I know that my message is now months late, but I never noticed your rejoinder. I've been working on Noah and Sloan ever since, and it's become a rather huge undertaking. Developing their characters is difficult but rewarding: I get to make two characters come alive before my very eyes! I've yet to fully understand Sloan, though. She's a bit of a mystery to me.
I agree that it is suboptimal. I merely meant to clarify the gist of where my sleep hungry brain was going. Also you never mentioned Sloan having a suppressor and made everyone on both sides surviving the preferred story, so I kind of painted myself into a corner.
I think having Noah shoot the Tango in the head and Tango reflexively shoot Sloan in the leg is a better course.
Tango didn't call for help because he figured he had it under control. This would be twice as true given that Sloan is female. I didn't mention but in my head I was picturing this portion of the strip mall to be windowless concrete, so the shot wouldn't have been heard and it was late enough at night that there wasn't anyone outside to hear it.
Oh, OK, I see what you intended now; you never mentioned any clubbing, but I'll change the story to fit that. Although:
--If Noah were hiding under a truck, then how would Tango not notice him running over?
--Even if Noah can manage to sneak up behind Tango, Sloan needs a way to keep Tango quiet and busy in the meantime.
--Why doesn't Tango call out for help when he finds Sloan?
--Why does no-one in the base react to Tango's shot? Sloan and Noah use suppressors for a reason: to be undetected when firing.
No big deal, dude. I think that it works better that way. I'm going to download your story and make a few edits to it:
-I forgot to mention that Sloan is a woman (the complete SoC: TST cast is Sloan [female], Barry [male], Andy [male], Noah [male], and Daniela [female]-- I'm an equal opportunity writer), so I'll change the gender pronouns associated with her name and references to "the two men".
-I'll add scenes where they gag the guards with socks and give them sleeping pills
-I'll add a scene where Noah walks over to Sloan after shooting her; in the original, the effect is that of him teleporting
-I'll add an overview of the compound just to keep the reader oriented
-I'll correct any spelling errors and improve sentence structure as needed
I meant to say that Noah's gun has a bipod, not a foregrip. Oh, and as an added note, make sure to model the friction that results from Sloan being more interested in acting immediately (J vs P) than Noah, who theorizes endlessly-- sometimes to great effect! Envision the conflict as similar to that between McCoy and Spock from Star Trek: Romantism vs Rationalism.
Indeed! We have both a dental plan and a shares scheme for all our members!
We also have a totally wizard staff room, with lots of *fab* stuff, and Christmas bonus bonds!
Of course these will come into effect after your one month probationary period ends, company policy you see.
(The average lifespan of a minion is two weeks and one hippo. Unless you're one of my few scantily clad nymph warriors that are constantly present in my inner sanctum , but that's another chestnut altogether!)
Very well! Then you are at the mercy of a dark lord! And let me tell you that isn't much mercy at all!
I condemn thee to sit at the end of my dark bed of unspeakable evil in a curled up ball so to keep my most wicked feet warm while I sleep. Most especially when my most malicious feetsies stray out from beneath the slightly inadequate length of the infernal bedsheets!
Your sentence shall last for ALL ETERNITY! Mwahahahahaha!!