Confession of a lost INTP

[psychopathwannabe]

Hi everyone. Before I begin to confess, I have to point out that English is not my first language, so please be kind and bear with some nonsenses that might appear through out this confession.

I am feeling lost, I feel like I am in the middle of the sea, nowhere to go yet at the same time I can go anywhere, it is just I don't know where to begin my way.

I have been told by many different tests that I am an INTP. Yet I am not half as smart as other INTPs. I am bad at maths; I am bad at memorizing stuff; I can't catch a new concept as easy as an INTP should be. I can't spot an illogical statement as easy as an INTP should be. I am not as numb as I wish I should be, in fact I am quite emotional. I don't hold a particular passion over anything. I am interested in lots of things but never go beyond the basic concepts of them.

I day dream alot; and I dream big. Unfortunately, I am the most lazy person you would ever meet. But the funny thing is, as lazy as I let myself go, I constantly feel stressed out and depressed. Isn't it pathetic that I make my choice to do nothing 24/7, yet I can't sleep at night as I keep thinking the time I waste and the better person that I could be if only I didn't waste the time all these years?

I am not living my life and I don't only mean it in a metaphor way, I mean it literally. There must be a reason for me to exist. At least it is what I've got to believe. I need a propose to live. All my life I have been searching for a sentence, a word from someone or somewhere to wake whats inside me.

To be honest I don't know why I am typing what I am typing. As much un-INTP as I am. I have the sense of belonging here, somehow when I am here, my loneliness and empties seem to go away.

To be honest I don't know why I am typing what I am typing and I have no idea how to conclude this message, I guess the best way to me is just to say nice to meet you all!

 

[Felan]

Re: Condfession of a lost INTP

Hi everyone. Before I begin to confess, I have to point out that English is not my first language, so please be kind and bear with some nonsenses that might appear through out this confession.

I am feeling lost, I feel like I am in the middle of the sea, nowhere to go yet at the same time I can go anywhere, it is just I don't know where to begin my way.

I feel that way a good deal of the time.

I have been told by many different tests that I am an INTP. Yet I am not half as smart as other INTPs. I am bad at maths; I am bad at memorizing stuff; I can't catch a new concept as easy as an INTP should be. I can't spot an illogical statement as easy as an INTP should be. I am not as numb as I wish I should be, in fact I am quite emotional. I don't hold a particular passion over anything. I am interested in lots of things but never go beyond the basic concepts of them.

That you wish you were more numb is an INTP trait. Maybe other INTPs are different then me, but I feel emotions all the time. It used to bother me, now if it there is nothing at stake I let the emotion do its thing, if there is something at stake I accept it and curb it. I try avoid overcompensating for emotion.

Someone makes a heartfelt plea to me it will tend to harden me rather then soften me. So I have to pause and consider am I being too hard more often then I have to ask am I being too soft.

I day dream alot; and I dream big. Unfortunately, I am the most lazy person you would ever meet. But the funny thing is, as lazy as I let myself go, I constantly feel stressed out and depressed. Isn't it pathetic that I make my choice to do nothing 24/7, yet I can't sleep at night as I keep thinking the time I waste and the better person that I could be if only I didn't waste the time all these years?

Wait what you were saying? I was dreaming about building an ai and having a philosophical conversation with them.

I am not living my life and I don't only mean it in a metaphor way, I mean it literally. There must be a reason for me to exist. At least it is what I've got to believe. I need a propose to live. All my life I have been searching for a sentence, a word from someone or somewhere to wake whats inside me.

I've felt this way too. If you find a magic word, let me know, I've tried alakazaam, shazbot, fiddlesticks, keyantay, and others; none have worked yet.

To be honest I don't know why I am typing what I am typing. As much un-INTP as I am. I have the sense of belonging here, somehow when I am here, my loneliness and empties seem to go away.

To be honest I don't know why I am typing what I am typing and I have no idea how to conclude this message, I guess the best way to me is just to say nice to meet you all!

I see no reason to think you aren't INTP. Being INTP is more about we process information. There is a tendancy based on the way we process information to be good at some things. But it's all just a tendancy.

In any case if you feel like you belong then you belong, even an INTP can belong here (they will just question it all the time).

 

[Paranoid Android]

Re: Condfession of a lost INTP

Being an INTP doesn't mean you're not emotional. If you read this forum, you'll find really big differences between INTPs. So don't feel that you have to adapt to one INTP stereotype.

By the way I know what are you talking about (the sea, that you don't live your life). Don't you think maybe this is depression? I have the same feelings, and I had a really hard time a few years ago. Then, I decided this is not okay, and I went to a psychologist, but nowdays too, when I feel I need it. Sometimes I have really depressed periods in my life and a big mess in my head. I don't really know you, but maybe this would be help, to get the deeper meaning of these things in your life and understand them.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Re: Condfession of a lost INTP

Hi everyone. Before I begin to confess, I have to point out that English is not my first language, so please be kind and bear with some nonsenses that might appear through out this confession.

I am feeling lost, I feel like I am in the middle of the sea, nowhere to go yet at the same time I can go anywhere, it is just I don't know where to begin my way.

Heh, same here.

The sea, to me, represents the vast nothingness of life, all uniform and empty, and there I am in the middle of it all, alone and adrift.

I have been told by many different tests that I am an INTP. Yet I am not half as smart as other INTPs. I am bad at maths; I am bad at memorizing stuff; I can't catch a new concept as easy as an INTP should be. I can't spot an illogical statement as easy as an INTP should be. I am not as numb as I wish I should be, in fact I am quite emotional. I don't hold a particular passion over anything. I am interested in lots of things but never go beyond the basic concepts of them.

I day dream alot; and I dream big. Unfortunately, I am the most lazy person you would ever meet. But the funny thing is, as lazy as I let myself go, I constantly feel stressed out and depressed. Isn't it pathetic that I make my choice to do nothing 24/7, yet I can't sleep at night as I keep thinking the time I waste and the better person that I could be if only I didn't waste the time all these years?

I am not living my life and I don't only mean it in a metaphor way, I mean it literally. There must be a reason for me to exist. At least it is what I've got to believe. I need a propose to live. All my life I have been searching for a sentence, a word from someone or somewhere to wake whats inside me.

To be honest I don't know why I am typing what I am typing. As much un-INTP as I am. I have the sense of belonging here, somehow when I am here, my loneliness and empties seem to go away.

To be honest I don't know why I am typing what I am typing and I have no idea how to conclude this message, I guess the best way to me is just to say nice to meet you all!

Eh none of this contradicts INTP. It's funny how many new members use a dislike of math to justify their likely non-INTPness, even when math is not really a/an favorite/exceptional talent.

Welcome to the forums.

 

[C.J_Finn]

Re: Condfession of a lost INTP

I'm not really great at math, but every test I've taken says I'm an INTP. Even the description of INTP matches up with me almost perfectly.

I also feel emotions, but they don't normally effect me all that much right away. I think this mostly has to do with me avoiding my emotions as a coping mechanism due to things that happened in my life when I was younger. My emotions tend to boil over at times, but I do feel them.

I'm also constantly stressed out. Whether it's due to the fact that I lack the means to make my ideas come to life (whether they're odd scientific ideas that I've had, or musical ideas that I can't make happen due to lack of knowledge on other instruments.) or just everyday things that stress everyone out (lack of financial resources, depression, etc.).



If you're confused about whether you're INTP or not I would recommend reading the description here, and comparing yourself to the description on the site. It doesn't describe me perfectly, but at least 80% of what it says on there is true to me.

 

[Abraxas]

Re: Condfession of a lost INTP

Me drifting in the ocean of life (the melodramatic -cut):

These waves, I wonder where they're taking me to. *Wondering, pondering...* Now I have a clue where they most likely are taking me to. If only I had a boat, could I get there faster/more efficiently/with less effort? Let me think. *Thinking, thinking...* Well there really is no material for me to build a boat around, after all it's just water as far as the eye can see. *Thinking more...A boat drifts passing by. Doesn't notice it.* Oh shit was that a boat!? Well it's too far now. What if I drowned could I get to my goal that way? *Thinking about drowning. A massive storm breaks out.* Holy f*ck! This storm is definitely gonna kill me. *Fighting for life! Miraculously survives the storm. Continues drifting. Occasionally repeats the above procedure.* Wait a minute I think I can see land there on the horizon, not sure though it's so far away.

Not The End

 

[thelithiumcat]

Mathematics is probably associated with INTPs because it is one of the most logic and system-based areas of knowledge. INTPs are good at logic and systems but not necessarily all of them.

For example, there's a system in a book. It's in the use and placement of words and symbols, the meanings of characters, timing of certain elements, how it's constructed, etc. The pieces manipulate the reader into feeling a certain way or having a certain opinion which can in some ways be the greater goal and mastery of the text as opposed to just the plot. The writer's skill with words creates a system which aims at a certain output. If one takes a look at how the text is written, one can see how one has been guided into seeing the text as they do. These are the things I find interesting in a text, anyway.

 

[Auburn]

Eh none of this contradicts INTP. It's funny how many new members use a dislike of math to justify their likely non-INTPness, even when math is not really a/an favorite/exceptional talent.

Welcome to the forums.

To be fair, nor does it necessarily support it.. ;p
Welcome nonetheless~


For the record.. This actually isn't an INTP forum, but a forum of people who associate with a specific set of behaviors and tendencies. But if you relate to said tendencies, then there's a fair chance you'll get along with the people here.

 

[ObliviousGenius]

I have never had any doubts to my type because I fit at least 90% of the description. Even so, I'm still able to discern the differences in myself between other INTPs. You have to identify, then understand your own strengths. Continue to read through the forum until you have some sense of guidance. After reading from this forum in the last 3 months I understand so much more about which direction to take. I know it feels like we're sitting in the middle of nowhere but sometimes it's necessary to just walk forward and see where you end up. Be ambitious, and set high goals until you feel you can reach any goal. Once you find something you can then decide if it's the right decision to walk in a different direction until you find your life's goal.

 

[Dapper Dan]

Well, you certainly have a large Ne. That's all I can say for sure without more information.

 

[Da Blob]

It sounds as if you could be suffering from depression - it is worth checking out. while I do not believe in magic pills, there are some medications that can actually help make a major change in lifestyle ( or a minor change if that is all that is needed)

do not be too hard on your self, you make your enemies task easier if you unwittingly accomplish their goals for them.

Instead, set out to accomplish goals set by your friends, do something new every day, to keep out of falling into the 'same old rut". Every day has a morning that can be the beginning of something new and wonderful, even if it just as simple as finding a new website to truly enjoy....

Friend, WAKE UP! Let's go out and play in our universe...

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

I just refreshed my page and lost the ramble. That's probably for the better.

My 3 points were:

• Natural abilities are bullshit, everything is gained through practice. See the article on 10k hours to master something. The first handful of times you practice something it is going to suck. Enjoy being a noob. Take pride in asking dumb questions.
• "Take what you want and pay for it, says God." -Proverb
• "As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well used brings happy death" -Da Vinci

You have amazing potential and you are more loved than you know. Flex yourself and show what you can do.

P.S. If you reject #2 because of atheism:

Spoiler

Here's the full quote.

“There's a Spanish proverb," he said, "that's always fascinated me. "Take what you want and pay for it, says God.'" "I don't believe in God," Daniel said, "but that principle seems, to me, to have a divinity of its own; a kind of blazing purity. What could be simpler, or more crucial? You can have anything you want, as long as you accept that there is a price and that you will have to pay it.”

(And you're being a close-minded atheist.)

 

[Vrecknidj]

http://www.amazon.com/Depression-Book-Opportunity-Spiritual-Growth/dp/096362556X

 

[psychopathwannabe]

Re: Condfession of a lost INTP

1. Someone makes a heartfelt plea to me it will tend to harden me rather then soften me. So I have to pause and consider am I being too hard more often then I have to ask am I being too soft.




2. Wait what you were saying? I was dreaming about building an ai and having a philosophical conversation with them.




3. I see no reason to think you aren't INTP. Being INTP is more about we process information. There is a tendancy based on the way we process information to be good at some things. But it's all just a tendancy.

1. I do get the same tendency most of the time. I am more emotional with imaginary situations and problems. I tend to be emotional not because of what others did. It is more about what others didn't do/the things that I imagine they would be doing if that makes any sense to you.


2. We all could be an AI without us realising. Except you didn't build us


3. In this case, does it make any sense for me to say that I have the INTP tendancy in regards to the way I process information; but I do not have the ability of the usual INTP should have?


p.s. can you tell me how to make quote of the message just like you? (quoting the paragraphs separately)

 

[psychopathwannabe]

Re: Condfession of a lost INTP

Heh, same here.

The sea, to me, represents the vast nothingness of life, all uniform and empty, and there I am in the middle of it all, alone and adrift.

Eh none of this contradicts INTP. It's funny how many new members use a dislike of math to justify their likely non-INTPness, even when math is not really a/an favorite/exceptional talent.

Welcome to the forums.

Thanks.

Yeah definitely empty feeling. Nothing out there at all.

 

[psychopathwannabe]

Re: Condfession of a lost INTP

1. I also feel emotions, but they don't normally effect me all that much right away. I think this mostly has to do with me avoiding my emotions as a coping mechanism due to things that happened in my life when I was younger. My emotions tend to boil over at times, but I do feel them.

2. I'm also constantly stressed out. Whether it's due to the fact that I lack the means to make my ideas come to life (whether they're odd scientific ideas that I've had, or musical ideas that I can't make happen due to lack of knowledge on other instruments.) or just everyday things that stress everyone out (lack of financial resources, depression, etc.).

1. I am not sure about meaning of the word 'boil' used in here. Does it mean anger? When I get emotional, I don't usually be angry, it is more like there is something eating inside me and at the same time something else is trying to get out from my body from inside out.

2. Yes. I understand. I do have lots of ideas about things around me but feel the opportunities get pass me one by one in a visualised way due the the lack of knowledge or financial resources too.


Thanks for the site. It seems fit me quite well.

 

[psychopathwannabe]

Re: Condfession of a lost INTP

Me drifting in the ocean of life (the melodramatic -cut):

These waves, I wonder where they're taking me to. *Wondering, pondering...* Now I have a clue where they most likely are taking me to. If only I had a boat, could I get there faster/more efficiently/with less effort? Let me think. *Thinking, thinking...* Well there really is no material for me to build a boat around, after all it's just water as far as the eye can see. *Thinking more...A boat drifts passing by. Doesn't notice it.* Oh shit was that a boat!? Well it's too far now. What if I drowned could I get to my goal that way? *Thinking about drowning. A massive storm breaks out.* Holy f*ck! This storm is definitely gonna kill me. *Fighting for life! Miraculously survives the storm. Continues drifting. Occasionally repeats the above procedure.* Wait a minute I think I can see land there on the horizon, not sure though it's so far away.

Not The End

Actually, as melodramatic as the way you put it, it seems is how I cope with my life. Not the end but definitely not going anywhere either

 

[psychopathwannabe]

For example, there's a system in a book. It's in the use and placement of words and symbols, the meanings of characters, timing of certain elements, how it's constructed, etc. The pieces manipulate the reader into feeling a certain way or having a certain opinion which can in some ways be the greater goal and mastery of the text as opposed to just the plot. The writer's skill with words creates a system which aims at a certain output. If one takes a look at how the text is written, one can see how one has been guided into seeing the text as they do. These are the things I find interesting in a text, anyway.

I like your perspective, I wish I can see things just like you. It will sure make my life smoother in many ways. At least I wouldn't keep questioning my ability to learn.

 

[psychopathwannabe]

To be fair, nor does it necessarily support it.. ;p
Welcome nonetheless~


For the record.. This actually isn't an INTP forum, but a forum of people who associate with a specific set of behaviors and tendencies. But if you relate to said tendencies, then there's a fair chance you'll get along with the people here.

Thanks. I am sure getting merge into this forum more and more

 

[psychopathwannabe]

I have never had any doubts to my type because I fit at least 90% of the description. Even so, I'm still able to discern the differences in myself between other INTPs. You have to identify, then understand your own strengths. Continue to read through the forum until you have some sense of guidance. After reading from this forum in the last 3 months I understand so much more about which direction to take. I know it feels like we're sitting in the middle of nowhere but sometimes it's necessary to just walk forward and see where you end up. Be ambitious, and set high goals until you feel you can reach any goal. Once you find something you can then decide if it's the right decision to walk in a different direction until you find your life's goal.

How did you find out which direction to take? How do you achieve the goals? I know laziness is a pathetic excuse but I really don't know how to make myself more determine and have more discipline.

 

[psychopathwannabe]

Well, you certainly have a large Ne. That's all I can say for sure without more information.

Can you tell me how you are certain about the Ne? I would like to learn how to typing myself and others.

 

[psychopathwannabe]

Instead, set out to accomplish goals set by your friends, do something new every day, to keep out of falling into the 'same old rut". Every day has a morning that can be the beginning of something new and wonderful, even if it just as simple as finding a new website to truly enjoy....

Friend, WAKE UP! Let's go out and play in our universe...

To be honest, I don't know how to communicate with my friends. I mean the real communication. The clicking if you get what I mean. I like them but I constantly feel the uncross-able invisible distance between me and my friends.

There are lots of things I would like to try and do. But I don't know which and where to start. Also, most of the time I lack the knowledge and money to do so.

Thanks for the 'wake up' call. That's quite nice of you

 

[psychopathwannabe]

I just refreshed my page and lost the ramble. That's probably for the better.

My 3 points were:

• 1. Natural abilities are bullshit, everything is gained through practice. See the article on 10k hours to master something. The first handful of times you practice something it is going to suck. Enjoy being a noob. Take pride in asking dumb questions.
• 2. "Take what you want and pay for it, says God." -Proverb
• 3. "As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well used brings happy death" -Da Vinci

You have amazing potential and you are more loved than you know. Flex yourself and show what you can do.

P.S. If you reject #2 because of atheism:

Spoiler

Here's the full quote.

(And you're being a close-minded atheist.)

1. It is true, I don't disagree. It is just I take much longer time to practice one thing than many people. Smart people take one hour to understand the contents in the 30 pages within a book. Others take three hours to do so. And I take 10 hours. And it is a real life example.

2. what is the meaning of this proverb? Is it correct for me to understand it in a literally way as in no pain no gain?

3. No doubt it is the life I would like myself to live in.

And thanks for the support

p.s. I am open to any kind of beliefs with a constantly questioning attitude.

 

[psychopathwannabe]

To Paranoid Android, Da Blob, Vrecknidj.

Depression does cross my mind knowing that the way me thinking and behaving. But I just can't bring myself to go to a psychologist.

I can't help but feeling a sense of weakness with the idea of seeing a psychologist. I want to beat whatever feeling or whatever illness I am suffering by my own.

Also, my logic in regards to this issue goes like this, the psychologist is not someone trustworthy enough for me to spill the pain I feel out since he does not give a damn about me. He sits there listening to me is purely because of consideration in financial term; namely I pay him. This kind of relationship is not pure. And why would I shed my shield in front of someone who doesn't care under a un-pure relationship?

I also who not believe in those self-help book for the similar reason. I feel like they are merely used as a mean to take advantage of those who are weak.

 

[thelithiumcat]

To be honest, I don't know how to communicate with my friends. I mean the real communication. The clicking if you get what I mean. I like them but I constantly feel the uncross-able invisible distance between me and my friends.

Mm, I know what you mean. I actually wrote a blog post on a similar topic recently (groups):

Spoiler

It is odd how aware I am of whether I am part of a group. In some ways, I never do. On those rare occasions when, for a moment, I feel an alien sense of strangely pleasant realisation, I suddenly separate myself again and that short disruption in my isolation is over. It is probably mostly in my mind, but there is almost constantly a near-imperceptible barrier between my consciousness and the outside world. It is very difficult for me to feel ‘one’ with those around me, partially because when it does occur I immediately remark upon it in my mind and withdraw mentally to consider. I have such a tendency to observe that to be considered part of the situation I am observing is incredibly strange. I also find it to be…. almost a huge honour to be considered as part of a group because I would never even consider myself to be so.

I was thinking about this with relation to interests and people. When people say something they do or express an interest I usually find that I immediately feel alienated from them. Often I don’t have enough time to consider whether I do actually relate to them and therefore cannot categorize myself and them as the same with respect to whatever they said. It’s… odd.

I watch my friends and I realise just how much better at socialising the other people they socialise with are than me. While I have no clue, they seem to do it easily. Actually, it's one of the reasons I avoid Facebook; it destroys my illusion that I'm decent at social interaction and reminds me I can't be anywhere near as important to them as they are to me. Sometimes I wonder whether my level has progressed at all since they moved onto more adult activities. I just do not feel at home there. Mature thinking I'm fine with but being an adult is an entirely different matter. It's as if I got stuck several years ago with watching movies, making tea and pancakes and playing board games. I see the things they do and I wonder how they ever do it.

There are lots of things I would like to try and do. But I don't know which and where to start. Also, most of the time I lack the knowledge and money to do so.

I think about this all the time (it actually kinda relates to that post I just mentioned). I have no idea how to do a lot of the things I see my friends doing. Drinking... partying... Where are the rules? The parameters? It would be odd to ask someone to explain in detail - particularly as they probably never thought about it that closely. To them, alcohol is alcohol, whether drunk with friends or not. To me? I would never drink around my friends. I need to experiment alone in order to discover the aforementioned parameters and rules... and just... how it works; what happens. I wouldn't drag down someone's experience by separating them from the group and interrogating them until they told me everything I needed to know (as I'm sure you know, people rarely, if ever, explain to the detail my insecurity or inquisitiveness demands). My friend brought over a bottle of Jack Daniels she bought previously when she stayed over last weekend and I never mentioned it. She knows me better than anyone and yet... I have no idea what to do. I literally have no idea. It's a group situation so I can't experiment and examine it as I would if I were alone. I would spend quite some time just examining the bottle. She's used to my weirdness but some things just aren't meant to be discovered around people.

I find that the more anxious I get about something the more parameters, rules and details I need to be comfortable with continuing...

Also, my logic in regards to this issue goes like this, the psychologist is not someone trustworthy enough for me to spill the pain I feel out since he does not give a damn about me. He sits there listening to me is purely because of consideration in financial term; namely I pay him. This kind of relationship is not pure. And why would I shed my shield in front of someone who doesn't care under a un-pure relationship?

Ugh, I know what you mean. I wouldn't trust someone I was paying. I'm uncomfortable enough with people doing things for each other for money.

 

[thatsummer]

This thread is really interesting to me. Just curious, but how old are you? No specific number necessary, just a ballpark. I'm in my mid-twenties. The experiences you describe are similar to what I felt in my late teens. For me it cycles. Sometimes I feel great only to feel like crap later. The cycles last a long time too. A year or two of feeling good, then a year or two of feeling bad. I am not really all that happy right now.

Do you know how in some movies after the conflict climax, they cycle clips of the main character's miserable life to some soundtrack to represent a period of time passing, then they show the conflict solution and everyone lives happily ever after? My life feels like very long and slow clips of all that boring carp. I just go through the processes of the day like a zombie.

Math. Who said you aren't good at math? Maybe you aren't good an their math (society's definition of math). I recently took a statistics class and did pretty poor. Funny thing is I get it. I get what they are trying to figure out and how they are doing it. But their measuring tool (testing) says I'm a statistics idiot. I just cant do it with their made up word problems. They wanted me to learn it like a process, "do steps A through F with XXXX variable to determine XXXX." huh? But when I get a real world problem looking for an answer to a meaningful question, it all makes sense to me. I am just saying. Don't sell yourself short.

Concepts. I pick up concepts slowly too. I've noticed that I might be a slow learner, but I never stop learning. So someone may get the concept faster than me, but I can keep developing it, get better at it, get faster at identifying it, extend it, and then apply it to the most complex problems. Things also come to me in epiphanies. I just struggle and grind away at a long time, and then something clicks! I just get it. I can paint the picture in my head and see all the moving parts working together. I think it has to do with our holistic view of things.

Emotional. I am super emotional and have no idea what to do with them. Every attempt to share is disappointing. I cope by pouring everything into a journal, just to get it out. occasional go back and read it. its hard to read, i feel really stupid.

Socializing. Its very unnatural for me too. I have to predict what they say and premeditate my responses. I figure people are fishing for a response and there are only a few types of responses. Empathy, sympathy, commonality, humor, interest... actually there are lots of responses, but those are some of the ones people want. arrogant, condescending, pointing out errors in logic... yeah, most people dont like that. I forget and do it all the time, but I can be social when i want. I listened to my boss talk about his church's bureaucracy for 40 mins in the car the other day. ugh! miserable... this strategy can backfires sometimes. I have a bunch of people who think i am their best friends, and they assume the feeling is mutual. they have no idea who i am. almost feels like breaking up with a gf when they figure it out. every once in a while i'll open up if i feel comfortable. i get mixed results.

Depression. I felt the same way about getting help. I thought help was for the weak. I got over it. Life is hard, getting help isn't weak. at the same time, helpless people are annoying. you know the saying, blah blah blah balance blah blah. i dont think you should feel that way about psychologist either. yeah, it isnt pure. they have some incentives, but it isnt all about money. My roommate has his pharmD and quit full-time work to go to med school. he is motivated by something beyond money. he'll come home and go through all his books, medical journals, and doctor forums or something to help that one patient. and when someone doesnt make it... its rough for him. i also have a friend in drug and alcohol dependance counseling. They might as well pay her in peanuts, but she loves it.
so please, get off your pedestal and join the our flawed, illogical, weak, pathological society.

Getting out. Lacking or knowledge and money? i used to read at the library a lot. it gets you out of the house and its free! I am a big fan of people watching. dont stare, but people do funny things when they dont think anyone is paying attention to them. Or you can get a job. that forces you to do both.

 

[thelithiumcat]

This thread is really interesting to me. Just curious, but how old are you? No specific number necessary, just a ballpark. I'm in my mid-twenties. The experiences you describe are similar to what I felt in my late teens. For me it cycles. Sometimes I feel great only to feel like crap later. The cycles last a long time too. A year or two of feeling good, then a year or two of feeling bad. I am not really all that happy right now.

I'm in my late teens. That's very interesting that you find similarity. I haven't noticed cycles but perhaps I will eventually.