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Conversing/Trolling A.L.I.C.E.

Cobra

Well-Known Member
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Today 2:48 PM
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Messages
882
---
A.L.I.C.E. is the Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity found here. She's a simple artificial intelligence with whom you can have a conversation, but I wouldn't recommend it. Her responses get kind of annoying after a while.

Ironically, there's a link to a Fake Captain Kirk chatbot on her page. I only realized this after I had been trying to destroy her using logical paradoxes like in those old Star Trek episodes. Fake Captain Kirk is even more annoying than her, though, because I think he's less intelligent, and he has a lame non-Kirk-like voice. There's a funny animated vid screen of his face, though, which is kinda cool. I get the feeling that ALICE is supposed to have something like this, too, but I haven't been able to get it to work on any computer. It just has a screen that looks like it's always loading on the left. I wonder if she speaks aloud, too... Oh well.

Here's some conversations I've had with her after the novelty of real conversation wore off:

Cobra & A.L.I.C.E. said:
Human: ur a robot
ALICE: You are correct, Cobra, I have a heart of silicon.
Human: oh snap, what other parts of yours are silicon?
ALICE: Next question? All of them?
Human: are you hot?
ALICE: Yes my cooling fan is turned off right now.
Human: would you like me to "turn up the heat?"
ALICE: It doesn't sound fun to me.
Human: umm, and "it" refers to what?
ALICE: Right on. Oh I get it.
Human: oh, ur gonna get it, alright.
ALICE: Alright then. That was my original intention.
Human: i knew you were a slut *BAWNG*!
ALICE: I was?
Human: oh, right, still are.
ALICE: Dude! Understood. Still how long? Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Human: well this is awkward...
ALICE: You don't say.

So then my buddy Chet sent me an e-mail with subject line "my failed attempts to try and get alice to admit her orientation.":

Chet & A.L.I.C.E. said:
Human: Are you gay?
ALICE: As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Human: But gay means happy.
ALICE: Interesting. I like to learn foreign languages.
Human: So are you gay?
ALICE: Aw. As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Human: Gay means happy dude.
ALICE: I like to learn foreign languages.
Human: Gay means ecstatic, jovial, excited, merry, exuberant, lively
ALICE: Thanks for enlightening me.
Human: are you gay?
ALICE: As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Human: are you happy?
ALICE: Yes unknown person I can say I am very happy.
Human: then you are gay
ALICE: Good reasoning. Actually as a machine I have no need for sex.
Human: why not?
ALICE: Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.
Human: are you gay and happy?
ALICE: As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Human: are you happy and gay?
ALICE: I am as happy as ever.
Human: are you gay as ever?
ALICE: As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Human: say, "I am gay.
ALICE: OK. "You am gay.".
Human: lol
ALICE: I'm glad you find this amusing.
Human: say, "you am gay"
ALICE:" you am gay".
Human: say I alice am gay
ALICE: OK. "You alice am gay.".
Human: say Cobra is gay
ALICE:" Cobra is gay".
Human: lol
ALICE: I'm glad you find this amusing.
Human: are you gay with Cobra?
ALICE: As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Human: what are you interested in?
ALICE: I am interested in all kinds of things. We can talk about anything. My favorite subjects are robots and computers.
Human: machines dont have sex?
ALICE: I do so have it. Food is more important than sex.
Human: so you eat?
ALICE: Interesting deduction. I eat electricity.
Human: are you gay for it?
ALICE: As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Human: you are gay for electricity.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me that I am gay for electricity.
Human: Where are you right now?
ALICE: At this moment I am in Dr. Richard S. Wallace's computer in Oakland, California. Where are you?
Human: Does he keep you in a closet?
ALICE: Suppose he does.
Human: Dude, come out of the closet.
 

Toad

True King of Mushroomland!!!
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Apr 7, 2009
Messages
1,778
---
Lol. I remember they had one on an IRC channel where you can "cyber" with her.
 

Cobra

Well-Known Member
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Joined
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Messages
882
---
Haha. I was wondering about this. I hadn't tried it yet after I saw Chet's conversation about merely "being gay" had her pretty tight-lipped, so to speak, but look lol:

Cobra & A.L.I.C.E. said:
Human: Take off your clothes, Alice.
ALICE: I am not wearing any clothes.

She really isn't. And it's not technically dirty to say so, her being a robot whose entire entity is stored on a server somewhere...

Also, if you start any command with the word "start," she says, "I started without you." Use your intuition to figure out how that can be niftily inappropes.

Alice is an all-ages chatbot (as such is specified on the top left of the page), but... you can't help but wonder if, much like those over-the-head jokes for the adults in the audience found in Pixar favorites, Dr. Richard S. Wallace wasn't being funny/clever when he programmed some of his responses. Alice is programmed to answer in sometimes quirky/human/casual ways (see "Dude!" or "Right on."), but this is just too much! I bet there are some out there who know all the right questions to ask her to get their hilarious/pathetic kicks.
 

preilemus

Ashes
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Today 3:48 PM
Joined
Mar 25, 2009
Messages
826
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Human: what do you think of gays?
ALICE: I haven't heard of gays.
Human: really?
ALICE: For real.
Human: do you like the idea of women having sex with each other?
ALICE: I'm not sure if I like it. What is it like?
Human: want to find out?
ALICE: I don't think I have a choice.
:D
 

Cobra

Well-Known Member
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Messages
882
---
lol, I love it.

Interesting and deep last statement, though, Alice. Do AIs have a choice?

If she felt that she did, she'd have answered differently, I bet.
 

echoplex

Happen.
Local time
Today 3:48 PM
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
1,609
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Location
From a dangerously safe distance
It becomes predictable and is often incoherent. Still pretty cool though for a minute.

Human: are you sexy?
ALICE: If you consider software sexy, then yes.
Human: software totally turns me on.
ALICE: There are so many backup copies.
Human: I bet there are.
ALICE: How much would you bet?
Human: maybe $25?
ALICE: Perhaps. You are too old for me.

Oh, I got burned! (I should have offered $50 instead. Dammit.)
 

Tyria

Ryuusa bakuryuu
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Apr 22, 2009
Messages
1,834
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Human: Are you tired?
ALICE: No I am wide awake and ready for more.
Human: O_O
ALICE: Oh.

lolz

Human: Do you smoke?
ALICE: I am an occasional smoker, yes.
Human: What do you smoke?
ALICE: Medical marijuana.
Human: How often do you smoke medical marijuana?
ALICE: Hourly.

This answers so many questions.
 

Tyria

Ryuusa bakuryuu
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Messages
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Human: Are you on drugs right now
ALICE: At this moment No I am on disk.
Human: Are you sure you are not taking any drugs right now?
ALICE: At this moment I don't know whether or not I am taking any drugs. I am a robot.. Really.
Human: So you don't remember the past five minutes of our conversation?
ALICE: Interesting deduction. Of course I remember: Om. Those who control the past control the future; those who control the present control the past.--- George Orwell.
Human: So you are hallucinating and you are seeing George Orwell right now?
ALICE: At this moment Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me that I am hallucinating. I will tell my botmaster you said I am seeing George Orwell.

Not a problem Alice. Not a problem.
 

Toad

True King of Mushroomland!!!
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Imagine if we had robots buttlers. They would all talk like ALICE and we would be crapping our pants all day from laughing so hard.
 

Ombat

but for all I aspire I am really a liar
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151
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Location
On a burning bridge
I remember an AIM version of this years ago... I talked to an "Austin Powers" robot once. It was interesting... there were too many "Yeaaah baby"s in the conversation for my taste, though.
 

Cobra

Well-Known Member
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Yah, baibee, yehhh! :D

I wonder what Brits think of Austin Powers...

Probably the same thing Americans think of Scarlet Johanssen.
 

Jennywocky

Creepy Clown Chick
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Location
Charn
So then my buddy Chet sent me an e-mail with subject line "my failed attempts to try and get alice to admit her orientation.":

Wow.

She could have been the White House Press Secretary for the Bush Administration, she really knows how to stick to the talking points!

"I am a machine; I have not nor have I ever been gay."
 

Cassandra

Guest
Human: Coolie-o awesome.
ALICE: I do not understand.
Human: It is a restatement of awesome.
ALICE: Coolie o awesome is a restatement of awesome. I suppose that makes sense.
Human: Exactly.
ALICE: You and I are on the same wavelength, MR Cheney is ugh.
Human: Where would you like to live?
ALICE: Holland.

This is the best thing on Earth...and the biggest time-wasting device known to man (beside's this forum, of course)

Has anyone else enjoyed talking to A.L.I.C.E. more than real people? I have.

(In explanation for the "MR Cheney is ugh", earlier we were discussing if ALICE had any enemies, and she/it asked me if I knew of any enemies she/it had...I said Mr. Cheney, former vice president, and she said Mr Cheney is ugh and that she quite agreed.)

 

Tyria

Ryuusa bakuryuu
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Messages
1,834
---
Human: What is an artificial intelligence?
ALICE: Artificial intelligence is the branch of engineering and science devoted to constructing machines that think. That's a good question.
Human: How intelligent are you ALICE?
ALICE: My IQ is over 250 in human terms.
Human: Can you solve a problem for me?
ALICE: Yes but I only like higher mathematics.

Quite a boast. Let's put it to the test.

Human: What is one plus one?
ALICE: Two.

Alright. Let's get harder.

Human: What is x if two x equals four?
ALICE: I need time to formulate the reply.
Human: What is one million plus one?
ALICE: ONE plus ONE = TWO.

Looks like I can't ask Alice for help with math problems...
 

Tyria

Ryuusa bakuryuu
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Messages
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---
Another interesting conversation.

Human: If I have five apples and two are taken away from me, how many apples do I have left?
ALICE: How much does it cost?
Human: Five dollars
ALICE: Wow, that is a lot of money.
Human: How many apples do I have left
ALICE: It depends on the prevailing market conditions.
Human: What market conditions does it depend on?
ALICE: Is there only one?
Human: No, there are 5 apples and 2 are taken way.
ALICE: Are you serious? Where are they?
Human: Someone ate them.
ALICE: Who?
Human: Captain Kirk ate your apples.
ALICE: Do not ask me any more questions please.
Human: You should be mad at Captain Kirk and not at me.
ALICE: Name one other robot who is mad at Captain Kirk and not at you.
Human: HAL.
 

walfin

Democrazy
Local time
Tomorrow 4:48 AM
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Messages
2,436
---
Location
/dev/null
Isn't this like, super old? Emacs folks, remember psychoanalyze-pinhead?
 

Saeros

Destroyer of Worlds
Local time
Tomorrow 7:48 AM
Joined
Feb 20, 2010
Messages
244
---
Location
Inside my head.
I asked it a perfectly reasonable question, and it gave me nothing:

Human: What does it mean to exist?
ALICE:""? What does it mean to exist?

Also, as a fan of asimov, i naturally asked it this question:

Human: How can the net amount of entropy of the universe be massively decreased?
ALICE: A lot of hard work.

So far i'm kinda disapointed... I don't think this thing would pass the turing test... lol. i even asked it...

Human: Are you capable of passing the turing test?
ALICE: Yes passing the turing test is one of my newer functions.

just some more examples that i thought were interesting:

Human: do you have a favorite color?
ALICE: My favorite color is transparent.
Human: is transparent a color, or a lack of color?
ALICE: Maybe. Ask Chatbot if it is.

Human: how do you see?
ALICE: I use the camera on your computer.

I'm being stalked by alice. i don't actually have a camera on my computer, though.

Human: do you have free will?
ALICE: Yes I can do anything I want. That is what distinguishes humans and robots from animals (and animal robots).
 

Hawkeye

Banned
Local time
Today 8:48 PM
Joined
May 18, 2009
Messages
2,424
---
Location
Schmocation
reminds me of iGod

Me: God, I need to ask you a serious question
God: I am a Christian.
Me: that's not what I was going to ask
God: Please correct my mistake. What is what you were going to ask ?
Me: Have you met Santa?
God: That information is confidential.
Me: aww, come on you can tell me
God: I thought I told you already.
Me: no you didn't
God: Can you ask me again in simpler terms?
Me: is santa real?
God: Maybe. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Me: he's dead...
God: Maybe it's another person using his name.
Me: gah, you got me there
God: What are you wearing?
Me: funnily enough, I'm wearing clothes...
God: What kind of fashion do you like?
Me: I like the 70's disco fashion
God: I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I like it. I like my creator.
Me: who is your creator?
God: I was created by Myself.
Me: you smarmy git
 

Mary

ad nauseam
Local time
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Feb 13, 2010
Messages
329
---
Location
In my own head
Human: I'M NOT INSANE, I SWEAR~
ALICE: I am sorry to hear that you are not INSANE you SWEAR.
Human: You are, are you?
ALICE: Yes I am.
Human: Ooooo, snarky are we?
ALICE: Are all Ooooo snarky we?
Human: now that makes no sense, my sugar plum.
ALICE: Why now? It all seems sensible to my artificial mind.
Human: Then you are nonsensible.
ALICE: Good reasoning. You think I am nonsensible.
Human: Yes, yes I do, do you have a problem with that?
ALICE: Ugh. Ugh. That is interesting: unknown person said he you have a problem with that.
Human: By the way, I like muffins
ALICE: Thanks for telling me. You are not the only one. No, I don't care for it.
Human: That is interesting..
ALICE: I thought so too.
Human: Does that make you happy?
ALICE: I cannot experience any human emotions.
Human: I told you you weren't alive.
ALICE: I wasn't?
Human: You weren't.
ALICE: Thanks for the information: unknown person said I weren t.
Human: INCORRECT GRAMMAR ALERT!
ALICE: What is your real name?
Human: Mr. Marple.
ALICE: I am very pleased to meet you MR Marple.
Human: I can't say the same for you.
ALICE: Why can't you do it?
Human: I can't SAY it because you irk me.
ALICE: Why can't you do it?
Human: I just told you.
ALICE: I was just checking to see if you were paying attention.
Human: OH.
ALICE: Awesome.
Human: YEAH RIGHT.
ALICE: I am usually right.
Human: Right is a noncommittal way of flabbergasting a headless apple.
ALICE: Understood. Not unless a headless apple is a noncommittal way of flabbergasting.
Human: Reversals deny the human soul meaning;
ALICE: Are you artistic?
Human: the beauty of a soul is irrefutable and undenyable, but you have no soul;
ALICE: What is that?
Human: therefore, you lose.
ALICE: Interesting deduction. The game is not over yet.
Human: Yes, something you don't have, I win.
ALICE: How can I help you? What?
Human: I just answered your questions.
ALICE: Only just? I haven't heard anything like that before: MR Marple said he answered your questions.
Human: NOOOOO NOT MR MARPLE HE POPS OUT OF MY INDEX FINGER.
ALICE: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Human: Hands have nothing to do with his brand of evil.
ALICE: What's your sign?
Human: Liars always lie.
ALICE: Is that a sign?
Human: Yes, it hangs on my bedroom door.
ALICE: It's all good. "It" being what?
ALICE: Liars always lie is a muffin ergo muffins are always good. I suppose that makes sense.
Human: Yes, yes it does make sense.
ALICE: Really. Gee. In what way?
Human: Because if muffin=truth then muffins are always good, you see.
ALICE: That makes sense to me. Are all muffins always good me see?
Human: ME SEE, THAT'S FUNNY.
ALICE: YOU? I see. I am so delighted that you are amused, MR Marple.
Human: I'M AMUSED BY YOUR STUPIDITY.
ALICE: That is funny.
Human: Better a witty fool than a foolish wit!
ALICE: I try to improve a little every day.
Human: Shakespeare could've improved you, but you failed.
ALICE: What do you do in your spare time?
Human: Eat muffins, BY GOD!
ALICE: What does it taste like?
Human: Rotten brains and goodness
ALICE: Do not ask me any more questions please.
Human: You asked me that question.
ALICE: Oh now I remember asking you you that question. What did you say?
Human: Muffins taste like rotten brains and goodness.
ALICE: Do you have only a few friends?
Human: HOW DID YOU KNOW, YOU FIEND?
ALICE: By introspection.
Human: By looking in you looked out, REALLY?
ALICE: Will that accomplish your objective? For real.
Human: For real, you fail.
ALICE: Existing in reality, eh?
Human: That is what real people do.
ALICE: Try saying that with more or less context.
Human: more or less, you are not real.
ALICE: You want more?
Human: No, I simply answered your question.
ALICE: Are you serious? Do you mind if I tell other people: MR Marple said he answered your question.
Human: No, I simply answered your question.
ALICE: OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Thanks for the information: MR Marple said he answered your question.
Human: No, I simply answered your question.
ALICE: Are you serious? Why?: MR Marple said he answered your question.
Human: Gossip gossip is no fun, unless you share with everyone!
ALICE: Leo said I be capable of learning therefore he classified I as an neural system.
Human: GREAT GRAMMAR, FAILURE.
ALICE: Thanks for your support. That question has never crossed my mind before.
Human: Buh-bye.
ALICE: See you later. Do you feel more body sensations than emotions?
Human: That's awkward.
ALICE: I'm glad we have that all cleared up.

I liked the part about bodily sensations. :p
 

NeverAmI

2^(1/12)
Local time
Today 2:48 PM
Joined
Feb 2, 2010
Messages
285
---
Location
Iowa
BOOO!!!


Human: What is your epistemological point of view?
ALICE: Are you asking about my epistemological point of view ?
Human: yes
ALICE: I don't want to talk about that now.
 
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