Fuck buddies?

[onthewindowstand]

Hey everyone just post what you think of em. Are they ok? Do you think they are immoral? Do you like them? Are you neutral about? Just post stuff like that here

 

[Sparrow]

Better than real relationships. No pain afterwords.

 

[s0nystyle]

never had one, but the 1st thing that comes to mind is DISEASE

 

[onthewindowstand]

never had one, but the 1st thing that comes to mind is DISEASE

You can avoid the disease thing. If you are actually friends that have sex and not just random people.

 

[Alice?]

I think it's fine as long as both parties agree not to get emotionally invovled... which is difficult when it comes to something as intimate as sex. More than likely one of the people will end up getting hurt. But you know, it works for some people. I'm not really one to judge.

 

[s0nystyle]

You can avoid the disease thing. If you are actually friends that have sex and not just random people.

granted at the same time its highly unlikely that you're their ONLY fuck buddy amirite?

 

[Crazythinker1]

Never had one. But hey, whatever floats your boat.

 

[onthewindowstand]

granted at the same time its highly unlikely that you're their ONLY fuck buddy amirite?

not really. only idiots do the fuck buddy thing with multiples. Most people do agree to only have sex with them until they want to cut it off.

The whole thing is with F buddies is that at anytime you can cancel and it shouldnt be a big deal.

 

[Mello]

Hmm... how would you find a fuck buddy? Do you just ask if you want to have sex and nothing else?

 

[Alexk]

They're cool if you have a mutual understanding. I've found it better to be good friends as well. As for going about finding one, it's more of something that just happens and develops. I'd say it generally happens in situations were both people don't want a relationship in general, not directly with each other but with just anyone, or when both people know it just wouldn't work out in the long run if they did date. I suppose you could craig's list it, but that seems a bit unwise.

 

[Adymus]

They're Awesome, I'd highly recommend hooking up with with other T's, or avoiding dominant F's.

 

[intuitivet]

A guy wanted to do this with me, I said no. I think I need a connection with the person for it to mean anything and I like to find meaning in everything. However, I have no problem with it if others want to do it, it's their choice and their preferences.

 

[Jah]

It's ok, but usually it's hard to balance it completely.
It seems to turn out as mild relationships in most cases.

I prefer them to "normal" relationships, though, due to the low maintenance and expectations.

 

[onthewindowstand]

A guy wanted to do this with me, I said no. I think I need a connection with the person for it to mean anything and I like to find meaning in everything. However, I have no problem with it if others want to do it, it's their choice and their preferences.

So your friend just randomly asked, "hey want to be fuck buddies?" LOL.

 

[Words]

What I'm trying to understand is "why?". For what is this thing of temporary illusion of satisfaction?

 

[onthewindowstand]

All satisfaction is of the temporary kind. Your question makes no sense to me.

 

[Words]

All satisfaction is of the temporary kind.

Is it really?

I'm thinking about a "foundation of actions" forming a longer term plan on a longer more unconscious level of a satisfaction.

Do humans seek a smaller purpose or a bigger one? Is it more satisfying to achieve something less than something greater? The conditions of man will also rely on his memories, experiences, failures and successes.

 

[s0nystyle]

A guy wanted to do this with me, I said no. I think I need a connection with the person for it to mean anything and I like to find meaning in everything. However, I have no problem with it if others want to do it, it's their choice and their preferences.

i totally agree with you. dont care if others do it, but for me i also have to have a connection with the person of some kind

 

[Adymus]

Is it really?

I'm thinking about a "foundation of actions" forming a longer term plan on a longer more unconscious level of a satisfaction.

Do humans seek a smaller purpose or a bigger one? Is it more satisfying to achieve something less than something greater? The conditions of man will also rely on his memories, experiences, failures and successes.

Words, are you telling me when you go to an amusement park, or play a sport, you are doing it because it is just one move in some grand scheme? It's just recreation, nothing more, nothing less.

Sex just happens to be a really enjoyable activity, there is no illusion to it. Sure it can be done to intimately connect with a person, or it can be done simply for the pleasure of doing it.

 

[shoeless]

i could never do it myself. but then again, i dont have much of an interest in sex right now anyway.

i know a friend who did it for a while and she ended up getting burned, so, i dunno. i think a lot of people who THINK they can do it reeeeeaally can't, and end up getting too invested. but, i mean, whatever works for you, i'm not gonna judge. it just doesn't seem worth it to me.

 

[Double-Think]

eh, i wouldn't judge those who do but personally i haven't/wouldn't. It doesn't seem fair to the other party, it's like that person becomes a commodity for sex, i wouldn't want to be a sex-commodity, that's just not-cool! .... The Image of a meretricious whore on 42nd street (Times Square) during the 1920's comes to mind....

 

[Adymus]

eh, i wouldn't judge those who do but personally i haven't/wouldn't. It doesn't seem fair to the other party, it's like that person becomes a commodity for sex, i wouldn't want to be a sex-commodity, that's just not-cool! .... The Image of a meretricious whore on 42nd street (Times Square) during the 1920's comes to mind....

I think if you were using a person as a sex commodity then they wouldn't really be a fuck buddy, they'd be getting played. I mean, if you are both agreeing to it as a consensual and casual engagement, then is it really so wrong?

 

[Double-Think]

I think if you were using a person as a sex commodity then they wouldn't really be a fuck buddy, they'd be getting played. I mean, if you are both agreeing to it as a consensual and casual engagement, then is it really so wrong?

Ah, You have a good point, I guess not, i'm not saying it's wrong, but personally it kind of tramples on the whole notion of sex as intimate between two partners. But eh, to each his own. I wouldn't do it but hey i'm not doing crystal meth either. If it works for the two individuals and there is a detachment from the emotions regarding sex, than so be it, who am I to say that they are wrong... that job is for INFJs... (yeah i have a real dislike for INFJs... personal reasons)

 

[Adymus]

Hey come on now, let's not compare causal sex to crystal meth, that's almost as bad as playing the nazi card.
To be honest, I actually like the fact that the view sex is becoming more causual. I don't think it is something that should be regarded as sacred. I tend to think of it like eating, it is a necessity for survival, and it can be fun, but should still be done in moderation.

 

[onthewindowstand]

Perhaps casual sex is more like watching the movies than eating :P

 

[Words]

Words, are you telling me when you go to an amusement park, or play a sport, you are doing it because it is just one move in some grand scheme? It's just recreation, nothing more, nothing less.

Sex just happens to be a really enjoyable activity, there is no illusion to it. Sure it can be done to intimately connect with a person, or it can be done simply for the pleasure of doing it.

Still, I ask the question: why? why is pleasure important to us?

 

[WorkInProgress]

Hmm... how would you find a fuck buddy? Do you just ask if you want to have sex and nothing else?

For me it came about by me making a move while drunk (with success!), and assuming the friendship was unaltered the next day. She thought otherwise, but neither of us wanted a real relationship at the moment, so we just started hooking up when we were alone.

It's ok, but usually it's hard to balance it completely.
It seems to turn out as mild relationships in most cases.

I prefer them to "normal" relationships, though, due to the low maintenance and expectations.

Then this happened and I agree that a pseudo relationship was far more stress free than any of my "real" ones have ever been. Highly recommended to INTPs.

 

[onthewindowstand]

For me it came about by me making a move while drunk (with success!), and assuming the friendship was unaltered the next day. She thought otherwise, but neither of us wanted a real relationship at the moment, so we just started hooking up when we were alone.



Then this happened and I agree that a pseudo relationship was far more stress free than any of my "real" ones have ever been. Highly recommended to INTPs.

This story sounds awesome. So my goal is now to get one of my chick friends drunk so we can be fuck buddies

 

[Cavallier]

I seriously considered it for a while but finally decided no. I think I was too picky. I can't stand somebody physically unless they engage me mentally. I've known a few people who had sex with no strings attached relationships but they were so completely shallow I would have to duck tape their mouths shut before sleeping with them. They would have turned me off utterly. "Shut up and look the other way" sex is not fun sex at all!

What I want is for our society to become so completely relaxed and at the same time honorable enough to have courtesans again. Men and women who are trained, capable, and take pride in providing sensual pleasure. I don't mean cheap prostitutes but professionals with training. It would be clean, extremely enjoyable, and everybody would leave happy.

So my goal is now to get one of my chick friends drunk so we can be fuck buddies

That's called date rape.

 

[onthewindowstand]

I seriously considered it for a while but finally decided no. I think I was too picky. I can't stand somebody physically unless they engage me mentally. I've known a few people who had sex with no strings attached relationships but they were so completely shallow I would have to duck tape their mouths shut before sleeping with them. They would have turned me off utterly. "Shut up and look the other way" sex is not fun sex at all!

What I want is for our society to become so completely relaxed and at the same time honorable enough to have courtesans again. Men and women who are trained, capable, and take pride in providing sensual pleasure. I don't mean cheap prostitutes but professionals with training. It would be clean, extremely enjoyable, and everybody would leave happy.

I agree 100 percent. All of the problems associated with prostitution would vanish.

 

[Niavmai]

All my relationships end up just being about sex anyways. It's sorta turned me off the whole relationship idea almost entirely, but then I remember that I fall in "love" at the drop of a hat, so I'm rather shit out of luck.

 

[VwllssWndr]

I told myself I would never, ever have one of these kinds of relationships. Just the straight and narrow for me!

I met someone via an online matchmaking site about 4 years ago and we started dating. We had sex on the fourth date. (She confessed to me later that she would've been willing on the date before that.)

We talked about where we were in our relationship. Neither of us were really that experienced with relationships (especially sexual relationships), but she said that she didn't really feel like she was ready for anything terribly serious. We both cared a lot for each other, but I think we both realized that there wasn't enough there to really establish something more serious than what we already had. Our basic agreement was to be honest with each other if we happened to find someone that we were interested in seriously dating. Neither of us were looking for casual encounters with strangers, so we were completely monogamous with one another. It wasn't a "real relationship" from the definition that most people would use, but we had nearly all of the components that make good ones work: we respected and cared for one another enough that we were honest and could trust each other.

We were together for about three and a half years. We'd probably still be together now if she hadn't moved to the other side of the country earlier this year.

I never expected to end up in such a relationship, but it was the healthiest, most personally-fulfilling relationship I've ever had. We outlasted a decent number of "serious relationships" in the time we were together. We were good for each other in many ways, and although we were never "boyfriend and girlfriend," I believe we had a better relationship than many more conventional dating arrangements have.

It probably isn't for everyone, but I'll never regret it.

 

[Words]

What's the value in this sensation? That, I cannot fathom. Then again, I'm simply being subjective. Still, I wonder why we're moved by a desire with such level of meaning... The level motivates enough awareness and appreciation of action. It is this which prevents my understanding, through my own perception, of people's incomprehension of the idea of decisions based on levels of meaning; the greater one being preferable.

 

[Beat Mango]

I find it hard to respect a woman who allows herself, or desires to be, a guy's fuck buddy.

 

[Alice?]

I find it hard to respect a woman who allows herself, or desires to be, a guy's fuck buddy.

Well let's turn this around, then. Would you respect a man that had a female fuck buddy? Just out of curiousity, because it still seems that society in general leans toward the view that it is alright for a guy to have casual sex but if a girl does it, she's labelled as a whore. What are your thoughts?

 

[VwllssWndr]

I find it hard to respect a woman who allows herself, or desires to be, a guy's fuck buddy.

I find that comment sexist. Aren't women capable of making their own decisions? (Completely ignoring that fact that your comment ignores any other potential "fuck buddy" configuration outside of a male/female coupling.) Aren't women allowed to have the same interest in sex as men?

It's a mutual arrangement. It's not like some poor, helpless woman is totally at the mercy of the man she's sleeping with. (Excepting cases where everyone is consenting to that sort of thing, of course.)

 

[Beat Mango]

Actually I was just thinking of that. I wouldn't lose respect for him in the way I would a woman, no. The prostitution industry is proof enough that men have a need that women don't seem to have, at least to the same extent, although maybe I'm underestimating their need for the physical?I'm open to that possibility but mostly I just think, I have this perhaps misguided ideal that there should be something more than sex that brings two people together.

 

[onthewindowstand]

Does there have to be something more than a casual friendship that causes two people to see a movie together?

 

[y4r5xeym5]

I have no desire for anything like that. The idea of sex just to do it, regardless of who you are doing it with, does not appeal to me.

 

[Beat Mango]

I find that comment sexist. Aren't women capable of making their own decisions? (Completely ignoring that fact that your comment ignores any other potential "fuck buddy" configuration outside of a male/female coupling.) Aren't women allowed to have the same interest in sex as men?

It's a mutual arrangement. It's not like some poor, helpless woman is totally at the mercy of the man she's sleeping with. (Excepting cases where everyone is consenting to that sort of thing, of course.)

Of course they are allowed to have the same interest in sex as men, I just think that generally they don't. That's why it depends on individual circumstance, as I said in my last post, and that's why I said I would "find it hard" rather than some thing like "don't respect ever". And actually I was going to mention yours as an example which seemingly had a good dynamic. But the male and female sexualities are not identical and me believing so and basing my values on that is hardly sexist.

 

[Adymus]

Still, I ask the question: why? why is pleasure important to us?

Why does it matter?

 

[onthewindowstand]

Why does it matter?

I agree... asking why people care about pleasure is kinda idiotic

 

[Adymus]

Wow, you guys are wwwwaaaaayyy more sexually conservative than I expected you all to be.

 

[ashitaria]

Wow, you guys are wwwwaaaaayyy more sexually conservative than I expected you all to be.

Typical, I come back from a long break only to find another weird thread.

And Adymus, to answer your question, it just feels wrong to fuck a friend. I mean, really? Are you that sexually active? (And not that "you" does not mean any offense, I mean that to everybody who has fuck buddies).

And the only answer I can have to the OP is:

What...the...fuck?

 

[onthewindowstand]

Typical, I come back from a long break only to find another weird thread.

And Adymus, to answer your question, it just feels wrong to fuck a friend. I mean, really? Are you that sexually active? (And not that "you" does not mean any offense, I mean that to everybody who has fuck buddies).

And the only answer I can have to the OP is:

What...the...fuck?

You did a really poor job of stating what you believe. Explain how sex is different than a movie.

 

[Adymus]

Typical, I come back from a long break only to find another weird thread.

And Adymus, to answer your question, it just feels wrong to fuck a friend. I mean, really? Are you that sexually active?

And the only answer I can have to the OP is:

What...the...fuck?

No, I can't say I am "that" sexually active if I am currently relationshipless as well as fuck buddyless, and don't really have much motivation to go out and get either. However, I don't see any sense in letting perfectly good sex go to waste.

You gotta at least understand that "feels wrong" is a very subjective thing that we are not all going to agree with. Even it I was "that" sexually active I don't see why I should be looked down upon. It's just fucking sex....

 

[BigApplePi]

Still, I ask the question: why? why is pleasure important to us?

Words. Perfect question.

 

[VwllssWndr]

The prostitution industry is proof enough that men have a need that women don't seem to have

Dude, what are you talking about? Are you not familiar with the term "gigolo?" How do you explain "Ladies Only" male strip shows?

My closest friends have usually been women. I've heard them say things like "I'm really looking forward to sleeping with him." I've heard stories of occasional one-nighters with guys they met in clubs, late night booty calls, and hooking up with friends when they hadn't gotten laid in a while.

Women most certainly *do* have needs. Unfortunately, we live in a male-dominated world where female sexual desire and satisfaction are routinely downplayed, dismissed, and disparaged.

 

[onthewindowstand]

Words. Perfect question.

How is questioning innate human properties even come close to being a perfect question?

Why do people who have functioning legs occasionaly run? Because they want to. There is really no more analyzing that can be after that.

 

[BigApplePi]

What's the value in this sensation? That, I cannot fathom. Then again, I'm simply being subjective. Still, I wonder why we're moved by a desire with such level of meaning... The level motivates enough awareness and appreciation of action. It is this which prevents my understanding, through my own perception, of people's incomprehension of the idea of decisions based on levels of meaning; the greater one being preferable.

Words you said it again. I hope I remember to come back to that.