will be able to remain friends.

Ahh.. This all reminds me of the heady days of young love, although I think I'm glad I've been there and got that over with.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I'm really creeped out by the idea that a lot of girls out there are walking around with masochistic sexual fantasies now.

My view of the world has once again changed quite a bit now.

Try not to delude yourself, I know it's too easy. While it's true many are out there with fetishes and what-not, you'd be ignoring the reality of the situation in terms of the trust, seriousness and familiarity, and also the type of masochism involved. It's not like they're standing out the street with signs ready and willing and it can range from a small curiosity to full blown expectancy of pain. While I'm sure they come in many different types, for the most part, it'd be a private thing reserved for proven individuals.

 

[Hadoblado]

Can you describe that subtlety or did you already?

Let this man be forever known as intp!

Funnily enough in my teenage years I was in love with an INFP lady who did not return said love. I never told her until years later, and it turned out I was right in this circumstance not to. If I have feelings for a girl, I act much in the way you have described your friend. Furthermore, if a girl I am close friends with were to express feelings in me which I did not feel back, it would not be that big a deal for me; I would not be weird or stop being her friend. If your suspected INTP is like me in these regards, you will achieve nothing by doing nothing, and lose little by giving it a try.

As the others have said though, I would refrain from coming on too strongly. If you mention 'love' he will probably freak out and you will die alone...

Marriage/babies/commitment/bondage - as above.

So I'd bring it up as if it were no big deal, like you're sorta happy either way, but since you're already good friends why not reap some erm... benefits? Of course this is a shitty example but I can trust you'll tailor up your own approach? I am actually sorta tickled to hear such an earnest teen crush It's sorta cute (not that I have emotions, being an INTP an all that).

 

[EyeSeeCold]

OP what type are you?

 

[digital angel]

I think all of this is a good response for you. I hope it helps you.

Personally, I like love (vis a vis a relationship) as a concept and not much else. I have incredibly fantastic friends and colleagues. Otherwise, I just don't see myself in a relationship. I love my career/profession. I don't think any thing or person can top that.

 

[sammael]

@Bird...definitely. I'd never say that to his face, I know things like that scare a lot of people away. I think if I uttered half the words I think they'd send me to get my head checked out for something, actually...I'm incredibly socially defunct in case no one noticed.

I didn't notice. Don't be too hard on yourself, you sound pretty normal. Everyone has crazy thoughts that no one else should hear. And probably many of us could be placed in that category too, it doesn't mean anything.

I don't mean this in any sort of negative or critical way
but I think you may be being a little naive about the
whole thing.

You said you've never been in a relationship, which means
that you don't know what you want/need, you think
you know, but sometimes it turns out entirely wrong.

I once thought I would be okay with someone choking
me fiercely during sex, I found out being gagged until
I nearly pass out is not my thing.


Also, you say that what you like sexually isn't a big deal.
You'll find out it is. If you're not sexually compatible with
someone it's hard to stay in a relationship with him.


I think you may be idealizing the situation. You say he's
your only real friend which makes you appear as though
you are lonely. It's natural you cling to him then, grow to
fancy him because you start viewing him as your saviour
(we're using the word symbolically here, not literally) so
you become attached and start letting your girly imagination
fantasize and run wild.

I'm impressed Bird.

Well said, I agree, although this may be something that has to be learnt from experience. Thinking we know someone, doesn't necessarily mean we do. Thinking we would work with someone in a relationship, doesn't necessarily mean we would. Thinking sex would be great with someone, doesn't mean it will be. Some things we cannot know until we have experienced.

Rough sex fantasies are not uncommon, its nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of. Although the degree of 'roughness' obviously varies, and what is perceived as rough. Tread carefully, it's better to find your limits slowly rather than overstep them, and if you do engage in that, make sure both parties are completely aware of what is happening/expected.

As to how I feel about rough intercourse.. I'm neither for it, nor against it. Most of the satisfaction from sex for me comes from getting the girl off, so whatever she's into, then that's fine with me. I just make sure I understand her wants, expectations and limits, obviously communication is important to be mutually satisfying. I don't know if that's just me, or whether it's type related.

 

[Hadoblado]

Yeah you'd better be careful with the communication in the rough department. I have nothing against the rough, but I would always be second guessing whether I was doing too much/not enough.

 

[HasteTheDay]

Yes, the most common responses seem to be:

- never speak of love or anything that may sound clingy or strong
- go very . . . s l l o o o w w w l l l y y y . . .

And if none of this works out (which I will be distraught about and end up sobbing privately over for months, maybe a suicidal thought here and there), I'll have not scared him out of being my friend. Gotcha

Funny story...or at least I think it's funny. It was my freshman year of high school and I had the worst/best crush on this one guy. He was an INTJ (I know this because he had a tee shirt with 'INTJ' on it in big letters. I asked him about it).
I think they're exactly the same as you guys on love and all. I heard from his friends that he thought I was cute and almost gave myself a heart attack. My obsessive impulse kicked in.

Somewhere down the line, being my socially graceless self, I told him I wanted to have his babies :/. I was really determined to prove my love to him. I wrote him a long poem that I revised at least 50 times, trying to get it just right. I read a whole book on the subject for the sake of that one poem. I bought him a box of chocolates. I tried to get him to go to the ballet with me. I poured my heart out to him. I think it was too much.

That experience + your advice = lesson well learned on dealing with INTJs/INTPs. You're a tough bunch...

 

[Melllvar]

I was really determined to prove my love to him. I wrote him a long poem that I revised at least 50 times, trying to get it just right. I read a whole book on the subject for the sake of that one poem.

This is exactly the kind of thing I would do.

My condolences. You have a hard life ahead.

 

[Bird]

If you were into female INFPs, you'd win her heart
with your little date for Potential Baby Daddy.

 

[HasteTheDay]

Yeah. I'm the kind of person who would erect the Taj Mahal for my love if I had the resources to do so.

 

[digital angel]

HasteTheDay: There's someone out there for you.

 

[Hadoblado]

I've heard we're a tough bunch before (though I'd consider myself a little softer than a few). Are infp considered soft? all the infp I've met have been.

 

[Zionoxis]

As an INTP, I have gotten good at faking emotions when I need them. Not sure if that is necessarily good.

 

[sammael]

This is exactly the kind of thing I would do.

My condolences. You have a hard life ahead.

HasteTheDay: There's someone out there for you.

Who says INTP-s aren't empathetic?

This is a good illustration of the difference between NT-s and NF-s. Don't lose hope though, we're not entirely impossible.

Yes, the most common responses seem to be:

- never speak of love or anything that may sound clingy or strong
- go very . . . s l l o o o w w w l l l y y y . . .

You got it. This probably makes no sense to you, but understanding this is true of us, and why, will help you a lot. We really are from different planets (INTP vs. INFP) in the way we think, act and behave.

A question you asked that wasn't really answered is do INTP-s love and would he cease being subtle and withdrawn about displaying affection eventually? Again, this depends on the individual, and it's hard to generalise. But INTP-s feel love in the same way that you or anyone else does, our definition is just perhaps a bit more strict, and we are naturally more cautious. But we are certainly capable of feeling intense love, and certainly capable of displaying this. However we need very good reason for this to happen, there has to be a strong connection already there, and we have to be completely sure it is reciprocated.

That means it will take time, but if we decide that we are safe with this person, that we can let go, there will be no holding us back (that's how it is for me anyway). I believe INTP-s can make very satisfying partners (as long as we are getting what we need, and feel the give/take ratio is in balance) because we are very good at analyzing people/situations and figuring out what people want/need, and we are usually very good at understanding. INTP-s are also usually very open minded, and open to communication. We can be very caring, and express this, I think there just needs to be reason, and we need to be able to justify it.

 

[xbox]

I attract extroverts because of "mysteriousness" (whatever that means). But then they see "oh she wants to take it slow", and I guess they dont.

I have a feeling, I might be one of the last ones. if ever, to find someone.

Whatever though.. they aren't my priority in life at this moment.

 

[xbox]

I'm also really curious about the types of guys an INTP female would get along with.

 

[Hadoblado]

pffft xbox stop being so melodramatic, I'll be there waiting longer than you

Maybe we should make one of those pacts or something? If we both haven't found someone by the time we're 40 then you can do my laundry and I'll... think of something manly in the meantime that I know how to do. Plumbing? Mechanics? Wood chopping?


...how can I read so many books and still know how to do so little?

 

[Melllvar]

As an INTP, I have gotten good at faking emotions when I need them. Not sure if that is necessarily good.

Yeah sorry but I have no idea what you're talking about here. In general I have trouble relating to most of the "don't have emotions" stuff people post. When I seriously like someone at all, much less LOVE them, my 'feelings' tend to take control and the rational brain is pretty much powerless to stop them. It's rather annoying. Actually it has became sort of my litmus test for "how much do you really like this person?"

I think this thing from the INTP Profile on INTPcentral sums it up pretty well (may help the general discussion also):

Much of the above demonstrates the immature and underdeveloped approach with which the INTP meets his emotional side. In reality, the extraverted nature of the INTP’s feeling judgement means that his emotions, when visible, are pretty direct and easy to assess. Since the INTP normally wishes to hide his emotions; when they do come out, they do so in outbursts with an almost childlike innocence. There is a sense of all-or-nothing and, when visible, there is nothing enigmatic about the feelings of an INTP: indeed, shadow functions always seem pretty raw and basic.

 

[Bryson]

I was really determined to prove my love to him. I wrote him a long poem that I revised at least 50 times, trying to get it just right. I read a whole book on the subject for the sake of that one poem.

You won't like hearing that but I think you may need a more utilitarian approach to dating, as there are a lot of things that only work in Hollywood.
You should consider:
*If the guy isn't interested, you won't get him interested by doing that.
*If the guy is interested, there is a high probability that he will consider it too far-fetched.

 

[Zionoxis]

But would it not occur to you that if one wishes to not show emotion, that an alternative to showing no emotion would be showing false emotion? It is just a thought. :P So, I took a different approach on how I handle things.

 

[Hermetic Alchemist]

First off I totally agree with Dimensional Transition and others. That is totally how I act when I am attracted to a girl. I then spend hours obsessing over her actions. Still! And I'm in my late 30's now and I've just come out of a 4 year relationship.

How you deal with it also depends on his age and previous experiences. You're both obviously pretty young so I would agree that he is going to be jumpy about the whole thing so slow(ish) is good.

BUT the MOST important thing is to be very honest and very clear with him. Don't give him subtle hints like holding hands or anything. If he's anything like me, it will (afterwards) put him in a complete tailspin, trying to figure out just what it means. And believe me he'll be able to rationalize that you don't mean anything except being good friends.

Tell him (if you can gather the courage - which I KNOW is difficult) outright that you like him - or at least want to take the relationship further. Make it very clear. BUT also give him time to respond. Don't push him about it. Start talking about something else immediately after (tell him directly not to respond immediately even). Don't just stare at him until he responds.

The problem INTPs (well at least me) have with the word 'love' is that we are smart enough to realize that social conventions require an immediate (and reciprocal) response. We don't like to be pushed around.

If he were older my response would be similar, but you probably wouldn't have to take things quite as slowly.

As to sex, I'd guess that most INTPs would be willing to try anything once (curiousity again). We're very concerned about our partners, but again absolute direct honesty is very very important - give him feedback. Again go slowly with the rough sex fantasies though, bring it up AFTER you've have normal vanilla sex.

In summary be VERY VERY direct and honest. I'm rarely offended by honesty, it's trying to interpret how other (crazy ) types think that makes me grumpy.

Hope that helps.

EDIT:

If you tell him honestly how you feel, and aren't pushy about it, and YOU can deal with (sexual) rejection, then if he really is an INTP, he can probably remain your closest friend. But a lot will depend on how you deal with it.

 

[Hermetic Alchemist]

Oh and BTW make absolutely sure about your feelings. If you are prone to wavering around, or changing your mind, or think that your feelings are going to change once he does reciprocate - then don't go through it. (I mean that in the friendliest way - no hidden meanings - or suspicions - there!)

And if your feelings do change, be absolutely honest with him. I can't stress enough how much easier my relationships (of any sort) are with people who are honest. It's when I have to try and figure out what they mean, or interpret their word that I go crazy .

 

[pjoa09]

My initial response to someone I like is to go R2D2 on them. ( walk around pretend busy, try to stop looking at her)

Then I realize can't make the cynical jokes I wanted to.

I realize that I am taking up new interests on their words.

I try to talk to them as much as possible and do whatever I can to keep the conversation.

If indeed they don't seem to recognize it or are freaked out from it,
I draw up a web of insecurities over time.

As the pressure mounts I blow up like a dry ice bomb. (metaphorically)

Every piece of argument flies out of my mouth. I start attacking her and her potentials and find myself attacking the beliefs of an INFP.

Turns out they can't take it too well and they disappear.

The point is, if I am indeed an INTP and if my behavior towards my women would be the same as the person you are talking about then he will do anything to get close if you are around.

He won't pretend like he has other things on his mind. He will try to reach you in anyway possible and if you don't react back, he will say some pretty nasty shit and then return to logic where everything makes sense. (I ended up researching heavily on one car for some reason, BMW E34)

 

[pjoa09]

INTPs don't love.

We were supposed to.

 

[xbox]

Its on Hadoblado.

*puts 50 bucks down, and signs pact for H doing the laundry*


Heh switched it up a bit.