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Felan
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  • I know that my message is now months late, but I never noticed your rejoinder. I've been working on Noah and Sloan ever since, and it's become a rather huge undertaking. Developing their characters is difficult but rewarding: I get to make two characters come alive before my very eyes! I've yet to fully understand Sloan, though. She's a bit of a mystery to me.

    -Duxwing
    I agree that it is suboptimal. I merely meant to clarify the gist of where my sleep hungry brain was going. Also you never mentioned Sloan having a suppressor and made everyone on both sides surviving the preferred story, so I kind of painted myself into a corner.

    I think having Noah shoot the Tango in the head and Tango reflexively shoot Sloan in the leg is a better course.

    Tango didn't call for help because he figured he had it under control. This would be twice as true given that Sloan is female. I didn't mention but in my head I was picturing this portion of the strip mall to be windowless concrete, so the shot wouldn't have been heard and it was late enough at night that there wasn't anyone outside to hear it.
    Oh, OK, I see what you intended now; you never mentioned any clubbing, but I'll change the story to fit that. Although:

    --If Noah were hiding under a truck, then how would Tango not notice him running over?
    --Even if Noah can manage to sneak up behind Tango, Sloan needs a way to keep Tango quiet and busy in the meantime.
    --Why doesn't Tango call out for help when he finds Sloan?
    --Why does no-one in the base react to Tango's shot? Sloan and Noah use suppressors for a reason: to be undetected when firing.

    Just for show, their weapons:
    [SPOILER]
    -Duxwing
    No big deal, dude. I think that it works better that way. I'm going to download your story and make a few edits to it:

    -I forgot to mention that Sloan is a woman (the complete SoC: TST cast is Sloan [female], Barry [male], Andy [male], Noah [male], and Daniela [female]-- I'm an equal opportunity writer), so I'll change the gender pronouns associated with her name and references to "the two men".
    -I'll add scenes where they gag the guards with socks and give them sleeping pills
    -I'll add a scene where Noah walks over to Sloan after shooting her; in the original, the effect is that of him teleporting
    -I'll add an overview of the compound just to keep the reader oriented
    -I'll correct any spelling errors and improve sentence structure as needed

    Overall, great work!
    -Duxwing
    I meant to say that Noah's gun has a bipod, not a foregrip. Oh, and as an added note, make sure to model the friction that results from Sloan being more interested in acting immediately (J vs P) than Noah, who theorizes endlessly-- sometimes to great effect! Envision the conflict as similar to that between McCoy and Spock from Star Trek: Romantism vs Rationalism.

    -Duxwing
    When I said two weeks and one hippo, I meant that you last two weeks, and then you meet a hippo.

    If you've got a herd of hippos following you...D:

    I doubt you'd last a day!
    Indeed! We have both a dental plan and a shares scheme for all our members!
    We also have a totally wizard staff room, with lots of *fab* stuff, and Christmas bonus bonds!

    Of course these will come into effect after your one month probationary period ends, company policy you see.

    :)

    (The average lifespan of a minion is two weeks and one hippo. Unless you're one of my few scantily clad nymph warriors that are constantly present in my inner sanctum , but that's another chestnut altogether!)
    Yeah yeah, they'll grow back when I regenerate anyway. ;3

    If you behave I might even employ you as one of my minions!
    A leper huh?

    I'm the evil lord of pestilence and foulness!

    Leprosy is just a wee tickle for me!

    That, and I'd be a lot warmer without those damn toes anyway! :D
    Very well! Then you are at the mercy of a dark lord! And let me tell you that isn't much mercy at all!

    I condemn thee to sit at the end of my dark bed of unspeakable evil in a curled up ball so to keep my most wicked feet warm while I sleep. Most especially when my most malicious feetsies stray out from beneath the slightly inadequate length of the infernal bedsheets!
    Your sentence shall last for ALL ETERNITY! Mwahahahahaha!!

    Er. Wait, you're mortal.

    I mean for ABSOLUTELY AGES!

    Ha...ha...
    Thus marks the first time I've seen four understandings in a row at the start of each new line in a single paragraph.

    I'd like to hope that was intentional.;P
    Thank you Felan. <3 If I make anything I'll be sure to show you!
    (though I have little time right now :()
    It's actually from the movie 'The Fountain.'

    What is the general process for making fractals? I enjoy them, but I have no idea how they are actually made.
    I really like your current avatar; a central pentagram with several 'softer' stars surrounding it. Very interesting to look at. Did you make it?
    Red isn't the universal colour associated with sarcasm, I don't believe there actually is one, but at least it's a starting point.
    Next time I attempt any form of sarcasm I'll write it in red text for the benefit of those who can't detect it via the medium of text.
    Studying for a big test tomorrow. Things aren't bad though.

    Your current avatar reminds me of the pentagon a bit. I've always liked fractals.
    ^_^ thankies
    I thought yours was nice, much tidier than mine

    edit: Just realised something, your handwriting looks similar-ish to someone I was friends with a few years ago's writing...
    (/random-ness)
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