Visionmaker
Redshirt
- Local time
- Today 9:56 PM
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2014
- Messages
- 2
As a new member here, I thought I would introduce myself and post my thoughts here, so perhaps it may be read by the like-minded and those who have similar life experiences. For the record, this is really the first time I have opened up to anyone, and though this isn't entirely true as in the past, I attempted the same but the results were always disappointing. Hopefully this time around I will have better luck; this is an INTP forum after all.
I have suffered for as long as I can remember. Do not get the wrong idea; I am not terminally ill, for my battles are not with health but within my mind. To be honest, I am sick and tired of being me. The problem with being me is that arrogant to say: I am too smart for my own good. In my two decades of living, I have never come across anyone who can match my intellectual ability. I am not just talking about IQ but of all forms of intellect, whether it is emotional, logical, creative, etc. I am just sick and tired of being good at everything.
I can paint, draw, and sculpt with such ability that others would make the wrongful presumption that I've had prior advanced training. My skills at video gaming are another example. I rarely play video games but my friends who are supposedly learned people play all the time and I absolutely thrash them at games of strategy, FPS, and MOBA. And it's not like I prefer the company of imbeciles, they're intelligent people in their own right. Moreover, as a final year engineer, I have personally met no one throughout four years of study that can match my ability as an undergraduate. I find engineering distasteful and unrewarding, but only practice it out of duty because I'm so much better than everyone else. I know this because of my GPA and inventive yet effective and practical approaches I have taken to complete engineering projects. My approach to electrical/mechanical engineering problems is mostly intuitive and rarely do I ever study; if studying is skimming through a semester’s worth of skipped class lecture slides before the final exam. Despite this woeful handicap, I still beat everyone at a top university. I am also a striking conversationalist, capable of reading participant emotions and strategically producing suitable responses and segues. My only weakness is that I'm a lazy, arrogant bastard and my English language skills are subpar.
Now that I have established in detail a few of my experiences, I can really say that I absolutely detest being me. I have no sense of self-accomplishment because everything is too easy. What comes as common sense strikes others only in epiphanies. I cannot stress how tiring it is to merely exist. My mind is at all times flooded with thoughts about all topics. Not only that, sleeping is a challenge because my eyes never see pitch black. There's always a spectrum of innumerable coloured particles within my vision and beyond. It's like a mosaic of infinity. That's right... My mind is causing visual hallucinations where imagination is one with my vision. It is even outside of my conscious imagination as objects/animations I haven't thought of/seen before/conclude from existing knowledge appear before my eyes. Some of this isn't even three dimensional. I can even feel my body be subjected to momentum at certain times. I cannot ever get a good rest till my body literally shuts off from exhaustion. I am not even under the effect of narcotics or alcohol, having never ever been a consumer.
Honestly, posting here is a shot in the dark. Would be great if there is someone here who has relative experiences. Sympathy will also do, even feigned sympathy; I will gladly take both!
I have suffered for as long as I can remember. Do not get the wrong idea; I am not terminally ill, for my battles are not with health but within my mind. To be honest, I am sick and tired of being me. The problem with being me is that arrogant to say: I am too smart for my own good. In my two decades of living, I have never come across anyone who can match my intellectual ability. I am not just talking about IQ but of all forms of intellect, whether it is emotional, logical, creative, etc. I am just sick and tired of being good at everything.
I can paint, draw, and sculpt with such ability that others would make the wrongful presumption that I've had prior advanced training. My skills at video gaming are another example. I rarely play video games but my friends who are supposedly learned people play all the time and I absolutely thrash them at games of strategy, FPS, and MOBA. And it's not like I prefer the company of imbeciles, they're intelligent people in their own right. Moreover, as a final year engineer, I have personally met no one throughout four years of study that can match my ability as an undergraduate. I find engineering distasteful and unrewarding, but only practice it out of duty because I'm so much better than everyone else. I know this because of my GPA and inventive yet effective and practical approaches I have taken to complete engineering projects. My approach to electrical/mechanical engineering problems is mostly intuitive and rarely do I ever study; if studying is skimming through a semester’s worth of skipped class lecture slides before the final exam. Despite this woeful handicap, I still beat everyone at a top university. I am also a striking conversationalist, capable of reading participant emotions and strategically producing suitable responses and segues. My only weakness is that I'm a lazy, arrogant bastard and my English language skills are subpar.
Now that I have established in detail a few of my experiences, I can really say that I absolutely detest being me. I have no sense of self-accomplishment because everything is too easy. What comes as common sense strikes others only in epiphanies. I cannot stress how tiring it is to merely exist. My mind is at all times flooded with thoughts about all topics. Not only that, sleeping is a challenge because my eyes never see pitch black. There's always a spectrum of innumerable coloured particles within my vision and beyond. It's like a mosaic of infinity. That's right... My mind is causing visual hallucinations where imagination is one with my vision. It is even outside of my conscious imagination as objects/animations I haven't thought of/seen before/conclude from existing knowledge appear before my eyes. Some of this isn't even three dimensional. I can even feel my body be subjected to momentum at certain times. I cannot ever get a good rest till my body literally shuts off from exhaustion. I am not even under the effect of narcotics or alcohol, having never ever been a consumer.
Honestly, posting here is a shot in the dark. Would be great if there is someone here who has relative experiences. Sympathy will also do, even feigned sympathy; I will gladly take both!
check your privilege!
