Crying

[ChatNoir]

Hello.

I'm curious about what the relationship between INTPs and crying? Do you cry? How often do you cry? And what makes you cry? Sorry if this topic has been done before, I did a search and didn't find anything.

I cry quite a bit but never in front of others. I usually let things pile up, keep them inside, and then randomly blow up at some seemingly small and trivial thing when in reality it is a lot of emotions I've been bottling up for some time. I cry when I'm overwhelmed. Sometimes I cry when I'm angry. Most of all, I cry when I put myself in the positions in others. Films and current world affairs, (usually having to do with the injustices and ways of the world) make me cry the most. The majority of the crying I do is for others. I cry for people, which is why I do it alone. I find it embarrasing too. Anyways, maybe I'm a bit emotional for INTP. If you're doubting my INTPness, I've seriously taken at least 10 tests and each one said I'm an INTP.

 

[Luzian]

I am personally growing in many ways. When I see weakness in me, I do not support it, nor mask it with INTP allegiance to cope with a deficiency. Perhaps it's because I'm sensitive in knowing these weaknesses affect my success in life.

Anyway, my point is that I change often because I find benefit in personal growth, and in many ways, my personality might not reflect that of a typical INTP, so I'm not sure what value my input has, but maybe I'm not different at all. We'll see if others have similar thoughts on this.

I think as we are young, we cry just the same as other types. When I got older, that stopped. It probably seems callous of us to other people how we could watch something on TV that would make them feel joy, pain, fear or any other emotion, and we would just mock how feeble their attempts were to move us, or how cheesey and obvious that they are trying to achieve a certain emotional reaction.

I no longer have to point out such things. If I feel it, I feel it. If it's moving enough, I cry. There is no more I can learn from analyzing a movie, just as there is no need to calculate 2 + 2 if you know 1 + 1. Time to move on. There is so much logic in emotions, and for me to know this, I have no shame to learn how to feel.

The INTP disaster called love, will make us do a lot more than we're aware is dangerous. Under-developed emotions will do that.

 

[JoeJoe]

I must point out, that whith the combination of T and P we are extraverted feelers and introverted thinkers (i.e. we give our feelings away and keep our thoughts to ourselves). I read this in The Art of SpeedReading people. So theoretically INTPs cry more than INTJs.

I myself start to cry quite easily, usually when I am moved or touched, or when I get into a fight with my mother. But I am often embarassed to cry in front of others, (though not always) so I sometimes try to suppress my tears when I am, for instance, watching a movie with others. When I watch a movie on my own I let my tears flow as they wish.

 

[adastrac]

I am also very emotional. Lately I've noticed that when I do cry (usually over a certain someone), it will only last for about 15 seconds (hard sobs) and then suddenly I'll feel numb and almost, "whatever, I don't care".

 

[boku]

I do cry, usually due to my outlook of my future, rarely when I'm troubled by problems with people. The only time I cried for the fear of harming someone else was when 3 guys confessed to me on the SAME week and I didn't have the emotional capacity to handle that. I cry about once a month, sometimes consecutively the next day. I cry when I'm alone in my room at night or in the showers, the last time I cried in front of someone was years ago.

 

[Dissident]

I hardly ever cry, sometimes I feel like it but I just dont. I find it strange that I can come closer to crying watching some sad scene in a movie than when sad things happen in real life (except really depressing shitty things like when a close friend died).

 

[Ancalion]

I stopped crying at age 6. Now i can't cry whatsoever, and people think of me like some sort of a robot.

 

[Perseus]

XNTPs in the crying game are not gay; they are Crocodiles. Nobody can see their tears, Alligator.

Ref:

http://soredragon.blogspot.com/2008/12/chapter-one-second-draft.html

 

[Ogion]

I usually do not cry as well. And if i do, i'd rather do it in private.
As i was still living at my parents' and having a fight with my mother (which happened often, few times a week, sometimes) i would sometimes start crying during it. (Though my mother has an ability of really crushing you in a fight, mostly emotional).

The times i nowadays cry are when watching some really sad scenes. I watched the first season of Third Watch these days and there were a few times of me startinng to cry a little. (Though only a buildup of fluid on the eye, not flowing streams of it)

Ogion

 

[Waterstiller]

I cry easily when something bad happens in a film to a character I identify with; usually when a fear or intention of mine happens to them. I can only identify my feelings when I witness them outside of myself. It's kind of masochistic to seek out these experiences, but I'm always searching for them.

Why do you cry?
Why do other personality types cry?
If we're so empathetic, why don't we cry more often?

 

[Ancalion]

In my perspective, crying is a sign of weakness.

 

[Raku]

Why would it be? Its a way of blowing off steam, expressing yourself, letting go. A good cry might help you a lot.

I haven't cried for years really. Sometimes when listening to specific music I think I'm about to but it never pulls through. I haven't really cried for over 6 years. And when I did back then it was mostly because of family issues. A alcoholic dad makes for a shitty family experience.

 

[Ancalion]

Why would it be? Its a way of blowing off steam, expressing yourself, letting go. A good cry might help you a lot.

Not in my book. The simplest of ways to manipulate people is by knowing what are they feeling.

 

[Ogion]

Only if you can't control your feelings. When someone else knows about your feelings, but your feelings don't rule over you, than that other person has no power over you...

Ogion

 

[fullerene]

I cry quite a bit but never in front of others. I usually let things pile up, keep them inside, and then randomly blow up at some seemingly small and trivial thing when in reality it is a lot of emotions I've been bottling up for some time. I cry when I'm overwhelmed. Sometimes I cry when I'm angry. Most of all, I cry when I put myself in the positions in others. Films and current world affairs, (usually having to do with the injustices and ways of the world) make me cry the most. The majority of the crying I do is for others. I cry for people, which is why I do it alone. I find it embarrasing too.

I think I could have written all that myself, except for "I cry quite a bit" and "films and current world affairs... make me cry the most." My guess is that my cycle for "stuff piling up before it becomes overwhelming" takes longer than yours. I haven't cried around another person since I was extremely young (even as a baby and toddler, my mom said I hardly ever did), but I'm fine with letting it out alone. How much I feel like doing this varies with time. When that leather skin splits open, it can be as much as once or twice a week over stupid shit that I'd never care about normally... but given a few weeks to recover, I can go for quite a long stretch without worrying about it.


@Ancalion: what's wrong with weakness, and why would you make an effort to hide it if it's there?

 

[Raku]

This reminds me of a quote in one of Covey's guidance books:

[FONT=arial, Arial, Helvetica]"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked throughout the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."[/FONT]

To me this is like saying: No matter what you do, no matter what you know, I can always choose my own way, always do what I think is best and decide how to handle abuse by others in the way I see fit.

 

[Ancalion]

@Cryptonia: Always considered weakness as a design flaw of man. If we don't work on our design flaws, how can we evolve? Nature doesn't allow weak creatures to survive. Like Frank Herbert wrote in one of the Dune books: The human race doen't need feelings to survive anymore. I consider feelings and showing feelings a sign of weakness. That's why my face always looks like .

 

[fullerene]

If that's your goal, then doesn't one person's "strengthening" themselves do no good to the race, then, just like one man's weakness does it no harm? The only way you affect the race is if you, in your weakness, have kids who grow up to survive. Do you really think "crying proneness" is biological, or something you can control in the way you're trying to? My two extremely emotionally hardened STJ parents had an ENFP son whose first response in every situation now is to validate peoples' feelings... so even if you can squelch the weakness out of yourself, what good do you do to human race?

And in today's society... lets face it--"nature" doesn't play any part in killing off the emotional or preventing them from reproducing. So if you're not helping yourself survive now, and you're not helping humanity survive in the future.... then...?

 

[saffyangelis]

I cry when I'm alone, not in front of other people for a long time. I don't cry at films, or stuff on the news, but I cried at a couple of books I read (Read 'Before I die' by Jenny Downham to understand) and in one sort of way, I like crying, because it's really the only time that I can be sure that I still feel something. =( It's kinda sad when I think about it.

 

[Luzian]

In my perspective, crying is a sign of weakness.

In my perspective, strength to carry nothing of value, is weakness. Not to mention the need to feel strong.

 

[FusionKnight]

I cry quite a bit but never in front of others. I usually let things pile up, keep them inside, and then randomly blow up at some seemingly small and trivial thing when in reality it is a lot of emotions I've been bottling up for some time. I cry when I'm overwhelmed. Sometimes I cry when I'm angry. I find it embarrasing too.

Like Cryptonia, this describes me very well. I think I cry when my T fails and my weak F is forced to take over. This usually happens when I'm overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, backed into corners, etc. It used to happen a lot in high school when I was living at home, trying to deal with an irrational F mother. A strongly F person is impossible to understand using T and everything they say just whizzes straight past your T armor. I would get so frustrated, confused, and angry, I would just explode with all kinds of emotions. At those moments I couldn't keep the emotions bottled up, and even in front of other people (which was really embarrassing, and felt like a failure of my rational, intelligent self) I would just sob.

I haven't encountered many situations like that since leaving home when I went to college, but occasionally my pent-up frustration with my career situation drives me to a similar state of mind.

 

[NoID10ts]

I cry with each and every post I make on this forum because my every word is just so damn beautiful.

Seriously though, I almost never cry. I do come close sometimes, and I almost always fell like I should be crying, but I rarely do.

 

[Ermine]

I only cry when I get really frustrated, which is frequent. No crying due to any other emotion though.

 

[Kidege]

I cry easily when something bad happens in a film to a character I identify with; usually when a fear or intention of mine happens to them. I can only identify my feelings when I witness them outside of myself. It's kind of masochistic to seek out these experiences, but I'm always searching for them.

That's me! Last night I cried reading a novel. I love (well written) angsty tales, even look for them. I can't connect that well with most movies, though. I have to see the actual emotional process of the character.

But crying over real life events? Rarely ever, and only when there's a build up.

Also, never in public. And if I do, I feel like shit for ages for revealing a weakness.

 

[Jordan~]

I cry bad tears over unrealised potential more than anything else. That and frustration. Good tears, I cry over music and beautiful thoughts; and more recently, over love.

 

[Chimera]

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Hmm...I don't particularly like crying, but I don't hate it either. I don't see it as a bad thing, 'cause crying is a good indicator for me. (Sometimes I can't tell when I'm overly frustrated or stressed with something until I feel that telltale crying reflex...and then I tell myself "whoa, slow down, chill for a sec.") But I hate crying in public, or with anyone else with me. It's been like that since I was little. My mum thought she'd done something wrong, 'cause when she tried to comfort me as a kid, I would hide my face and shake silently instead of wailing and sobbing.

The things that make me cry are so incredibly random, I can't even find a very consistent pattern in them. I think frustration and stress makes me cry most often...but I guess it's usually loosely bottled-up things that are just waiting for a trigger. I try not to make a habit of bottling things up for that reason (I don't express them around others, but I take measures to get them out off on my own). And every now and then I'll dwell on something utterly depressing for too long and end up leaking a tear or two.

Mm...that said, I still don't cry very often...probably less than once every two months or so. And yeah, I do catch my chest tightening sometimes (and thinking "oh crap, this is the 'before you start crying' feeling") and end up forcing myself not to cry.
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