Get Rid Of Shyness - Stop Being Shy And Quit Being An Introvert!

[Beholder]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB1twOrIiNI&feature=related

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA

 

[Synthetix]

I didn't watch the video... But I think it's not worthy of my time.

 

[KMaki]

That dude really believes that we're all hard-wired for connection.

 

[Beholder]

If only I could get rid of my shyness and have connections like him and his facebook friends....

 

[Cognisant]

I totally agree with this guy.

I wrote that before he said "god", and I was going to add that his emphasis on "truly" and "connection" means he comes off as a wackjob, which I suppose he is, but still he's right in saying that our personalities aren't genetic or in any way preset, that instead it is our perception of ourselves that shapes our behavior.

Anyone here ever done any sort of role play?
If you have I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about, when acting out a role it's easy to lose yourself in it and for a time become someone else; you may not be a warrior knight in real life or anything like that but once you put on the armor you can excuse yourself from self expectation and act in ways you never normally would.

In video games I enjoy roleplaying my character, it gives the game depth and it allows me to express myself in ways my actual self would never allow or even think of. As a game pllayer in Skyrim I only focused on aquireing power, wealth and prestige, but as a character I began as a young hunter, turned adventurer, turned mercenary, and eventually found myself a proficient killer hunting Foresworn across the Reach.

At one point after a job went bad and I found myself in a knife fight with a hopelessly outclassed boy (he looked younger than the others) I stopped and took a moment to consider what I had become, thinking that Foresworn forager was not unlike my "younger" self. I would like to say that there on that cliff top I swore to stop hunting other humans, but I didn't, I had other jobs to do and I gave my word that I would do them, so I steeled my heart and continued my slaughter from one night to the next.

By the time I left the Reach I wasn't bothering with looting corpses for their pocket change anymore, I was wealthy and powerful, but more than that I was now hunting for fun, for a time thereafter I slaughtered bandits west of Riften, until one day a Dragon caught my eye...

*listens to the rest of the video*

Wow he's annoying.

 

[Beholder]

His big mistake is confusing shyness with introversion, the two don't necessarily have anything to do with each other.

 

[IdeasNotTheProblem]

Ha! look in the mirror and tell yourself "Im good enough, im smart enough and daggonit, people like me!"

 

[Melkor]

Shyness as an ailment is about as comforting as going commando in tweed trousers while exploring a bee hive shortly after having a treacle enema.

 

[Roran]

Yeah, fuck this guy. It's not wrong to not want to hang out with the idiots and assholes who comprise the majority of humanity.

 

[Cognisant]

That's true.

I don't think introversion or "shyness" is wrong, but that's not to say we're inherently bound by it either, y'know quiet reserved should be a choice but not an excuse.

 

[Mello]

That's true.

I don't think introversion or "shyness" is wrong, but that's not to say we're inherently bound by it either, y'know quiet reserved should be a choice but not an excuse.

Excuse for what?

 

[Cognisant]

For not being social when you want to.

Being afraid to talk and using introversion as an excuse even though you want to be social isn't the same as not wanting to be social and not feeling bad about disappointing the perceived expectations of society because you know choosing to keep to yourself is okay.

 

[Mello]

For not being social when you want to.

Being afraid to talk and using introversion as an excuse even though you want to be social isn't the same as not wanting to be social and not feeling bad about disappointing the perceived expectations of society because you know choosing to keep to yourself is okay.

It is a choice to be quiet and reserved, though.

Are you saying that introverts use introversion as an excuse to be antisocial or are you talking about yourself?

 

[Cognisant]

Are you saying that introverts use introversion as an excuse to be antisocial

Sometimes.

are you talking about yourself?

Do I ever stop?

 

[snafupants]

His big mistake is confusing shyness with introversion, the two don't necessarily have anything to do with each other.

Good call. The question I was going to ask when I saw this title was thus: what's the difference between introversion and shyness in the MBTI paradigm? I'd say introversion is one symptom of internally cultivating your own energy whereas shyness has more to do with social anxiety and maladapted behaviors, at least in terms of mainstream acceptability.

 

[Reluctantly]

The dude looks like a fogey. I don't know why, but he kind of reminds me of the teacher from Beavis and Butthead.

Shyness as an ailment is about as comforting as going commando in tweed trousers while exploring a bee hive shortly after having a treacle enema.

Lol, now please tell me why a treacle enema is worse than a standard enema. I'm not that experienced on the issue.

 

[Sanctum]

He makes it seem like introverts reside in their basement and never come out into the sunlight. I feel people do crave connections but some people more than others although we are introverted we still have a small group of friends if not a few so.....yeah

And although introversion and being shy isn't exactly the same they closely related. Because i don't think its possible for an extrovert to be shy. Also him using his life as an example really doesn't solve or prove anything being warm and reaching out to others isn't necessarily being extroverted but nurturing which comes with age.

 

[snafupants]

He makes it seem like introverts reside in their basement and never come out into the sunlight. I feel people do crave connections but some people more than others although we are introverted we still have a small group of friends if not a few so.....yeah

And although introversion and being shy isn't exactly the same they closely related. Because i don't think its possible for an extrovert to be shy. Also him using his life as an example really doesn't solve or prove anything being warm and reaching out to others isn't necessarily being extroverted but nurturing which comes with age.

Then you haven't met my mother. I would argue shyness has more to do with social anxiety and low self-confidence than introversion per se. My somewhat Schizoid tendency is towards introversion rather than shyness as I often forgo opportunities to socialize but perhaps wouldn't be characterized as shy when I do decide to mingle. This is sort of the converse of my mother who seems to find socialization energizing and emotionally gratifying but struggles somewhat to put herself out there, presumably because of social anxiety and so forth.

 

[A22]

I don't think him and Jung meant the same thing when they talked about introversion.

Like Cognisant, I truly believe think the guy's right about some things. If you convince yourself you're shy and introverted, you will be shy and introverted. It is known that personality isn't static, and he's right on saying that shy people can, maybe for just some moments of the day, be outgoing if they give up the thought that they are shy and really try to be more outgoing.

On the subject of shyness / introversion being some sort of disorder: Both are characteristics just like outgoingness and extraversion, but if one is ridiculously shy or introverted, it may be harmful, and it can be treated as a disorder of some kind.

That dude really believes that we're all hard-wired for connection.

lol

 

[snafupants]

I don't think him and Jung meant the same thing when they talked about introversion.

Like Cognisant, I truly believe think the guy's right about some things. If you convince yourself you're shy and introverted, you will be shy and introverted. It is known that personality isn't static, and he's right on saying that shy people can, maybe for just some moments of the day, be outgoing if they give up the thought that they are shy and really try to be more outgoing.

On the subject of shyness / introversion being some sort of disorder: Both are characteristics just like outgoingness and extraversion, but if one is ridiculously shy or introverted, it may be harmful, and it can be treated as a disorder of some kind.



lol

On the other hand, personality has been shown to be basically stable from the first grade onwards.

 

[MissQuote]

His big mistake is confusing shyness with introversion, the two don't necessarily have anything to do with each other.

I didn't watch that video, because that would interrupt the music I am enjoying at this moment, so I'm only going on the context of the comments.

I have to agree with is comment, that shyness and introversion are not necessarily things that must go together at all.

Based on my own pure subjective experience I mean. I am not, nor have I ever been, shy in the least. But I am such an introvert it can almost feel like a disability at times *almost*. But the amount of space I require to myself in order to keep sane, and my refusal to bother with letting nearly anyone in, has very little to do with whether I can walk in a room with strangers and make small talk when need be, or ask a clerk to help me out in a store or even open completely up about the things in my head if I get a whim to do so.

 

[MissQuote]

I am not, nor have I ever been, shy in the least.

In fact, I tend to be quite tactless with the things that come out of my mouth without meaning to sometimes. I'm getting better about that though.

 

[Beholder]

Lol, I just posted this video to make fun of that guy, didn't really think such a discussion would come out of it, but if were already here...

Being afraid to talk and using introversion as an excuse even though you want to be social isn't the same as not wanting to be social and not feeling bad about disappointing the perceived expectations of society because you know choosing to keep to yourself is okay.

Exactly, although most of the time I actually don't want to be social, to tell the truth I sometimes use my introversion as an excuse for when I really do want to be social. <- that's shyness, but I'm getting much better at it

"I believe that no one was meant to be an introvert... I believe that we are hardwired for connection"

He states these two things, as if introverts are psychopaths who have no need or desire for connection with other people, this is what his whole stupid speech is based on, and what destroys his argument. Although he is kind of right about the shyness thing.

 

[Peripheral Visionary]

I hear someone has developed a new drug that will offer temporary relief from the "disease" of shyness and introversion.

I think they call it alcohol.

-------------------------
Scientists have found the gene for shyness. They would have found it years ago, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.--Jonathan Katz

 

[SandMizzle]

He states these two things, as if introverts are psychopaths who have no need or desire for connection with other people, this is what his whole stupid speech is based on, and what destroys his argument. Although he is kind of right about the shyness thing.

I think this all about balance. If something is "too much" then it can lead to harmful results. For example, if you are extremely introverted you're going to have no social interactions, same thing with extroverts: think about someone who allways needs to be arround people and has to be in the middle of attention (YUCK!!!^^). So there might be some restrained souls out there, but I see no right or wrong in this case. He is probably just a victim of his own misguided narcism.

I hear someone has developed a new drug that will offer temporary relief from the "disease" of shyness and introversion.

I think they call it alcohol.

I'm sorry, but it doesn't work for me (thereby not for all people). When I drink I realise my condition, so I try to behave as I would like to, but I can't. That's why I'm getting more shy on alcohol.

 

[snafupants]

I think this all about balance. If something is "too much" then it can lead to harmful results. For example, if you are extremely introverted you're going to have no social interactions, same thing with extroverts: think about someone who allways needs to be arround people and has to be in the middle of attention (YUCK!!!^^). So there might be some restrained souls out there, but I see no right or wrong in this case. He is probably just a victim of his own misguided narcism.

I'm sorry, but it doesn't work for me (thereby not for all people). When I drink I realise my condition, so I try to behave as I would like to, but I can't. That's why I'm getting more shy on alcohol.

This malady calls for more alcohol!

 

[SandMizzle]

This malady calls for more alcohol!

I tried, it doesn't work. At my best times I drank about 10-15 beers and many, many shots on one evening and I've never reached that point of beeing unaware of my actions, instead I just vomit and get sober again...

Oh now that you say, it worked once for about an hour, I had very nice interactions with four different women in this one hour Maybe it's true, but I've never reached that point again.

 

[Beholder]

I'm sorry, but it doesn't work for me (thereby not for all people). When I drink I realise my condition, so I try to behave as I would like to, but I can't. That's why I'm getting more shy on alcohol.

I'm like that sometimes. With me alcohol either makes me ten times more shy or ten times more outgoing, it all depends on the situation. If I'm drinking and having fun, or with people I feel comfortable around or it's easy to talk to or something like that I'll get more outgoing, but if I just find myself sitting and listening to someone else's conversation, I'll just get more shy - that's when I know I have to either stop drinking, or start drinking heavily. (which usually won't bring me out of my shell, only make me more comfortable in it.)

 

[Peripheral Visionary]

This malady calls for more alcohol!

Alcohol. The cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

I'm sorry, but it doesn't work for me (thereby not for all people). When I drink I realise my condition, so I try to behave as I would like to, but I can't. That's why I'm getting more shy on alcohol.

I should have used a little winking icon to indicate that I was being facetious. In seriousness--and to echo Beholder--I find that alcohol only enhances whatever mood I'm already in. If I'm relaxed and happy, it makes me more so, and conversely if I'm melancholy, it makes me morose. I'm going to bet it does the same for you.

I think alcohol helps with social anxiety if you are in an otherwise neutral mood. That's probably why you find it helps sometimes, but not others.

But there is no "cure" for introversion. When you've had your fill of stimulus, there isn't much to do except go home and recharge and try again another day.

 

[xbox]

His big mistake is confusing shyness with introversion, the two don't necessarily have anything to do with each other.

Yeah totally agree.

Introversion= dont really care to talk, but will talk if they really have to.

Shyness= too nervous to talk even if they have to or want to.

 

[xbox]

But I was very distracted by how creepy the background of the video is.

From 3:30 onwards, I couldnt stop laughing.

 

[Mello]

I don't think him and Jung meant the same thing when they talked about introversion.

Like Cognisant, I truly believe think the guy's right about some things. If you convince yourself you're shy and introverted, you will be shy and introverted. It is known that personality isn't static, and he's right on saying that shy people can, maybe for just some moments of the day, be outgoing if they give up the thought that they are shy and really try to be more outgoing.

On the subject of shyness / introversion being some sort of disorder: Both are characteristics just like outgoingness and extraversion, but if one is ridiculously shy or introverted, it may be harmful, and it can be treated as a disorder of some kind.



lol

Why should you try to be more outgoing?

 

[xbox]

I think the tips he mentioned would actually work for shy people, but not introversion.

 

[nanook]

meh. it wouldn't hurt if someone communicated a developed perspective to introverted and isolated loner (including the bit about how you can feel less separated and more confident, without changing your personality/behavior/introverted-shortcuts - cuz sense of separation, egoic concept of false identity and introverted information processing circuits are entirely different things). but this guy hasn't thought it through. if the sense of separation is only the result of thinking (self-concept) then why did it take him a figging lifetime to change his way of thinking about himself? because it's not. the thoughts follow the sense of separation, and the sense of separation is conditioned on a much more subtle level, that is entirely elusive to young people and meanwhile conditioned by circumstances. plus, he doesn't focus conceptually on the issue at hand - the sense of separation, but instead tends to focus on behavior. that shit doesn't fly, unless you are very lucky. if forced extroverted behavior (driven by thoughts-of-willpower) is appreciated by other people, then this appreciation can condition the sense of separation to become weaker, without requiring the individual to become conscious about the subtle nature of the sense of separation. but more likely, the sense of separation generates an awkward perverted behavior ("i can't see you, but i want something from you") if the behavior is only driven by thoughts-of-willpower, results in negative feedback which reinforces the sense of separation. that's why people like himself remain avoidant for a whole lifetime, until it dawns on them, on the subtle level, of what unreal nature the sense of separation is and this dawning is identical with the natural wearing off of the sense of separation. it's what happens naturally, when you get older (unless something is wrong). meanwhile the ego (thought-self-concept) is nothing but an after-thought that justifies (more like: "explains") the avoidant behavior by going on about how "i am that phobic guy". once you feel less sepparated, you will run into people, you couldn't hold yourself and the spontaneously behavior that arises sponaneously from this feeling won't be awkward, even though you are this weird guy with a creepy self-concept and zero social experience/skills.

 

[A22]

Why should you try to be more outgoing?

I'm not saying you should, just that you can if you want to. I think most shy people think they're shy and nothing can change that.

 

[nanook]

American Wisdom Tm

"spend shorter amounts of time with the woman, at a time, or else she wants to get rid of you faster, cuz you know being with you is basically torture, given your shy and silent nature"

Spoiler

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FES_b0coXFQ

also: anything that George Constanza says

 

[nanook]

this one actually works:

Spoiler

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cwj2kXzCXE

it's sounds like a variation of something more essential that works for me. for me, the most fundamentental antidode to social anxiety is compassion, because the most fundamental kind of anxiety is paranoia, which is a projection of the egoic desire to control others (actually, generally any aspect of your life experience) from a self-referential perspective, or more simply put: the desire to get something out of people - something specific, that suits your mostly false "self" concept. then the paranoia says: "but they want to get something out of me, and i probably don't have this most exclusive good - i don't even know what that would be"

i have never been able to be blatant about this desire, to just own it, because this just goes against my soul-wisdom and i have no intention of making a change in that regard. i don't want to develop the "guts" to just "take from people, as it pleases me".

so the only alternative is compassion. when my focus is: "what do i have to offer, what potential quality in me wants to overflow, to be of service for others, what out of that may actually be of use for them?" then i can approach them, without anxiety (without the retroflective suppression of my ego).


so one way of cultivating compassion is the tonglen meditation. look it up.

it's basically breathing in what you perceive to be the essence of the suffering or the neediness of the people in your environment, and breathing out the essential quality in you, that appears to be the correlating antidote.

this practice will temporarily and quickly bring me in contact with the giving qualities of myself and will reduce anxiety, on a subtle and emotional level, to the same degree. i have often done this tonglen meditation, before meeting people, or before even talking myself into making the decision to meet them.

unfortunately it doesn't entirely remove the voices in my head, that tell me, or warn me, that people won't appreciate my giving qualities, because, even though these qualities may actually be healing for them, "people are not consciously looking for healing, but rather for egoic confirmation or entertainment or any other specific quality, they may be fixated on for no good reason." - i guess you can't get rid of truth

 

[Hawkeye]

My method is perhaps a bit extreme, but it works.

Buy the largest "silly" hat you can find and wear it everywhere. My hat of choice was an 18" rimmed, Gandalf styled wizard hat. I wore it for nearly 2 years.

My shyness dropped significantly and my confidence went up. It was a conversation starter and gave me some extra room on the bus. ^^

 

[Beat Mango]

Who is this old wrinkly fuk

 

[ZenRaiden]

Introvert isolate themselves for purpose of resting and recharging while shy people avoid contact. Anxiety can be product of many things. I for one thing did not have problem with this. In school if I knew the answer I would say so. It was not hard to do so even if in front of the whole class. I consider my self introverted, because I can isolate my self for long time especially if I have something interesting to do. Its not so much of a problem for me to do something alone. To me shy people are annoying and for some reason I tend to avoid them.

Also shy and introvert are two different parts of the brain. While not talking to people has to do with brain parts that interpret social situation and predict behaviour of people and their thoughts, introversion is about working with all sensory infromation.

For example psychoticism is a product of interpreting thoughts of other people.
While introversion is formulating your own thoughts and administering your own world.

 

[Beat Mango]

I would be 0% shy.

 

[Delacroix]

Anyone here ever done any sort of role play?
If you have I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about, when acting out a role it's easy to lose yourself in it and for a time become someone else; you may not be a warrior knight in real life or anything like that but once you put on the armor you can excuse yourself from self expectation and act in ways you never normally would.

I think I just realised why alcohol was able to "turn" me into an extrovert(or just someone who isn't shy) when I was 17/18/, but can't do that anymore.
I was roleplaying. It was exactly as you describe it. I had this armor of that personality changer, the kind of personality I didn't know, so I was allowed to do whatever the hell I wanted. For example being a charismatic, outgoing, funny guy.
Now with more experience in that "field", with alcohol I perceive myself just as a dumber version of me, a little bit braver, but not allowed to be that funny charismatic outgoing guy anymore.

 

[Reality is Optional]

This guy is full of crap. I am thourouly insulted. He has some good points, if everyone on the face of the earth was a clost extrovert. I'm an introvert, but it doesn't mean I exclude people from my life. Yeah, I can be painfully shy, but I'm also an actress and I play the loudest parts. He just doesn't know the real definition of "introvert".

 

[Beholder]

I think I just realised why alcohol was able to "turn" me into an extrovert(or just someone who isn't shy) when I was 17/18/, but can't do that anymore.
I was roleplaying. It was exactly as you describe it. I had this armor of that personality changer, the kind of personality I didn't know, so I was allowed to do whatever the hell I wanted. For example being a charismatic, outgoing, funny guy.
Now with more experience in that "field", with alcohol I perceive myself just as a dumber version of me, a little bit braver, but not allowed to be that funny charismatic outgoing guy anymore.

Thats a really good point, I never thought of it that way.

 

[Budthestud]

stop being shy and quit being in introvert

Just watching this vid made me angry!

┻━┻︵ \(°□°)/ ︵ ┻━┻

 

[Ex-User (9062)]

The terminology of this man puts him somewhere between a used car salesman and a cult leader.
Probably did an NLP course and is now looking for gullible suckers to get his money back.